EPTSurprisingly it sucked. CC and me were always a topic on everyone's lips at the pool. However now after the sailing thing, we suddenly became the new thing. No longer did people speculate about our love affairs (or lack there of) instead the cretins decided to go balls and vagoos to the wall, and just belt their thoughts to CC and me. It was embarrassing. It placed me and CC's relationship into an even more precarious position. Things were starting to turn almost awkward between us. I needed to try and do something that would leave us on a good note.
Day after day rolled by, and i couldn't think of any new or original ideas- that would somehow spark her into remembering the relationship that we once had at the beginning of summer. My ego was crushed, and CC was becoming more and more distant. Cross Country running camp was starting up again (basically it is a before the season running practice that all the good runners go to, to get in running shape before the season begins. Build on your mileage base or something like that.) Anyway, CC was getting more and more consumed with the upcoming Cross Country season, and considering the fact that she was a senior- she wanted to do well, and place well in the state running championships. She had gone there as a JunioR, however she didn't place. It was her senior goal to go this year and place well.
So with CC mostly distracted for these ending weeks of summer, my mind wandered back to that shot in the dark (literally) Blondie. After the terrible disaster of your dinner date, i didn't want to call her and put her through some awkward conversation, and put her under the pressure of finding an excuse to say no to me. I knew (from what little i did know of her) that she was ohh so nice. She is my better half, with out a doubt in my mind. She is the type of person that does nice things because they are NICE. Because of this i didn't want to be going on a date with her, just because of her pity.
Well i had finally gotten up the nerve to ask her, and i thought that i had created the perfect date. Kayaking in a river that runs through our city, stopping and getting some coffe and then kayaking back. She loved the idea, and told me that she would meet me down by the wharf the next day. I was exited!! She sounded genuinely exited to hear my voice, and didn't sound like it was too much of a chore to come and chill with me. (The best part of all though, was simply the fact that she genuinely seemed happy to talk to me.)
Well the weather for the next day looked promising, and nice and sunny. When i woke up the next morning, bright and early to strap thy kayaks. But then the inevitable happened. CLOUDS FUCK THEM. Yes dear reader, clouds. Lots of them. No sun, nothing. I was worried to say the least. As i drove down to the wharf, i was getting more and more worried about how this date would turn out, or even if it would start.
I was waiting for about 5min and then blondie pulled up into the parking space next to me. I got out and was like *SIGH* "I don't know if the weather is going to hold out." Want to just get coffee?
Then she said the most amazing thing: "NO, i want to go kayaking with you. regardless of the weather. I know that it will hold out. I promise." I gave her a quisling look, *because hey lets face it, if it's one thing girls don't know- its the weather.*
So i threw aside my doubt and got the kayaks into the river without to much of a fuss. We both got in, and soon enough- me and blondie were kayaking through a dirty PCB filled shit water radioactive mutant carp river. And you know what? I wouldn't of had it any other way. The date was perfect. Near the end of our little kayaking excursion, it was just me and her holding our kayaks to each other, sitting in the middle of a river- smooth as glass, with a misty rainy velveteen curtain hanging around us. We talked about everything, music, art, politics, morality, eithics- everything that we couldn't talk about during our first encounter, i was now finally able to pick her mind.
I liked what i found. She was smart, funny, and unlike most girls not an airhead. I had found someone, that despite my mostly utter distaste for human beings, began to really enjoy. The paddle back was just as heavenly. The date was going perfectly and soon coffee was coming up. (and the biggest test of how much i really like her)
Now for me i like to judge girls by their choice in coffee. I don't want a girl that is going to drink some "Fappichinomochalatewhitechocolateholdthemilksoylatewithafrenchpress." type of shit drink.
I want to hear two things:
1. Americano
2. Expresso
So walking into the coffee shop (my favorite *AND NO YOU FUCKERS IT IS NOT STARBUX) i watched her walk up to the counter, open her mouth and say- "I would like an expresso, three shots please."
Yep that was it. That was the clincher, she was with out a doubt a keeper. (that was currently in a relationship) So i sat down with my americano, and i began to do one of my most favorite pastimes. Pick apart people sitting in a coffee house. Particularly, the work fags who bring the fucking office to the coffee shop, and show everyone how much work they are doing on their lap top. (Damn pretentious fuckers.) Needless to say, she enjoyed my little game, and she also tried it out. And i must say she was quite good.
The end of the date was drawing near, and i was walking her back to her car, i turned said goodbye, and this time with the arms in the hug position returned her hug. Everything was perfect.
However after the date, i was snapped back to reality. I had to go to work, it was raining, and i had to see CC.
Of course my boss was my only confidant through this rather melancholy time. She was always there to keep me slightly optimistic, and always had some rather scathing, yet helpful advice. After another long conversation after Another Day saving kids from the pool, she told me this.
"Also ben, i hate to say this but, CC has told me (when i have asked her about you and her) that she doesn't find you physically attractive. But Ben i want you to know that CC was dodging lots of questions. That always tells me that there is something more, much more. So i can tell you for a fact that she does care very much for you. She may even be confused about how she feels towards you, and maybe even though she has a crush, will not come to except the feelings she has toward you. I am not sure if she cares for you in the way you would like. You may just be the back up guy, the picker-uper. I had one, and i never dated him, and i think that you may be in this position.
What........................?
What did she just say?
.....................no way?
After this conversation, everything stopped. I was stunned. NO i was lost. Was she right? She had to be right. Right?
I couldn't fathom this.....I had to know for sure, was there anything? Was there EVER anything? Was i really that desperate and pathetic about the girl of my dreams falling into my lap that I COULDN'T SEE ANY OF THE SIGNS?
I had to sit and think about CC. I had to try and come up with a reason as to why.....as to what i should do.
*I hate making big decisions when it comes to relationships with people. So i did what came naturally to me, run away.*
So i called blondie
When i called her, she seemed genuinely exited to hear my voice, i asked her if she would like to do breakfast and coffee, at a great place near her house. She liked the idea, and said she would meet me there at 10:00. However, she wouldn't be able to stay long, because she was packing, and planing to leave to her out of state college the same day.
I had to wait three days.
Life at my pool was shit. I was not the same, everyone knew it. Even CC. It was like, i was a sad puppy, and all she could do to comfort me was to just, sit with me. We didn't talk all that much. But i would always find myself sitting next to her, or her near me. I can honestly say, we only had 2-3 conversations those days. It rained. I remember that those days were fucking cold, and rainy at the pool. I have never felt more sick. My youthful extroverted some times slightly to arrogant self turned into the narcissistic misanthropic personality that i have yet to shake myself out of.
The three days were up. The last time i would see Blondie was today. I got up, dressed nice (and noticed that it was actually sunny for once this goddamn week.)
