EPTHowever since Switzerland is fundamentally a rather boring place, I’ve decided to do this write-up in a lingo that Starcraft players can enjoy and appreciate. So here goes nothing, please enjoy.
Note:
- Switzerland in this analogy is closest in my opinion to the Protoss race. And since a majority of Swiss people have issues with foreigners (issues being the diplomatic way of putting it), all foreigners will be referred to here as Zerg (except the rich ones, which are also Protoss).
Map:
Switzerland is a custom map with several distinctive features. Bases are scattered around mainly on low ground, with cliffs and quite a few destructible and non-destructible rocks lying around. The bigger cities however are mostly on a flat area, more of the Tal’Darim type, with wide open spaces for engagement. I’d categorise it as a hybrid between Tal’Darim and Kulass Ravine. As you can see, Protoss already have a natural advantage given the units they dispose of.
![[image loading]](http://imagecache6.allposters.com/LRG//22/2278/Y13ID00Z.jpg)
as you can see, blink stalkers can easily abuse this sort of terrain
Food Count:
Switzerland, as most Protoss countries, has a pretty low food count. With only 7M units, it’s attacking potential is greatly reduced, and it has to rely on defence and map control to survive. Units in Switzerland, lack mobility, as everything here is just so slow. The compensation lies in a solid economic advantage, as we will see later on.
Unit composition:
Switzerland is composed of several groups of units, which I will briefly detail.
![[image loading]](http://rlv.zcache.com/swiss_farmer_from_appenzell_innerrhoden_in_costume_poster-p228995088508932496tdcp_400.jpg)
This zealot doesn't have charge
Probes: the industrial workers, mostly female workers (I’ll get back to that). This accounts for around 15% for the population (completely random number). They do most of the work, and contribute to the wealth and stable economy of the country. Switzerland with its excellent macro has been able to consistently produce probes of quality throughout its game.
Zealots: in Switzerland, military service is mandatory for all men, with the intention of making them into zealots. Not chargelots, that would be asking too much of the Swiss. These units have no upgrades, work all day, and contribute to constant probe production all night (and they’re OK!). They’re useless in an actual fight as they are ridiculously slow and can be kited easily. About 15% of the population.
Sentries: the businessmen. We rely on them for our defence, as they can put down force fields that block bank accounts, preventing opponents from coming up our ramp. Every other person in Switzerland is a sentry and, even though they are low on energy, the sheer number keeps us safe. About 50% of the population.
High templar: Switzerland has its politicians. They are absolutely useless (as storm research got cut out of the budget) for anything other than giving feedback. Switzerland is a massive bureaucracy with a department for everything, a commission on everything, and a working group on everything. They are even slower than the rest of the Swiss army. That’s how bad it is. About 10% of the population.
Archons: political parties. Put two crappy politicians together and they can shoot air. Switzerland has a very archon-heavy army, there’s a political party for everything you can think of. Only recently have political parties such as the “farmers, craftsmen and bourgeois party” (yeah it doesn’t make much sense, I agree, bad build order) and the “car-drivers’ party” (the anti-ecology party that defended the rights of polluters) became one, now the “Swiss people’s party”. Sadly enough, this is the biggest political party of our country.
Carriers: Switzerland doesn’t have a president. That’s too easy. We have seven potential presidents that rotate on a yearly basis. Now that’s more like it! They carry the country; they are our leaders, the most powerful unit in our arsenal. And they do nothing. They are ridiculously slow. Completely useless. Luckily, they have interceptors that do the work for them. Now why can’t we just have interceptors and no carriers? Donno, ask the car-drivers. About 0.1% of the population.
Zerg: Switzerland has foreigners. Tons of them. Everywhere. They attack our probes, fight our zealots, even damage our gateways! According to some of our Archons, they represent about 99% of the actual population of the country! Actually they work mostly for the sentries, and get force fielded out of any ounce of decent living conditions. Except for the rich ones, they’re our fellow Protoss after all. Let’s say about 10% of the population.
Zerglings: It’s always important to mention the French, those who actually live in France but come to Switzerland to profit from the fact that our map has essentially gold expansions, while theirs are pretty dried out.
Cheese!
Yes, Switzerland is a very cheesy country. For some reason people enjoy eating fungal growth. Why is beyond me, so let’s move on.
![[image loading]](http://onair.spafax.com/0804/images/switzerland_top.jpg)
Creep tumour caught in fungal growth
Economy
Switzerland has been able to power up and manage its resources very efficiently over the years. We don’t actually have any minerals or gas ourselves, so we use our knowledge to get other people to deposit their minerals here. Then we stockpile said minerals into a big trust fund and mine from it. Not bad, eh?
Defense
Switzerland has to defend itself against some very deadly threats, such as rogue beggars on the streets that eat children and perform malicious rituals! We also have musicians in our warp prisms (public transportation) that try to steal minerals from us! Some Zerg even ask us for help from persecution in their homeland, as if we would do something about it.
Recently Switzerland has been taking measures to stop this hideous invasion. We’ve banned Zerg from building spires (minarets) on our map! This has improved our… well… our debating skills surely.
![[image loading]](http://www.lepetitnegre.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/suisse_minaret.jpg)
It seems like local archons are convinced we're getting Tower Rushed...here is a piece of their very imaginative artwork
We’ve also made it more and more difficult for Zerg to survive in our country, with the worlds worst immigration policy! This has allowed us to… hum… lose track of how many Zergs are actually on the map.
Basically Switzerland is bored because nobody’s actually attacking through our force fields. So we just bash on any passing Zerg in the meantime. And if there aren’t enough or they haven’t done anything wrong, we can always just hallucinate some.
***
So there’s a short introduction to the many wonders of this small unknown European superpower. If you have any questions or want further info please remember, submit it in three copies with proof of your identity, the reason you came to ask a question, your passport as a deposit, a coloured picture of you, your house and your family, as well as all past questions you’ve asked to everyone else you’ve ever asked questions to. Or a couple of hundred Swiss Francs will do the trick.
In the mean time I have other ideas on how Starcraft has influenced my everyday life. 
