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Hey TL, I asked all of my friends and it seems nobody has an answer for me on what to do here.
Im new to blogging, but I hope you can help! 
So im in a relationship with a beautiful girl who ive known for 4 years now,together only the past 6 months.
Now Im happy, don't get me wrong, but there's something that bothers me enough to wonder if this relationship is worth continuing.
Every time I talk to her I end up feeling mad because im undervalued and underappreciated. She'd rather go to a bbq with her friends than to a midnight firework show with me, to name one example.
I honestly feel like im putting my best foot forward; Im doing for her the best I can but its almost like she isn't as committed as I am. Clearly, my efforts aren't being noticed and are almost being taken for granted.
Now my question TL, is,
How do I fix my situation without breaking up with her- is a direct confrontation the only way?
Also, am I over reacting? Is this relationship even worth continuing.. Can I change the way I feel about how she treats me?
And lastly; is it worth it to be serious about this girl even though we've only been together for 6 months?
Thanks for your help, please no trolls!
 
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just have a talk with her and see why she acts the way she is, if she really doesn't want to be with you, its for the better you guys know where you stand with each other, and end on good terms.
i personally think you are overreacting a little bit, because although you are her boyfriend, she has other friends to hang out with, and everyone needs space, even if you are in a relationship, if you truely have feelings for her, but unsure, then talk to her, theres no harm in doing so, sure maybe you might break up, but if she lost all feelings for you, is it really worth it to continue a dead relationship? but hey, it could just be you being paranoid, and there was nothing for you to fret in the first place
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Well, first and foremost, you should have a talk with her and be direct about how you feel. Don't be aggressive or anything, but let her know how you feel about her (like how much you care about her), and the frustration you've recently felt.
Whether or not the relationship is something to continue with entirely depends on you; are the sacrifices you make worth being in a relationship with her?
Just remember, if there comes a time where there is more pain than happiness, its time to move on
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Yea im paranoid to begin with, and my low self esteem usually raises a lot of worry in myself. It makes it pretty tough to tell if her tone is mad at me or just uninterested.
In our conversations she rarely adds anything and suggests that I talk more because she has nothing to say but I dont know what to think of that.
If I did end up talking to her, Would it be wise to say that it's been bothering me? Or should I just approach pretending nothing is wrong and that im just curious?
It just worries me to think about how im going to ask her that because what if it makes her mad, that she thinks I dont trust her..?
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This is a tough situation
but it will be fine i promise.
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clearly, u need to do better in bed.
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Give her some space.
Chicks hate clingy, needy guys.
If its meant to be, backing off a little bit will fire her up a little, and make her all the more eager to spend time with you.
If not, fuck it. Move on.
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Maybe plan shit better? I have the same problem with my GF all the time, but its because I want to do something that night with all of an hour's notice as far as she's concerned. If shes planned to go to a bbq at her friend's for a week or two she tends to feel obligated to go hang out with her friends most of the time.
If she's going places without ever inviting you though you need to talk to her.
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Do you fart a lot? That might be the problem.
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There's a severe lack of details.
Do you engage in coitus with her?
How often do you already spend time with her?
What sort of activities did you guys do?
How serious do you view the relationship?
Has the time you spent together gone down since the beginning (if so, by how much)?
Off the bat, I think she's views the amount of dedication or input to this relationship differently from you. Meaning that she might not view it as serious as you do (with a heavy friend-like relationship of 4 years, this is to be expected). Maybe she translated this relationship as the same thing you guys had before, but with more interaction and physical engagement.
That's my thoughts off the bat, but it isn't fair or supported without the questions above answered.
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Baltimore, USA22261 Posts
On July 31 2011 16:05 MrBitter wrote:
Give her some space.
Chicks hate clingy, needy guys.
If its meant to be, backing off a little bit will fire her up a little, and make her all the more eager to spend time with you.
If not, fuck it. Move on.
Just to reinforce, this is the only good advice that has been given so far.
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Yay Girl Blog!
On July 31 2011 15:40 Temporarykid wrote:Hey TL, I asked all of my friends and it seems nobody has an answer for me on what to do here. Im new to blogging, but I hope you can help! So im in a relationship with a beautiful girl who ive known for 4 years now,together only the past 6 months. Now Im happy, don't get me wrong, but there's something that bothers me enough to wonder if this relationship is worth continuing. Every time I talk to her I end up feeling mad because im undervalued and underappreciated. She'd rather go to a bbq with her friends than to a midnight firework show with me, to name one example. I honestly feel like im putting my best foot forward; Im doing for her the best I can but its almost like she isn't as committed as I am. Clearly, my efforts aren't being noticed and are almost being taken for granted. Now my question TL, is, How do I fix my situation without breaking up with her- is a direct confrontation the only way? Also, am I over reacting? Is this relationship even worth continuing.. Can I change the way I feel about how she treats me? And lastly; is it worth it to be serious about this girl even though we've only been together for 6 months? Thanks for your help, please no trolls!
