During the periods I feel too tired to accomplish any work I feel an increased longing to study. Overall, I've been feeling an increased capability and aptitude for learning and I feel fully capable of learning subject material somewhat above what I'm currently taking in school. I'm taking only average classes and so far the journey has been an undisturbed, mundane quietness.
Recently though inside of myself I've been having a lot of psychosomatic headaches of a visceral nature that befuddles my mind with a morass of violent streaks of wily emotion and fervent danger. I've been having such episodes at night especially where they are the most insufferably intense. I feel my headaches are a symptom of a growing desire that my body seeks but I do not know what or how to satiate the need. I fear my body will be long consumed by my deleterious subconsciousness if my conscious half does not act fast to solve the impending, critical enigma. Unearthing the subconscious is difficult when done alone. One has to go to heightened amounts of constant self awareness to analyze the apparently inexplicable.
I fear the end is nigh if I don't realize what's good for me. In my previous blog I attempted several drastic changes to revitalize my life which at this point has become mundanely routine. I don't think making several changes works at all. The solution is brought forth in too rash a manner and with every repeating decreases its effectiveness. The struggle only appears to grow exponentially the longer I live. I have never felt pressed so urgently by such an invisible force, along the way attempting to undo the blocks of the self.
I write in today's blog as a fun way to document the journey. I will continue to write more later if my two halves remain intact.