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Active: 647 users

Different sort of girl blog

Blogs > yoshtodd
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yoshtodd
Profile Blog Joined October 2004
United States418 Posts
February 26 2009 22:16 GMT
#1
Think I'm finally reaching a point where I can move away from "I must have a girl friend right now" towards focusing on improving myself so that I'm actually someone worth dating and living with. It is possible I may never experience love or start a family, but does it mean my life is worthless and I should kill myself? Some might think yes. In fact this was one of the biggest reasons why I began contemplating suicide some years ago and still do sometimes. These days I'm beginning to think that even if I never experience those things, it is still possible to live with dignity and contribute something good to the world.

Recently I started a job and began going back to college. A few months ago I could barely leave the house or look anyone in the eye. It is still sometimes extremely painful and nerve wracking for me to be out amongst people for extended periods, but it is not as "impossible" as I thought not too long before. It is cliche already to hear "nothing worthwhile comes easy" yet I'm realizing that just because something is cliche, doesn't mean it is untrue. I think it's accurate to say that anything meaningful can only be bought with your pain and effort. Whether it be becoming a pro SC player, getting in shape, or just leaving the house.

I realize that it was just lazy and naive to believe that I "deserved" to have a girlfriend, even though I had no self respect or confidence. The latter is something I must work on and I have to believe it is attainable. It's not easy, and that is precisely why it is worth the effort.

****
moo
Deleted User 3420
Profile Blog Joined May 2003
24492 Posts
February 26 2009 22:17 GMT
#2
what a good realization. most people can't realize this sort of thing by theirselves.
Osmoses
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Sweden5302 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-26 22:32:39
February 26 2009 22:31 GMT
#3
Question is, now that I'm so awesome, what kind of girl deserves me? Hurr hurr!

Edit: Seriously though, you don't improve yourself just to be good enough for someone else, life is not about finding a girl.
Excuse me hun, but what is your name? Vivian? I woke up next to you naked and, uh, did we, um?
Chill
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
Calgary25980 Posts
February 26 2009 22:35 GMT
#4
I reall, really like this blog. Keep working through it! Self-realization is definitely the first step, now keep taking proactive steps to improve yourself!
Moderator
Folca
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
2235 Posts
February 26 2009 22:36 GMT
#5
Good job, and Good Luck.
Dea : one time when he was playing vs the comps he asked me "how do I make that flying unit that makes the other stuff invisible" and I reply "ur playing terran zomg"
Marradron
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Netherlands1586 Posts
February 26 2009 22:42 GMT
#6
GJ life has the meaning you want it to have. Go have fun get drunk and just live life as it is
tentaclemonster
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
United States118 Posts
February 26 2009 22:43 GMT
#7
I can relate to the period of your life when you 'could barely leave the house or look anyone in the eye', I went through a similar phase. It took a couple drastic events (death in the family), to shake me out of my funk, though not completely. Even though I got my life back somewhat, I'm still lethargic and jaded. But I was lucky enough to meet an energetic woman, and with her, I feel fulfilled everyday. I don't feel like I deserved her through hard work, our relationship just 'happened'. I guess I got lucky, but I think everyone can get lucky sometimes. Work hard, improve your life, but keep your eyes open for your lucky day.
milkshake87
Profile Joined October 2008
United States26 Posts
February 26 2009 22:50 GMT
#8
We're creatures of habit. I like that you talk about immersing yourself back into society by actually being social on a regular basis...surprisingly a lot of people miss this. If you can change yourself to a point that you feel really good and also reach out to more people, you'll find out that girls, to use a cliche, are just a numbers game.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Weaponx3
Profile Joined January 2009
Canada232 Posts
February 26 2009 23:36 GMT
#9
you will only be able to socialize with others once u discover urself truly. or u can lie to urself like many of us do and believe ur ego is who you are.
HeaDStrong
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Scotland785 Posts
February 26 2009 23:42 GMT
#10
Do you need it? Seriously. Is it THAT important?
Mikilatov
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States3897 Posts
February 26 2009 23:54 GMT
#11
Wow.

