EPT
i'm in the process of writing a book so i'm posting most of my material here for fun/critique as i write it...i live in san diego for now so i have a lot of free time and this is a perfect opportunity to write; enjoy but its long lol
An average day in Seoul. Wake up in pain from the previous night, eat some cereal, play Starcraft all day, order a pizza, play more starcraft, eat said pizza while watching Starcraft matches on the big screen TV with Giyom (Grrr) Spunky Smuft Elky or Khan screaming at guys for doing the wrong build orders, throwing 100$ bills at people for lost bets on the matches, make phone calls trying to figure out what everyone is doing, formulate a plan, take a shower, put on clothes, walk out the door still farting thinking god damn I drank so much last night why am I doing this again, realizing that thinking about stopping a plan thats already in motion is pointless, sending spam text messages to 30 different girls "Hey whats up" in order to formulate some back-up plans for later in the night, wave down a cab and get in. Then the night begins.
I had a really good Korean friend who was around 35. I met him randomly through Giyom a few years ago and we always went out together. Originally he always paid his share of the bill or more but his acting career kinda plummetted but his partying habits stayed the same. He was broke now and I always paid for him so he always invited me out everywhere. Not because he was leeching or anything but because I was one of the few friends he had that actually could comprehend his pathetic lifestyle and could understand just why and how someone could continue to live such a degenerate lifestyle while being broke. Once you live the degenerate lifestyle you are numb to everything and you cannot change that fact. He was numb, I was numb, and knowing that fact gave us mutual respect for eachother in some fucked up kind of way. Here is a side story about when I first met him so you can get to know him better:
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His name is Shin-il. Though when we talk to him we call him "Hyung" which is Korean for "big bro" as a sign of respect and just general Korean culture. Though, when we talk about him amongst ourselves we refer to him as "The Nil" or "Big Nilly" or "The Hyung" or "What a fucking Monster." One name is not enough for this man. Not only is acting his profession but he is a social chameleon of sorts as he can blend into any situation. He is 36 years old and while my friends and I who are his real friends, are much younger than he he, his heart is right there with us. No one balls harder than Kim Shin-il.
I met him several years ago for the first time through a mutual friend at a booking club that is now closed that was called Juliana. We were in a room and he spoke retarded english to me but in a very engaging, upbeat, and friendly manner. My first impression of him was great but never could have I expected what I was getting myself into.
I'm sitting there in the room with Shin-il as the waiter keeps bringing in girls. I am continuing to fail with girls, sometimes having decent conversations, got a couple numbers but they were the courtesy "arg I'll just give this guy my number then never answer his calls or texts" kinda thing. Girls in Korea would rather do that then say "No." straight up because once they give you their number they know you'll let them leave without any struggle and its a more efficient way of leaving politely than saying "No." and having to worry about some loser being like "WHY NOTTTTT?? YOU DONT LIKE MEEEEE?" Anyways I'm just getting warmed up and getting my buzz going but Shin-il is already deep in conversation with this girl educating her about random bullshit of how fucked up celebrities lives are. She's sitting there looking at him in awe like a 6 year old girl in a prarie full of dandilions staring up into the cloudy blue sky dreaming of what could come of life as he talks about the glamorous high life. She was a 9.5 out of 10. Killer body and really cute face. Normally girls this hot in the clubs of Korea are really prissy and put up a shield unless a really handsome guy with killer game goes to work on them. Not saying that Shin-il is bad looking by any means, he's an actor after all, but he's 36 and no superstar and this 22 year old korean angel has melted into a puddle of goo within minutes of meeting him.
I'm sitting there taking shots alone as the other friend is also having a conversation with another girl. Shin-il then asks me "Whats the matter?" and I'm like "Nothing lol, why?" I see his 22 year old girl looking at me sit there empty handed after a few complete failures and I can feel her judging me like "How is this white retard hanging out with this baller." Not that I minded because my mood was fine and it was just a 'bleh' night so far and I never go out with any expectations anyways. Shin-il then goes "Dan do you want me to show you how its done?" I'm like "haha sure."
He then starts staring at the boobs of the 22 year old vixen still sitting next to him. He doesn't say anything he just keeps squinting his eyebrows suggesting confusion as he stares at her tits. Eventually she goes "Wtf what are you looking at?" He then cocks his head back a little bit a squints one eye to further suggest a state of confusion as he continues to stare at her tits. She then goes "WTF" and grabs his glasses off his face. He then grabs them back and goes "Are those real or fake?" Then she replies "What do you think?" He smoothly replies "I don't know but I'm about to find out!" and suddenly reaches up and grabs her right tit with his right hand and squeezes a little bit as she makes a distorted screech, scoots away, and slaps his arm really hard in disgust."WHAT THE FUCK?" she screamed then stormed out the room.
