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Wts up guys, i've been a member of teamliquid for a while now, and its my pleasure to let u all know that one of the members became a valedictorian of his school, and since there are some smart people in this site, im sure im not the first. i just want some comments on my valedictorian speech. the graduation is this thursday. the graduation is at 1 30 and its going to be hot, and there are going to be four speakers, two val two sal, so i tried to keep it short. so here goes:
How’s it going, ladies and gentleman, TeamLiquid high school district board members, distinguished guests, faculty, parents, and class of ’06. My name is DN2perfectionGM
My friends gave me two advice on making my speech.
One, keep it short. It’ll probably be pretty hot during graduation.
Two, better make it good because I’m the first Korean ever to be a valedictorian of Teamliquid High School and I better represent my country right.
With that said, I want to share with you one lesson that I learned in high school, and one only. That is, overcome your fears! Only then we could find out what kind of talents we truly have.
In high school, we pretty much conquered the fear of doing things that we don’t want to do and the fear of sitting in one place for too long. For instance, we all sat through and endured five hours of SAT on a Saturday morning. And that was an accomplishment!
And ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to say that just a few weeks ago, I conquered one of my fears. The fear of height, the fear of roller coasters. I went to Six Flags, and of all the rides, I rode the famous Goliath! And I didn’t cry. But I became a man. Then I got used to riding the roller coaster, the fear simply vanished. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that for the most part, every fear and limitation that we have are like my fear of roller coasters. It takes courage to step out of the comfort zone but after the first time, one gets used to the situation, and becomes ready for a bigger challenge.
We’ve all been given talents, and it’s up to us to use them. So explore them and use them! Don’t waste them.
Finally, thank you God for giving me this opportunity to speak in front of thousands. Thank you mom and dad, for giving me the chance to have my education in the United States and pushing me every time I get a B+, in progress reports. I would like to thank my friends, you guys were the flavor and spice of my high school years. Also, I wont forget the Korean tree, it has been my sanctuary. And I would like to thank all the teachers in Teamliquid High. And thank you for listening.
[edit] appreciate all the comments. i'll definitely consider all the advise, and i'll post the edited version. again, thx for all the help 
and ya, my english is still sort of weak, weak enough to mispell critique; i think i spent too much time scing
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I don't like it. It's all over the place and really unfocused and doesnt really relate to the rest of the class. And your mini stories suck.
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Agreed with above. That will take you all of about 1 minute to read. Think of stories that apply to the entire class - No one cares that you went on Goliath.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
don't write something you don't mean or aren't really feeling. it sounds cheap and honestly imparts nothing. did you spend any time on this?
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Are you really gonna say thanks fellow Koreans?
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On June 12 2006 17:04 mnm wrote:
-_- wtf
agreed
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It shouldn't be too long, but this is definitely too short. Like omgbnetsux said, it'll only take a minute to read. Also, the valedictorian speech should be focused on the whole class of '06, not just you.
This last part is my own personal feeling and I don't know what everyone else feels about it, but I don't like it too much when people bring nationality/ethnicity into speeches. That's just me though*
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Frankly, unless you thank teamliquid and rattle off a list of moderators and members like nobody's business, offering no explanation and focusing entirely on them to the exclusion of everyone else in your school, I don't care. (plus you need to tape it and post it).
"I would like to thank rekrul for all the tough love when my posting quality slipped; hotbid for the numerous laughs we've shared; Murph for being my 24-7 personal trainer; and most of all Manifesto7; whether you're living it up Japn with your lovely bride, or writing battle reports in heaven, all of teamliquid would like to thank you for your dedication and wish you luck in your endeavors, otherwordly or not"
Seriously, if you did that, I guarantee nobody would forget your speech.
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On June 12 2006 16:53 DN2perfectionGM wrote:
Six weeks ago, this guy was coming at my base with two rockvees and an ambo - and all I've got is a Jarmen, two scorps and a quad. And I didn’t cry. But I became a man.
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On June 12 2006 16:59 omgbnetsux wrote:
Agreed with above. That will take you all of about 1 minute to read. Think of stories that apply to the entire class - No one cares that you went on Goliath.
I care! Goliath was fucking sweet! Of course, you sat in the back like a *bitch* (with Ryan, no less) while John and I sat up front. We both agreed to put our arms up on the first big drop but put them down the moment we entered that first tunnel--scary stuff! Then we had caramel apples--which I think you purchased for us, you big sweetheart--before leaving.