This is the best girl blog I've ever read. In fact, it may be the ONLY girl blog I've ever made it all the way through. 5 out of fucking 5, a gold star, a smiley face, and a banana sticker for you.
♥ I used to lasso the shit out of your tournaments =( ♥ | Much is my hero. | zizi yO~ | Be Nice, TL.
simfarm
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Ireland75 Posts
February 27 2009 00:02 GMT
#12
Getting the college degree is so important. When you get your degree, you get independence. In my experience I didn't really start maturing until I started living on my own. It's a huge step.

Cliche once again, but, eagles drop their young out of the sky so that they start flying. There's a lot of stuff that I'm afraid of/am not used to (I get pretty uncomfortable in many situations) but in all honesty the ultimate goal is to get more and more experienced. You plain don't "level up" in certain regards until you try and experience. Dating women, public speaking, leading teams, having a job, and getting married are all "thresholds" and "barriers" that we have to deal with sooner or later.

You're not obligated to do anything but my experience has been that you don't get over something until you defeat it.

I've completely gone through what milkshake describes. After I finish my degree here, I am going to travel the world, picking up six-month jobs on all continents. There's a lot more out there in the world and it's something that you forget about when you fall into a rut. Know that things aren't as they seem and that there are countries and places that are exotic and unique.

Good luck man!
simfarm
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Ireland75 Posts
February 27 2009 00:06 GMT
#13
Also I bet you're a better guy than you describe =). Fact of the matter is that we're only as nice to each other as we are happy (you'd be more likely to stop and help an old lady if you haven't just taken four exams.) When you're down, some slow down and others speed up (I sleep way too much and generally can't do anything. Was a BAD experience--was super depressed, and the depression stopped me from trying anything new and getting myself out of it.) Chances are that you, with great friends and work that you enjoy are quite honorable. It's not so much you as much you in a certain state. Everyone down pretty much acts like a dick, is seclusive, and has other undesirable characteristics. Some people act like dicks; others try to help people too much. It's great that you've managed think critically about the situation.

Also: yeah, just to reemphasize a point, having a degree is soooooooo important.
Jibba
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
United States22883 Posts
February 27 2009 00:08 GMT
#14
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ModeratorNow I'm distant, dark in this anthrobeat
404.Nintu
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
Canada1723 Posts
February 27 2009 00:34 GMT
#15
This is a damn good blog, especially because I think it applies directly to my life, and the lives of many other TL'ers aswell.

I've been struggling with intense Anxiety and Depression issues lately and I tried to make it better or easier by entering a relationship. This only made things worse and more stressful and ended up pushing me even further towards.. negative thoughts. =p

This is an important self-realization. I'm glad there's some depth in TL blogs after-all. Best of luck to you and anyone else in similar situations. The one thing you have that many others may not is the ability to reflect on yourself and your life and to guide yourself along a healthy path. Something I regret to say, may have taken a TL blog to clearly put into words for me.

5/5.
"So, then did the American yum-yum clown monkey also represent the FCC?"
Piy
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
Scotland3152 Posts
February 27 2009 00:37 GMT
#16
It's not easy to get out of one of these ruts once you get into them. But you shouldn't get hung up on finding a girlfriend. Anyone who gives a fuck would rather be friends with someone cool than sleeping with someone who you could care less about.
My. Copy. Is. Here.
passby20
Profile Joined July 2008
United States47 Posts
February 27 2009 01:02 GMT
#17
I went through a similar transition several/ many months ago. I went from not having a date at all for the first 2 years of college, to dating several people in the past year. The time it really started clicking for me was when I stopped focusing on what I should have and started focusing on what I have to offer. My self-esteem shot up and the caliber of some of the girls (physically, emotionally) I've gone out with is astronomically higher than I ever thought would be possible for someone like me. Congrats on your accomplishments; it's a difficult road, but remember to always stay positive and you will find yourself in a better place very quickly.
Vivi57
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States6599 Posts
February 27 2009 01:08 GMT
#18
This is the best girl blog I've ever seen on tl

some people put their happiness on a relationship or think it means instant happiness. The truth is that people happy in relationships were happy single before.
Flash hwaiting! Nal_rA forever!
Tensai176
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
Canada2061 Posts
February 27 2009 01:39 GMT
#19
You gotta find yourself first before you find someone else.

