So I'm a heroin/prescription drug addict, I want you guys to help me stop. I was actually sober for about two weeks, went through all the withdrawals and relapsed again a few days ago. I'm broke all the time, my few non-using friends that I have left don't trust me anymore. I don't do any good for anyone and worry the ones that love me. I'm a burden to everyone I know. I'm wasting my life away. I was gonna drop out of college but I decided to return next month after a 6 month break from school. I completely screwed up my first few years in college so I have to take GE courses again, pretty much starting over. Completely wasted my time and money.
I'm aware of all this, yet I just wanna take another hit of heroin. I'm out of dope again, and am almost out of money....again. I plan to stop but at this point I can't even trust myself. Even saying "I'm gonna quit" to myself seems like a lie so I choose not to say it at all. I deleted my dealer's number but somehow I memorized it and I can never forget that number now.
I want to be clean before I start school and stay clean.
TL, can you just give me some tips/advice/words of encouragement/lecture/criticism? You be nice and encourage me or you can cuss at me and tell me how stupid I am. Anything to remind me that drugs are bad and that I shouldn't do them.
Heroin is basically the most addictive/abusive drug you can put into your body. No one is gonna convince you to stop. You already know how bad it is for you, and that it can only bring you more pain in the future. You don't need anyone to tell you what you already know. You're gonna need help. Ask your friends, tell them you can't be trusted but that you need their help anyway. Do this while you're still level-headed so that they can help you when you start to give in to the addiction.
I can't speak from experience, or really let you know that you're gonna be okay, but just try to muster up enough will to get help. Self control at the point you're at without any assistance is going to be nearly impossible. Good luck.
Bookmark this blog post. Whenever you feel the urge to use drugs, go to your parents. Read this post aloud in front of them. Repeat ten times. Ask them if you should use the drugs. Ask yourself if you should use the drugs. Follow your heart (ie: don't do drugs).
Your body is a temple. You get one of them in this lifetime. Your future self is happier than you are now. You owe it to your future self to take care of your body.
Try taking up meditation, or if that isn't your thing get into religion, or even just start reading a religious book. You could also try fasting for about 18 hours (if you aren't already doing that to save money to buy drugs). Fasting can clean the body of so many bad things. Actually scratch the fasting idea. It might actually be dangerous for you to fast because of withdrawals or whatever, ask a doctor first.
Get some non-using friends that fill up your time, and even consider telling them your problems if you feel you can trust them. The more time you spend with them the better. The more time you spend in the "real world" with "real people" the better chances you will have of "keeping it real" and staying clean.
I quit weed cold turkey. It was easy for me, but I understand that heroin is harder to quit. However, I suggest quitting cold turkey as your best option. Perhaps you could substitute heroin for cigarettes or something to wean yourself off. Everytime you want a hit, smoke a few cigs instead. Idk a thing about withdrawals aside from having dreams about smoking weed, so I can't help you there, but at least cigs will give you a few more years to quit than heroin probably will.
Edit: Some forms of meditation can actually be helpful here. I think if you can keep yourself in the moment for as long as possible it will help you battle the addiction. Whenever you want a hit, I have two suggestions for you.
1. Instead of taking the hit, stop and go inside your mind. Do something productive: wash a dish or go for a walk. If you want a hit and you have the capability to go outside and into a public place instead, do that. Continually command your body. Make a list of things to do down to the very last detail, and run through this list instead of taking the hit. The goal here is to keep your mind occupied for enough time that the wanting disappears, which will happen if you give it time. An example list I just made up: + Show Spoiler +
I want to take a hit. Instead of taking the hit, I will go to the park and go for a walk. Right now, I will search for the necessary items I need (wallet? keys?) that allow me to go to the park. After finding necessary items, I will take one step toward the door. Then, I will take another step toward the door. Then, I will take another step toward the door. Repeat taking steps toward the door until I have reached the door. Then, I will place my hand on the doorknob. Then, I will twist the doorknob. etc until you reach the park.
Check off each item as you do them in your mind. Be as detailed as possible so your next task isn't "go to the park," instead your next task is "push the door open." By microing in this way you can successfully accomplish some other task step-by-step instead of giving in to cravings.
