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This blog is going to be PG13 rated, so gtfo if you're a kid. Serious shiz going down.
I'll give you some back story. I've been seeing this girl for about a month now, and I'm trying to get her into Starcraft. I took her to an MSL finals party, but she got drunk and only wanted to make out and not watch the game. AWKWARD. So that night ends, and I was completely expecting a call saying "uhm don't call me ever again, I don't want to see another nerd ever again in my life." Instead, I get "Wow, that was so fun! Starcraft is awesome, lets go to another TL party this weekend, I ordered a shirt!" Whatever, she's a weirdo alright.
So fast forward to last night. I invited her over to my house, but I'm living with my parents for the summer so we would have to micro around their time tables if we were to get anything done. So the time schedule was like this in my head, 1. watch Alien, 2. play starcraft for an hour or 2 (until 12pm), 3. hook up until like 3am. That way, we could be innocent until my parents went to sleep at like 1130ish, then we could have fun. K, sounds like a solid build order, lets see how good it is in execution.
I went to go pick her up because I'm a total gentleman, standard, and she's of course raging about how much she hates her family blah blah newbie stuffs. In my head I'm like pshh your family? Try dealing with a 2 rax rush from a GM terran, nerd. So we get back to my house, and my parents embaress themselves as usual. Standard. Anyways, we get to watching Alien, and she's all cocky being like oh my god this movie isn't scary at all, it's so old. Needless to say, the first time the grown alien showed up she was literally shaking. Typical 18 year old girl. So Endymion, what do you do when a girl is scared you might ask.
You scare her some more obviously, just make sure you know when the scary parts of the movie are. For instance, the next "scary scene" of Alien is when the captain turns around and is suddenly there. Thats when you hiss really loudly and stab the girl in the stomach with your hand. Priceless. She got so scared that she got on top of me and started kissing me, I mean c'mon, she didn't want to get scared anymore. Then the door to my basement opens, and I literally throw her off of me onto the couch. My Mom walks down, and my GF is face down ass up on the couch, lol. "Come upstairs Endymion, I need to talk to you."
So I go upstairs with her, leaving the girl in the basement. "You guys are only going to be playing Starcraft tonight, right?" "Of course..." "I had better not come downstairs and find you two in bed together!" "kk cool story" (then don't come down stairs......) So my mom goes to bed, and I go back downstairs. We resume where we left off, and things get a little more heated so I'm like kk gurl time to go to my bedroom. So we get into my room, and I had apparently left Catz's stream on from earlier.. "OMG Starcraft! I wanna watch!" I instantly turned it off, sorry Catz, I won't have you cock block me again! So fast forward a few minutes, both of us are now naked in a sea of sheets. We start exchanging hickies like standard bronze leaguers, then she starts going down on me.
5 minutes pass, I'm thinking about how Savior was definitely a better zerg tactician than Jaedong is. Then I think wtf am I doing, I'm getting head and I'm thinking about Saviors ZvT... So I get up and I'm like it's ok, don't worry about it, so she kinda pouts and is like "was I even close?" I just laugh and kiss her, consoling her lack of experience. So I start returning the favor with my right hand, and she is going crazy. Like CRAZY, think a zergling in an SCV line crazy. She was shaking, moaning, spazing, I was just like wtf are you doing. So then I'm like "you know I'm using my mouse hand, my keyboard hand has like 330 apm you know..." She giggles and makes fun of me for "being a huge nerd," but then I actually use my left hand and she just like dies. You know what they say about a broodwar player's fingers girls? It's completely true... So eventually I feel like I'm playing a BO5 below her waist so I stop, seeing a huge smile on her face. This isn't the GSL hun, chill out.
So we just lie there talking and caressing for another few minutes, and we get to talking about how Ret bought that girl a ticket to the Netherlands, and then the GSL finals.
Then the door to my room opens, with an angry hydralisk in the hallway. IE my mom. "PLAYING STARCRAFT HUH?!?!" Slams the door shut, and I bolt out of the bed to collect my clothes to go confront her. Dealing with my mom is like dealing with a rush, the more time you spend preparing the worse off you are. So to the girl I'm like "brb, get dressed nerd," then I rush out the door.
"NOT IN MY HOUSE ENDYMION, HOW DARE YOU!!"
