EPT+ Show Spoiler +
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Oprah: Today I’m sitting down with OSL finalist Heo Yeong Moo, more commonly known to us as Jangbi! We’re going to be talking all about his run through the tournament and his thoughts on his final match with Fantasy.
Hundreds of women hiss in the crowd at the mention of Fantasy.
Oprah: Though I’m sure everyone knows who you are, for your unbelievably cute looks if nothing else, why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself.
Still smirking from the compliment, Jangbi sits up on his chair.
Jangbi: I’m from Korea, the good Korea, and I play Starcraft professionally for Samsung Khan. I’ve never managed to win a major title but I have several silvers, including two losses in the finals to Bisu.
Contrary to their reactions to Fantasy, all the women swoon at Bisu’s name alone
Jangbi: The other finals loss was to a dirty cheater called Luxury. Supposedly his only cheating was match fixing but I swear he date-rape drugged me on the day of the finals. Anyway I also hold the all-time peak ELO for PvT and have the third highest ELO peak for Protoss of all time. I’m perhaps best known for my panty-wetting storms, specifically the ones against Nada on Othello.
Oprah: We actually have a clip of that right NOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!
The crowd screams with excitement.
Jangbi blushes slightly as the audience yells in tandem with the crowd on the video.
Oprah: Amazing. Simply amazing! How about a big round of applause for those incredible psi storms!
An eruption of claps ensues.
Oprah: Don’t worry everyone, we anticipated what would happen after showing that video so people will be coming around with fresh underwear. Anyways, lets talk about your run in this OSL. To get into the round of 16, you had to fight through a group with S2, Shuttle, and Shine that you ended going 2-0 in.
More clapping
Oprah: What do you think about those players?
Jangbi: My first opponent was S2. He has a pretty good record in ZvP through extensive use of Hydra busts but other than that, he’s one of the worst players out there. Next I played Shuttle who has really good PvP. I wasn’t too scared though because I was just coming off a win over Horang2 who is the greatest player in the universe, myself notwithstanding. Lastly there was Shine, who I never actually had to play. Playing Shine is all mental. As long as you know he’s awful, you can win. But if you forget he’s awful, he’ll get ya.
The audience laughs, now dry once again.
Oprah: VeeEeEry interesting!!!! Now, your round of 16 group gave you a lot more difficulties and your run almost ended right there and then. Tell us about that.
Jangbi. So I lost my first two games to Calm and Killer but I was able to win against Baby, since punching babies is actually a little hobby of mine. Killer came out of the group 3-0 but there was a tiebreak to see who would come out second between Baby, Calm, and myself. My baby punching prowess again proved to be too powerful and I was also able to take out Calm in the rematch. This allowed me to advance to the quarter-finals, where I would be facing none other than FlaSh.
Oprah and everyone in the audience recoils in fear, simply from the mention of the Ultimate Weapon.
Oprah: Don’t worry everyone, Security has been advised not to let Flash in, we have nothing to fear. Anyway, that was a really close call. Good thing you managed to make it through!!!!!!!
CLAPPING and CHEERING!
Oprah: So now you’re going up against the scariest player in the world, who was just coming off of carrying his team to the Proleague gold. There he resoundingly crushed fellow PvT expert BeSt twice. Were you at all afraid?
Jangbi: Oh of course! Wrist injuries or not, there’s a reason the research that went into building Him had to classified and pulled out of M.I.T. But I also thought I could do it.
Oprah: For some totally retarded reason, you had to play the first game of the best of three on one day but games 2 and 3 on a different day. How do you feel about this?
Jangbi: I mean, its, like, totally bull shit. All it does is give the player who loses the first game time to hate themselves and choke puppies in anger.
Oprah: Unfortunately, it was you who ended up losing the first game. What did you do after that?
Jangbi: The puppy thing. Don’t worry, they werent that cute.
Oprah: Oh. Okay... Moving on, what was going through your head on the day of games 2 and 3?
Jangbi: I set out to storm Flash all to hell. I realized that He has a fear of anything related to electricity because of his Nate MSL fiasco so I figured storm would mess with his circuitry.
Oprah: Brilliant! Handsome AND intelligent, eh ladies?!!!!
Yelling and hollering fills the air. The words “I want you!” are screamed from at least 6 distinct locations in the crowd. Jangbi smirks shyly once again.
Oprah: And it worked out for you! You managed to take the series 2-1 and move on to the semis to face Soo! What do you think of him as a player?
Jangbi: Total baddie.
Oprah: What? I find he’s kinda pretty good!
Jangbi: Did you see the results?
Oprah: Yes, I know, but the games themse--
Jangbi: Nope. Bad. Me gosu him chobo etc etc.
Oprah: Okay, lets get to the important bit now. You’re facing Fantasy in the finals. You’re a PvT specialist and he’s a TvP specialist, how do you see this series going?
Jangbi: I think I’ll win. I beat Flash to get here, he beat Hyuk. More like Fyuk amirite?!
The crowd applauds, but only because the sign told them to.
Oprah: But he beat Hydra when you beat Soo. And he’s also 5-3 against you in head-to-head! What do you think about that?
Jangbi: Meh, none of those games were even this year and I’ve won the most recent one. I’ll be bringing the head to head up to 6-5 in my favour!
Roaring applause, the audience clearly has faith in him.
Oprah: Bold statement! Thanks so much for taking time off from practice to come talk to us today!!!!!!!!
Jangbi: No problem! It was my pleasure.
Oprah: Coming up after the break, I talk to Chuck Norris about how he convinced the internet that he’s not seventy-f**king-one years old!!!
The crowd claps and it fades into commercial.
HE WOULD NEVER!