As true and heartfelt as that above story is, it's bad for the same reasons your speech is.
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definitely cut the six flag shit or dont elaborate on it too much. focus on topic related on future, happiness, success? u focus on the whole class of 06. I believe the speech is not about you.. You just use yourself as an example for your topic.( I THNK)
btw our valedictorian is a hardworker but is a mere weakling. "I switch from engineering major(her dream) to nursing because my dad is fully concern about my future(probably the dad convince that it's too risky)" (forgot the quote on the school newspaper article, but she state something like that, i despised and look down on anyone who drop their dream just for a dumb reason)
I think the introduction is really intresting(the first 3 paragraph)
TL will give you an online applause if you end: "GG NO RE"
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On June 12 2006 17:20 -_- wrote:
Frankly, unless you thank teamliquid and rattle off a list of moderators and members like nobody's business, offering no explanation and focusing entirely on them to the exclusion of everyone else in your school, I don't care. (plus you need to tape it and post it).
"I would like to thank rekrul for all the tough love when my posting quality slipped; hotbid for the numerous laughs we've shared; Murph for being my 24-7 personal trainer; and most of all Manifesto7; whether you're living it up Japn with your lovely bride, or writing battle reports in heaven, all of teamliquid would like to thank you for your dedication and wish you luck in your endeavors, otherwordly or not"
Seriously, if you did that, I guarantee nobody would forget your speech.
hahahaha
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i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque....
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On June 12 2006 17:40 NewbSaibot wrote:
i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque....
ACTUALLY IT IS SPELT CRITIQUE WITH AN I, LOL YOUVE BEEN RE-ASSHOLED!
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On June 12 2006 17:25 DJEtterStyle wrote:Show nested quote +On June 12 2006 16:59 omgbnetsux wrote:
Agreed with above. That will take you all of about 1 minute to read. Think of stories that apply to the entire class - No one cares that you went on Goliath. I care! Goliath was fucking sweet! Of course, you sat in the back like a *bitch* (with Ryan, no less) while John and I sat up front. We both agreed to put our arms up on the first big drop but put them down the moment we entered that first tunnel--scary stuff! Then we had caramel apples--which I think you purchased for us, you big sweetheart--before leaving. As true and heartfelt as that above story is, it's bad for the same reasons your speech is. First seat is for pussies, you are already half way down the slope before the tail catches up giving you any momentum. The back seat is always moving at full speed and catches the most whiplash and g's.
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On June 12 2006 17:42 VdP]EpiphaNy wrote:Show nested quote +On June 12 2006 17:40 NewbSaibot wrote:
i would hope a valedictorian would know the difference between critic and critque.... ACTUALLY IT IS SPELT CRITIQUE WITH AN I, LOL YOUVE BEEN RE-ASSHOLED! i think a typo is a lot less assholish than an obvious misunderstanding of the word. Seriously, valedictorian should know this.
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No offense, but that was pretty bad. Most speeches of this type are either congratulatory with a serious, thoughtful point or humerous and witty. Yours was neither. The entire time I was reading it I had no clue what the point of your speech was. You talked about accomplishing fears yet you didn't actually relate it to anything that anyone in the class would give a shit about.
Finally, the whole race and god thing should be kept out. Adding either is just going to cause a stink with people who aren't of that race/religion.
Start over, use a bit of that creative, validictorian brain of yours, and come up with something worth listening to.
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That was pretty bad. I think the speech is supposed to motivate students and leave an overall warm feeling for everyone that hears it. In short, the speech isn't about you. I guess thanking your parents would be fine (might not want to leave out teachers and such). I would take out the whole Goliath part, because frankly, people would be like "wtf". Also, no one cares that you're Korean. You say "ladies and gentlemen" too much. I guess the Goliath thing would work if you shortened the intro alot. Something like: "I’m proud to say that just a few weeks ago, I conquered one of my fears. The fear of height, the fear of roller coasters. It takes courage to step out of the comfort zone but after the first time, one gets used to the situation, and becomes ready for a bigger challenge", and just elaborate on life lessons blah blah blah. I would avoid anecdotes that no one would really care to listen to. I'd go for the sappy approach and make as many people cry as I possibly could, good luck. 
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EPT