Good job dude! Im still looking though =).
We see things they'll never see
Dromar
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States2145 Posts
February 27 2009 01:58 GMT
#20
This reminds me so much of myself. This is a huge turning point in your life. Get ready for the awesome.
smipth
Profile Joined January 2009
United States28 Posts
February 27 2009 02:05 GMT
#21
as Morrissey would say: "You just haven't earned it yet baby!"
Favorite Players: Forgg, Savior, Stork, Bisu
EpiK
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5757 Posts
February 27 2009 02:07 GMT
#22
good for you man! This is probably the most mature and truthful blog I've read here.
armed_
Profile Joined November 2008
Canada443 Posts
February 27 2009 02:22 GMT
#23
Nice and all, but do try and make sure you're working towards the sort of person you want to be and not just trying to attain some arbitrary social standard.
Etherone
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States1898 Posts
February 27 2009 02:50 GMT
#24
aahh the wonders of reflecting, if only the other 80% of the world stopped and looked at themselves.

thank you, you have upped my hope in humanity. even if just a little.

5/5
Pyrrhuloxia
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States6700 Posts
February 27 2009 06:05 GMT
#25
I wonder if I will get where you are before I die.
Pyrrhuloxia
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States6700 Posts
February 27 2009 06:18 GMT
#26
hey yoshtodd whats your family like?
ffswowsucks
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
Greece2294 Posts
February 27 2009 07:51 GMT
#27
Mate you dont try to find a girl or go into a relationship. These things come along the way unexpectably. Live your life, try to do things you like( hobbies ), socialize, go out to party and sooner or later you ll find someone

ps: my previous relationship was of a girl I met on facebook(gee), after some time I deleted my account.
Terran in particular is a notoriously strong race for a no brain skillhand bot style.
CharlieMurphy
Profile Blog Joined March 2006
United States22895 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-02-27 12:26:07
February 27 2009 12:24 GMT
#28
#1 air

#2 water
#3 food
#4 sex/reproduction

You don't need a gf for any of these. Although one helps achieve these things much more easily.
..and then I would, ya know, check em'. (Aka SpoR)
ffswowsucks
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
Greece2294 Posts
February 27 2009 13:15 GMT
#29
On February 27 2009 21:24 CharlieMurphy wrote:
#1 air

#2 water
#3 food
#4 sex/reproduction

You don't need a gf for any of these. Although one helps achieve these things much more easily.

you forgot

#5 Money
Terran in particular is a notoriously strong race for a no brain skillhand bot style.
yoshtodd
Profile Blog Joined October 2004
United States418 Posts
February 27 2009 18:58 GMT
#30
On February 27 2009 15:18 Pyrrhuloxia wrote:
hey yoshtodd whats your family like?


I'm lucky, they're all caring and supportive. It was my sisters encouragement that really got the ball rolling for me. Now I just have to keep it moving. Don't worry about "getting to where I am". If I compare myself to most people, my life is a joke and my accomplishments are nothing. The only way I can stay even remotely positive is to compare myself now to how I was a few months ago. I've made small bits of progress, and if I can say the same a few months from now, then I have no reason to feel so ashamed that I want to die. I like to take inspiration from other people, but find it's dangerous to measure myself by them.
moo
Thrill
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
2599 Posts
February 27 2009 19:58 GMT
#31
Sounds like you need a year or two of military service.

I'm dead serious about my advice, if you want the reasons, i'll tell you - but they're quite harsh and i think you know them too.

Spend every day of summer running and outdoor - get into shape, then sign up for basic training come fall.
Logann
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
Canada80 Posts
March 01 2009 01:32 GMT
#32
[QUOTE]On February 27 2009 07:16 yoshtodd wrote:
Think I'm finally reaching a point where I can move away from "I must have a girl friend right now" towards focusing on improving myself so that I'm actually someone worth dating and living with.


Haha this is exactly how i feel good post.
Mr.Maestro
yubee
Profile Blog Joined May 2006
United States3826 Posts
March 01 2009 01:37 GMT
#33
On February 27 2009 10:58 Dromar wrote:
This reminds me so much of myself. This is a huge turning point in your life. Get ready for the awesome.

HeavOnEarth
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States7087 Posts
March 01 2009 13:08 GMT
#34
On February 27 2009 21:24 CharlieMurphy wrote:
#1 air

#2 water
#3 food
#4 sex/reproduction

You don't need a gf for any of these. Although one helps achieve these things much more easily.

Um, ew.
"come korea next time... FXO house... 10 korean, 10 korean"
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