EPTI have hyperfocus.
Most people have no idea what it means, or the find it confusing to put it into words. In fact, even the scientific community has trouble defining what this term would be exactly, as everyone has their own perspective and views on what hyperfocus would be. Due to this, it’s not an official term for treatment, but I feel it’s the word best describing my view on this matter.
The term hyperfocus in my opinion, stands for the mental state of an individual, in which their concentration is so high that they generally are successful at anything attempted in this state of mind. Most people would call this the “flow” or the “groove” depending what you’re doing. But in the end, these people are able to do their thing even without this flow or groove. Unlike myself.
I’ve got ADHD, and while I am not sure if it’s attributed to that, I have these moments of insane concentration where everything goes exactly like I want it to go. But the problem is that this state of mind is unpredictable, it can not be reproduced and it is very challenging for me as person to adopt the skill-level that I show in these moments, and apply them to my usual activities.
Perhaps this is a little cryptic, and it’s pretty tough to explain in an easy manner. But do you know this feeling where you get into this flow, and you amaze yourself at your capability to success? That you try something, and this feeling flows through your brain and body into your actions, making it feel like you’ve just worked on a whole new level? It’s truly a miracle for most people, and some may say it makes you feel invincible. This emotion is something you really enjoy, atleast most people do!
Except for me.
When I do not experience this mental state, I am very aware of my own capabilities. I know how far I can reach with anything I attempt. That makes me arrogant at times, because I believe very strongly that I am capable of surpassing others with ease. That is, if I’d have my mind under control. For me, the sensation of this flow that I just described, is more like cocaine. I do not see the joy of having it, it’s a relief when it hits because then I feel I can perform. If I do not sit in this mental state, I feel fairly useless and defocused, constantly craving for that mental state of ultimate concentration and control.
During the time that I do not have this mental state, this flow, I tend to turn very negative and stop being able to move on past certain barriers due to the mental blockade. I’ve been trying since I was young to concentrate on things, but every attempt I make just doesn’t make it work for me somehow. It’s pretty hard to explain, but when I’ve had this moment, it becomes very very difficult to concentrate on the matter. The interesting thing is that in my professional life, I’ve got much less problems with this than in my personal life. Sure, concentration is going to be a challenge (to which I’ve got a relatively working solution of piling a lot of work in short time at start to get that cycle going), but when it’s in my personal projects from my spare time, it just doesn’t come out.
It makes me an angry, raging person on the games I play, which in turn makes people turn away from me because they do not like it that I am this direct and sometimes overly harsh. It makes me cocky, arrogant and feeling superior, because I know exactly what I can reach if I could overcome this mental issue. But that’s the biggest torment, knowing exactly how high you can fly, but knowing that your wings will never be able to get to 10% of the journey due to being flawed.
To InControl:
In the last few weeks I've been struggling a bit with myself. I felt that in the past I have been overly harsh to some people, and I'd like to make a public apology towards InControl. When the SC2 scene started up, and I was a new guy, I felt that you were someone with an insanely big ego which really bugged me at that point. In those days, I didn't respect you well as much as I do now, and I was an asshole.
But what changed? Sure, you're not posting many results in terms of play but I feel that each time I see something produced by you, it grows little steps. And this made me think a bit, that I misjudged you and was overly harsh. Especially through Twitter. Seeing the changes you've made, and the quality work you're giving your best effort to, I came to respect you more and more. Due to this, I feel I need to apologize for my overly harsh comments in the past. I just want to get this off my chest, but if you've got any remarks towards me, please do not hesitate to let me know.
You've grown. It is time I do aswell.
