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Yesterday night after writing my previous blog I skyped with my ex, as per normal and I just felt like ending it. I went over to the balcony and looked down, I've always had a fear of heights. Stepped up on the ledge for a while before stepping down. Put on Fleetwood Mac's Dreams while crying. My ex kept calling me and texting me stuff like I am a selfish bastard and all that, and I didn't really care, not until her calling kept interrupting the song and I decided to pick up. Lights turned on at an apartment opposite mine, and someone spotted me on the ledge playing music with one leg on the ledge, so I went back in. We talked to around 7am, and then fell asleep. I knew that by doing this shit, by not carrying out what I should have done, I basically fucked up everything that I worked for with my ex.
The next morning, I went to meet her for a hug, she was acting really strange. She ignored my texts the whole day, and came back home for her night time skype with me. I asked her what she did with the other guy. The guy who was leaving the country for 7 months the following day, the horse dentist, Nick. She told me she had sex with him for the first time. My heart was shattered. I broke down again, I asked her why. She told me, "You didn't see this coming?"
"But you told me you wouldn't do it till way later."
Silence.
I knew very well she made up her mind to fuck with him the moment I went berserk that night. She revealed that he asked her to be his girlfriend last week, and she said no, but I guess my going ape shit helped make up her mind about him. I asked her if we were still going to see each other, as per normal, and she said, no, just as friends.
"Why do you do this to me. Just a few hours ago you said you love me."
She typed on skype: I don't owe you anything.
Followed by: I am going to mute you in 12 minutes.
I didn't know what to think. I was confused, full of hate, anger. Then I told her. "I am going to fucking tell Nick what you did, how you slept with 16 other men including me, and how you were two timing him with me. I am going to show him the pictures."
(I had pictures of our 'illegal' dates, and a lot of dirty photos and videos)
She burst out into tears, "NO STOP. Please don't do this please. You're going to ruin everything."
"Why. Who cheated on whom. When I tell him the truth is he going to be angry at me, or angry at you?", I retorted.
"No please, I'll do anything you want, anything", she whimpered.
I told her that I just wanted things to go back to normal, but she said she didn't want to cheat on him, and she didn't want to go out with me anymore, because she knew she'd be tempted.
"Okay, you know what, tomorrow I'm going to tell him everything. And then he's going to hate me, and leave and never talk to me. And I am going to go back to you. Because that's what you fucking want right? I'll do everything you fucking ask for me. But I hate you, and I will never love you like I loved you before, or how I love Nick now. I will fuck you like a robot, and I will hold your hands like a robot."
A lot of back and forth circle jerk arguments happened, and then I told her I wasn't going to do anything and I was going to sleep. It was a lie. Honestly speaking there was no reason for me not to do this. This girl has been making me feel like a door mat for 5 months, and maybe this is her fucking just desserts, now she know what it feels like. After this I won't have to deal with her bullshit anymore anyway. Oh she told the guy to block me on Facebook earlier, claiming that I am not on good terms with her and I was going to ruin things for her. I created a sockpuppet account and wrote the message:
Hi Nick, this is Thierry, Sarah's ex girlfriend. I know she told you to block me because she said I was going to ruin things between you two. Well you deserve to know the truth. Sarah has cheated on you with 16 men, including me, and has been two timing you with me for around a month.
I checked my twitter. My piece of shit ex wrote, you just always have to win, even if the losers are your loved ones. I texted my ex: I change my mind.
I went into my pictures folder to dig up some photos of us on a date. I picked one out and looked at it. She looked so pretty and so happy. I received the text: I wish I never stopped you from killing yourself. Maybe I don't need to use pictures. I hold the cursor over the send button, fingers primed to click. I couldn't do it. I texted Sarah: you win. I closed the browser.
Excerpt from heated argument
"It's like we're all on an island. And what you're doing is going to make us all on separate islands."
"But what happens if I don't do it."
"Then you will be on one island while Nick and I will be on another."
I'm so afraid of losing this girl because she's the only person I have, the only person who knows everything about me, who's truly very close to me. I'm going to be alone again. But I'm going to be alone anyway. The person who made me feel things I never thought I needed, and made me feel special for once in my life. Like a whirlwind she came, took me on one hell of a ride, and left me in a mess.
