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Hi,
after having a very painful vacation last week i noticed that i am in fact dead. Yeah, i still move, breathe and go to work, but other than that i am dead... so i'm now looking for ways to get back to life again.
A little more explanation:
I'm 29 and since almost 2 years i have a very exhausting job as programmer and maintainer of several bug-laden, messy legacy applications and i'm too tired for anything after work or on weekends (eventhough i refuse to do overtime). I have no hobbies except for the occasional SC2 game which just depresses me more because i suck more with every game i play. I don't go out with friends - mostly because i have none. I couldn't care less about my colleagues (they are ok-ish but except for work-stuff there isn't really much to talk about with them). I neither talk nor chat with anyone except for the occasional "how are you? - fine, and you? - fine, too. - KTHXBYE" with either the one online friend (or rather acquaintance) i met a year ago or my ex gf. I haven't tried to find friends since at least a year, not even tried to message people on facebook (or the german equivalent MeinVZ). Hell, i recently noticed that i don't even look at women anymore - which should be the final proof that i am truly dead.
So, what is the best way to go from zero social life back to at least "some" social life if you don't have any energy to really care about anything?
 
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Maybe hook up with some of your old buddies and go for a couple of beers watch a movie or go play some other games like bowling, billiard.
PM:by old buddies i mean someone one like from school or someone you didn't talk awhile with...
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Zurich15357 Posts
You should see a doctor for qualified advice how to treat depression.
That being said I presonally don't think one can conciously decide to just be more social. My suggestion would be to go here and start doing SS. Won't make you more social as such but will certainly make you feel better about yourself:
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=180919
But again, better see a doctor.
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First, focus on your energy problem. If you are only working ~8h day 5 days a week on a non physical job, you "should" have enough energy for daily activity and definitely weekend stuff. Your fatigue is probably mostly mental. Check your diet and exercise. Could you eat healthier and work out more? Either start working out at home (p90 or something similar) or join a gym. Joining a gym both gets you out of the house and gives you the opportunity to meet new people (going the same time each day helps). Getting in better shape will make you feel better about yourself and feeling better physically will also aid the mental tiredness. Taking jogs (or walks) is a good way to start.
JUST DO IT! Seriously, focus the rest of the summer on your physical well being and see how you feel once fall hits.
Other things to do as well...(after you realize you have energy again)
find a new hobby you might like to do (or expand your current sc2 hobby). Try to meet people (even if just online) at regular times to talk about the (or do) the hobby. (Religion could also apply.)
Start being a little more active on social network sites with people you are familiar with. Try to get in touch with old friends (even if they don't live near you anymore).
Think about getting a new job (maybe it wouldn't be as bad, and maybe you'd meet new people).
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On June 20 2011 22:40 Severus_ wrote:
Maybe hook up with some of your old buddies and go for a couple of beers watch a movie or go play some other games like bowling, billiard.
PM:by old buddies i mean someone one like from school or someone you didn't talk awhile with...
Well, i lost contact to everyone i knew years ago as i moved around a lot. I mostly don't even remember the names (except for maybe 2-3 people to which i haven't talked to in more than 15 years).
As for the "working out" the guy above mentioned... i really hate the boring, repetitive working out stuff. I tried it but i'm just not made for it. I'm a 100% "mental" person, the physical stuff was never of any interest to me, eventhough i was still always quite fit until about 1-2 years ago. Since then i gained a few pounds because my diet would turn anyone who actually cares about his diet to tears (i don't).
Why is "working out" always the first thing people mention when i say that i feel exhausted?
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On June 20 2011 23:25 Morfildur wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2011 22:40 Severus_ wrote:
Maybe hook up with some of your old buddies and go for a couple of beers watch a movie or go play some other games like bowling, billiard.
PM:by old buddies i mean someone one like from school or someone you didn't talk awhile with... Well, i lost contact to everyone i knew years ago as i moved around a lot. I mostly don't even remember the names (except for maybe 2-3 people to which i haven't talked to in more than 15 years). As for the "working out" the guy above mentioned... i really hate the boring, repetitive working out stuff. I tried it but i'm just not made for it. I'm a 100% "mental" person, the physical stuff was never of any interest to me, eventhough i was still always quite fit until about 1-2 years ago. Since then i gained a few pounds because my diet would turn anyone who actually cares about his diet to tears (i don't). Why is "working out" always the first thing people mention when i say that i feel exhausted?
Because the reason you feel exhausted is probably because you're out of shape. Working out fixes that.
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my advice:
start working out -> more energy -> better image -> more self confidence-> meet more people (maybe even at gym) / do more stuff -> happier
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I am also going to advise going to the gym. Getting strong is addictive, it builds your confidence, and is easy if you at least know the basics.