I'm like "hahaha thats how it's done? GOOD JOB....well even though she left that was fucking awesome LOL" and he laughs calmly and replies "She'll be back." Standard drinking and partying continues for a couple hours until you know who opens our night club door and peeps her head back in at 3:30 AM. He was talking to a girl when she came in but he waved her in and patted to his right for her to sit down because the other girl was on his left. She sits down and the ownage continues. He's now working two hot girls that don't even know eachother and neither of them are leaving. What the fuck is going on how is he doing this. He wasn't even feeding them alcohol but they seemed intoxicated by his aura. Fuck at this point he was making even me feel giddy. He then told the second girl that she should leave and go play with her friends because he wanted to be one on one with the 22 year old again. The girl says okay then gets his number before leaving. I keep failing with the girls because I'm not even paying attention to them I'm just entranced by his ownage and trying to figure out what the fuck he's doing right. Eventually 30 minutes later they are getting kinda close in the corner of the room. He makes a move like he is going to kiss her and she takes the bait and moves her head in for the kiss. He then suddenly pulls his head back with a smile and slowly pushes her head back by pushing her nose lightly with his index finger. "I don't kiss on the first date. But you can give me your number too if you want." She looks around embarassed hoping no one saw that and fumbles like an idiot to pull her phone out. He gets her number and she leaves to go back to her friends and we leave the club to go eat.
I was like "Damn man you really did show me how its done teach me lol...but why didn't you kiss her?" He's like "Why would I do that? Really hot and young means a lot of really hot and young friends. You don't go to a buffet and just fill up your plate with the first tasty looking thing you see, you gotta save yourself some space to sample everything. Oh and they were real by the way." A modern day Nietzsche.
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Anyways, said night is a few years after I first met him in that story. We've never had any problems. We shared a brotherly love in such a way where we didn't really even bother talking about anything serious with eachother. We both understood that we both understood everything and that talking about stuff would be pointless. White boy in his twenties speaking broken korean with Korean guy in his 30's speaking broken english going around everywhere terrorizing everything all the time with no need for sentimental bullshit. Our phone calls to eachother wouldn't be "Oh hey man how's it going!" They were more like "Hey shin-il come to this night club right now." Or "Hey Dan come to this bar right now I have two girls." I don't think either of us actually said "Thank You" or "Sorry" to one another unless it was a joke. Thats the way true friendships should be. The mutual benefits should all be a given and not needed to be talked about. All we did was help eachother out through actions and joke with eachother. He was the one full Korean that I actually shared such a relationship with.
As I sat in the cab riding to go meet him on this night I thought about an old experience I had with him that made me respect him in a fucked up way. He has a sick sense of humor. One night he invited me out and he was drinking with this girl at a bar. I get there totally expecting him to be with some friends and ATLEAST enough girls for there to be one girl for every guy. That night it was just him and a pretty attractive girl. She was like 28 at the time with a cute face and a more voluptuous body for a Korean girl, but nothing too good. Probably a 7.2 outa 10. So I get there and sit down and say "Hi" to the girl then look at Shin-il like "What the fuck man you invited me to some random fucking bar to drink with you and this random girl that you've probably already banged?"
She starts saying in Korean completely unaware that I can understand it "WTF I told you I like young guys but I wasn't expecting a fucking white guy!" I still remain silent acting like a retard as he laughs at her and I throw my hand up in the air and yell "YOGI YO" (which means get the fuck over here in Korean, its what you say to summon waiters). She's like "WOW you korean very good!!" in dirt broken english trying to imply that she's impressed by the fact that I knew one Korean word. I remain silent and the waiter comes over and I order 3 beers for myself by pointing to the beer on the menu and sticking up three of my fingers. She then says to him completely unaware still that I understand her "He's kinda cute though I guess so it's okay." Now I realize whats going on here. Shin-il found some girl with a cool personality that he was unable to get with for whatever reason (RARE LOL) and is trying to pass her off to me because thats what friends are for. I stare back at her with a dumb smile and keep staring with a smirk until she realizes and goes "What the fuck you can understand what I'm saying?" I reply in Korean, "Soooo how long have you and Shin-il been dating, are you his main girlfriend? Come on shin-il you can do better than that." She pretty much exploded at that point. "NO WTF OMG WTF NO WE ARE JUST FRIENDS WAIT WTF HOW DO YOU SPEAK KOREAN WTF HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE WAIT WTF DID YOU JUST CALL ME UGLY, WTF!" Shin-il left shortly after I took her to some nicer bar and the rest was easy. The next day I met up with Shin-il gave him a big ass hug and he asks me "Was it good?" I reply "Yes very very very good." He then pauses, nods his head while smiling, takes a step back, goes into a defensive stance, and says "Yeah it was very very very good for me too." YOU MOTHER FUCKING FUCKING SON OF A BITCH FUCK YOU LOL YOU SICK PERVERTED FUCKING FUCK I HATE YOU LOL HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. "HAHAHAHA I'm your REAL big brother now in more ways than one!" FUCK, YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, SHIN-ILLLLLLL.
