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Life? What is life?, he thought.
Young man stood there, in complete silence, tears coming down from his cheeks. He felt lost, lost in himself, lost in his life. Always troubled, always looking inwards. Dreaming of old past long gone. Young man looked down, in his past.
***
Before that injury, he was passionate, cheerful young man. Living his dream. Being a knight in medieval times, he would be there to entertain crowds, doing countless battles through medieval reenactement. To entertain himself, to have meaning in his life. Crowd cheering on him, as he fought in a tournament, one sword clashing with another. Sounds of shields conflicting together. He was excited. His life had a meaning.
"Look mommy, look at that young knight." Young man heard, as he pulled helmet off his head, right after fierce medieval battle. He felt so proud, his heartbeat increasing, as he knew he was noticed, he was appreciated. His life had a meaning. He brought happines to others. This small kid yelling to his mom being just a small testament of that. Young man glanced down at his full armor, resisting hard to tears of happiness. He was there. He was so happy. His life had some worth for others.
***
He was proud when his first son was born. But, shortly before that, he was harmed in an accident. He lost a lot of blood, was injured internally, and nearly died. Despite of being a parent, there was suddenly a void in him. Being a swordfighter he was before, he did try to get back to shape. He trained hard, only to see himself opening wounds, harming himself. He knew he couldn't continue anymore. He was living a life of a knight for most of life, now he just couldn't anymore. He was torn inside. He couldn't find a way around himself, he lost all confidence in himself. Suddenly, he thought all his value was gone. And indeed, as it seemed so. He withdrew from everyone, becoming closed to everyone, building an unpenetrable shell around himself. He was quick to not trust anyone, including himself. He tried to stand up, to fight for his dreams, only to see himself struggling again, only harming himself yet again. He tried many, many things after that, only to end up giving up on them. What was purpose of his life? He did not know.
***
There was this game. At first, he just thought it was silly, pointless. His beloved, significant other brought it, and he was reluctant to give it a try. But, he did. To please his significant other and their growing up son. They had good time together, and he just tried to fool around, to make his family happy, to bring them entertainment. He'd never expect this game to influence him in a way it did, later on.
As the reader may realize, our young man was broken inside. Torn, lacking any sort of self confidence. Lacking any sort of goals, a stimul to grow as a person. He was an empty shell, hurt deep down inside. Closed to everyone else, in a hard shell, not trusting anyone, including himself. He survived from one day to another. He had no idea how one simple game would influence his life, and yet, he'd never expect old wounds on his heart to open, to hunt him down, to hinder him further...
***
This game, it was something. it took him time to realize it. There was a huge aspect, psychological aspect to the game. There was no need for muscle strenght. yet, it required strong mind. Strong confidence & ability to react to crisis. He never faced such kind of game before, and yet, he slowly began to fall in love with it. Quick reactions, challenging his mind, re-learning old habits, he thought it could be a salvation for him. It provided him with a challenge yet again. Something he missed all along all these past years. Yet, there was this lingering fear.
What if I'd fail again?
How could I show my son I can do stuff properly, if I can't face single obstacle?
Thoughts. Doubts. All of them creeping up.
Time passed, and he came to realize that this game provided him with what he needed. It was a way for him to address his damaged mindset, his old wounds in his heart. He wanted to prove his significant other he was worth something.
While his significant other would understand that need, they were very skeptical of him. He, after all, did gave up on many things in past. Why should she trust in him again? She had all reasons to critize him, yell at him. She'd not understand how much he was broken down inside.
He found a new love, new passion in that game. Challenged on all levels, he was forced to focus, to develop himself. To think in whole new way. Of course, he was struggling. And, he was very hard on himself. He would never admit it to himself, but he was basically lynching himself for every setback, for every small mistake he did. He got stuck, because he had no confidence in himself. He was unforgiving to himsellf.
I'm not progressing at all
That was all, which was going through his mind. He was unable to see all these small successes, all these small improvements anymore. No matter how much he put heart into the game, he just felt he was stuck. Along that time, he had to face struggles in his life as well, being unable to help his young son, who just began attending 2nd grade of elementary school. Again, he broke inside. Feeling hopeless. He realized he needed a way out. He needed to find himself. To show his worth to not only to himself, but also to his son & significant other.
***
'Just give up, if you can't take it. You are worthless. Do something you can pull off, if there is even such thing!' Words, which cut deep into his heart, coming down from his significant other. He loved her, he loved his 8-years old son. she was here, supporting him, wanting him to go far in his new passion, despite of all these harsh words. And yet, he couldn't overcome himself, to overcome his own weaknesses, his own self-doubts, to show them both that he too can be strong in something he loved so dear.
How can I do anything, if I can't even do something I hold so dear? What am I worth of?
He was asking himself that question all the time. Occassionally he would share the thought with his friends, but he would feel quilty for being a burden to them. He once again felt the need to go away for a while, to focus on following his dream for a while, to both grow as a person and as a player in game he loved so much. To focus on what was important for him, to follow his small goal. To prove himself he could do it. But, he was stuck, feeling too miserable of himself, he had no way of just going somewhere else, to work on just his issues and his dream, to be trusted by those he loved.
Should I just escape? To give up? To go away?