Working out was the only thing that I enjoyed doing during my own major depression a few months ago. I was at the best physical shape of my life, but ironically, the worst mental state of my life. It may seem like a distraction at first, maybe even difficult, but once you get the hang of it and notice the results on your body, you'll love it.
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Zurich15357 Posts
On June 20 2011 23:25 Morfildur wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2011 22:40 Severus_ wrote:
Maybe hook up with some of your old buddies and go for a couple of beers watch a movie or go play some other games like bowling, billiard.
PM:by old buddies i mean someone one like from school or someone you didn't talk awhile with... As for the "working out" the guy above mentioned... i really hate the boring, repetitive working out stuff. I tried it but i'm just not made for it. I'm a 100% "mental" person, the physical stuff was never of any interest to me, eventhough i was still always quite fit until about 1-2 years ago. Since then i gained a few pounds because my diet would turn anyone who actually cares about his diet to tears (i don't). Why is "working out" always the first thing people mention when i say that i feel exhausted?
Mostly becuase it works. I am also not suggesting that you randomly "work out" but that you do Starting Strength from the link I gave you. Eveything you are telling us suggests you should do that.
Or, again, get professional help. See a doctor.
Posting on a forum will hardly fix anything though.
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God I hate when people call non-social people depressed.
I'm a loner. I've had several girls in my life, but I rarely have close friends - but I'm not depressed. I'm soon a master candidate, using alot of time on studies and games. I WISH I was more social, and I do try to be more social, but I'm far from depressed. I love to get a couple of beers with some mates, but "hanging out" is so... ough... awkward.
Work out is a good suggestion - 100% you should do that. It helps you focus as well!
As for meeting friends? No idea.
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On June 21 2011 00:18 Qzy wrote:
God I hate when people call non-social people depressed.
I'm a loner. I've had several girls in my life, but I rarely have close friends - but I'm not depressed. I'm soon a master candidate, using alot of time on studies and games. I WISH I was more social, and I do try to be more social, but I'm far from depressed. I love to get a couple of beers with some mates, but "hanging out" is so... ough... awkward.
Work out is a good suggestion - 100% you should do that. It helps you focus as well!
As for meeting friends? No idea.
while you are correct, getting a proper diagnosis doesn't hurt. you either are physically depressed, which a diagnosis will determine to some degree of certainty, in which case it was good you went, because you can get proper treatment then, or you are not, in which case the diagnosis should be you are not, and you haven't really lost anything. And i have to agree with zatic, the OP sounds likely to be actually depressed.
If you don't want to go to a doctors, just look up some online tests and do these. telling from experience here, it's a pretty significant effect, if you do this on some website which makes a credible impression, and a big fat GO TO A DOCTOR ASAP flashes in your face afterwards oO but - to go and actually do these tests, you usually need some impulse. I think we gave this impulse by now. So just try two or three online tests (put some effort into finding sufficiently credible sites ofc), and if they don't agree on you not being physically depressed, go to a doctor. Takes like 30 minutes tops to find out that part 
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Someone post some of those depressing-tests, I want to fucking try it for the laugh. "Do you feel suicidal.. no.. Only when loosing vs. terran"
But yeah, go see the doc if you feel anything is wrong with you! That's what doctors are for! But if you feel you want to be social, because you aren't right now, and want to see some mates - that's perfectly normal. I can't see you being in a state where you need medication for that.
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On June 21 2011 00:18 Qzy wrote:
God I hate when people call non-social people depressed.
I'm a loner. I've had several girls in my life, but I rarely have close friends - but I'm not depressed. I'm soon a master candidate, using alot of time on studies and games. I WISH I was more social, and I do try to be more social, but I'm far from depressed. I love to get a couple of beers with some mates, but "hanging out" is so... ough... awkward.
Work out is a good suggestion - 100% you should do that. It helps you focus as well!
As for meeting friends? No idea.
That's a really nice anecdote, but anti-social behavior can either be a good or bad thing, depends on the person and thus the test
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Zurich15357 Posts
You seem to think depression is is necessarily a major illness that leads to suicidal behavior.
People can have very mild forms of depression that require comparitively little (Edit: meaning no medication wtf did that come from?) to overcome. If you don't want to call it depression because that word doesn't sit with you call it feeling not well if you want.
A minor depression is nothing extraordinary or dramatic and happens to a lot of people. In any case a doctor can give you better advice how to address it than a bunch of half wise forum posters.
