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Think I'm finally reaching a point where I can move away from "I must have a girl friend right now" towards focusing on improving myself so that I'm actually someone worth dating and living with. It is possible I may never experience love or start a family, but does it mean my life is worthless and I should kill myself? Some might think yes. In fact this was one of the biggest reasons why I began contemplating suicide some years ago and still do sometimes. These days I'm beginning to think that even if I never experience those things, it is still possible to live with dignity and contribute something good to the world.
Recently I started a job and began going back to college. A few months ago I could barely leave the house or look anyone in the eye. It is still sometimes extremely painful and nerve wracking for me to be out amongst people for extended periods, but it is not as "impossible" as I thought not too long before. It is cliche already to hear "nothing worthwhile comes easy" yet I'm realizing that just because something is cliche, doesn't mean it is untrue. I think it's accurate to say that anything meaningful can only be bought with your pain and effort. Whether it be becoming a pro SC player, getting in shape, or just leaving the house.
I realize that it was just lazy and naive to believe that I "deserved" to have a girlfriend, even though I had no self respect or confidence. The latter is something I must work on and I have to believe it is attainable. It's not easy, and that is precisely why it is worth the effort.
 
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what a good realization. most people can't realize this sort of thing by theirselves.
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Question is, now that I'm so awesome, what kind of girl deserves me? Hurr hurr!
Edit: Seriously though, you don't improve yourself just to be good enough for someone else, life is not about finding a girl.
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Calgary25980 Posts
I reall, really like this blog. Keep working through it! Self-realization is definitely the first step, now keep taking proactive steps to improve yourself!
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GJ  life has the meaning you want it to have. Go have fun get drunk and just live life as it is
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I can relate to the period of your life when you 'could barely leave the house or look anyone in the eye', I went through a similar phase. It took a couple drastic events (death in the family), to shake me out of my funk, though not completely. Even though I got my life back somewhat, I'm still lethargic and jaded. But I was lucky enough to meet an energetic woman, and with her, I feel fulfilled everyday. I don't feel like I deserved her through hard work, our relationship just 'happened'. I guess I got lucky, but I think everyone can get lucky sometimes. Work hard, improve your life, but keep your eyes open for your lucky day.
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We're creatures of habit. I like that you talk about immersing yourself back into society by actually being social on a regular basis...surprisingly a lot of people miss this. If you can change yourself to a point that you feel really good and also reach out to more people, you'll find out that girls, to use a cliche, are just a numbers game.
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you will only be able to socialize with others once u discover urself truly. or u can lie to urself like many of us do and believe ur ego is who you are.
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Do you need it? Seriously. Is it THAT important?
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Wow.
This is the best girl blog I've ever read. In fact, it may be the ONLY girl blog I've ever made it all the way through. 5 out of fucking 5, a gold star, a smiley face, and a banana sticker for you.
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Getting the college degree is so important. When you get your degree, you get independence. In my experience I didn't really start maturing until I started living on my own. It's a huge step.
Cliche once again, but, eagles drop their young out of the sky so that they start flying. There's a lot of stuff that I'm afraid of/am not used to (I get pretty uncomfortable in many situations) but in all honesty the ultimate goal is to get more and more experienced. You plain don't "level up" in certain regards until you try and experience. Dating women, public speaking, leading teams, having a job, and getting married are all "thresholds" and "barriers" that we have to deal with sooner or later.
You're not obligated to do anything but my experience has been that you don't get over something until you defeat it.
I've completely gone through what milkshake describes. After I finish my degree here, I am going to travel the world, picking up six-month jobs on all continents. There's a lot more out there in the world and it's something that you forget about when you fall into a rut. Know that things aren't as they seem and that there are countries and places that are exotic and unique.
Good luck man!
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Also I bet you're a better guy than you describe =). Fact of the matter is that we're only as nice to each other as we are happy (you'd be more likely to stop and help an old lady if you haven't just taken four exams.) When you're down, some slow down and others speed up (I sleep way too much and generally can't do anything. Was a BAD experience--was super depressed, and the depression stopped me from trying anything new and getting myself out of it.) Chances are that you, with great friends and work that you enjoy are quite honorable. It's not so much you as much you in a certain state. Everyone down pretty much acts like a dick, is seclusive, and has other undesirable characteristics. Some people act like dicks; others try to help people too much. It's great that you've managed think critically about the situation.
