EPTA not so quick note:
+ Show Spoiler +
I decided I wanted to do something more constructive with my TL time. So, tying several interests together, I decided I would try to write a story. I haven't decided on length or depth yet or even if I'm going to write this story or any story at all.
That being said I came up with the story below the spoiler.
I guess I am posting requesting a variety of feedback. I'll say now my grammar probably sucks so sorry. If you want to give feedback on it feel free, but just know I realize it's probably not great, so try to put it in a way where I can fix it to tell the story better.
The main feedback I'm looking for on this is whether or not this sounds like a story worth writing/reading? Why or why not?
Whether the writing is decent enough that if the story was a good one I could do an acceptable job of writing it (even if it would take a significant amount of help from an editor or other writers)? Why or why not?
Couple other things I wanted to mention to try to make the feedback more functional and focused.
-This is my first effort at writing something fictional since Junior High.
-I realize there isn't much for characters that's because this is just a quick preamble type outline of a concept lol
-Like I said, I know there are grammar issues
-Combined with my posting history this opening sounds like it's going to be ultra political in nature with a strong left leaning. I can't expect everyone to believe me, but my current ideas have very little to do with current politics other than setting a scene/mood.
-That being said, I've never really "created characters" before so there's a strong chance people will see aspects of notable personalities incorporated into the story (whether I do it intentionally or not).
-I'm not sure how much rhetorical flourish I should use so feedback on that would be helpful. EX: Am i giving too much, not enough, just the right amount of detail. OR The writing could benefit from more/less descriptive edits.
-There were some formatting issues of stuff for emphasis and such not sure whether I should really put them in or not?
Special note for people who have strong (negative) opinions about my posting history:
+ Show Spoiler +
That being said I came up with the story below the spoiler.
I guess I am posting requesting a variety of feedback. I'll say now my grammar probably sucks so sorry. If you want to give feedback on it feel free, but just know I realize it's probably not great, so try to put it in a way where I can fix it to tell the story better.
The main feedback I'm looking for on this is whether or not this sounds like a story worth writing/reading? Why or why not?
Whether the writing is decent enough that if the story was a good one I could do an acceptable job of writing it (even if it would take a significant amount of help from an editor or other writers)? Why or why not?
Couple other things I wanted to mention to try to make the feedback more functional and focused.
-This is my first effort at writing something fictional since Junior High.
-I realize there isn't much for characters that's because this is just a quick preamble type outline of a concept lol
-Like I said, I know there are grammar issues
-Combined with my posting history this opening sounds like it's going to be ultra political in nature with a strong left leaning. I can't expect everyone to believe me, but my current ideas have very little to do with current politics other than setting a scene/mood.
-That being said, I've never really "created characters" before so there's a strong chance people will see aspects of notable personalities incorporated into the story (whether I do it intentionally or not).
-I'm not sure how much rhetorical flourish I should use so feedback on that would be helpful. EX: Am i giving too much, not enough, just the right amount of detail. OR The writing could benefit from more/less descriptive edits.
-There were some formatting issues of stuff for emphasis and such not sure whether I should really put them in or not?
Special note for people who have strong (negative) opinions about my posting history:
+ Show Spoiler +
As tempted as you might be to crap on me just because there is an opportunity, keep in mind any time I spend writing a story is less time I have to participate in the forums where you may prefer not to see my posts.
Forgive Them Father...
Preamble
A FLASH so intensely brilliant it permanently blinded almost a third of the population instantly. In quick succession came a brain-rattling thunder that left everyone alive with a ringing in their ears, one I still hear. It was the first bomb dropped; the bomb itself didn’t surprise me, hearing it however, did. Having celebrated my 21st birthday the night before, we all knew what was coming. Instead of fretting and scrambling to collect our last minute supplies, my friends and I decided we would spend, what we were confident would be our last weekend on Mars, living. That’s not to say we didn’t prepare, just that we were dead set on not spending our last night alive like panicked rats on a sinking ship. The bomb we were all expecting had been dropped, but we were still here?
I’m sure you’re already wondering how we found ourselves preparing for our impending doom or like I was, wondering how/why we survived. That story starts long before my birthday celebration. Hell, it starts long before my birth. In order to understand what brought us to what has become known as “The Bombardment” or “The B” for short we have to go all the way back to the year 2075.
Humanity was moving as fast as ever. People were convinced they were living through the highest peak humanity had ever seen, and some thought they would ever reach. Scientists and earth advocates had been pleading with people for decades that our lifestyle wasn’t sustainable. Leaders and common men alike turned a deaf ear toward any and every warning. Like the sweetest lullaby from a new mother, leaders placated the most malleable people with lavish rhetoric and stagecraft, exploiting their every ignorance. Less gullible people were pacified with a counter narrative parroted by some of the most influential celebrities in society, warning of all the “inevitable dangers” and “imminent chaos” that would come from the types of changes those scientists called for.
The scientists and the open earth advocates were all but complete pariahs. They had been shoved off of the world stage and replaced with talented actors and actresses with phony degrees and research. They were sponsored by the moneyed few, who apparently at the time, wanted to be the richest men on earth just before it all went to hell.
By 2085 the camps had established lines and you were in one or the other. One camp, later known as the EIOH’s (Earth is our home)group, led by the moneyed elites, was full of faux scientists, the most ignorant and poor among humanity, those, who through threat or force, had been convinced that opposition was futile, and another much more secretive group most of humanity wouldn’t learn about for more than a century. The other camp that was known by its members as The SEA (Scientific Earth advocates) was led by the vast majority of earths remaining legitimate scientists, the aforementioned Earth Advocates, and all the people excluded from EIOH’s or EIOT’s (Earth Is Our Trashcan, as they were called by The SEA’s), plan.
In order to continue their research on the fate of Earth and humanity (which they knew would upset their EIOH counterparts) the SEA’s had spent previous decades constructing elaborate underground bunkers and networks to protect themselves from the most violent factions of the EIOH.
It was in one of those underground bunkers, deep beneath the dying Earth’s surface, called ECO12 where my family’s role in this story starts….
