EPT
Work (Gotta get dat yung money, cash money)
So, a big part of my last blog was complaining about how I didn’t have a job and how hard they were to find. I was able to remedy that, thankfully. I got a job at the local university’s bookstore, which was nice. I did that for a few weeks and then got a job at a summer camp. Both of them were “alright”. At the bookstore, we had a ton of staff, so no individual got that many hours per week, so pay wasn’t fantastic. I was clearing about $75-$85 a week. It wasn’t terribly intense work, but it was really dull. It was just cataloging and barcoding. Hated it. I like creating things or doing something with my hands, so it was a bit frustrating. I just constantly was thinking back to TL work or other projects that I could be working on.
At the camp, the pay was better (about $275 a week, plus tips once every two weeks). But it was pretty ass work. 8 hours a day, no breaks, 10 minutes to eat lunch while we worked the lunch room, always supposed to be patrolling the classroom. The counselor-camper ratio was a bit low, so that was frustrating as well. The kids were difficult to work with, since most of them were younger and didn’t really know computers all that well. The money was nice, since it’s gonna bankroll at least one big trip, but the unending stress for 6 weeks straight wasn’t really worth it. I passed out at home a few times, had no energy to work out and just had a miserable time.
Camp ended two weeks ago. I’m going back to the bookstore, but I want to make that as short a thing as possible. I’ll work through the initial freshman/beginning of term rush, but then I think I’ll look for work elsewhere.
Finding a New Home in Smash
Spoilering this, because it’s a bit of a long section. Basically, really been getting into Smash lately. Super grateful to everyone in the scene for being so wonderful and welcoming. Kind of my main way of socializing nowadays.
+ Show Spoiler +
Since I’ve gotten back to the Island, I’ve been desperate to find friends. I get to see my friends back in Connecticut once a week or so when I make the drive (usually killing my bookstore paycheck, lol). But, like, I wanted to find some people to chill with on the Island so I can be social without burning a $50 hole in my pocket. I found them, and a new community that I love and enjoy being a member of, in competitive Melee.
My “history in Melee” starts probably like 10 years ago when I started playing the damn game. I sucked dick, like I still do, but it didn’t matter. I had fun and enjoyed playing with my friends. My parents didn’t let me buy the game though, since it was rated T. Damn censors, lol. Still don’t know why that game is T either. I was entirely unaware of the competitive scene until I started getting into pro gaming as a whole in high school. I knew that people played it at a high level, and I would watch tournaments from time to time (definitely if they were on Twitch, but sometimes I would peruse YouTube to watch the matches, just googling M2K or Mango or whatever). But I never truly appreciated the game until I got to college.
One of the guys on the frisbee team that I was temporarily a part of would wear a few Smash shirts to practice. I recognized one of them from a tournament that I had seen, so I asked if he played competitively or something. He said he did, but he wasn’t a high tier player or anything. We played a bit, and I didn’t think much of it. Got bodied, had fun, but I was still didn’t really think of myself as a big Smash guy. All of that changed when The Smash Bros came out. I immediately fell in love with the history of the scene and its depth and complexity. I immediately went up to Ducky’s room and said “We’re playing. You aren’t working on that paper tonight.” What happened next was a 6 hour blur of the beginning of actual training.
After months of training and still being a scrub, I went to my first tournament and got rekt. Almost literally also, it was raining super hard when I drove home, hydroplaned a few times and I completely lost vision a few times.
But none of that mattered really. After Liquid picked up Ken and KDJ and announced our Smash forum, I decided that I wanted to do content for it. Like I said, I have a drive and a desire to create something. Initially, I started with doing an interview with Prog and securing an interview with PCChris at Justice 3 (PC ditched me on the agreed time though). I was looking at the MLG circuit and realized that one of the qualifiers was only an hour away from me. I grabbed a camera and started Facebook messaging the pros. Within two hours I had 10 interviews set up, before I realized I should have asked permission to do these interviews. Doesn’t matter, it all worked out. So once I got there, it was immediate how kind the community was. I was welcomed with open arms, with everyone asking me how I was enjoying the event. SolidJake offered me housing when he heard that I was going to have to drive to and from each day. Breakfast with Prog and D1, that kinda shit. Interviews went well and I really hit it off with several pros and high level players. Cyrain has great taste in baroque.
