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The Epic Saga of Ryan

Blogs > DoctorHelvetica
Post a Reply
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
November 23 2009 18:26 GMT
#1
[image loading]

Ultimate Baller Status: Achieved


There are men, there are gods, and then there is Ryan[shield]. The protoss prodigy, looking down upon the mere mortal progamers from a plateau of skill and accomplishment far beyond that of any other. Last night, the brave warriors power was tested against the might of the zerg swarm. Of course, Ryan was the immediate favorite against Jaedong, even pure power emanated from his name alone. r-y-a-n, four letters enough to intimidate even the strongest foe.

Outsider, a map of creative design parallel to ryan's revolutionary gamestyle. In the beginning, he warped 2 gateways in at the speed of light. My jaw dropped. 2 gateways? I couldn't even fathom such macro opportunity. Why, he could produce TWICE as many zealots. Truly, this man was more than just a progamer. No, he was the last hope of protoss, fighting with honor against the zerg filth.

His zealots marched across the map, dealing SEVERE blows to Jaedongs pathetic hatchery. Those brave zealots lost their lives to a mass swarm of zerglings, serving their purpose, sacrificing themselves to make the hatchery bleed. Of course, this is exactly as planned for Ryan, the heartless god-general of the protoss race, sacrificing his units like pawns in a chess game. So fearless, so bold, so handsome. His chin juts out over his keyboard like it wants to make love to the keys. He can't lose.

Ryan brilliantly transitions into corsairs, the scourge of the zerg overlord, the terror of the skies. The light beats down upon his brow as he micros the corsairs bravely directly into multitudes of scourge. By ramming into the scourge, the corsairs sacrificed themselves to relinquish the tyrants control of the sky. Truly victory was soon within his grasp.

Mutalisks were suddenly in ryan's headquarters. He realized too late; the swarm is an unbeatable beast. Bravely he fought on, his probes mining under intense fire, not moving out of the way, not giving up, sacrificing their miniscule probe dreams for the greater plan of the protoss species. This was the last stand. When it was all over, Jaedong left the booth hi-fiving, showboating, acting pompous with no skill to back it up.

Ryan leaves the booth cooly, the earth trembles under his foot, the air becomes hot near his presence. His team dare not look him in the eye, lest they turn to stone. Ryan let the swarm win the map of outsider in a genius turn of tactics. Ryan, the man with the bravery to sacrifice units to achieve just the smallest advantage.

A golden mouse isn't enough for this man.

****
RIP Aaliyah
DivinO
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States4796 Posts
November 23 2009 18:33 GMT
#2
Hahahahaha.

This was well written. 5/5.
LiquipediaBrain in my filth.
Kennigit *
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
Canada19447 Posts
November 23 2009 18:33 GMT
#3
Very nice . Did PR give him those glasses?
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
November 23 2009 18:34 GMT
#4
He was born with them and he will die with them.
RIP Aaliyah
minus_human
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
4784 Posts
November 23 2009 18:34 GMT
#5
Well written I expected it to turn out cheesy, but it was good
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21242 Posts
November 23 2009 18:35 GMT
#6
Lol XD
TranslatorBaa!
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
November 23 2009 18:35 GMT
#7
There is no bad written piece about Ryan[shield]

if its not good dragoons will enter your house and fuck up your kitchen
RIP Aaliyah
meeple
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
Canada10211 Posts
November 23 2009 18:43 GMT
#8
Haha... brilliant

"His chin juts out over his keyboard like it wants to make love to the keys." <-- My favorite part
Snet *
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
United States3573 Posts
November 23 2009 18:48 GMT
#9
lol, nice
MageKirby
Profile Joined July 2009
United States535 Posts
November 23 2009 18:56 GMT
#10
That was so fun to read
Japakazol
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
United States102 Posts
November 23 2009 19:16 GMT
#11
On November 24 2009 03:35 DoctorHelvetica wrote:

if its not good dragoons will enter your house and fuck up your kitchen


LOL wat da
We feel your presence. u gotta skate
Athos
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States2484 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-11-23 19:41:59
November 23 2009 19:41 GMT
#12
Well Ryan's beaten Jaedong before, so really winning was very much a possibility. PvZ is his best matchup actually.
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
November 23 2009 19:43 GMT
#13
On November 24 2009 04:41 Athos wrote:
Well Ryan's beaten Jaedong before, so really winning was very much a possibility. PvZ is his best matchup actually.

Best matchup is an understatement. Ryan crushes his opponents into dust, mortals crumble under his steely gaze, his handsome features can seduce even the most confident heteroseuxal man.
RIP Aaliyah
EcterA
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States949 Posts
November 23 2009 19:54 GMT
#14
On November 24 2009 04:43 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 24 2009 04:41 Athos wrote:
Well Ryan's beaten Jaedong before, so really winning was very much a possibility. PvZ is his best matchup actually.

Best matchup is an understatement. Ryan crushes his opponents into dust, mortals crumble under his steely gaze, his handsome features can seduce even the most confident heteroseuxal man.

5/5. Love the continued commentary. Very well done, sir.
boesthius
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States11637 Posts
November 23 2009 20:26 GMT
#15
--- Nuked ---
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
November 23 2009 20:50 GMT
#16
look forward to additional installments everytime ryan is on the eSTRO roster
RIP Aaliyah
538
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Hungary3932 Posts
November 23 2009 21:06 GMT
#17
erm... 3/5? I'm sorry.
BW fighting!
MrHoon *
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
10183 Posts
November 23 2009 23:10 GMT
#18
hhahahaha you actually wrote it Doc? lol great read
dats racist
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
November 23 2009 23:52 GMT
#19
yeah i did write it
RIP Aaliyah
BroOd
Profile Blog Joined April 2003
Austin10831 Posts
November 24 2009 00:00 GMT
#20
Ryan's skill never plateaus, it sits perched and ready to strike on an ever-ascending peak.
ModeratorSIRL and JLIG.
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