2. (the second suggestion) Perform the following meditation: Sit down in silence and contemplate. If you get a feeling or a thought, do not judge the feeling or thought, instead you can become more aware of yourself and the stuff around you by simply describing what is happening. So if you are daydreaming, you can say "imagining, imagining, imagining" and if you start to have a cramp in your back from sitting for so long, you say "feeling, feeling, feeling." Then if you suddenly have a craving to take a hit, you continue sitting in silent meditation and say to yourself "wanting, wanting, wanting." This guy describes it best, and is actually the reason why I made this suggestion to you:
This is all I have for you at the present time. Maybe I will be able to contribute more here in the future.
The company you keep is extremely important. You need to do your best to stay clean, disconnect with your friends that are users, and reconnect with the people that only left you because of your problem (unwillingness to rectify the problem, whatever it may be). Every time you feel the urge you just need to tell yourself you don't have to be a drug user if you don't want to be. You have probably been high for a long time, being sober will be a new high, just give it time.
Edit: Its corny and from a movie but "I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you" Valerie, V for Vandetta
You need to find a support group man. By yourself you can't do it. Tell your friends/family that you're trying to quit, and make sure they're always on your ass about it. It's a good thing starting by telling us here, but really we're Anonymous. You need real life people to help you with real life problems. If your close friends are users look for some kind of support group. Ionno how it is in korea, but in US and most of EU they're free and anonymous.
You actually don't need convincing as you already want to - however, the addiction is what is holding you back. I would advice professional help along with help from family/friends to hold you accountable.
Thanks for the reply guys. Reading these responses already made me feel a bit better about trying to quit. To clear things up, I actually live in the US btw (just changed my location, was Korea before).
I took the 6 months break from school to get clean on my own but failed miserably. My mom found out about my drug use about 3 months into my break and wanted to send me to rehab, counseling, or some other support group but I refused, telling her I got it under control. We basically had a fight over this and I convinced my mom that I don't need help. Now I kinda regret it but I don't wanna tell her that I need help again because she thinks I'm completely clean and it's right before I start school too..
edit: My non-using friends are really supportive but they think I've been clean for the past two weeks. I don't wanna disappoint them; I've already disappointed them waaay too many times. Told them I was gonna quit, then relapsed many many times. One of my best friends asked me if I was clean today but I lied and told her I haven't used. She kept asking to make sure, definitely was doubting me but I didn't wanna disappoint her.
Listen, don't underestimate drugs, and especially heroin. Sometimes it's just not a matter of mental self control. These things can ruin your life forever. It doesn't matter if school starts. Taking even several years off doesn't mean you can never go back, you can go to college at whatever age, it doesn't matter. After all, you already said you're restarting right? Why not be 100% before you start again? If you can get the chance to go to rehab, even if you have to swallow your pride, I guarantee you you will never, ever, ever regret it. Get clean first, don't get clean on the way.
Having this weight off your shoulders after you confess will be much more relaxing on your mind than having the feeling of guilt wear you down.
Dude, what's more important; your life and happiness or your mother not knowing you need help? Trust me, it'll feel a lot easier after just telling her you're still an addict and that you need her help. The weight on your shoulders from keeping her in the dark (or trying to, you suspect she knows right?) isn't something you need when you try to kick the habit.
if it helps to talk, why dont you PM me any stories or experiences or thoughts about the drug or being a user. sorry if it sounds selfish, but id like to hear about it
i dont think you are going to do this overnight, cold turkey. your body is going to be screaming for it. why not try reducing your dosage, or sticking to a methadone plan? stay with friends, stay away from users/dealers and find something to fill the void. i just dont think throwing the needle away and going cold turkey is the best idea, seems like youll just eventually relapse later
On December 28 2011 21:22 danmooj1 wrote: Thanks for the reply guys. Reading these responses already made me feel a bit better about trying to quit. To clear things up, I actually live in the US btw (just changed my location, was Korea before).
I took the 6 months break from school to get clean on my own but failed miserably. My mom found out about my drug use about 3 months into my break and wanted to send me to rehab, counseling, or some other support group but I refused, telling her I got it under control. We basically had a fight over this and I convinced my mom that I don't need help. Now I kinda regret it but I don't wanna tell her that I need help again because she thinks I'm completely clean and it's right before I start school too..
edit: My non-using friends are really supportive but they think I've been clean for the past two weeks. I don't wanna disappoint them; I've already disappointed them waaay too many times. Told them I was gonna quit, then relapsed many many times. One of my best friends asked me if I was clean today but I lied and told her I haven't used. She kept asking to make sure, definitely was doubting me but I didn't wanna disappoint her.
