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Please, if you don't like reading self-centered spoiled-brat Myspace-esque rants, press the back button and forget this thread exists for everyone's sake. Also, I feel as though a poster needs 500 or so posts before one is allowed to post a blog which contains nothing but kvetching.
Too late. (In my defense, this is also a second account which I have because my first account is known to TL-netters who know me in real life and I would be too ashamed to post, die of embarrassment, other pussy shit, etc. I checked the ban thread, but it looks like the only people who get banned for alts are also troublemakers. Presumably a mod will read this sometime, close the thread, summarily ban me if my conception of the rules is incorrect, resolving the issue in a swift and professional manner.)
I have this problem where I have nothing to look forwards to. The things I am looking forwards to most are, Dec 16, when Avatar comes out, and Feb 1, when I am possibly returning university pending successful readmission. My social interaction outside family is limited to a five-minute IM maybe once every few days and internet interaction with strangers in forums or in games which doesn't count at all; I used to keep a facebook and a livejournal but after I figured out that nobody actually gives a flying fuck about my day or what I'm doing I stopped bothering my friends with it; eventually all I would do is rant there when I felt the overwhelming desire to bitch and complain for no reason other than I happened to have an overwhelming surfeit of selfish attention-seeking at the moment (like I am doing here) but really, nobody wants to read that either so I stopped. Also I got banned from TDA today so that also sucks; pubs blow.
But hey, I am maybe going back to university in just four months. Four months is a short time; you know. I used to think it was forever; when I wouldn't see some friends for a month I used to think it was a long time. After college started last year, mid-year I figured I hadn't seen many of them for six months; what's another six months; I'll see them when the summer comes, right? Now I haven't seen or talked with many of them even online in eighteen months.
These are people I used to call my good friends.
But hey, what's another eighteen or thirty months? Nothing, right?
(Don't worry I am not suicidal right now I don't even have suicidal thoughts every few hours like I used to a few weeks ago but now even that has been drowned in a sea of apathy.)
tl;dr: I'm a failure; moderators, please permaban me from TL.net because all I do is waste TL's time.
 
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I wouldn't date anyone who was damaged enough in the head to date me.
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Phone sex?!!?
edit: go to some community event, not TL for your attention needs. You need more social interaction w/ real ppl in your day.
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Excellent plan. I'll get right on that.
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read the update 
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do yourself a favour and pick up an instrument. guitar, piano, cello, sax whatever, just go out and buy a cheap one and learn some music. learn from a teacher, buy sheet music and instructional books and develop your skills. explore your creativity and make something beautiful, find friends and make music with them, teach others how to play.
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Get a job (stack some money), join some clubs that interest you. Read a book/play an instrument pick up a hobby.
Try working on a girlfriend
All those times you want to stay in doors and just play games/films. Don't. Try and go out drinking or what ever with people as much as you can. Don't wait for them to invite you either! ring them first, see who wants to go out and do something.
Sounds like you just very little self-motivation man and you're lonely but don't really want to put yourself out there and you just like settling in to a very dull (imo) life style, no offense but because of that you sound boring. I wouldn't really try and contact you either if you're in that sort of state, because you won't be fun to be around. Try slowly working on your outlook on life and meeting new people. It won't even be fake, you'll warm up to it.
There is no way I could sit around for 4 months doing nothing. That is a long time of nothing man.
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On November 01 2009 17:19 Dr.Lettuce wrote:
Get a job (stack some money), join some clubs that interest you. Read a book/play an instrument pick up a hobby.
Try working on a girlfriend
All those times you want to stay in doors and just play games/films. Don't. Try and go out drinking or what ever with people as much as you can. Don't wait for them to invite you either! ring them first, see who wants to go out and do something.
Sounds like you just very little self-motivation man and you're lonely but don't really want to put yourself out there and you just like settling in to a very dull (imo) life style, no offense but because of that you sound boring. I wouldn't really try and contact you either if you're in that sort of state, because you won't be fun to be around. Try slowly working on your outlook on life and meeting new people. It won't even be fake, you'll warm up to it.
There is no way I could sit around for 4 months doing nothing. That is a long time of nothing man.
Grade 8 summer.
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That is not the same  . You weren't 20. You didn't realize that other stuff even exsisted. Plus you had real life friends around. Social interaction is huge. I couldn't go a week without not going and seeing some one.
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On November 01 2009 17:08 JohnColtrane wrote:
do yourself a favour and pick up an instrument. guitar, piano, cello, sax whatever, just go out and buy a cheap one and learn some music. learn from a teacher, buy sheet music and instructional books and develop your skills. explore your creativity and make something beautiful, find friends and make music with them, teach others how to play.