"Mom, I'm 19 and we weren't even doing anything."
"Don't you lie to me Endymion! I know what you were doing!"
"Mom I swear we weren't, I swear on my Iccup account we were just talking!"
"You can lie to ANYONE else, not me! Take her home."
t.t, I walk back to my room. She is sitting there giggling on my computer, trying to guess my password on SC2.. As if nothing had happened. W/e. She looks at me, then starts full on laughing, I'm like "what are you laughing about.."
"Look at your neck Endymion.." I turn around and look at my mirror, I have HUGE blood red hickies on my neck. DOUBLE T.T...
I take her home, and she texts me "best night ever? I think so <3"
Fuck my life, seriously.. And today, my mom is like "you should invite her over for dinner some time." People are so stupid, I swear..
  
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i love your writing style .. ^^
well, anyways. sounds like you had loads of fun! And you seem to have perfectly normal parents as well, congratulations on that one 
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someone needs to macro their parents better
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?37014 Posts
Lol.... wtf? All I can say is, sucked that your mom walked in on you bro. Next time, make sure you rent a hotel room. Starcraft and hotel action? Gonna be sweet : ]
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The part about getting 2 raxed was insanely funny. I am glad I have never had to deal with anything of that nature luckily.
Research cloak next time dood! Also, try and avoid hickeys man, they are fun and all, but obvious! its seeing a hickey on somebody is like seeing a an early forge pvp, you know exactly what it means, and there is no way for the forge to be unseen.
hopefully it was worth it.
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Lol. Cool story bro fo sho.
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There's definitely no such thing as too much starcraft.
Well done, sir! 
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CA10826 Posts
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Damn, first that funny battle report blog and now this! Good stuff in blogs lately :D
5/5
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lol such a high school blog...
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On June 19 2011 08:02 LosingID8 wrote:
sick brag blog
sickeningly ill :p
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On June 19 2011 08:12 Z3kk wrote:sickeningly ill :p
Even so it was entertaining!
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On June 19 2011 08:22 DrTJEckleburg wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2011 08:12 Z3kk wrote:On June 19 2011 08:02 LosingID8 wrote:
sick brag blog sickeningly ill :p Even so it was entertaining!
Oh, I meant that as in very sick brag blog :D
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Can't stand brag blogs. This was made with class though I got to say so I'm not totally against it .
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I'm generally nice enough to start with 5 stars and only remove them for styles and parts I didn't like. Minus one for the overt bragging, and minus one for being over-the-top with the StarCraft references.
3/5
It does suck that you kept getting cockblocked though 
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Ending with "fuck my life" doesn't hide the fact that this is a 100% brag blog.
That being said...5/5, your writing style is awesome!
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The over the top start craft references are what make this blog!
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LOL So your mom catches you at it. Gets all PISSED! Then she says "invite her for dinner?" Wow.. That's a little bit random.
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I've never been happy at the end of a brag blog, but you put a smile on my face bro.
Keep at it.
Plus, it's NEVER a bad time to think about Savior's ZvT, shit was magical, I'm sure it even calms you down a bit down there ya know?
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On June 19 2011 08:41 RyuChus wrote:
LOL So your mom catches you at it. Gets all PISSED! Then she says "invite her for dinner?" Wow.. That's a little bit random.
depending on the context, it's not at ALL random...
Pro tip for all you kids still living or just staying at your parents house for a few nights and planning to have a girl over: It's disrespectful to use your parents house as a bachelor pad and bring girls your parents barely know there to bang them...
If however you introduce them to your parents (not: HI MUM THIS IS RANDOM GIRL, RANDOM GIRL THIS IS MUM, K WE'RE GOING TO 'WATCH A MOVIE' LULZLULZLULUZLULZLULZL), and show them that you're not just 18 year olds having casual sex then you have much more of a chance of it being completely fine when you want her to stay the night.
So obviously, this is your mums way of saying she wants to know the girl you're with more before you use her house as a random sex pad.
BTW this is all from me doing the exact same mistake when i was the exact same age as you with a girl the exact same age as her and thinking more or less the exact same things until i talked to my dad about it and he said exactly what i just said and i realized im an idiot... Infact your story is like ridiculously similar to my story but 3 years in the past, its kinda scary tbh...