I ended up being invited to come and train with Hax, M2K, Armada and G$. G’s a Long Island homie and asked if I wanted to tag along, since I was already going to be in the city one day, handing off files to MLG (I had the only copy of 90% of Melee doubles. #2005Life). I was terrified to be in the same room with 3 of the top 10 players in the world, potentially having to play with them. Immediately my fears were assuaged. All 3 were welcoming and kind. They let me hop in for a few games on day 1, and on the last day, when everyone else was kind of burned out, Armada let me play about 50 or 55 games against him. I got 4 stocked a lot. All but one game.
Since then, I’ve gone to a few Long Island weeklies, some NYC weeklies and even a Mass weekly and viewing party. MattDotZeb saved my ass when I was stranded in Boston. Armada is still a homie and has been helping me with planning my trip to Dreamhack. Mango is a great guy to talk to, and I look forward to interviewing him at a tournament soon. I was planning on going to EVO, but the finances didn’t add up at the last moment. Putting the money elsewhere (Canadaaaaaaaaaa). Zenith was fantastic and I absolutely loved being able to see old homies and make some new friends. Also, we had a mini TL Staff meetup, which was fantastic (Myself, XXTN, Darkhorse. Both are fantastic guys. Darkhorse and I walked through the valley of shadows that is trial period together, so he's a mega homie). Really looking forward to the future of my involvement in the scene.
I’ve been trying to get better as a player. Smash is very much a game that shows you just how much you’re getting better. I love reviewing my games and noticing the small things getting tighter and tighter. More short hops than full jumps, better L canceling, dash dances being more appropriate lengths for the situation, handling combos better. It’s a bit tough at times, because of my wrists, but it’s not that bad. I’m working through it and I dropped my secondary Falco in favor of just focusing on Marth for now. The slower speed is great for my hands, I like how much I can change up my playstyle from game to game.
My “history in Melee” starts probably like 10 years ago when I started playing the damn game. I sucked dick, like I still do, but it didn’t matter. I had fun and enjoyed playing with my friends. My parents didn’t let me buy the game though, since it was rated T. Damn censors, lol. Still don’t know why that game is T either. I was entirely unaware of the competitive scene until I started getting into pro gaming as a whole in high school. I knew that people played it at a high level, and I would watch tournaments from time to time (definitely if they were on Twitch, but sometimes I would peruse YouTube to watch the matches, just googling M2K or Mango or whatever). But I never truly appreciated the game until I got to college.
One of the guys on the frisbee team that I was temporarily a part of would wear a few Smash shirts to practice. I recognized one of them from a tournament that I had seen, so I asked if he played competitively or something. He said he did, but he wasn’t a high tier player or anything. We played a bit, and I didn’t think much of it. Got bodied, had fun, but I was still didn’t really think of myself as a big Smash guy. All of that changed when The Smash Bros came out. I immediately fell in love with the history of the scene and its depth and complexity. I immediately went up to Ducky’s room and said “We’re playing. You aren’t working on that paper tonight.” What happened next was a 6 hour blur of the beginning of actual training.
After months of training and still being a scrub, I went to my first tournament and got rekt. Almost literally also, it was raining super hard when I drove home, hydroplaned a few times and I completely lost vision a few times.
But none of that mattered really. After Liquid picked up Ken and KDJ and announced our Smash forum, I decided that I wanted to do content for it. Like I said, I have a drive and a desire to create something. Initially, I started with doing an interview with Prog and securing an interview with PCChris at Justice 3 (PC ditched me on the agreed time though). I was looking at the MLG circuit and realized that one of the qualifiers was only an hour away from me. I grabbed a camera and started Facebook messaging the pros. Within two hours I had 10 interviews set up, before I realized I should have asked permission to do these interviews. Doesn’t matter, it all worked out. So once I got there, it was immediate how kind the community was. I was welcomed with open arms, with everyone asking me how I was enjoying the event. SolidJake offered me housing when he heard that I was going to have to drive to and from each day. Breakfast with Prog and D1, that kinda shit. Interviews went well and I really hit it off with several pros and high level players. Cyrain has great taste in baroque.
I ended up being invited to come and train with Hax, M2K, Armada and G$. G’s a Long Island homie and asked if I wanted to tag along, since I was already going to be in the city one day, handing off files to MLG (I had the only copy of 90% of Melee doubles. #2005Life). I was terrified to be in the same room with 3 of the top 10 players in the world, potentially having to play with them. Immediately my fears were assuaged. All 3 were welcoming and kind. They let me hop in for a few games on day 1, and on the last day, when everyone else was kind of burned out, Armada let me play about 50 or 55 games against him. I got 4 stocked a lot. All but one game.