Whether you want to relationship to continue is clearly up to you. Different people have different expectations for relationships.
I personally don't see what's wrong with wanting to go with friends to a BBQ, maybe she planned that before your fireworks night out. As long as you're not seeing her too infrequently, I think you just need to accept that she will not be able to spend all of her time with you. She will want to spend some of it with her friends. Same for you no?
1cent.
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On July 31 2011 15:52 Temporarykid wrote:
Yea im paranoid to begin with, and my low self esteem usually raises a lot of worry in myself. It makes it pretty tough to tell if her tone is mad at me or just uninterested.
It seems like you're kinda putting her up on a pedastal and she knows it and takes you for granted. For example, a BBQ is a social event where it is completely normal and easy to bring a BF/GF along, it's kinda weird that she wouldn't want to bring you.
Girls can sense low self esteem from a mile away. It sounds like you need to work on your self esteem issues first. Think about it, you can't expect someone else to think highly of you when you don't think highly of yourself.
Confront her directly if you must, but I don't think it will go well.
GL though, don't worry we've all been where you are man. I'll let the girl blog gosus take over from here
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10 simple steps to handle it like an adult:
1. State you want to talk about something that's been bothering you.
2. Choose an appropriate setting to talk where you cannot be interrupted or distracted by others.
3. State your feelings for her.
4. State what's been bothering you.
5. Give concrete examples and explain your interpretations of the events as they happened.
6. Listen to what she has to say about it with an open mind. (remember most fights and unhappiness in relationship comes from miscommunication and misunderstanding)
7. Restate her interpretation in your own words to make sure you understand what she said (if you are wrong, repeat the last two steps til you are right).
8. Tell her how you are hoping to fix the problem.
9. Repeat steps 6 and 7.
10. Profit??? (mutual agreement on a resolution)
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The nicer & needier you are the worse you will be treated by women.
Fact of life.
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On July 31 2011 16:05 MrBitter wrote:
Give her some space.
Chicks hate clingy, needy guys.
If its meant to be, backing off a little bit will fire her up a little, and make her all the more eager to spend time with you.
If not, fuck it. Move on.
I agree with this assessment.
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On July 31 2011 16:05 MrBitter wrote:
Give her some space.
Chicks hate clingy, needy guys.
If its meant to be, backing off a little bit will fire her up a little, and make her all the more eager to spend time with you.
If not, fuck it. Move on.
Best advice. Also, don't get too sucked up into pleasing her, make sure you're staying un-stressed and feeling good, so you get rid of any clingy, needy feelings. Love is bit of a mind game ^-^
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On July 31 2011 16:34 RedJustice wrote:
10 simple steps to handle it like an adult:
1. State you want to talk about something that's been bothering you.
2. Choose an appropriate setting to talk where you cannot be interrupted or distracted by others.
3. State your feelings for her.
4. State what's been bothering you.
5. Give concrete examples and explain your interpretations of the events as they happened.
6. Listen to what she has to say about it with an open mind. (remember most fights and unhappiness in relationship comes from miscommunication and misunderstanding)
7. Restate her interpretation in your own words to make sure you understand what she said (if you are wrong, repeat the last two steps til you are right).
8. Tell her how you are hoping to fix the problem.
9. Repeat steps 6 and 7.
10. Profit??? (mutual agreement on a resolution)
I'm sorry but when dealing with girls this is terrible advice and will only get you dumped or housebroken. When women are in charge of a relationship, as is the case with OP, the only possible way to fix it or swing the tide in your favor is to ignore them and act independent and carefree until they show some interest.
Stating your (obvious) feelings when you are the underdog = being needy = being uninteresting.
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yeah it does sound like shes not as into you as she could be
i would reflect on yourself (the way you act) a bit and try to be more masculine in general
for starters, when she does something you dont like (ANYTHING) you need to express that , quite loudly and very clearly. she will appreciate that you done that whether she liked it or not. she absolutely wants a man expressing his negative feelings and not holding back, intead of being wishy-washy and non-confrontational and letting her walk over him. (something which women tend to do and do it proudly - you just gotta accept that haha)
its better to have an arguement and come to some sort of conclusion and clear the air , than to just mouse around the issue when you're clearly uncomfortable with it.
better for you, and better for her opinion of you (oh he manned up and said what i thought he'd been thinking - thats a start!)
source - told this by a woman last night coz i have that conflict-avoiding issue myself
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EPT