I am so sorry, my little one. My beloved one. I've failed you. I've failed myself, I cannot even follow my heart.
Tears continued going down from his cheeks, as he stood there, wishing his life to just fade away, whihing he would just disappear, to not hurt himself, nor those he cared for...
 
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This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from.
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On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from.
Welcome to the Blogs section.
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On October 22 2011 08:17 garlicface wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. Welcome to the Blogs section.
Thanks, but what's your point? I have read many good examples of what a good blog should look like, so why not encourage a higher standard?
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On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from.
You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling.
I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience.
That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it.
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On October 22 2011 08:30 mbr2321 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling. I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience. That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it.
Or I just have my own opinion. So you "think" it is compelling, you don't provide any objective evidence why my opinion is "wrong". Wouldn't that make you even worse of a troll, discrediting an opinion using your own?
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On October 22 2011 08:45 Harrad wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 08:30 mbr2321 wrote:On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling. I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience. That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it. Or I just have my own opinion. So you "think" it is compelling, you don't provide any objective evidence why my opinion is "wrong". Wouldn't that make you even worse of a troll, discrediting an opinion using your own?
If you want to have your own opinion, make sure that people know that it is just that: an opinion. Saying things like "This is not a good story" might give people the impression that you actually know what you're talking about.
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ok I read this and I have to agree with Harrad. the difference is hes not Sartre or Camus. I felt like cringing the whole time
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On October 22 2011 08:30 mbr2321 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling. I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience. That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it.
How can you tell it may have been originally written in Czech? I just thought it was bad writing but now I'm kind of curious.
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On October 22 2011 09:21 Sinensis wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 08:30 mbr2321 wrote:On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling. I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience. That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it. How can you tell it may have been originally written in Czech? I just thought it was bad writing but now I'm kind of curious.
I assumed it was originally written in Czech because the authors location tag is Czech Republic.
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On October 22 2011 09:25 mbr2321 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 09:21 Sinensis wrote:On October 22 2011 08:30 mbr2321 wrote:On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling. I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience. That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it. How can you tell it may have been originally written in Czech? I just thought it was bad writing but now I'm kind of curious. I assumed it was originally written in Czech because the authors location tag is Czech Republic.
Oh I thought you were some kind of language genius and diagrammed his sentence structure or something.
EDIT : Ha! You were right. Should have just pretended you were a genius. 
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Harrad, as if I cared about your opinion. Quite frankly, you seem to condemn about third every post you see on TL forums, you seem to be cynic and negative a lot. I am not looking for anyone's approval to just write and let thoughts out. If you don't like it, fine. I don't really care. Purpose of this blog was to write out, to vent, not to appease anyone. So kindly, if you have nothing constructive to say, just stay off, if you don't like it. Thank you?
PS: to everyone else wondering about my language - I'm sorry for my heavy-English in my post. English is indeed not my native language.
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On October 22 2011 09:03 mbr2321 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 08:45 Harrad wrote:On October 22 2011 08:30 mbr2321 wrote:On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling. I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience. That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it. Or I just have my own opinion. So you "think" it is compelling, you don't provide any objective evidence why my opinion is "wrong". Wouldn't that make you even worse of a troll, discrediting an opinion using your own? If you want to have your own opinion, make sure that people know that it is just that: an opinion. Saying things like "This is not a good story" might give people the impression that you actually know what you're talking about.
That he thinks it's true makes it his opinion, and you should regard his pointing out the obvious as an insult to your intelligence instead of something he should've specified earlier. And it being his opinion is not mutually exclusive with his knowing what he's talking about.
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On October 22 2011 09:36 zobz wrote:Show nested quote +On October 22 2011 09:03 mbr2321 wrote:On October 22 2011 08:45 Harrad wrote:On October 22 2011 08:30 mbr2321 wrote:On October 22 2011 08:00 Harrad wrote:
This is not a good story.
A good story involves someone get put on a tree, thrown rocks at, and then getting saved/saving himself.
This is just a ridiculous, negative self-pity-fest with an air of morbid self-attention.
Who do you think would want to read this?
This is an impersonal sob story without any value or anything to learn from. You're either a very bad troll or just wrong. Read Camus, Hesse, or Sartyr. There is nothing wrong with the content of this story. It is, I think, very compelling. I do have a question, however-- was this originally written in Czech? If so, the translation is spotty. I don't want to call you a bad writer, but this is very awkward. I'd suggest, if you can, asking a friend who has very good English to help you translate this in a manner that is more readable for your English-speaking audience. That being said, this story reminds me of The Stranger. I like it. Or I just have my own opinion. So you "think" it is compelling, you don't provide any objective evidence why my opinion is "wrong". Wouldn't that make you even worse of a troll, discrediting an opinion using your own? If you want to have your own opinion, make sure that people know that it is just that: an opinion. Saying things like "This is not a good story" might give people the impression that you actually know what you're talking about. That he thinks it's true makes it his opinion, and you should regard his pointing out the obvious as an insult to your intelligence instead of something he should've specified earlier. And it being his opinion is not mutually exclusive with his knowing what he's talking about.
I love logical posts so much!!!! Also to add to the discussion, I think Harrad would benefit by learning the importance of tact to ensure that criticism is taken in a positive, constructive way.
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EPT