Doing all this exactly right now.
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On November 01 2009 17:44 PanN wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2009 17:08 JohnColtrane wrote:
do yourself a favour and pick up an instrument. guitar, piano, cello, sax whatever, just go out and buy a cheap one and learn some music. learn from a teacher, buy sheet music and instructional books and develop your skills. explore your creativity and make something beautiful, find friends and make music with them, teach others how to play.
Doing all this exactly right now.
saxophones, pianos, and cellos are pretty expensive. go for the guitar. i think it's harder to learn than the saxophone and piano though (i play all 3). theres lots of learning resources out there though. and you can find cheap acoustics to get you started.
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On November 01 2009 18:13 madnessman wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2009 17:44 PanN wrote:On November 01 2009 17:08 JohnColtrane wrote:
do yourself a favour and pick up an instrument. guitar, piano, cello, sax whatever, just go out and buy a cheap one and learn some music. learn from a teacher, buy sheet music and instructional books and develop your skills. explore your creativity and make something beautiful, find friends and make music with them, teach others how to play.
Doing all this exactly right now. saxophones, pianos, and cellos are pretty expensive. go for the guitar. i think it's harder to learn than the saxophone and piano though (i play all 3). theres lots of learning resources out there though. and you can find cheap acoustics to get you started.
seriously? i thought that guitar would be the easiest out of these 3 =p. i only have some rudimentary ability in piano and guitar tho >.>
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piano is probably the most well rounded instrument though
wish i had a piano :C
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pick up a hobby
seriously, a little passion changes everything
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Self awareness is and criticism are the first real steps to change I think. If the answer to the question "Do I like things as they are for me now?" is a question you aren't really happy to answer then answer it anyway and follow it up with a "Is anything stopping me from changing it?".
To me it sounds like you have been unemployed or something similar for a time and having nothing to do/contribute with to everyday life quickly makes one feel useless. So once you (hopefully) get back into the university try to make this work as part of your motivation.
Also do something physical with your self. It could be work related or not - as long as it drains your energy and makes you sore the next day :-) There is nothing like physical exercise that will give you a rewarding feeling.
And finally dont turn this down :-) Answering something like "I dont have the strength/It wont work anyway/etc." is the easy way out which isnt the one you are seeking.
You already wrote _this_ post so dont tell anyone it wasnt because you needed cheering up or motivation.
Best regards and good luck with the university readmission.
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On November 01 2009 20:28 minus_human wrote:
pick up a hobby
seriously, a little passion changes everything
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starcraft counts as a hobby right?
i noticed that when i moved to school i only kept in contact with a few people. moving away really helps show who you care about and vise versa.
ive gotten in the habit of writing letters to people, not email, snail mail. cause getting mail feels great. and its a good way to stay in touch that doesn't really involve much effort
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On November 01 2009 17:19 Dr.Lettuce wrote:
There is no way I could sit around for 4 months doing nothing. That is a long time of nothing man.
try 2 years of absolutely nothing like i did. Literally forget how to live.
On November 02 2009 00:26 ramen247 wrote:
get a job.
most likely wont solve anything
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Man. Your life sounds like a bummer. If Avatar was the next thing on my "look forward to" list, I'd be pretty sad too.
You could go exercise hardcore. There's no downsides to that. Run, jog, swim, lift weights-- it gives you something to burn energy into. And then at some point when you look in the mirror and realize that you look different, it's totally awesome. I'd definitely suggest it.
Consider the better things in life that you have going for you: health (I assume you're not physically dying right now), shelter (I assume you didn't type up this blog post from your street box), and Starcraft (I assume you play, since you're posting on Team Liquid).
Also, suicide is lame-- I'd rather not read it in a blog unless it's a serious thing, but you seem, for the most part, completely okay.
Big picture? You're alive. Try to remember that there are a significant amount of people much less fortunate than you.
I hope you feel better in the coming weeks.
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Eh that happens in life for sure sometimes. It's an interesting phase to look back on and to have learned something from. Though I'll say I'd much prefer a shell of a life defined as 'drifting' where you are quite aware that's what you're doing than living those hollow lives of people that force themselves to 'do something' all the time, even when that amounts to meaningless wastes of time and isn't truly what makes them happy.
If it really bothers you then I'm sure you're more than capable of doing something about it. If it doesn't then keep on drifting and enjoy the ride.
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EPT
