EPTBut despite the fact that it's a BO7 and Zerg is so badass we're playing straight up to 7th game kicking ass all the way ignoring the BO; you'll see that every single Zerg unit soundly rapes any and every Protoss and Terran unit out there, and if raping is not enough, then assimilating is the next step!
Oh, did I mention while the Protoss pussies got their asses ABANDONED by the Xel'Nagas, the Zerg just decided, "Fuck this; GTFO Zerus, bitches!" and proceeded to smoke out nearly the whole Xel'Naga supply count from 200/200 to like 10/200 in a millisecond.
Larva - It's so fucking baller the only commands it has are "Morph into a badass unit" and "Morph into even more badass" units. And this is like Terran and Protoss equivalents of babies. You know why you've never heard of dead larva jokes? Because larvae never die; they just morph and fuck things up!
Drone - Fusion cutters and pew pew lasers? Who needs those when you got badass CLAWS to rip some mineraaaals out! And when the drone's tired of smoking vespene gas, they just sacrifice themselves to become giant organs that serve the Swarm. Each of these buildings have massive e-penises that Blizzard had to censor out to not get an M rating (for Muthafuckin Zerg!) and allow those whiny "cool kids" and "real men" to keep playing the game (read: 13 year olds). You can still somewhat see those massive penises when the buildings morph; yeah you just went to look for it, didn't you?
Zergling - You ever heard of Terranman or Protosskid? Yeah, it sounds just so fucking gay. But being named Zergling and getting christened Cracklings while never ever smoking crack is an honor you don't get easily. Neoplating armor? Psionic shields? Fuck that; this beast just rips through it all like it's shredding some coke and then once its tired of shredding shit up, it just morphs into giant balls of steel that blows in your face. (continued below)
Baneling - (continued from above). Yeah, you ever try blowing your balls up in the enemy's face? You can't? That's because you don't have enough, pussy. Plus, green explosive acidic fluids are actually bear semen - yeah, Day[9] is a Zerg in disguise.
Hydralisk - It just cuts shit up like paper and spits spines in your face! I'm sure every one of you ran up crying to your mummies after you saw how badass this beast is when it just skewered that Marine in that cinematic. Heck, nearly every single cinematic involving the Hydralisk has this bastard killing shit and just being badass.
Lurkers - Aw, c'mon. Seriously? Do I even need to describe this guy? It's the fucking Lurker! It's like pedobear that except going after (cool) kids, it just rapes the shit out of everything, regardless of race. Yeah, it's the epitome of badass muthafucking rapism.
Mutalisks - Snipes probes and SCVs as easily as spitting. You try spitting at a drone and see if that so much as kills it (spoiler: it'll rip your face off). A cloud of these are like the locust plague that eats up whatever shit happens to stand in its way. They're so baller Blizzard had to literally fuck up the SC2 engine in order to ensure Mutas maintain their manliness.
Defilers - If the Mutalisks are methaphorical plagues then Defiles are the real plague themselves. You hear that plague sound and you're like OH FUCK FUCK FUCK MEDICS AAAARGH (marines dying left right center). Food? Who the fuck needds that when you have an unlimited food supply from your own brethren. Despite consuming something as badass as the Ultralisks or as scrawny as the Zergling, the Defilers keep a super slim body; because consuming badass never makes you fat; it just makes you more badass. Richard Simmons ain't got nothing on this guy.
Ultralisks - Sorry, what's that? I can't hear you over the awesome sound of my blades fucking up these shit-ass zealots! You don't need hands to put some shitty blades or rifles up when you have KAISER BLADES for your arms! Seriously. Slice, dice and repeat. Having a shit ton of armor puts this guy in the Hall of Cutting Shit UP And Still Surviving, unlike some faggoThor governor wannabe.
Changeling - What? You didn't realize that marine reaking with some stink or that Zealot with some odd-coloring was actually a Zerg spy? When you can make your biomass to mimic gauss rifles and psionic blades and not have the enemy find you even with detectors, it just shows how baller these guys are. Heck, they decided 5HP is all that's needed to scout the enemy base!
Nydus Worm -You ever tried travelling through a Worm's ass and get puked out of its mouth? Not the most comfortable, but who cares about comfort when it makes you kick ass! Now the Worms need 20 seconds before they can pop-out because they were just way too baller for whiny kids and men to handle. But in actual fact they're just waiting right under the surface and being sympathetic to you assholes. But after those 20 seconds are up; BAM! Puke out all these beasts and it's GG NO RE.
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