 
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By the gods stop harassing her, she is obviously not (no longer) interessted in a relationship with you.
You also seem to be unstable and unlogical.
Get grounded, stop this relationship and do not make contact with her and avoid her.
What would you gain from exposing her alleged behaviour to others ? Nothing really.
And when you fight like this and threaten to expose her and what not. Do you think another person could love a person who threatens her ? It is better to be alone then clinging on something that is long past and doing wrong things because of it.
Manner up, and meditate.
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There's 7 billion humans on the planet, so roughly 3.49999999 billion other women. You need to quit being a pussy and get rid of this girl.
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cut contact/who cares/fuck it
theres a lot of people that will think you are special/cool and even if there arent its not worth the time/trouble/effort in going through all of this "Drama"
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Wait a minute if she's the one who cheated on you just send the goddamn pictures and get over it. If she's a cheater let the other dude know and cut all ties. Simple isn't it ? You'll never get "what you used to have with her" back.
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On February 25 2013 07:05 Marti wrote:
Wait a minute if she's the one who cheated on you just send the goddamn pictures and get over it. If she's a cheater let the other dude know and cut all ties. Simple isn't it ? You'll never get "what you used to have with her" back.
You'll feel terrible for a few weeks but I think it's the best thing for you to move on with your life without her.
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if u havent already dont let the other guy she is with know.
its none of your'e business and really the reason u are doing it is to spite her more than anything. not a good attitude/motivation to have in life.
just move forward.
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"I'm so afraid of losing this girl" Dude, you already lost her wtf u should have just sent him the pictures and be done with it, block em and never hear from them again.
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There are some unreasonably blunt people in this thread. For heaven's sake, the man is contemplating suicide.
I hope writing it all out helps you in a way, but nobody here on TL is going to fall off the ledge for you. You need to see someone if you can't move on. 
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Good god :/
On February 25 2013 08:49 thoraxe wrote:
"I'm so afraid of losing this girl" Dude, you already lost her wtf u should have just sent him the pictures and be done with it, block em and never hear from them again.
I think at this point this is all you should do. Other than that I can't come up with good advice for you. Stay safe, and yeah some of the comments are really rough.
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dont jump off the ledge, and don't send the fucking pictures. You have already lost her, and if the only reason you are doing it is to spite her then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Block her and never talk to her again and go find somebody else. However, the first person you need to find is a therapist to help you with your problems.
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You need to move on. You sound like a crazy ex stalker boyfriend. Save you sanity, save your dignity and find another woman.
She's moved on, you've already lost her a long time ago, and acting crazy and irrational is definitely not going to do you any favours with her. Part ways in best possible way you can and then cut those ties as cleanly as you can. If she's fucking you up so bad it's not worth it, especially with her opinion of you.
Don't do anything stupid, just move on with your life and find something else to do. Your life doesn't have to be defined by one girl that you dated when you were still young. You've got years ahead of you to meet new people, develop new relationships and find a healthy love instead of this psychotic mess your in.
GL
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lololool man this is turning into a farce. I don't think soap opera writers can write better shit than this for a tv drama.
You two deserve each other, you're both fucked up. Considering all the shit you've been told, all the shit you've been through, you two still gravitate towards each other. Congratulations, you two should get married. I hope you two don't have kids though.
Tempted to go through the post and point things out but you're not going to listen anyway, why bother.
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Crazy GF wrote:
And I am going to go back to you. Because that's what you fucking want right? I'll do everything you fucking ask for me. But I hate you, and I will never love you like I loved you before, or how I love Nick now. I will fuck you like a robot, and I will hold your hands like a robot."
I have never heard anything of the likes of this
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On February 25 2013 20:30 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:Show nested quote +Crazy GF wrote:
And I am going to go back to you. Because that's what you fucking want right? I'll do everything you fucking ask for me. But I hate you, and I will never love you like I loved you before, or how I love Nick now. I will fuck you like a robot, and I will hold your hands like a robot." I have never heard anything of the likes of this
You can't make shit like this up.
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Rape+kill her, somehow implicate him, escape unscathed.
You win.
User was temp banned for this post.
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EPT