So as I sit there in the cab riding on this specific night thinking about my past experiences with Shin-il looking out the window at all the happy people bustling around on the streets with neon lights everywhere and I get an unexpected phone call from Crazy right before arriving at my destination where Shin-il and a night of fun awaited.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! HELP!!!!!" I ask him "Wtf are you talking about?" I hear loud trance music in the background and can barely understand him as his screaming voice in korean barely comes over the sound of the beat on the phone. "DAN HELP I LOST MY WALLET EARLIER TONIGHT AND THE BILL HERE IS ALREADY 3K CAN U LEND ME MONEY TILL TOMORROW?" I had just met Crazy a couple months previous to this and only gone out with him a couple times at this point so having some guy I don't know that well calling me asking to borrow money kinda bothered me. But then I thought back to the casino when I first met him and he was betting 20 thousand a hand on baccarat pounding his fist on the table with his 100 thousand dollar golden watch strapped fist. There is no way he won't pay me back. I had a lot of money on me because I had just booked a huge winning session at the casino a few days ago so I was like "Sure man no problem coming now."
I arrive at the club wearing normal non-dress clothes. Because I originally was going to meet Shin-il at a bar with girls I really found no reason to dress up this night because Shin-il is always wearing sweat pants and shit while meeting super hot dressed up girls because he has so much game that it doesn't even matter so I usually just try to match his style. So I roll up to the club entrance with my plain nike hoodie, jeans, and beat up nike tennis shoes trying to get in. The bouncers look at me with disgust like "Who the fuck is this broke random white guy trying to come into our club wearing that trash outfit." I'm like "I'm here to just drop something off to a friend I'll be in and out quickly." They were surprised that I was able to speak their language but still looking at me like "LOL, SCRUB, NOPE!" I'm like "look I know I don't have proper clothes but this is important my friend is in there and I need to give him money I'll even pay the cover fee I don't care." They don't budge. "LOL NOPE!" I'm like "Okay then I'll give you fucking 100$ to go down into the club and get my friend, his name is Crazy he should be on your guest list.
"Oh. Crazy. Here let me give you this VIP stamp he's down in the VIP section. Come right in," as the bouncers step aside and let me into the club and point me into the non-paying stairway down into the club. I wasn't surprised at all when I saw he had half the VIP section completely booked out all to himself and he was standing on top of the master table with 8 really hot girls all around laughing. I just don't know how he does it. He's not paying these girls, the shit he says is fucking retarded, but somehow he's just balling out of control and everyone loves him. Many of his friends were there as well. Probably like 7 guys total and 20 girls just in his area alone. Every single girl was smoking and Crazy was bobbing his head standing on top of the table with a bottle of Jim Beam in his left hand that he was drinking straight from the bottle. I walk up to him.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Fuck I lost my wallet again I always lose it HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm an idiot the bill is like 3.5 thousand do you have enough?"
Now believe it or not I'm normally not one to show off at all or brag unless you think me writing these articles is my way of bragging (it is lol oops you caught me). But the whole grandure of the situation and Crazy's amazingness and future potential convinced me it's time to do some superficial bullshit and act like a true baller infront of everyone.
Crazy jumps down from the table and starts introducing me to all these girls and I'm saying "Hi" to all of them and Crazy expects me to join the party but I already had told Shin-il that I was going to meet him later so I tell Crazy that I cannot stay long and just came to give him the cash and go. He does a huge fake overexaggerated funny frown to try and make me want to stay but I'm like "Lol no really maybe I can meet up with you later but I really gotta go how much do you need? If you don't have your wallet you're going to need money for tomorrow and stuff too until you find it or get new bank cards I guess" He replies sure 5 thousand (5 million korean won actually) will be enough. I feel the beat of the club, the misty atmosphere, beautiful girls' hair flying everywhere as they dance around in bliss with their eyes on me like "whos this whitey in gym clothes and whats his relation to Crazy?" and I think to myself: Fuck this shit, it's time to impress Crazy and the girls, Crazy is going to be a good friend to have, time to build a mother fucking bridge.
Korean money is awesome you can get checks that are basically like bills and work the same as cash for any amount so the casino had given me thousand dollar (1 million won) notes. I say to crazy, "5k? Fuck that, how about 20." And pull out 20 of those notes and slam the blue 1k notes on the table and turn to him and point to his face with a smirk then go back to my wallet and pull out a stack of small 10$ bills "ANNND this for cab / food money to hold you over" and slam that as well.
