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After seeing the camaraderie displayed by the community in "assisting" a Girl Blog poster I came to a realization. Our community may be incredibly fractured, but it can be united through shitty blog content. Always willing to throw myself under the boss for the greater good (or something like that), I've decided to do just that (or I could just be selfishly sharing more of my incomprehensible gospel. It's up to you to decide). So here it is, something very much in the vein of my GSL semifinals pre-preview. Behold, Mizenhauer's Twice Power Rankings.
1. Tzuyu – When immaculate posture meets incomparable bravery
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Visual incarnate, the next CF Queen, maknae of Twice, and so much more. There are a million reason to stan Tzuyu. Seolhyun of AOA is viewed by many as the most attractive girl in Kpop, but Tzuyu is close on her heels. Only 17 years old, Tzuyu is already a true beauty. Her large, expressive eyes are the perfect accent for a graceful and inviting face. Her coy smile is to die for and when accompanied by her laugh, pure bliss. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention her personality, for it is a treasure as well. Tzuyu is that perfect mix of precocious and bold. She can be rather charmingly blunt at times, but she also possesses a delicate shyness that tantalizing the viewer/listener and leaves them wanting more. Her singing voice is a wonderful juxtaposition between quiet silkiness and confident bravado. The two are expertly balanced so as to form a blissful amalgam. The way she sometimes stumbles through Korean is adorable and gives the impression of someone who is constantly trying to improve herself. One cannot forget the role she played in an enormous scandal in 2015. She attracted the ire of the Chinese government, but weathered the storm through sheer resilience, maturing into an incredible person with strength far beyond her years. It is for these reasons that Tzuyu is my bias (and why I have an uncomfortable number of pics and gifs of her, which one can access through the links in the spoiler) and why she sits atop the power rankings.
2. Momo – The Dancing and Eating Machine
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The first of Twice’s Japanese members on this list, Momo has an appeal unique to Twice. She’s an odd duck of sorts and someone with enormously and magnetically conflicting attributes. Momo eats well, I repeat, she EATS WELL. Momo and her roommate Jeongyeon like all kinds of food, but meat is her favorite. Bulgogi, tripe, large intestine, she devours them with relish and in great volume. Despite that, Momo has the best body in Twice and some of the best abs in Kpop. Part of this is because she’s such a great dancer and she needs to keep her body toned and in shape to keep her form. At the same time she’s astoundingly clumsy and the slowest member in Twice in a race, so it’s not really clear where her talent comes from. It’s obvious that she’d be considered alluring with such a great body, but it’s her ditzy personality that really wins me over. Momo is pretty much a real life anime character. She once spent a whole VLive broadcast talking about how a mosquito bit her eyelid and frequently acts as cute as possible on camera for no apparent reason. With a high pitched voice that is just the slightly bit whiny and nasally, Momo is the master of aegyo and the type of girl you can’t help but love. Sure she’s not the smartest, but she’s a boatload of fun and can brighten up any situation. The favorite of a certain friend of mine, Momo is a wonderful example of what happens when an objectively negative trait is transformed into a positive.
3. Sana – Cutie and Sexy
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“No Sana, no life.” Is a favored phrase among Once, and it is not one uttered lightly. Whether she’s featuring blonde, black or purple hair, Sana is the total package. Mischievous and goofy, Sana manages to balance her juvenile sense of humor with a tantalizing seductiveness. She’s the reason Mina and Momo kissed, the one who brought the world “shy shy shy”, the one who made “knock knock” the cutest two words ever spoken and the one who extravagantly told the dark knight in Lost Time, “You’re so mean!” while wearing a completely preposterous pink coat. Sana is fun incarnate, always looking to spice things up and inject enthusiasm into her members. She brings out the best in them at all times, making Twice vivacious and explosive. Her melody project was the perfect encapsulation of her carefree attitude. Transformed into a Harley Quinn that made Margot Robbie look plain, she danced to Cheer Up and melted this hearts of everyone watching. In a world where idols are often viewed as prim and proper carbon copies of one another, Sana proves that she really is someone you’d die to hang out with. After all, what is life without Sana?
4. Mina – The Black Swan
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Elegance - that’s how you sum up Mina in a word. Mina has an extremely reserved nature, but she has a way off effortlessly stepping outside that image. Everything she does seems easy and natural, from her honest words during her LieV to the way her enchanting smile can be coaxed out by the slightest thing. A ballet student for 11 years, Mina moves with grace and control. In fact, during the last 2 ISAC’s she participated in the rhythm gymnastics competition. Despite her incredibly busy schedule, she ardently dedicated her time to putting forth the best performance possible. And she did exactly that, proving that idols work hard in everything they do and that all the talk of working hard for their fans is more than hot air. Known for her love of penguins, Mina is young at heart while also providing the sage voice of reason to her members. Elegance is how you’d describe her, because it pervades everything she does. She’s every bit the traditional polite, well-spoken woman, but it’s her jubilant modern edge that makes her so much more.