Also: yeah, just to reemphasize a point, having a degree is soooooooo important.
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United States22883 Posts
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This is a damn good blog, especially because I think it applies directly to my life, and the lives of many other TL'ers aswell.
I've been struggling with intense Anxiety and Depression issues lately and I tried to make it better or easier by entering a relationship. This only made things worse and more stressful and ended up pushing me even further towards.. negative thoughts. =p
This is an important self-realization. I'm glad there's some depth in TL blogs after-all. Best of luck to you and anyone else in similar situations. The one thing you have that many others may not is the ability to reflect on yourself and your life and to guide yourself along a healthy path. Something I regret to say, may have taken a TL blog to clearly put into words for me.
5/5.
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It's not easy to get out of one of these ruts once you get into them. But you shouldn't get hung up on finding a girlfriend. Anyone who gives a fuck would rather be friends with someone cool than sleeping with someone who you could care less about.
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I went through a similar transition several/ many months ago. I went from not having a date at all for the first 2 years of college, to dating several people in the past year. The time it really started clicking for me was when I stopped focusing on what I should have and started focusing on what I have to offer. My self-esteem shot up and the caliber of some of the girls (physically, emotionally) I've gone out with is astronomically higher than I ever thought would be possible for someone like me. Congrats on your accomplishments; it's a difficult road, but remember to always stay positive and you will find yourself in a better place very quickly.
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This is the best girl blog I've ever seen on tl
some people put their happiness on a relationship or think it means instant happiness. The truth is that people happy in relationships were happy single before.
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You gotta find yourself first before you find someone else.
Good job dude! Im still looking though =).
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This reminds me so much of myself. This is a huge turning point in your life. Get ready for the awesome.
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as Morrissey would say: "You just haven't earned it yet baby!"
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good for you man! This is probably the most mature and truthful blog I've read here.
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Nice and all, but do try and make sure you're working towards the sort of person you want to be and not just trying to attain some arbitrary social standard.
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aahh the wonders of reflecting, if only the other 80% of the world stopped and looked at themselves.
thank you, you have upped my hope in humanity. even if just a little.
5/5
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I wonder if I will get where you are before I die.
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hey yoshtodd whats your family like?
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Mate you dont try to find a girl or go into a relationship. These things come along the way unexpectably. Live your life, try to do things you like( hobbies ), socialize, go out to party and sooner or later you ll find someone 
ps: my previous relationship was of a girl I met on facebook(gee), after some time I deleted my account.
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#1 air
#2 water
#3 food
#4 sex/reproduction
You don't need a gf for any of these. Although one helps achieve these things much more easily.
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On February 27 2009 21:24 CharlieMurphy wrote:
#1 air
#2 water
#3 food
#4 sex/reproduction
You don't need a gf for any of these. Although one helps achieve these things much more easily.
you forgot
#5 Money
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On February 27 2009 15:18 Pyrrhuloxia wrote:
hey yoshtodd whats your family like?
I'm lucky, they're all caring and supportive. It was my sisters encouragement that really got the ball rolling for me. Now I just have to keep it moving. Don't worry about "getting to where I am". If I compare myself to most people, my life is a joke and my accomplishments are nothing. The only way I can stay even remotely positive is to compare myself now to how I was a few months ago. I've made small bits of progress, and if I can say the same a few months from now, then I have no reason to feel so ashamed that I want to die. I like to take inspiration from other people, but find it's dangerous to measure myself by them.
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Sounds like you need a year or two of military service.
I'm dead serious about my advice, if you want the reasons, i'll tell you - but they're quite harsh and i think you know them too.
Spend every day of summer running and outdoor - get into shape, then sign up for basic training come fall.
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[QUOTE]On February 27 2009 07:16 yoshtodd wrote:
Think I'm finally reaching a point where I can move away from "I must have a girl friend right now" towards focusing on improving myself so that I'm actually someone worth dating and living with.
Haha this is exactly how i feel  good post.
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On February 27 2009 10:58 Dromar wrote:
This reminds me so much of myself. This is a huge turning point in your life. Get ready for the awesome.
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On February 27 2009 21:24 CharlieMurphy wrote:
#1 air
#2 water
#3 food
#4 sex/reproduction
You don't need a gf for any of these. Although one helps achieve these things much more easily.
Um, ew.
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EPT
