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Preface:I haven't slept in quite a long time and I'm running on caffeine guanine etc just felt like typing all of this out to get my head on straight.
Current problems:
-Had an issue sending in ACT scores to college, ACT call center is closed til monday deadline is closing in fast =[ stressing hugely about this nothing I can do until monday.
-Have a terrible phobia about driving that I will murder someone with my vehicle, something along the lines of just railing through an entire schoolbus full of children unloading as consequence I dont have my license.
-Do not have and have never had self motivation even though Im extremely smart (see top 1 percentile IQ (as if that counts for anything)) I need strong leadership for me to get things done (and I do them generally very well and efficiently, though you dont find this kind of leadership in life often and especially not when the leader doesnt benefit at all (wtb life coach Q.Q).
-Live in an extremely poor household where even food is a problem (see 13k annual income in the whole householdxD). In MICHIGAN to top it off xD.
-ADHD extremely bad its extremely difficult for me to do things such as cleaning the dishes/paperwork when I find 100 other things to do instead of them.
-Extremely introverted and shy to people that I do not know.
Current improvements/things working for me.
-Bouts of depression/self pity have been gone for months now, even though Im not accomplishing much with my Life Im quite happy.
-Happy being myself and single.
-Still have yet to ever smoke/drink/consume any mind altering substance stronger than caffeine (even that I do quite sparinly maybe 1-5 times a month).
-When I find something Im interested in I can do days and days of research on the subject and enjoy myself thoroughly.
General occupational/life history:
[depression]
Elementary/Middleschool:Military family 99-98 percentile in all state tests, 3.9 gpa missed maybe 2 days in 4th-9th grade.
Highschool freshman year:A-Bs in Pre-IB
Highschool post freshman year:2.0 gpa in a normal highschool with no advanced classes or motivaiton to perform as well as attendance problems (see terrible teachers extreme depression etc).
[/depression]
So straight out of highschool I decided to take 2 years and see what I do with my life to see what happens before (if) I start college.
Straight out of highschool I start a job through the state working as an IT tech at a youth rehab camp and go to work sick after working there for over 10 months and fall asleep 1 week before my contract was to be up and get fired.
So for the next 11 months Ive pretty much been unemployed other than working odd jobs when my father needs me paying for my rent life still feels pretty good quite happy even though Ive been single for over 7 months now (which is newish for me).
TLDR:Getting nothing done and feeling good about it, single but happy, not sure what I want to do with my life at all need direciton in my life but Im recieving NONE, keeping my nose clean, just kind of living very blandly wasting my life away.
  
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U need to print this and go see a psychologue or a social worker a forum about sc2 is not the place to ask those kinds of advices.
Good luck tho
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On July 24 2011 04:04 Darkren wrote:
U need to print this and go see a psychologue or a social worker a forum about sc2 is not the place to ask those kinds of advices.
Good luck tho
or ilovekittens
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If this is too hard to read/understand now, sleep, then read.
Sounds like me, a hell of a lot like me. Don't get yourself down because of not living up to current youth-society's impossibly unrealistic standards of how fucked and fucked up you get; it's a bunch of un-fulfilling crap. You can never find true satisfaction from trying to impose that kind of lifestyle on yourself, especially if it doesn't fit.
Same here, I could totally do the stuff, it was just getting the motivation to do it; back during the beginning of this year I just totally couldn't be fucked to do anything, because I was too stressed, too afraid, too concerned that it would not change anything and wouldn't help a bit. And I nearly went totally under, and not I regret it. Though it's all past thankfully, I'm still having issues with acknowledging that it's all finally over, that I don't have infinity things to do.
Find what you love and stick to it, give it your all, get really good at it, learn everything about it, and just enjoy it and enjoy life. I've gotta give you a warning though, computer games aren't the way to go [I dunno it's a Starcraft site, that's a tendency around here]. Any other hobbies (k I'll speak from experience) will give you SUCH more useful skills and benefits, rather than perfecting your knowledge of one game (e.g. Rubik's Cube, Rock Climbing, Breakdance). It only ever seems impossible until you try, from then on it's only just 'really fuckin hard' , but if you stick with it you're certain to find satisfaction and happiness through it.
Finally, I strongly recommend you go on a walk. It's probably different for me cuz I kinda live in the countryside, but really, take a small trip to the nearest reserve or out-of-city area when you have time, just to relax, watch a river flow, think and get your thoughts in order. It'll do you so much good!
GL HF dude!
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I used to be in the same boat as you, and still am to an extent. You can take some of those negative things and turn them into positives, for example, you said you live in a very poor household and are going to college soon. This means you have a much higher chance of getting grants/scholarships in the future (free money that you do not have to pay back), because your family has a lower expected contribution.
I used to be extremely shy and never had any motivation, but over the past couple of years I have put myself into a mindset of "just do it, what is the worst that could possibly happen?" Think about it, if you go up and talk to some random person, the worst that they could really do is not talk to you or tell you to go away, and that should not have any effect on you, they are just some random person that you do not know. But most likely you would have a positive response from them, a lot of people want to be talked to and only do so when they are approached as well, so be that person to approach them.
If you are ever feeling depressed again in the future, or just feel stressed out, go do something like exercise for example. Whenever I am stressed or feel depressed suddenly (I had a bout with depression and suicidal thoughts last year), I pull out my ipod, listen to my favorite music, then go for a jog. The combination of listening to music that I enjoy, and knowing that I am doing something good for my body even while something was bothering me before really helps soothe my mind. The best thing about this strategy is that going for a walk or a jog is completely free.
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This sounds like how I used to be except more intense, can you go to college? Honestly it's the best thing you can do. You'll have friends, can be independent, and I'd recommend trying drinking/smoking
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On July 24 2011 03:34 Dacendoran wrote:
-Do not have and have never had self motivation even though Im extremely smart (see top 1 percentile IQ (as if that counts for anything)) I need strong leadership for me to get things done (and I do them generally very well and efficiently, though you dont find this kind of leadership in life often and especially not when the leader doesnt benefit at all (wtb life coach Q.Q).
This isn't very original.
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Your entire post's TL;DR is your answer.
"TLDR:Getting nothing done and feeling good about it, single but happy, not sure what I want to do with my life at all need direciton in my life but Im recieving NONE, keeping my nose clean, just kind of living very blandly wasting my life away."
What's a waste of life? This is the main problem I see. You're convinced that there's a certain way you're supposed to live your life, governed or dictated by what exactly? If you're happy then you're happy. Live your life. You're not in any rush. I'm guessing you're still pretty young so you've got a lot of time to figure things out. Around 18-22 you're still kinda learning about yourself, it's not the easiest time to get through, but if you're happy that's all that matters, that's the point of things like dating, university, work, etc.
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To expand on my previous point. Nothing about you sounds original. Find something stupid to do so you don't have to look inwards?
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Hey dude.
You made it through college. You fell in love a few times.
Heartbroken no less than 3.
You found self love, you learned to forgive.
You got a six pack, you deadlifted 405 lbs.
You learned to smile.
You found what you love.
You're a meditating, jacked, bearded hippy who's on his way to figuring shit out.
Chin up 
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EPT