5. Dahyun – The Eagle Dance Girl
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It was her incredibly goofiness mixed with supreme confidence that first brought her into the public eye, and it’s that same attributes which have cemented her as the most outgoing girl in Twice. Dahyun starred in a Got7 music video, but she’s not known for her looks. Many have doubted her singing ability as well, but they’re just splitting hairs. Dahyun can sing and her cute appearance is the perfect compliment for her affable demeanor. The creator of “You’re so mean”, Dahyun is the best at stoking a VLive audience. She’s fun, she’s bubbly and as we all found out years ago, she’s not afraid to make a fool of herself. Her self-confidence is her most attractive trait and if there’s anything that sets her apart from her members, that’s it. Known for her often colorful hair, Dahyun is never afraid to take a risk and for that reason she’ll always be beloved. Her profoundly unusually dancing was how Dahyun first found a place in our hearts, but it’s been everything she’s done since then which has kept her there.
6. Chaeyoung - The glasses don’t make the girl
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The shortest member in twice, Chaeyoung is more than Tzuyu’s lone remaining high school companion and member of the School Meal Adventure Club. Chaeyoung has this way of speaking, this sort of direct approach that comes off as engaging but not outputting. Chaeyoung is the rapper of Twice and she has plenty of attitude (and that mole *swoon*). Whether it’s boasting preposterous glasses, a new boyish haircut or making strange noises that I guess vaguely sound like someone washing a window, Chaeyoung carries herself with the utmost assuredness. Chaeyoung is always a treat on VLive’s, for she brings her unique brand of level-headed enthusiasm to oft wild proceedings. Say what you will about her height (about 5’2” inches (for reference, Tzuyu is the tallest at 5’7”), but she’s actually the fastest in Twice, a sure sign that she’s far more than meets the eye.
7. Nayeon – Unnie for all
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Nayeon is a woman scorned. Her phone was once stolen by Jihyo on VLive and now she’s out for blood. Nothing will stand in her way in her search for revenge. That may or may not be how it happened, but either way, her recent scheme to steal Momo’s phone went horribly awry. Nayeon is the oldest in Twice and the only one to have shot CF’s before joining the group. She’s often more playful than motherly, but she’s earned the right to act however she wants by providing guidance and a spark to the group. If there’s innocent silliness afoot Sana is probably to blame. If you see someone acting like a buffoon it’s almost certainly Dahyun or Jeongyeon. But if something really crazy is a brewing, you can be certain Nayeon is a part of it. She’s a firestarter, a sparkplug and she gives Twice real life. The bottom line is, although every member of Twice is indispensable, it’s their Unnie that makes the whole show tick.
8. Jihyo – The mouth of Twice
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Every group needs a leader and Jihyo is that and more. Lover of VLive filters, Jihyo is the one to lead the group in their introductions, to give a long speech at the VLive event and to explain the details about their newest release to hosts of radio and variety shows. Jihyo is the group’s lead singer as well and the way she speaks in conversation stands out just as much. The volume of her voice may not be overwhelming, but her words are powerfully delivered. She’s eager to join in on the hijinks of the rest of her members, adding to the fun with her own brand of humor. She’s more like Dahyun in that regard than Tzuyu, but it all strikes a wonderful balance. Jihyo is the one who propels the group forward during ballads like Melting and in many respect that’s all part of an honest day’s work. She’s the leader after all and someone has to have memorized the description of their newest track.
9. Jeongyeon – Short Hair Don’t Care
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I’m not sure if someone had Jeongyeon’s personality in mind when JYPE styled her with a tomboy haircut, but the look certainly fits her. Jeongyeon is loud without being crass, crazy without being irritating and the perfect eating partner for Momo. The two of them are roommates and a great pair. They bring the best out in each other, just as Jeongyeon often does for her members during her guest spots on VLive. Don’t let Jeongyeon’s short hair fool you, she’s beautiful in her own right. Her sisters is an actress and good looks run in the family. They hosted Inkagayo together for a time, something that might seem improbable given Jeongyeon’s propensity for lapsing into laughter. Jeongyeon may be at the bottom of this power ranking, but her vibrant antics are an essential part of Twice. After all, no member of Twice is more important than any other. Each of them are a part of a perfect whole.
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