The girls are like "WTF!!!!" and Crazy has a big ass grin on his face. "DAAAAN I LOVE YOU!!!!" as he grabs the cash off the table and gives me a huge hug. "I will pay you back within a week 100% thank you so much" as he yells for the waiter and orders 3 more bottles of champaigne. I say my goodbyes to the girls and Crazy, a girl asks me for my number but I say "No" with an arrogant smile just to fuck with her because with Crazy on my side now I had already won life and I was content with that, no reason for overkill.
I leave the club and go meet up with Shin-il who is with some 45ish year old friend of his and 3 girls at a bar. The girls are pretty cute but no where as good as the ones Crazy had. We drank a little bit and as I was getting to know everyone Shin-il's friend randomly asked me. "So what do you do? Are you an english teacher?" Now its a harmless question and a safe assumption to make about a random white dude in Korea wearing gym clothes, but we all know how much I hate english teachers in Korea. It's not cause they teach english. English teachers definitely are needed because the average Korean's english skills sucks balls. They all just seem to be pathetic losers and I'm getting angry even writing this right now so I'm going to stop talking about english teachers and continue with my story. It didn't make me mad that he asked it but it irked me a little bit. I replied "Naw man I gamble a little bit, don't do much." Then he's like "Wait so you don't have a job?" I'm like "Yeah that seems to be the case I'm just chilling bro." He then turned and started talking to the girls and pretty much disregarded me as a human being the rest of the time at the bar because he assumed I was a broke freeloading joke.
We then decided to go to a karaoke with the girls to sing and drink there. Somehow it ends up that I ride in the front seat of this guy's car with two girls in the back and Shin-il takes a cab alone to our location with the other girl (play on playa...lil alone time eh? I see what you're up to mofo.) His car was probably worth 25k, it was a pretty old Benz nothing special. While riding in the car he kept talking about all this business bullshit to the girls. Seriously who the fuck talks about business to girls. Girls don't give a shit. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. Do what you do and keep it to yourself just be happy and have fun you don't need to tell the girls all these projects you're planning. It's not going to get you laid buddy. Whatever though.
We arrive at the karaoke exactly the same time as Shin-il and his girl in the cab and all 6 of us go in. Normally at karaokes what you do is drink and sing and have fun. This was not a normal night. This fucking friend of Shin-il kept bragging to the girls about how much money he has. Like "Blah blah blah I paid for this that time at this expensive place I'm cool I'm special please suck my dick." Or "Blah blah blah blah my associates and I are making millions doing this and that blah blah BULLSHIT." And "Blah blah I live in this baller expensive tower you girls should come over and we can have a party sometime." I keep thinking "Okay good for you dude....ok like some girls are dumb and will fall for that shit sometimes but these girls are like 26 years old they aren't fucking dumb money sucking bimbo's just have fun and be the man if you want to get with one of them so depserately."
I stayed silent though and just kept drinking and talking with Shin-il. I'm very calm and not easily angered and I have seen tons of guys like him in the past bragging about their money to girls so I am used to ignoring it. Guys that brag about their money to girls don't have money almost 100% of the time. It's just pathetic and I had already decided in my mind it will be the last time I ever meet this guy. I quietly ask Shin-il why the fuck he's hanging out with this guy and Shin-il tells me that he met him a long time ago through work somehow and he called him up and invited him out. In Korean culture you can't really say no to a guy older than you when he's calling you up offering to take you out for drinks.
But this guy just kept going on and on and on and on about it and I had gotten a little drunk at this point and figured bleh time to burn some bridges. I lost it. I stood up and pulled out my wallet and said in semi-broken korean. "Look bro, stop talking about money. None of us care. The girls don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck, Shin-il doesn't give a fuck, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK. Guys that talk about money don't have money. I mean you drive a fucking peice of shit Benz for fuck sakes its worth 30k max how the fuck can you even brag about money to these girls THEY RODE WITH YOU HERE IN THAT PEICE OF SHIT THEY KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE SHIT LOL."
His eyes then beamed with intense anger and he jumped up at me to attack me but Shin-il grabbed him and held him back. "Truth hurts huh?" I then took the remaining 200 something from my wallet and slapped it on the table (god I love slapping money) "Here's my share of the bill." I looked at Shin-il who was still holding the guy down then looked at the girls and said "Well I guess I should be leaving then, bye ladies."
I then went back to Crazy who was still balling out of control drunk as fuck in that club and had already spent 6k.
I woke up the next day at 6 PM hungover as fuck hating my life to a phone call from Crazy. He's like "Hey I'm coming to your house now to pay you back I found my wallet and went bank. Meet me at the street."
I drudgingly slump out of bed throw on some clothes and go meet him at the street. He jumps out of his two seater fully dressed up in a sleek armani business suit full of energy and hugs me. "I just got out of some meetings and am going to go have dinner with this girl." Obviously he has a girl with him in the car LOL. He hands me the cash and I walk back to my house slowly, happily, in complete awe of this monster's energy wondering where the fuck does he get it.
