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The last time I was in one of those cold rooms at the doctor’s office where you wait in your underwear for twenty or more minutes, I noticed in small print on one of the posters on the wall the phrase, “Life is linear. Make the most of every moment.” This phrase struck fear into my soul. Well that actually may be a little dramatic.
This was literally the longest I had ever waited at the doctor’s office, the dentist, or even the department of motor vehicles. It was right around forty minutes. What the hell was going on? I am generally a veyr patient person. Good thing I had brought in a book to read.
+ Show Spoiler +
Actually I knew exactly what was going on because my doctor was in the room next door that is definitely not soundproof. He was just talking to this kid the entire time I was waiting it out in my vulnerable state of clotheslessness. From what I could gather it was actually a meaningful discussion about some problems the kid was having so I just gave them the benefit of the doubt that he needed a good talk more than I needed a timely exam.
ANYWAY, thanks to the wonderful wall literature, I couldn’t keep my mind from dancing around with the definition and implications of a life that only goes in one direction. Well, lives do go in one direction I guess, but what bothered me is reading the words "linear life" on the wall in a doctor’s office. Those are the words I used in my mind already. Chances are that my definition of a linear life is just different than that on the wall, or at least how it is viewed.
To me, a linear life means there are necessary steps one takes in order to progress. This is very logical and often times are certainly necessary to achieve one’s goals, but it still scares the shit out of me. I graduated high school and went to college the very next semester. I decided I wanted to get into secondary education so I had to take all those classes and student teach and I ended up staying for the fabulous five year program. I graduated and didn’t really plan ahead for my immediate future, which resulted for me bumming around for a few months, getting a shitty job I grew to loathe, quitting that shitty job, and then enrolling in graduate school. I need my master’s degree within five years so I figured I might as well go now.
Let me backtrack a little though. I got my undergrad degree and didn’t make any immediate plans for what I wanted to do after. I didn’t put much thought into it at the time but now I can attribute it to me feeling uncomfortable with a set path in life. Once I "decided" on being a teacher, my future was generally set. I needed a masters degree and then I would apply for jobs, substitute teach, and take what I could get and move forward with my life. Of course it doesn’t have to be exactly this way but it’s the most common way to do it at least where I’m from. That scares me. The idea of my life being planned out so far in advance really bothers me. I envy people who don’t really know what they will do next and just do what they like to do. This was probably not the best way to word that but I will try to give you an example of what I’m talking about.
The folk (punk) singer Tim Barry + Show Spoiler + works as a set builder, material pick up-er for a ballet company. He doesn’t mind the job partly because it helps fund his musical endeavors. He tours as much as he can across the country playing shows at all sorts of venues. I like the idea of traveling to new places and never knowing where you might head off to next. When he has a few days off of work and touring he just hops on freight trains and rides them wherever they are going. He just does accompanied with only some booze, weed, a pen, and a notebook to write songs in. The grass may always be greener on the other side, but this kind of life doesn’t sound too bad to me. But I don't need the booze or the weed for an interesting adventure.
I don’t want to give the false impression that I hate what I’m doing because I don’t. I learned so much from student teaching and had a positive experience. The thing is that I don’t know if that’s what I want to do. How can anyone really know what they want to do until they are actually doing it? Or if I do teach maybe I won’t want to for very long. I think I’m afraid of commitment and routines. Right now it is 6:04am and I’m not tired at all. I just don’t hold a regular sleep schedule, but it doesn’t bother me at all.
I still believe that life is what you make of it and I can really do most things that I really want to if I put forth the effort. But I can’t help but be bothered by the fact that I feel there is a path I’m going to follow and it will bore me. I don’t really believe in destiny and I think people have free will, but I just can’t seem to break out of this mindset that I’m being cramped into a smaller bubble of life than I want to be.
My purpose for writing this is to just get my ideas out of my head as a sort of therapy and I figured I could make a blog out of it to see if anyone understands my situation.
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Hm, I never really put any thought into it but I know what I'll be doing for the next dozen or so years given that everything falls into place.
