EPTAnd some music before we start + Show Spoiler +
The things we put up with…
...to have some fun. Because in the end, that’s what the internet was made for. The very first network was created to make communications easier. Does anybody believe they talked about their work using it? No way, they all chatted about random bullshit and sent each other Ascii cats (which was considered original content back then). Fast forward to today and all people do on the internet is try really hard to have fun.
If you compare the world wide search for fun to something like a gold rush, you can easily draw analogies. there are places where you tiny bits of fun are pretty much the only thing there, like a plain covered in golden dust, with an occasional larger chunk. And there are places where you have to dig through a shitfilled trench to find something worthwhile, but when you do, it’s a huge nugget and you can safely retire for the day(you never do though). And of course there’s the museum exhibits and analogies falling apart and… You know how it is. Even if you work mostly online you do it so that you can spend the rest of your day having fun. Or trying to in most cases.
Even the age old “Internet was made for porn” is about a specific kind of fun, because you won't; tell (most) people don’t do porn for fun. Videos, pictures, games, conversations, discussions, witch hunts, shitstorms, ostracising, bullying, stalking, hacking. All done out of boredom, and combating boredom is the definition of fun.
In the problem free reality of the first world boredom and lack of goals are the only foes. We fight them hard, we spare no sacrifices, we lose, we win, in a neverending struggle to make our lives worth living most of us don’t even understand.
A paragraph of silence for those who have fallen…
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/ISa3f1u.png)
I must have fallen asleep because I suddenly found myself half lying in a pile of planks with a pink creature keeping my legs warm, by sleeping on them in an impressively adorable way. I started petting her(as you do) while thinking about what to do next.
-I think you need a name- I said as the creature in a stereotypically feminine color woke up- In these parts you won’t get far without a name. So I’ll call you Adora Belle- She looked at me with a look that said “U wot m8?”. Or maybe she was just confused? Who knows *shrug* -It’s a nice, descriptive came that can shortened in like six different ways, which is always a fun experience!
While not sharing my enthusiasm, freshly named Adora Belle didn’t seem upset either. Welp! Time for objections is up! We had to get moving, I had some stuff to share.
-Get the fuck off me, Miss Belle- I asked politely. As she hopped off my legs reluctantly, she gave me another ambiguous look. Maybe she prefered to be called a lady? Whatever. It was high time I got off my ass. And doing that might be even more challenging than usual after what I went through recently.
I might have been well rested and nourished but my legs were still in quite a state. It took me a couple minutes and a lot of sweat and huffing and puffing to get into a vertical position. I decided to grab a couple of table legs of the pile of trash I have just emerged from, one to use as a cane and the other I managed to attach to my backpack to use later for whatever. Better safe than sorry and a table leg is bound to be the symbol of safety SOMEWHERE.
Mobile and fallproof, I chewed on a particularly stringy bit of fun (longcat is long or some such) and walked outside, taking a moment to admire the trail we’ve left in the dust behind us. Fucking read something out of that, rangers of this world, a world devoid of giant seven legged spiders.
I walked the empty streets once again, feeling like it’s been ten years since I started this story… Yeah, no. I was quite well actually, even if slightly light headed, which ,considering my head was in fact lighter than I was used to, was to be expected. And it wasn’t until I reached the first crossroads that I realised I had absolutely no idea where I was and which way to go to reach the IRC basement. I looked behind and she, who led me here in the first place, was sitting there patiently, waiting for me to make a move.
-Wanna lead?- I asked. She perked her ears up and got ready to stand up so I said- Lead me home, Dora.
You can imagine my surprise when the result of my little experiment was the one and only Lady Adora instantly moving ahead, as confident as one can be. How did she know where to go when even I wasn’t really sure what place to call home? Excited to find out, I followed.
At the pace of an elderly couple on a Sunday afternoon walk, we traversed what was probably half of the length of the city. The only sound accompanying this epic journey was caused by me tripping over bricks and swearing passionately (and grammatically incorrect) in a multitude of languages. The city could not be more dead.