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On June 19 2011 08:53 Ftrunkz wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2011 08:41 RyuChus wrote:
LOL So your mom catches you at it. Gets all PISSED! Then she says "invite her for dinner?" Wow.. That's a little bit random. depending on the context, it's not at ALL random... Pro tip for all you kids still living or just staying at your parents house for a few nights and planning to have a girl over: It's disrespectful to use your parents house as a bachelor pad and bring girls your parents barely know there to bang them... If however you introduce them to your parents (not: HI MUM THIS IS RANDOM GIRL, RANDOM GIRL THIS IS MUM, K WE'RE GOING TO 'WATCH A MOVIE' LULZLULZLULUZLULZLULZL), and show them that you're not just 18 year olds having casual sex then you have much more of a chance of it being completely fine when you want her to stay the night. So obviously, this is your mums way of saying she wants to know the girl you're with more before you use her house as a random sex pad. BTW this is all from me doing the exact same mistake when i was the exact same age as you with a girl the exact same age as her and thinking more or less the exact same things until i talked to my dad about it and he said exactly what i just said and i realized im an idiot... Infact your story is like ridiculously similar to my story but 3 years in the past, its kinda scary tbh...
Too meta. One more until inception.
Good blog. Was very entertaining
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Sounds like an awesome night if you ask me.
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Perhaps you should acquire a door lock.
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Any girl who puts  EffOrt into understanding Starcraft deserves to be kept. They are a rare breed, and must be cared for and nurtured with the utmost attention.
I salute you for acquiring such a fine specimen.
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On June 19 2011 09:18 Attican wrote:
Perhaps you should acquire a door lock.
ok if 3 cannons and a forge can't stop a hydralisk what hope does a door lock have...
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Very entertaining read
edit: And a three cannons can stop a hydralisk... It's just large numbers of hydralisk that they can't stop.
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"I had better not come downstairs and find you two in bed together!" "kk cool story" (then don't come down stairs......)
Best part fo sho.
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On June 19 2011 09:23 obesechicken13 wrote:Very entertaining read edit: And a three cannons can stop a hydralisk... It's just large numbers of hydralisk that they can't stop.
Add a few Reavers and a few HTs and that door will be sturdier than the gates of Minas Tirith.
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On June 19 2011 09:23 obesechicken13 wrote:Very entertaining read edit: And a three cannons can stop a hydralisk... It's just large numbers of hydralisk that they can't stop.
I didn't mention anything about a pylon powering the cannons and a forge, so take THAT! (;
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On June 19 2011 09:18 eviltomahawk wrote:Any girl who puts EffOrt into understanding Starcraft deserves to be kept. They are a rare breed, and must be cared for and nurtured with the utmost attention. I salute you for acquiring such a fine specimen.
![[image loading]](http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20110618.gif)
+ Show Spoiler +
On June 19 2011 09:27 Endymion wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2011 09:23 obesechicken13 wrote:Very entertaining read edit: And a three cannons can stop a hydralisk... It's just large numbers of hydralisk that they can't stop. I didn't mention anything about a pylon powering the cannons and a forge, so take THAT! (;
Oh noes :d
Most embarrassing post ever!
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So most brag blogs are really terrible and just stupid to read, and I love to ridicule the person for trying to make their dick look big on the internet, but this one was alright. Still laced with I GOT SOME OH YEAAAAH. but the SC references made it funny to read and it almost took away from the punch in the face of it. :p
Funny read, too. I commend you for that. :p
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Just out of curiosity, does anyone actually care whether or not their gf likes or dislikes sc? It seems really trivial to me >.>
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HEE HAN TIMINGUUUUUUU for your mom dude
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I have trouble believing this blog. What, you just didn't give a shit if your mom followed through and came in the room?
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we need chill to investigate this before i can comment
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You injected your secondary hatch too much and forgot all about your first hatch. Typical noob move.
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On June 19 2011 10:18 travis wrote:
I have trouble believing this blog. What, you just didn't give a shit if your mom followed through and came in the room?
No, I really didn't expect her to stay up an extra 4 hours to burst into my room at 2am and ruin my night, who does that..
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Imo in situations like this the answer is to think "what would savior do" and you did think. but maybe when moom xamein wouldve been more important.