I'm the kind of person that likes to be prepared when it comes to unfamiliar situations, and hates getting caught "with my pants down", so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise that I'm fine with having a long-term plan set. But even then I hate routine and need to get in touch with my adrenaline-junkie side every once in a while or else I go insane with boredom.
"Home isn't really home until you leave it" is a good quote that really fits here I think. There's always a period of time where you should leave your comfort zone and try new things. But at the same time you have to keep your future in mind and prepare for it because you never know when you'll want to settle down.
Then again, everything comes down to the individual.
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2nd Worst City in CA8938 Posts
I honestly can say that a lot of times, I envy those who have their lives planned out. I have tried to plan mine out but there are too many factors that I am unsure of. If you're walking down a path that you chose, then that's a good thing; you'll be living your dream.
Life is not so predictable, though. Although your academic and career goals may be set, life is never plain with friends and love.
Just pray an earthquake doesn't split your path in half, if you know what I mean. 
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Feel like i'm looking into a mirror. I did student teaching, also felt uncomfortable with your concept of a 'linear life', took a crappy job for a while, taught for a while. I'm into punk music, I have no fixed sleep schedule. I think maybe what you're going through is universal to some extent? Maybe it helps to know you're not the only one. Anyway i'm 27 and unemployed and it's less awesome than it seems.
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One thing that I think everyone in their life needs to experience is a psychedelic trip. It isn't dangerous, it doesn't make you crazy, you can't really get into trouble if you're not retarded about it and the value it gives your life is immeasurable.
I can safely say that dropping acid (lsd, lysergic acid diethylamide--"saure" is german for acid) and tripping on mushrooms (psilocybe cubensis, "magic mushrooms") have taught me more about the meaning of life than any other experience I've had.
I don't want to say too much about it, but if you're thinking these thoughts you would benefit from a trip.
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Just once is enough, but once a year for lsd and once every 3 months for mushrooms would be my prescription for keeping yourself centered and in tune with your true self.
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Hahaha, that is so cruel. A poster that says make the most of every moment when they make you wait around for 40 minutes, what jerkoff put that one up.
Zerg Russian, I feel like there are both many problems with self-medicating, and many problems with using drugs to be satisfied with an unsatisfying life. Why would I want something that makes me complacent about reality? I'd rather fit my reality to myself than myself to my reality. People want so badly to escape feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction they forget why we as humans have those feelings. It's because we're supposed to strive for more. We're not supposed to be happy being just another replaceable cog in the machine. People use drugs to alleviate their bad feelings, but I don't think that's healthy.
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lol at recommending drugs, Plato and Socrates would scoff at that.
I live one day at a time, I have decided to stop worrying about the future and platonic idealism of an distinction between the ideal and non-ideal realm.
All the advertisement, attention and unrealistic expectations that's put on youth just leads into depression of not fulfilling those expectations, basically not living a 'linear life' as society wants you to.
I have wasted time my entire life but not enjoyed life until 6 months ago, when finally I moved into a nice apartment, where I can finally sleep, have progress working out (I have a very strong physique), have money to buy healthy food and not really worry about the future in the present.
I am 'content' with this and while many platonic idealism in various cultures would point out,
'oh your doing nothing with your life, get a job, get married, have children and go change the world'
This I'm sure many have heard from parents, teachers, social workers -_- etc. But over the last few years of trials I've realised that I can be very resourceful, have a wide range of exceptional talents and I do have a lot of knowledge and insight.
I simply deny following the 'linear path' of life that is expected in a society, I feel I will only lose out on my freedoms, I'm alone and I don't believe in the idealisation of human relationships either.
This might just seem like the never-ending logic to justify one's actions and viewpoints but when I was in child school my teacher once asked me in front of the class what I want to be when I grow up, you know the classic question to ask a kid...
And I remember I sad something in the lines of 'I want to do something that will put me in the history books for hundreds of years." pretty ambiguous for someone who a psychiatrist doctor would describe as a 'wonderchild' many years later huh?
But in reality I will have my short existence, my body will die and rot away and I will be just another name on a gravestone forgotten by the flow of time, because that's what a 'linear' life truly is.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/mIfqm.jpg)
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