Our fourth day, stuck in this putrid hole, a military type happened across our hiding hole.
There was only four of us left now, i had long since abandoned my construction suit in favour of comfort.
The four legged one's strike at the walls relentlessly when the sun goes down, we have cut slots into each of the walls
to fire out of, but with only one rifle, we fear the larger creatures known as hydralisk may be able to get a stray spine through it.
On several occasions we have had to repair the bunker, my suit completely scrapped for plating.
The food supplies are getting low, and we fear the marine may be losing control, he keeps injecting him self with S.T.I.M, so far he has'nt slept, not that any of us truly have.
I've got no idea how long we can continue like this, the radio said they were sending EMT class medivacs to pick us up, we can only pray there is something to go back to.
The fungal carpet came on so suddenly, its only yards away from us now, but at the rate it grows it wil be here by tomorrow, purple black and brown constantly shifting, grubs and worms the like of which ive never seen crawl in and out of it, the bones of something, somebody's loved ones occasionally rising to the surface, before being rapidly devoured to continue to feed the blight.
Laurus has hardly moved since the large shelled thing spat the oozing mass at the bunker.
Although the bunker wasnt effected Laurus was hit by it while trying to maintain damage control.
He's sick, without medical attention he wont make it.....hell, at this stage even with medical attention he probably wont make it.
The marine wants to put him out of his misery, he still hasnt told us his name, yet he suggests killing a man ive worked with for 14 years, a man i worked with through the best part of the broodwar.
Eventually, sooner rather than later we're going to have to move, i dont know where, but what i do know is that creepy purple shit cant be good for nothin, an i sure as hell dont want it on me.
The marine keeps telling us we've been abandoned, no ones coming, but im still holding out hope,
who know's?
 
|
Hey KAP,
I love the concept of what you're writing, and I think there are already some SC2 fan fictions out there, so there's definitely a demand for this sort of thing.
I think If I could give any advice at all it would be do to a lot of writing, and always go back and have a look at it
- I tend to read mine out loud.
listen to see if it sounds right. You can pick up on a lot of grammar and aspect issues when you do.
So:
Great Idea, the only issue for me in terms of the writing itself is that you could make things a little clearer by giving it a once over with your "grammatical eye" for instance:
"Our fourth day, stuck in this putrid hole, a military type happened across our hiding hole.
There was only four of us left now, i had long since abandoned my construction suit in favour of comfort.
The four legged one's strike at the walls relentlessly when the sun goes down, we have cut slots into each of the walls
to fire out of, but with only one rifle, we fear the larger creatures known as hydralisk may be able to get a stray spine through it."
The narrator is speaking from the point of view of being "in the story" - because it's a diary.
And then from the perspective of the same person "after the story".
"i had long since.... "
but: "There was only four of us left now, i had long since abandoned my construction suit in favour of comfort."
This sentence could either be:
There are only four of us left now. (Present progressive)
or
There were only four of us left. (Past perfect)
The first would be the Diary perspective
The second from the person talking about it in the past.
It's ok to have these two perspectives I think but they need to be seperate to make grammatical sense.
This might not sound too important, and it's definitely more important to have good ideas, but they make it clear, who's doing what and when.
For instance, including the past perfect in this case lets your readers know that the SCV survived the ordeal, and so you've lost an opportunity to create tension by exposing them to danger in the story, as the reader knows they will live no matter what.
Other things like puntuation just come with practice, and reading regularly. It's also important to be consistent in your use of puntuation.
Hope this helps and best of luck
WoShiMusashi.618 Add me for battlin'!
|
EPT