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On June 19 2011 08:02 LosingID8 wrote:
sick brag blog
Siiiiick brag blog
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I'm surprised noone asked for pics yet.
Nice brag blog nonetheless. =)
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Not exactly sure how this is a brag blog.
You got a nice gf, your writing style is interesting, but the thing reason I gave your blog a 5/5 is because it's very relateable for me, and all of it believable.
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young PEOPLE these days so, so little morals;;
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You should have scanned the enemy's base, but you were too busy dropping mules in the natural. Newb.
P.S. She's a keeper.
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Yeah....no...nobody says half the shit you did lol, don't care how into SC you are.
" I swear on my ICCUP account..."
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ok did you invent this or did it actually happen?
in any case, win.
5*
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On June 19 2011 11:27 Zlasher wrote:
Yeah....no...nobody says half the shit you did lol, don't care how into SC you are.
" I swear on my ICCUP account..."
Why wouldn't you swear on your Iccup account, I mean wtf else am I going to say. "oh i swear on my life," lol yeah that means a lot... "i swear on my education," again that doesn't mean anything to me, where as my mom knows just how much time I put into playing SC so I thought it was an appropriate thing to swear on. I would be pretty lost in life if I went back down to e on iccup..
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The macro hand is where it's at~
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i'm a kid but i read it anyways~~
lolz so funny~~ can't tell if srs~ or how much srs...
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On June 19 2011 07:29 Endymion wrote:
For instance, the next "scary scene" of Alien is when the captain turns around and is suddenly there. Thats when you hiss really loudly and stab the girl in the stomach with your hand. Priceless.
LMFAO. Priceless.
Sounds like the girl is actually pretty cool though, I'd held onto her. She's taking interest in SC, and she's not making a big deal out of an awkward situation like this. You call her immature and unexperienced all the time, but I'd be pretty please if my girlfriend could adjust these 2 settings.
Awesome blog. 5/5
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I don't care if it was real or not, that was pretty amazing. I read it in some sick nerd baller voice too.
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i wish i could write like this on my college papers. would be so much more entertaining. awesome story! also love how you make it sound like your parents call you endymion. so lulz!
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On June 19 2011 07:29 Endymion wrote:
...Then I think wtf am I doing, I'm getting head and I'm thinking about Saviors ZvT...
This made it for me...LOL 10/10
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This is awesome LOL
Also <3 ILK post
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Living with your parents is the worst, isn't it? I can tell you how difficult it is to have a quality sexual relationship when your parents have that 'not in my house' attitude. I relish every time they go away and I can take a girl up to my bedroom and she can scream to her heart's content. My parents probably think that those stains on my sheets are from me.
You're in for the same shit for a long time unless you have a serious talk with your parents. Nothing makes you seem weaker to a girl than not being able to have your way with her in your bedroom.
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Man how funny, a nerd fantasy in writing, complete with 100% original SC jokes!!!! lololololololo
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You actually have a pretty damn good gf. She actually likes what you're interested in :O
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Can somebody please explain to me why parents get pissed when a male above 16 years old is having sex with a girl (in a responsible manner)?
I would be very happy my son is getting some, proving he has what it takes to lead a healthy life in society.
Good blog, nice read.
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"5 minutes pass, I'm thinking about how Savior was definitely a better zerg tactician than Jaedong is. Then I think wtf am I doing, I'm getting head and I'm thinking about Saviors ZvT..."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
5/5
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One of the best brag blogs on TL. 5/5
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Nice brag blog. I think u have a winner. Take care of her or someone else will !
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On June 24 2011 22:35 TheGiz wrote:
Living with your parents is the worst, isn't it? I can tell you how difficult it is to have a quality sexual relationship when your parents have that 'not in my house' attitude. I relish every time they go away and I can take a girl up to my bedroom and she can scream to her heart's content. My parents probably think that those stains on my sheets are from me.
You're in for the same shit for a long time unless you have a serious talk with your parents. Nothing makes you seem weaker to a girl than not being able to have your way with her in your bedroom.
You know, you could paste this post directly into the "How did you choose your username?" thread
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Great read, great style
I could read a blog about you brushing your teeth
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I laughed a lot.
probably becuase i like star craft and girls.
you combine these things and write a very entertaining thing.
getting caught sucks.
