EPT10:28 PM 4/29/2009
It was recently observed by the space telescope "Hobby-Eberly" in Mt. Fowlkes, Texas, that there is indeed a new form of life living under the surface of the moon whose sole and only purpose is to plan a huge invasion on the earth right before the release of StarCraft 2.
![[image loading]](http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/2339/alien1.png)
suspected alien hiding a battlechest
The reason for their invasion is very clear, as it was also observed that there was a StarCraft Battle Chest box barely hidden under a rock inside the crater Daedalus. "We're pretty sure they've been learning how to use the human computers that were left behind in one of our missions to the moon in 1998. They somehow managed to learn how they worked, learned our language, and finally learned how to play the game" said former astronaut Tom Harrison, "We're starting to think that's all they've been doing ever since; it looks like the moon is a pretty boring place to be honest." It is a known fact that the last seasons of proleague in Korea are going to be dominated by aliens before the release of StarCraft 2 so as to prove that the Koreans were never really good at the game at all.
After a short interview with some of the heads in KeSPA -- and after we miraculously managed to fulfill all of their criteria before we actually could talk to them -- we got in a few words from administrator Ze Ping-Yao about the issue they are going to be facing: "We no worried... go away... no talk alien to Korean the own ass in face... no no no... no talk stop please... go away... alien no talk no own the face in dick... we no want fight alien too pwn our ass ez... zizi yo" It was a pretty tough conversation as we didn't have any translators at hand, but we could catch that the Koreans are 100% willing to fight the aliens to show that they are still the dominating species in the e-Sport -- Ze Ping-Yao got fired by one of the Presidents of KeSPA right after he said the last statement, for reasons we do not know.
![[image loading]](http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/707/alien2.png)
Ze Ping-Yao being escorted to his office
But how did they learn to play the game? That was a question we were asking ourselves before we found out that they actually started by beating the campaigns and playing against the computer. Then after they got bored of beating the computer, first by using their moon-made strategies, and later on -- when they successfully mastered all the game mechanics to perfection -- by using only one of their starting peons and beating it in less than 2 minutes; they got bored again and decided to play against each other by using some old serial cables that were still remaining in the debris of the space shuttle's garbage before it departed.
Years and years went by in which the aliens played against each other literally non-stop, and after they realized all their games ended in a draw no matter what map or MU they played in or with (except for Pv) they decided to link to the earth and play against the humans. How did they do that? We observed how one of them tied another with some strange cords and threw him to the closest satellite that was available in the orbit. This then connected the computer to one of the satellite's ports and in no time they were surfing the web. "I swear I saw one of them once watching some YouTube videos, CNN news, American Idol, and some Barney ... I don't know about these beings but they surely got taste!" said Dr. Robertson in a short interview we conducted with him regarding alien behavior. "But he quickly had to go back to StarCraft as one of his companions was throwing trash at him for wasting time... they cannot play for extended periods of times because of some issues with the earth's rotation and the length of their strange cord" concluded Dr. Robertson.
![[image loading]](http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/2452/alien4.png)
Alien-satellite attachment in progress
When the aliens finally got to a ladder similar to PGTour, called ICCup, they decided to sign up and start playing as time on the satellite allowed. "One of them quickly started owning, but not a long time went by before he was banned and called an abuser by ICCup Admins and newbies to the game." said Dr. Lin Xu as he showed us the records, archives and logs about the ICCup forums and all of its activities that the FBI keeps about third party affiliations that rip off registered trademarks. "He got to rank A in less than a day with a winning ratio of 100%... later they decided to play on an account called Leell and keep good stats while losing a number of games by Alt + q + q 'ing out of it in the middle of it, every so often" concluded Dr. Lin. This made sure the aliens wouldn't get caught in the process of testing their skills against humans, and as far as I can tell, they were frustrated; they wanted to play against the real Korean progamers they always saw posted on the YouTube site under Jon747's account (YouTube user, and frequent VOD uploader on the current proleagues).
Please stay tuned for more of Aliens vs Koreans news, your main source of information on the newly discovered aliens on the moon and their growing conflict over the Korean progamers.
![[image loading]](http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/6990/tltv.png)
