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I attend a club every sunday night at a church and have been doing so for a little more than a year. I was introduced to the club by my sister which is a real close friend to the group leader. I'm 19, sister 18 and the leader is 29.
To me, it has always been an ackward club to be in for some reason, I just don't really like it (i like the people in it, which is composed of about 12 people including children, youth, young adults and married people... i know, ackwards... but I don't agree with most of their ideals).
Now that I have been going to that group meeting for such a long time, for some reason the leader of the group (is a female) has developed this crazy thing about us; she's always telling us what to and what not to do. She for some reason thinks she has more authority over my sister than my mom and wants to do that with me too. But since I'm a pretty laid back and realistic person, I just find this offensive. My sister on the other hand, has submitted herself to her will and I'm not pleased at all.
The other day I brought my gf to the church. My gf and I are really close and we've been going out for such A LONG TIME, I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry her. So we met and everything seemed alright (and the usual ackwardness I've always felt) next day the leader comes up to me and tells me that I shouldn't go out with my gf because she thinks that "it is a distraction for me and she does not like her personality, so I should break up with her" (have in mind that the leader is almost 30 and has never had a bf is not married and never kissed let alone had sex with a guy)
This... pissed me off to hell. Who the hell does she think she is???? MY MOTHER??? EVEN MY MOTHER LOVES MY GF and now this ... I won't insult her... woman wants me to break up with the love of my life? FUCK OFF.
This is not the only thing she has COMMANDED me to do btw.
Next sunday we met, she prepared a whole 3 hour speech for the rest of the group on how they should come up to her if they gave a gf/bf so she can tell if she approves them to go out or not. WTF? This was spoken in front of people ranging from 9-30 years old (who the hell makes a group including people of those ages???) and as always they all nodded and agreed with her.
I've always been the "rebellious" person in the group for the fact that I don't do what she tells me to do. I have no respect for her anymore. She seems to now know that I'm a latino and she's an american. WE ARE DIFFERENT CULTURES. And the saddest thing is that my sister is becoming like her, my sister is always in constant argument with me, we can't be loving brother and sister like we used to, i still love her and do stuff for her, but she seems to be like... blind... and keeps on with the fighting/judging me for everything i do and always at the end, she tells me i should do 100% of what the group leader (her apparently best friend) tells me, she is a whole different person now, and i'm really sad.
More background on the group leader: She is a very lonely person, as I explained, she has never gone out with anybody and will be 30 in december. She made this group because she had no friends apparently and because of that she feels in power and thus kicks my ass around everywhere if she feels like it. Her best and only friends are my 18 year old sister, a 14 year old girl that acts like she's 40 and two 9 year old girls that should be in elementary school and in a children's group, not an adult one like this one. The leader of the group is also constantly talking about secret stuff which only the group leaders should know about (my sister and others) ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A FUCKING SECRET. This is the reason many other adults have left the group before. SHE'S ALWAYS KEEPING STUFF CLASSIFIED and me, Josue, am not worthy of knowing what they talk about when the rest of the group is not around.
We can never talk about anything because of the age range difference and thus we waste those 3 hours of time every sunday night for apparently nothing. If we talk about sex there are children, so we mostly talk about gay childish shit and you guys know how a 19 year old latino that likes to party and gang around will respond to a fucking conversation that is about baby stuff.
I'm there only for my sister. I want her to be herself once again as she's becoming like the leader more and more everyday. You wouldn't believe it but, the leader of the group comes like 5 times a week to pick up my sister to a restaurant and talk more about secret shit. My sister leaked some information the other day (because she's becoming more immature and more bounded by the leader's ideals) and told us, THE ENTIRE FAMILY, that the meeting she had the other day was to talk about how the leader's husband will be, and otyher girly crap. She after realized what she had done and shut up (she gets really hyper and acts really immature thus stuff gets our of her mouth, i know its my sister and i love her with all my heart, but i want to know why is she becoming like this AND I DONT LIKE IT)
IF THE LEADER WANTS TO GET LAID FFS GO OUT AND TALK TO GUYS OR MEET WITH PEOPLE YOUR AGE DONT BE AFRAID TO HUG A GUY AND STOP MAKING GROUPS CONSISTING OF GIRLS 20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU AND BRAINWASHING THEM TO BE LIKE YOU SO YOU DONT FEEL ALONE.
FUCK
Don't mess up other people's lives ffs, you did this to my sister and im willing do everything in my power to get her back. I swear.
What the fuck should i do guys? Please help me on this, this is the subject of my everyday life and I want it out if me. I don't want to wake up anymore to someone other than my parents odering me what to do. I want my sister back, i want the leader to chill out and make a group of a certain age group not 0 - 100 and only 10 people in it. I want her to stop fucking other people's lives.
Is this a mental disease? Or just depression? I want to know.
Please let's keep the offtopic to the minimum.
Forgive my unorganization of the blog, i'm mad and i spoke my mind so i wouldn't forget to type stuff in.
thanks.
  
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17083 Posts
Stop going to the club?
It seemed pretty obvious.