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What's with your parents...?
I got with my current GF when I was 17 and we would just leave the shutters down during daytime, spending the whole day in the dark doing random things, among which was recurrent sex.
We live in an apartment. So whenever we wanted to go to the kitchen, or living room, or bathroom, we would emerge from a dark, hot, smelly room and say hi to my parents. They didn't gave a damn.
But your parents treat you like a mormon priest. It's way time to realize you hit puberty...
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On June 28 2011 02:00 Kukaracha wrote:
What's with your parents...?
I got with my current GF when I was 17 and we would just leave the shutters down during daytime, spending the whole day in the dark doing random things, among which was recurrent sex.
We live in an apartment. So whenever we wanted to go to the kitchen, or living room, or bathroom, we would emerge from a dark, hot, smelly room and say hi to my parents. They didn't gave a damn.
But your parents treat you like a mormon priest. It's way time to realize you hit puberty...
might be a cultural thing. I tend to think that your average European parents are a bit more progressive with their thoughts on sex than your average American parents, but maybe I'm wrong... I dunno, my parents never really had an issue so long as I was responsible about my relationships, but most people I know had parenting experiences more similar to this blog. Kinda goes back to the whole thought process of the USA where sexually explicit material can get a movie an NC-17 rating while the worst that violence can get you is an R rating... I dunno, old people in this country tend to be uptight about sex.
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i love saviors zvt too 5/5
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On June 19 2011 08:53 Ftrunkz wrote:Show nested quote +On June 19 2011 08:41 RyuChus wrote:
LOL So your mom catches you at it. Gets all PISSED! Then she says "invite her for dinner?" Wow.. That's a little bit random. depending on the context, it's not at ALL random... Pro tip for all you kids still living or just staying at your parents house for a few nights and planning to have a girl over: It's disrespectful to use your parents house as a bachelor pad and bring girls your parents barely know there to bang them... If however you introduce them to your parents (not: HI MUM THIS IS RANDOM GIRL, RANDOM GIRL THIS IS MUM, K WE'RE GOING TO 'WATCH A MOVIE' LULZLULZLULUZLULZLULZL), and show them that you're not just 18 year olds having casual sex then you have much more of a chance of it being completely fine when you want her to stay the night. So obviously, this is your mums way of saying she wants to know the girl you're with more before you use her house as a random sex pad. BTW this is all from me doing the exact same mistake when i was the exact same age as you with a girl the exact same age as her and thinking more or less the exact same things until i talked to my dad about it and he said exactly what i just said and i realized im an idiot... Infact your story is like ridiculously similar to my story but 3 years in the past, its kinda scary tbh...
You had the right of it in terms of what my parents were thinking. They just wanted to meet her and make sure that I wasn't just fooling around with some newbie bronze player. Wish they had waited for me to take her home before interrupting though..
Anyways, now comes the next hurdle in our relationship.. Meeting her parents.. Ugh, I feel another blog coming on already..
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On June 24 2011 22:39 Hawk wrote:
Man how funny, a nerd fantasy in writing, complete with 100% original SC jokes!!!! lololololololo
pretty much
had a hard time believing this truthfully
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LOOK AT ME I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND CAN MAKE TRYHARD SC JOKES
So basically I agree with Hawk
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WTF LOLLLLL
i need a dramatic reading of this.
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shut up about blag blogs you nerds, was funny.
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On June 28 2011 18:43 Megaliskuu wrote:
LOOK AT ME I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND CAN MAKE TRYHARD SC JOKES
So basically I agree with Hawk
Not much of a brag blog. Drop the random foreplay and add a premature ejaculation, and Bam! There's the real story.
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5 stars for being hilarious.
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Terrible attempt at trying to hide a brag blog with a "my life sucks" at the end.
I find it hard to believe that your mom stormed in, yelled, slammed door, then when you went talked with hr and came back, this girl was sitting there and giggling. Your lieing or your girlfriend is a bitch.
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hahahahha, one of the best sexcraft blogs ever!
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Well played, good sir. XD
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Hahaha, so good. Fun read.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20110618after.gif)
![[image loading]](http://www.abc6onyourside.com/newsroom/sports/beyond/images/BeyondGame320x240.jpg)