After what felt like many hours and probably wasn't even one, we reached a part of the city that was completely alien to me. The facades of houses were tiny, as if that Venetian tax was in effect when they were built. I would have remembered a tax that ridiculous, wouldn't I?
I didn't have much time to stand around and comb my memories because A. Belle walked into one of the first of the unnaturally narrow houses and was waiting for me with only her head and her tail sticking out of the doorway, two colorful spots on the otherwise perfectly gray street. I stopped scratching my beard and entered the building.
As I walked into the house The Belle was waiting in I discovered that the entire house was not only way darker than I expected, but also completely hollow- a tall, narrow room, reminiscent of a small village church. While trying to orientate myself in the darkness, realized that the door I was standing in was on the left side of the room, while a barely visible one on the other end was on the left. Marvelling at the creativity of the designers in our once beautiful metropoly, my hand automatically reached out to find a light switch. Shockingly, it found one.
After the dazzling effect of my discovery wore off I realized that my earlier association with a temple was quite accurate. Lit by a single crystal candelabra hanging from the roof itself, this rooms walls were covered in highly detailed monochromatic pictures depicting a heated battle. On the long walls a total of ten characters were engaged in vicious combat while the short one behind me depicted a giant tree, the opposite one had The Frozen Throne on it. Oh, chilly chair, I’ve destroyed you more times than I even attempted to defend you, yet I care so little for your opponent…
I took a closer look at the struggling characters, each of them shown with an angry, determined grimace on their faces. Except the ones without faces, as there were some of those too. When i touched one of the trees painted into the background I realized they aren’t actually painted as it left a black smear on my fingers. Someone painstakingly burned the pictures onto the wall, using a lighter or some other source of open flame. Considering the detail and scope of the work, reaching upwards of four meters up the wall, making this could have taken years. Years of hard work, burned fingers and eyebrows, choking on the smell of burnt plaster, designing the characters, living their pain and glory, chopping down the tree and melting the throne all forever buried in here, with nobody to appreciate it. I felt a sudden urge to take off my hat and stand there in silence, but for the lack of a hat, I just put my hand on my heart and whispered:
-Kill yourself, faggot.
At this moment the mood was ruined by an unpleasant sound of a rusty chain. I looked up, to where the sound seemed to be coming from, where the candelabra lighting the place was now swinging and had an additional pink accessory. There were so many lightbulbs on it the swinging didn’t even create any moving shadows,
-Adora ”The Ruiner of Moods” Belle, you get down here right this instant!- I yelled at her. She jumped down and stood in front of me, looking very ashamed- How did you even get up there?- The thing was hanging at least three meters of the ground- Oh, don’t you try that face on me.
She was doing the classic “look so cute he forgets the last five minutes” trick, but unfortunately for her I was immune to such things. You’d think she’d know better than to try something like that on someone who calls her an “adorable fuck”.
I sighed and decided to move on, while doing my best to remember the way back here.
As I was walking through the door besides the Cool Chair I used my dirty finger to inscribe my initials on the wall. Guest book officially started.
Eager to prove she is in fact a good girl and not Unbeara Belle, the Cat-thing, the pink city guide was already waiting outside ready to point me in the right direction. Not that I needed any pointing, we were in one of the claustrophobically narrow back alleys found behind most of the buildings around. After a couple minutes of walking the trash laden alleys, kicking around cans of spam and humming a dubstep beat, we walked out onto the plaza this whole thing started on. The IRC basement was just a throw away. Just a throw.
-I tip my hat to you, M’Lady, you brought me exactly where I wanted to go- I said to Lady Ad.Elle. She looked content as I scratched her behind the ear, and stayed behind when I walked towards the familiar entrance of #t .d ta. If you believe the sign above the door. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
Before I even got close I could smell it. The sweet smell of Home Sweet Home and sickening decay. I tried to push the door open, the one that used to be automatic, but to no avail. All I achieved was a disgusting, fleshy sound. That guy sleeping at the door must have still been there, blocking the passage. I stepped away before I suffocated from holding my breath for too long.
RIP #tl.dota2. You had a good run.
TLDR: Commas are my greatest enemy.
