EPTMy memory is average on the best of days and after a stressful day(today) its pretty shit. That being said memories surfaced that I never really investigated before. I knew that I had been to therapists when I was young (like 12y old), but I never really thought of anything of spending the entire session refusing to talk and crying. I knew that being called a faggot by a bunch of other boys for wrestling with some of my friends hurt at the time, but I never thought that it could possibly lead to seemingly lifelong dislike and distrust of anyone who seriously hurt me. All these occurrences and more that reinforced and lead to a lifetime of habits, a great big ball of habits obscured by ignorance and lack of awareness. The small light I have only reveals a couple at a time and dealing with them, deciding on what to do with them is another struggle entirely.
Realisations, revelations, whatever the fuck you want to call them is accidentally lighting up a habit or seeing what a possible habit could become. But if you don't do anything with them, then they have about as much relevance as every single other thought that went in and out of your mind without doing anything. To make something of a realisation you need to turn it into a habit, some sort of change in yourself or else its at best a good intention and at worst an empty threat. Not that there's anything wrong with that. According to some mystics (and I agree with this), the brain generates thought the same way a mouth makes saliva.
But back to my point. At any one given point in time, you can try and implement only a couple of habits. Willpower is a limited resource and the more profound the life change, the more likely it is to require more willpwoer. Start focusing on a single life changing idea and others will quickly slip by the wayside into irrelevance. They'll age quickly and suddenly. That one song that you thought changed you're entire view on a subject becomes repetitive and old. That saying that almost brought tears to your eyes loses all of its punch. Even the idea that you do take to heart and try and bring into your life will transcend whatever medium it used to reach you and take on a more personal meaning. If asked about it, you'll come up with analogies and metaphors to explain it, but they will fall short. You will have changed yourself slightly and your world will change with it. Enough of these changes and...
-
Fuck, I gotta get started. Takes 30 days to make a habit.
Also everyone (and I mean everyone) should read this blog.
www.markmanson.net
Peace