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I've considered that several times already.
But I can't man my sister is in there and I feel that if I leave, she will pretty much die to me. Also the leader will insult/make fun of me for the rest of my life and will convince the rest of the group (which are close friends) of that.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
just tell her that shit is none of her business
be polite about it
as for your sister, you can give her advice, but you shouldnt try to enforce anything cuz that aint cool. i know you care about her but she gotta make her own decisions
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She only has power because you guys give them to her, take it away.
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United States24813 Posts
I'd say leave the club and just make sure your parents are aware of what really goes on there, if that is an option. I know you want what's best for your sister, but she is an adult, and all you can do is offer her advice.
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Sounds like the club is on its way to becoming a cult!
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The thing is, if I talk to her and tell her all of this stuff, she will go "Mmm Hmm, mmm Hmm, ok, yes, ok, ok... We'll talk about it later, right now we gotta do this."
She doesn't listen.
I know my sister is an adult already, and I can just give her advice. But know that the leader is giving no advice to anyone, she's just giving orders and my sister submits herself to them.
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who does she think she is lol.
quit going to that retarded club, seriously fuck shit like that. no one controls your life but you man.
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You're going to a club at a church. That alone should have been setting off alarms. Everyone here is right, just leave. The fact that this wasn't immediately obvious to you shows how scary this little club is =/
As for the problem with your sister. I dunno man, girls can be difficult (well I guess people in general, but in my experience, girls) to get out of a rut when they've been set in their ways for awhile. If you try to reason with her and she refuses to listen, you might end up creating a hostility between the two of you. Decide if you're okay with that. Frankly, I think the best course of action is to stop going to the place, and wait for your sister to ask why, then tell her you think the leader is a manipulative piece of shit who is taking advantage of too many weak minded people. You sister will get offended, but at least she won't be able to pretend you're just trying to be an asshole to her, because she asked you.
Well I dunno... That actually seems to complex =/ Just tell your sister what you think and hope for the best.
EDIT: Tell your parents too. If they hear about your sister being ordered around by some stranger, believe me, they're gonna whoop that strangers ass 
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On October 31 2008 01:03 Rotodyne wrote:
Sounds like the club is on its way to becoming a cult!
Yeah this.
But well, just talk to your sister or maybe your parents. Since its a club in the church, why not talk to someone like the pastor or something?
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On October 31 2008 01:03 Rotodyne wrote:
Sounds like the club is on its way to becoming a cult!
this.
I was thinking the same thing. They are spellbound. She is a witch. Kill it with fire. Expose her for the powerhungry manipulator she is. If nobody listens----> O shit.
It seems the other people like having no control at all and have surrendered their free will.
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I'm concerned for your sister. Please pull her out, cuz this is bullshit and it is EXACTLY what the description of a cult is.
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Just leave man, that "club" is not going anyplace good, it's really scary stuff you are telling us. If you decide to stay learn how to effectively talk back to someone and make them "small". There are severaly ways to talk and act to lessen her "power" but I dont really got any links or examples to give you. This migh be dangerous and hard to do so just leave and talk to your parents about what the leader is up to.
EDIT:Found some examples, making a new post how you can try to "own" her.
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She sounds so batshit insane I seriously think she could be capable of murder.
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United States22883 Posts
On October 31 2008 00:56 EsX_Raptor wrote:
I've considered that several times already.
But I can't man my sister is in there and I feel that if I leave, she will pretty much die to me. Also the leader will insult/make fun of me for the rest of my life and will convince the rest of the group (which are close friends) of that.
I don't think you have a choice. You can't just stay in and "pull" her back like a game of tug of war. If your friends would do that, then they're retarded to begin with. My guess is there are other people who think she's fucking nuts but no one wants to be the first to leave.
I can't help but think of Jim Jones.
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Why the fuck are you there in the first place? If that group of dumb people like themselves to be bossed around, let them be. But why the fuck should you care? Well, ok, your sister...but you shouldn't have to be going there to suffer all this shit just because you're trying to get her out of there too.
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If she voices an idea or something you repeats that as your own and pretend she didnt say anything.
When she talks seem uninterested and go through some papers and yawn.
When she is trying to say something important you starts to giggle and say that she sounds like some cartoon character, have a funny accent or something like that. Works best if it is true.
Make plans and agreements with persons within the club that she dont know about. As alot of you are going to do some fun thing together and she get's told about it right before. Tell her that she should have tried to inform herself about the activity beforehand.
Talk to the others that you are suspicous about that she is single at that age and seems to hang out alot with girls. Claim that you suspect that she is a lesbian.
Whatever she does say it's bad. That she is lazy and slow or sloppy if she does it fast.
Good luck.
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MrHoon
10183 Posts
On October 31 2008 00:58 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
just tell her that shit is none of her business
be polite about it
as for your sister, you can give her advice, but you shouldnt try to enforce anything cuz that aint cool. i know you care about her but she gotta make her own decisions
this man knows about life, listen. This is the best advice I've read so far.
And remember, you gotta keep your cool the whole time when you explain to her.
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EPT