Since then, I’ve gone to a few Long Island weeklies, some NYC weeklies and even a Mass weekly and viewing party. MattDotZeb saved my ass when I was stranded in Boston. Armada is still a homie and has been helping me with planning my trip to Dreamhack. Mango is a great guy to talk to, and I look forward to interviewing him at a tournament soon. I was planning on going to EVO, but the finances didn’t add up at the last moment. Putting the money elsewhere (Canadaaaaaaaaaa). Zenith was fantastic and I absolutely loved being able to see old homies and make some new friends. Also, we had a mini TL Staff meetup, which was fantastic (Myself, XXTN, Darkhorse. Both are fantastic guys. Darkhorse and I walked through the valley of shadows that is trial period together, so he's a mega homie). Really looking forward to the future of my involvement in the scene.
I’ve been trying to get better as a player. Smash is very much a game that shows you just how much you’re getting better. I love reviewing my games and noticing the small things getting tighter and tighter. More short hops than full jumps, better L canceling, dash dances being more appropriate lengths for the situation, handling combos better. It’s a bit tough at times, because of my wrists, but it’s not that bad. I’m working through it and I dropped my secondary Falco in favor of just focusing on Marth for now. The slower speed is great for my hands, I like how much I can change up my playstyle from game to game.
School Stuff
I went to Gettysburg College last year. My application process consisted of bringing a list to my college advisor of schools that I liked, her telling me what schools I could get into, those I couldn’t, and a list of what schools I should apply to instead. In the end, my whole search process consisted of a few quick visits to some schools in MD and PA, since we were passing through there anyway. I kind of liked Gettysburg the most, so I ended up just deciding on there. It wasn’t really something that I put a ton of thought into. I just figured, “Oh, I know one or two people there, it seems nice, and it’s in between a few cities. And it’s college, anywhere will be fun”. Yeah. That went well.
I hated school. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with almost nothing to do. It was odd, but even a place so wide open felt like such a cage. The classes were ok, but I was really nervous about talking with my professors. At my high school, it was super tiny, so we all had each teacher a few times. We knew our teachers super well, first name basis with most, joked around, chatted about what books we were reading. So, talking to teachers was really easy. At school, I felt super intimidated by teachers. They were nice, but a bit distant. I always worried that as a 101 student, I wasn’t really worth their time. Classes were a bit big for my liking, but I think that was just a consequence of high school (largest class I ever had was 15 people).
Beyond the academics, I felt so trapped socially. There really isn’t much to do there. By virtue of being in the middle of nowhere, you lose your local entertainment. The cities (Baltimore, DC, Pitt, Philly) were actually all pretty far away, so no one really went there either. For the most part, social life at Gettysburg consisted of heavy drinking at frat parties all weekend long, nothing during the week, and then repeating. I aint about that life. I was able to fill some of my time with improv club, some practicing Smash with the homies, but besides that, it was just kind of “Well…. guess we’re playing video games again”. Which is great, just not when it’s every single week.
That, combined with homesickness for my old state really just wore me down. My grades started slipping and I got really depressed again. Hadn’t gotten that bad since early high school. Had a lot of issues just getting out of bed in the morning, sleep problems, appetite problems. I really could only motivate myself for doing coding for a CS class I was taking, TL work, and improv. Eventually, I started to realize that I was just going to completely burn out at that rate. It sucked, but I ended up applying for a leave of absence, which basically means I don’t have failures marked on my record, can take a half load at another school in the fall, and have an open invitation back in the spring. I left a few weeks before finals, which was a huge relief. It did hurt though, leaving all of my friends. I miss them. :/
Now I’m registering for classes at the school where my dad works. It’s looking like I’ll actually just do a full year here, rather than go back to PA in the spring. I really hate this school also, but more importantly Long Island in general. It’s just not a fun place to be. It’s the only place that I’ve ever been to that actively makes me depressed. It’s eternal strip mall, suburbia and economic developments. No river, no big forests, no big parks. No nice, quiet back roads to drive through. Everything is so damn fast paced, but for no reason at all. The worst part is that I’m here by my own damn fault. If I had put more effort into searching for a school, this never would have happened. I’m already getting ready for a big search this fall. Want to go somewhere with a strong debate team (all I did in HS was debate and play Starcraft), in a city and with a strong international presence.