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On June 21 2011 00:32 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On June 21 2011 00:18 Qzy wrote:
God I hate when people call non-social people depressed.
I'm a loner. I've had several girls in my life, but I rarely have close friends - but I'm not depressed. I'm soon a master candidate, using alot of time on studies and games. I WISH I was more social, and I do try to be more social, but I'm far from depressed. I love to get a couple of beers with some mates, but "hanging out" is so... ough... awkward.
Work out is a good suggestion - 100% you should do that. It helps you focus as well!
As for meeting friends? No idea. That's a really nice anecdote, but anti-social behavior can either be a good or bad thing, depends on the person and thus the test
Why thank you, my good man! Can anyone post a test?
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I find the word "discouraged" to be really helpful when saying I'm feeling down or low. Depressed just has a stigma or poor conoctation depending on how serious people view depression.
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Exercise is a good thing for your health but it has never solved any problems for me. You say you have a "a very exhausting job" so perhaps you are stressed. If that's the case (which I don't know) then working out helps but it's not necessarily the full solution. Maybe a longer vacation is what you need?
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Gosh, man. Me too. I wish I didn't take the summer off from school because I am bored and aimless. There is no joy in working every day and doing next to nothing when I'm not at work. The emptiness of existence is overwhelmingly depressing.
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On June 20 2011 23:25 Morfildur wrote:
As for the "working out" the guy above mentioned... i really hate the boring, repetitive working out stuff. I tried it but i'm just not made for it. I'm a 100% "mental" person, the physical stuff was never of any interest to me, eventhough i was still always quite fit until about 1-2 years ago. Since then i gained a few pounds because my diet would turn anyone who actually cares about his diet to tears (i don't).
Why is "working out" always the first thing people mention when i say that i feel exhausted?
Exorcise and eating well improves energy. One of your biggest issues was that i'm too tired for anything after work or on weekends I'm not saying "get ripped" or "bulk up".
Regular exorcise, regardless of your current fitness level or goal, will improve your energy level (both physically and mentally). You don't have to do boring repetitive routines, you can start by just going for a walk every day. Once you start feeling like you have energy to actually do something, it will be easier to take the next steps of getting back to life
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You should think about going to a doctor. Being so exhausted that you can't do anything on the weekend when you aren't even working any overtime could be chronic fatigue syndrome caused by an underlying problem.
Refusing to exercise or eat well will only cause more and more problems as you get older though. You can't abuse your body in your 30s like you can in your 20s, sadly.
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On June 20 2011 23:25 Morfildur wrote:Show nested quote +On June 20 2011 22:40 Severus_ wrote:
Maybe hook up with some of your old buddies and go for a couple of beers watch a movie or go play some other games like bowling, billiard.
PM:by old buddies i mean someone one like from school or someone you didn't talk awhile with... Well, i lost contact to everyone i knew years ago as i moved around a lot. I mostly don't even remember the names (except for maybe 2-3 people to which i haven't talked to in more than 15 years). As for the "working out" the guy above mentioned... i really hate the boring, repetitive working out stuff. I tried it but i'm just not made for it. I'm a 100% "mental" person, the physical stuff was never of any interest to me, eventhough i was still always quite fit until about 1-2 years ago. Since then i gained a few pounds because my diet would turn anyone who actually cares about his diet to tears (i don't). Why is "working out" always the first thing people mention when i say that i feel exhausted?
Rather than just work out i would advise finding a sport you might have fun doing.
I found myself in your shoes friendless, alone, a bit depressed, no will to do anything. Things like gaming, reading i used to like becoming tasteless.
Working out just for its own sake wasn't helping. So i tought about sports i find fun, the only cool thing i could think about was martial art so i started!
A sport will improve your shape, make you go out, have fun and meet new people.
You should really consult some professional listener having someone you can really open up to help.
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On June 21 2011 00:41 Mactator wrote:
Exercise is a good thing for your health but it has never solved any problems for me. You say you have a "a very exhausting job" so perhaps you are stressed. If that's the case (which I don't know) then working out helps but it's not necessarily the full solution. Maybe a longer vacation is what you need?
I had a vacation last week and i feel worse than before because the time was totally wasted. There was just nothing for me to do.
I'm not the guy who likes going somewhere on his own because it usually ends up being on my own sitting somewhere in a corner, but i don't have anyone i could do anything with. Even if i would work out and have tons of energy, there is nothing i can think of that i could do with it.
That is the true question in my OP that noone seems to have answered as everyone was too focussed on the unneccessary "work out" stuff:
What can you do when you don't want to do anything on your own but don't have anyone to do something with? How to meet new people if you don't know anyone to meet others through?
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EPT