You remind me of someone that keeps a facade up for everyone else that everything is fine, I heard about him in the news a couple of days ago. Let me find a picture for you:
I think his funeral started today. I'll remind you that everyone around him already knew he and his country weren't doing fine, the only thing that happened was hilarious cover up attempts and self glorification. Fight the monster within, don' t feed it.
Don't keep the ones who really love you waiting, they already know.
I always wanted to meditate but never knew where to start. Thanks hp.Shell, will definitely look into that.
About telling my mom, for personal reasons I don't think it's the best idea. She's been trying to send me to rehab for so long but I've always refused, even getting mad sometimes. That's just a small part of the reason I don't want to come clean though. My family is going through a lot of shit right now. My mom is a single parent and many people she's close to, including my grandfather, passed away recently. I don't think she can take that right now. I plan to get clean and if I really can't after this time, I'll reconsider going to rehab.
I don't think I'll get sick again because I've been using only the past 3 days since I got clean, so there should only be minimal withdrawals if I stop right now.
And for those of who want to know my story, I posted some on my blog. If you guys have any questions you can PM me but I rather not talk about it here.
None of the shit that has been posted really helps. Well I mean methadones alright but really you're getting addicted to the next step down instead of not doing drugs. Methadone is for withdrawal.
You have to stop. I know it's hard. I didn't respond to your PM because, honestly, I was already talking about drugs with a few other people and it made me really miss oxy. So I looked after myself by not responding to you. (That was rude, sorry)
You have to stop. There's no secret or book to buy. Find something new, become obsessed with it. If it's meditation then it's meditation or if it's starcraft 2 then it's starcraft 2. Find something. Become obsessed. Every time you want to use do it instead.
In a few months it will be easier to not do it without making yourself busy. I know this is kinda shitty advice//everyone is different but you have to replace h with something else. Like posting on TL or playing starcraft or get a intense job or run for 30 miles. Find something. It doesn't have to be special. Do it every time you think about using. Eventually you think about using less. It never really goes away. But it does fade.
On December 28 2011 21:52 Probe1 wrote: None of the shit that has been posted really helps. Well I mean methadones alright but really you're getting addicted to the next step down instead of not doing drugs. Methadone is for withdrawal.
You have to stop. I know it's hard. I didn't respond to your PM because, honestly, I was already talking about drugs with a few other people and it made me really miss oxy. So I looked after myself by not responding to you. (That was rude, sorry)
You have to stop. There's no secret or book to buy. Find something new, become obsessed with it. If it's meditation then it's meditation or if it's starcraft 2 then it's starcraft 2. Find something. Become obsessed. Every time you want to use do it instead.
In a few months it will be easier to not do it without making yourself busy. I know this is kinda shitty advice//everyone is different but you have to replace h with something else. Like posting on TL or playing starcraft or get a intense job or run for 30 miles. Find something. It doesn't have to be special. Do it every time you think about using. Eventually you think about using less. It never really goes away. But it does fade.
No need to apologize, I completely understand.
I wish I can get obsessed with something but it's really hard for me to enjoy anything without drugs. I've been looking for a new hobby for a while now but I can't "get into" anything. I'm actually starting to worry my brains kinda fucked up for good, like my dopamine receptors are worn out or something. I have no motivation at all and I can't really enjoy anything sober. If anyone has an interesting hobby they want to share, that would be helpful too.
Who said I enjoy things? Eventually it gets better but for a long time I just felt like shit all the time, chain smoking and having a martini every day so I had something to look forward to. Eventually .. months later.. I started to feel a little bit better and I relearned what life felt like without feeling fan-fucking-tastic every day.
It blows. But it's how everyone lives. Eventually you just get over it and find pleasure where you can.
I was worried and still am that my years of drug use had damaged my brain. Every time I make a spelling mistake or mathematical error I wonder. But it doesn't help me to worry. I just shrug it off, correct myself and move on.
There's a whole lot of that. Just moving on. Dropping things and going on. I miss a lot of people I used to use with but, as you can imagine, I can't be around them and also not do drugs. Luckily I can still listen to the same music but I do miss the people.
If you or any of your friends have a guitar lying around (a lot of people do), try picking that up as a hobby. Guitar excercise can take a lot of time, so i think it can be good to keep you busy. I'm sure it's not the same thing, but when my grandma died a few years ago and i didn't want to keep thinking about her i played for hours and hours every day, and it definitely helped in distracting me.
I really wish you the best of luck, i'm sure you will make it.
EPT
![[image loading]](http://cdn.blogosfere.it/politicaesocieta/images/kim%20jong_morto.jpg)
