EPTSo I figured I'd put this up because it's been on my mind and...TeamLiquid has a lot of pubescents running around. I'm 18. Just recently out of puberty, still changing a lot, but I think I have some real advice which you might find useful. And if you're not still pumped full of hormones maybe my cock jokes will be entertaining, I don't know.
Also I realize I'm not 30 and well out of the woods, but I do think I've figured something out which I want to share.
I had a rough time during puberty. Most of you probably are having a rough time. And throughout all of it no one could explain a few basic god damn things to me that would've made it way easier.
To begin with, here are a few basic points, in case you're gonna be all like, "Hey, Shamrock, I had it worse than you!" You might've, but probably not:
1. I live in South Africa.
2. During puberty, I was butt ugly. I'm not anymore (I promise). I was covered in acne, underweight and pale as shit.
3. Up until the age of 16 I'd barely left my house.
4. I've run through the ring of shitty night clubs, excessive alcohol consumption, fighting and being an all around asshole, and changing myself from a dick to...slightly less of a dick.
Okay, that settles that. Now, here is some advice you should take to heart because it will help you immensely. Or, maybe it won't, but I genuinely wish I had it between about 13-17.
1. BASICS
It's probably no surprise that during puberty you're changing. What that means might be a bit of a surprise to you though. Your appearance changes a hell of a lot. This means that people's perception of you changes. Hormones change your emotions. They really do fuck with them. So not only are your appearance and public perception constantly undergoing change, between that, your emotions don't always correspond to situations.
What that means is, if you're feeling like you're not really sure who you are or who you are going to be, don't sweat. It's understandable. It'd be like trying to switch sexual organs while you've still got your penis in hand. Okay wait, that came out wrong. It'd be like trying to change a car engine while you're still driving.
Instead, take it easy. Think of how you WANT to be. Don't try to change yourself, but whatever you like about yourself, take those points and enhance them, and for whatever you don't like, try put it down, relax on it.
2. ACNE
I don't know how many people have/had this problem. I sort of felt pretty god damn alone, having it worse than anyone else. I'm guessing some of you are pretty well rounded. And that doesn't matter. People's perception of you depends upon...you. For me, my acne didn't go away until like, last year, despite any treatments I tried. Just came with age, I guess. What does matter is that you take care of yourself.
I don't care if people look ugly, I really don't. Just take care of yourself. If you're underweight (and I'm sure a lot of you are) then work on it. If you're overweight or have acne, work on it. Other than that, people are generally pretty nice. It may not seem that way in your school (depending). But on a general basis, people are nicer than you think. They try to focus more on your good points. When they look at you they aren't thinking about all your faults, a lot of the time they're more thinking about what they like about you.
So yeah, work on your personality and take care of your body. One of my biggest regrets is spending two years drinking Coke and eating pizza and Fritos day in and day out during epic gaming sessions. Other than that don't be too self-conscious. As long as you're working on it, just live your life and don't let your appearance hold too much of your attention. No one really cares.
3. THERE'S A WORLD OUTSIDE YOUR SCHOOL
I finished school at a pretty young age because I hated every moment of it. If High School Musical and Glee are correct things overseas and now are pretty different. Maybe not. That doesn't matter though. In school you're basically confronted with every annoying stereotype (most of them annoying white dudes no less): jocks, emos, goths, nerds, hipsters and everything else. Realistically stereotypes are all annoying, but there are still really nice, cool PEOPLE in the world. Individuals.
After dealing with bullies, people I hated, stupidity, shitty music, people treating you like shit and a bunch of other stuff, when it finally came to me leaving school, it was a pretty big adjustment for me. People weren't mean or stupid. They were mostly nice.
I think the key difference is that once you start making your own money, you decide where you'll be, who you'll hang out with, etc. There's a shit load of office politics involved in jobs, but that's another issue altogether.
So yeah, I don't know what your school is like, mine sucked though. A bunch of rugby players and the more you fought back the more they'd come after you. Being a bad ass, the chronicles of me vs. our rugby team would make some pretty good stories, but that's for another time. The real world isn't like that and you don't have to worry about it going that way. I think once people leave school they start to realize that grinding their lives as assholes won't get them too far and people have the choice to either ignore them, beat them senseless or, you know, call the cops. Whatevs.
4. WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS NOT IN CLUBS.
I don't know if this phenomenon is just specific to South Africa, but any middle class or higher kid feels like going to clubs is the epitome of fun social interaction. Unless you wanna dance or get sloshed, clubs aren't the place for you.
Seriously, I can't understand this. I enjoyed clubs for a while until I realized how stupid they were and to this day I don't understand what I enjoyed. Probably the underage drinking and starting at women in skimpy outfits, being too scared to talk to them. What I will say is that clubbing taught me how to interact with people, but it was only outside, in pleasant, nice places that I really needed that skill.
You, being a gamer, probably feel like "getting a life" should mean going to clubs and meeting women. Don't do that. Find friends, learn how to talk to people, build up circles of people you like, stick with them. Where you do it is irrelevant and what anyone thinks about it means fuck all.
5. GIRLS.
This is my last piece of advice. There are, perhaps, more things to talk about, but I've pretty much exhausted my ideas.
Girls are just like guys. I learned this the hard way. All those stupid jokes, comics, advertisements that try to appeal to the 'gamer' demographic try to convince you that you have no chance with women because it requires some great skill. The main skill to it is being comfortable talking to people. Men and women. Just go out, meet people. You WILL get rejected. You'll also feel way better going out and getting rejected than you will staying at home not getting rejected, and certainly better than if you go out and don't even talk to anyone.
It took me a lot of rejection before I wasn't awkward in social situations, but it's worth it. This is how you get to meet nice people. And with that comes the ability to talk to girls. People hype it up but your best bet is saying something like "Hi" to open, instead of paging through webpages to find something better.
You might not find real love this way, but keep your eyes out for it because, cliche as it sounds, it'll probably skip right the fuck past you without you noticing. I know this because the girl I really liked felt the same way about me and basically said it point blank but I was too busy looking elsewhere to nice. Don't do that. Full details on this in my previous blog entry (which, by the way, I sorted out and we're both very happy now).
Try it out, take it to heart, and I hope this helps.