Going Forward
The next few months are gonna be pretty interesting. I’m gonna work a lot on TL stuff. Doing a few tournaments over the span of the year. Booked everything for IEM Toronto, getting a carpool together for The Big House 4, ESL New York is 45 minutes away, GUTS3 at Foxwoods in September, and Dreamhack Winter in November (and maybe Blizzcon also). I’ve been improving my writing in general, so that’s nice. I’m really gonna focus a lot on improving my Dota knowledge for my LiquidDota work, since I always feel that that’s a bit lacking, in comparison to the other guys on staff (Shoutout to the LD crew. Amazing group of guys over there). I’m thinking about streaming some of my Dota practice, but maybe not since #TrenchWarfare. I’m gonna try and play Starcraft seriously again. My wrists are finally starting to feel healthy again, so hopefully I can really play again.
Socially, it’s gonna be pretty weird. All of my friends from CT are off to college now, so I don’t really have anyone that I can go back to there. I’m gonna start coaching the debate team at my old school, so that should at least keep me busy one day a week. Since I’m only taking a half load, I’m gonna start to see if I can do 3 day weekends and drive around to some of my friends’ schools (most of them are in New England) and hang there. I like meeting new people and I love driving, so it’s kinda the best of both worlds. I’m also gonna be going to CT at least through September. My old English teacher/debate coach works at a polo barn over the summer, and I finally took her up on her offer to come and see a polo game this weekend. So much fun. I used to love horses when I lived in Colorado, so being around them again was comforting. Helping in the stables was pretty fun also.
Overall, I think my goals for the next few months are to start really working on working out again. I’ve finally got back into my rhythm now that camp is over, so I want to keep that momentum going. I’m also going to work on really killing it with my classes this semester. Hopefully I can really get my grades up and have a killer application ready for the transfer search. I also want to try and get back into music. I kind of lost that passion for a bit at school, and I’d love to get it back. My friend is making some amazing music right now, so I want to try and get at least 10% of his creativity and apply it. And most importantly, I just want to work on being happy.
Music
Did this last time, and really enjoyed it. Just gonna list all the albums that I’ve been listening to lately. Been re-reading “Our Band Could Be Your Life”, so that’s forming a bulk of it.
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Minutemen - Double Nickels on the Dime
Tourist - Patterns
Husker Du - New Day Rising
Husker Du - Candy Apple Gray
The Replacements - Let It Be
Eest Coast - My Luv
Manon Meurt - Manon Meurt
Big Black - Songs About Fucking
Mudhoney - Superfuzz Bigmuff
Kevin Abstract - 1987 (My friend that I mentioned produced this. Was blown away by how solid it is. Been bumping it a lot since I got the demos.)
Dinosaur Jr - Without a Sound
Obituary - Cause of Death
American Football - American Football (They're coming to NYC the day after ESL NY, soooooo hype to see them.
Sorority Noise - forgettable
Black Flag - My War
A bunch of John Mayer's acoustic shit.
Tourist - Patterns
Husker Du - New Day Rising
Husker Du - Candy Apple Gray
The Replacements - Let It Be
Eest Coast - My Luv
Manon Meurt - Manon Meurt
Big Black - Songs About Fucking
Mudhoney - Superfuzz Bigmuff
Kevin Abstract - 1987 (My friend that I mentioned produced this. Was blown away by how solid it is. Been bumping it a lot since I got the demos.)
Dinosaur Jr - Without a Sound
Obituary - Cause of Death
American Football - American Football (They're coming to NYC the day after ESL NY, soooooo hype to see them.
Sorority Noise - forgettable
Black Flag - My War
A bunch of John Mayer's acoustic shit.
Congrats, you made it this far. Here's me with my teacher's dog at the farm.
+ Show Spoiler +
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/evjxv16.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/xQcD2U4.jpg)
Trying to forget her
I’d say the worst part about being home and the leave from school is the emotional part. It may have been a terrible environment, but that tends to make you find people that you enjoy being with. I did make some actually amazing friends while I was there. Homies to Smash with, guys who I played Dota with, folks to chill and watch Korean movies with. I miss my friends. I miss my improv club.
But I miss her such much more. She was perfect. And then it slipped through my hands. I never said goodbye to her. Guess now it's time to forget.
BONUS. You got through that emo bullshit. Time for you guys to know my secret....
I'm actually Stephano
