Pros: Lots of Fun Laugh a lot. Makes me a lot more energized. Makes me more social. Charming
Cons: Share less mutual interests. Half the shit I say is kind of disregarded. Too different? Less smart.
Type B: 'The soulful Introvert'
Pros: Deep eye connection. Like we look into each other's eyes and see our souls. Get each other. Smart
Cons: It's just the two of us loners alone in our little world. Lower energy. Not much laughter. Relationship gets kind of boring, repetitive. Too similar? Less charming.
================================================================= Will I ever meet a Hybrid Type A and Type B? Do I need to become a Hybrid Type A / B before I can attract one? Is this pattern of attraction similar for you guys as well?
I've dated girls on the premise that having ALL THE THINGS in common is ideal, of paramount importance, and I've dated girls who have very little in common with me. Either way can be fun, but I've found that those relationships only get boring, or I only got tired of them not having x, y, and z on common with me once I started to try and categorize them. Maybe I sound like a pretentious fucker, but when you try to have a formula, a ruleset, or list that people need to pass in order to be compatible for friendship or a romantic relationship you start to lose touch with that person and what makes them special. Which in my opinion is what really matters. It's like you always hear: find someone who loves you for you, for who you really are. You have to be prepared do the reverse, to see them for who they really are before you can really be compatible or incompatible.
Is any girl the bands she's into, the games she plays, the books she reads, the field of study she's in, or her choice of drink? IMO absolutely not. If those things concern anyone (or you) THAT much, they should just go turn to online dating and let the maths decide for them.
My tl;dr advice is this: if you're looking for someone in the traditional way (see: blind luck and a little bit of fate thrown in) you should let go of the rules and stigmas. Let go of personality type, interests, hobbies, and look straight for the person. To me your trying to guess what the ocean looks like by looking at a river that flows into it.
Smart people aren't likely to be satisfied listening to only pop music and watching reality TV, but she may have her own wacky taste very different from yours. Shy girls probably won't be picked up at the bar, but they may still be there just to have a good time. You can guess, but there's anyways exceptions to the rules, and enough outliers to make it a guessing game even on a good day.
It all goes hand in hand and it's OK to want to have similar interests, but IMO it's a big mistake to look for the symptoms of a compatible personality before the looking for the person behind them. I'm not trying to say what you're doing is bad or wrong, nor am I trying to be demeaning or belittling. Just give her a shot, and give yourself a shot to impress.Pros, con's, hybrid this, hybrid that, we're talking about people here. Fickle, ever changing people. That type B might like you enough to try going out and trying new things sometime, that type A might trust you enough to share interests sometime. Maybe type F that you never would give a chance to normally reveals that she's been to see your favorite band eight times and suddenly there's a conversation, a connection, a spark.
God, I rambled on forever man, I'm sorry about that. Didn't mean to, but now I can't bring myself to delete it lol Just keep trying your best but take it easy on the pros and con's Fire can start anywhere with the right timing and fuel. My most recent ex girlfriend and I only happened because she went out on a limb to tell me she liked me. We had nothing in common. It didn't work out, and that's OK. But we both had fun, and were left with way more good memories than bad, all because someone I had totally overlooked decided to get my attention one day and then boom, a fire started. :D sorry about writing you a novel in response. Hope it wasn't a waste of time to read haha
Your categories are artificial and deeply hurting your perception of women. No group of people can be so neatly divided; in reality, every person will be a mixture of the two.
You are probably attracted to both categories because you value everything they offer as a whole. The question you must ask yourself is whether they are doomed to belong in separate categories, or that you could bring out the extroverted aspects of the introvert (and vice versa) through their attraction to you.
On August 11 2014 12:32 CosmicSpiral wrote: Your categories are artificial and deeply hurting your perception of women. No group of people can be so neatly divided; in reality, every person will be a mixture of the two.
So true; too many people get caught up in separating everything into black-and-white type categories.
"But she's an extrovert! She shouldn't be home reading!" "You're too introverted. I didn't invite you because I thought you'd just say no anyways."
Everything is more of a gray area than people are willing to consider. Especially people. Simplifying sucks - don't over think this.
the fact that you're analyzing relationships this way is a major relationship problem in itself and a sign that, as cosmicspiral was getting at, you're too fixated on women as some kind of mechanical construct who exist to fill a role and serve a purpose
if you're sitting there during a date measuring and rating the things she says and ticking boxes in your head, you're very unlikely to end up in a meaningful relationship because you're ignoring what really matters, which is whether you enjoy being around the person and whether they make you happy
most people have tons of friends who have different opinions, different tastes, even totally different worldviews. good relationships are friendships at their basis, so why should they be any different?
There's a big misconception about introverts and extroverts. People tend to think that extroverts like to talk, mingle, party, while introverts like to read, think and take long walks on the beach. So the extroverts go to parties and the introverts go home to read a book. The End.
But when it comes to being an extrovert/introvert, it's not about what people "like", it's about what they get energy out of. Extroverts build up energy by going to a party. Introverts lose energy by going to a party. On the other hand, introverts build up energy when being on their own, while extroverts lose energy by being on their own. Losing energy in itself is not a bad thing at all. You lose energy by playing sports, and most people enjoy that. But you have to keep it in mind when planning stuff.
An extrovert might say "Boy, I'm so tired after a long day's work. I better go to that party tonight". An introvert might say "Yelps, better leave home early, so I can go to that party tonight" But in the end, both of them will be at the party, no doubt about it! A party with only extroverts would be boring as hell
Back to topic: it's perfectly feasible to find a nice outgoing girl that's also smart and soulful the day after. But bringing your checklist to TL is not the way to find her
On August 11 2014 12:32 CosmicSpiral wrote: Your categories are artificial and deeply hurting your perception of women. No group of people can be so neatly divided; in reality, every person will be a mixture of the two.
So true; too many people get caught up in separating everything into black-and-white type categories.
"But she's an extrovert! She shouldn't be home reading!" "You're too introverted. I didn't invite you because I thought you'd just say no anyways."
Everything is more of a gray area than people are willing to consider. Especially people. Simplifying sucks - don't over think this.
Everyone wants to have a type, its easier to categorize, but in reality there are no such things as types and categories of such.
On August 11 2014 12:01 Kommatiazo wrote: I've dated girls on the premise that having ALL THE THINGS in common is ideal, of paramount importance, and I've dated girls who have very little in common with me. Either way can be fun, but I've found that those relationships only get boring, or I only got tired of them not having x, y, and z on common with me once I started to try and categorize them. Maybe I sound like a pretentious fucker, but when you try to have a formula, a ruleset, or list that people need to pass in order to be compatible for friendship or a romantic relationship you start to lose touch with that person and what makes them special. Which in my opinion is what really matters. It's like you always hear: find someone who loves you for you, for who you really are. You have to be prepared do the reverse, to see them for who they really are before you can really be compatible or incompatible.
Is any girl the bands she's into, the games she plays, the books she reads, the field of study she's in, or her choice of drink? IMO absolutely not. If those things concern anyone (or you) THAT much, they should just go turn to online dating and let the maths decide for them.
My tl;dr advice is this: if you're looking for someone in the traditional way (see: blind luck and a little bit of fate thrown in) you should let go of the rules and stigmas. Let go of personality type, interests, hobbies, and look straight for the person. To me your trying to guess what the ocean looks like by looking at a river that flows into it.
I don't normally expect to find much in the way of relationship posts I agree with on TL, but this is absolutely spot on. Really well said.
EPT
Fire can start anywhere with the right timing and fuel. My most recent ex girlfriend and I only happened because she went out on a limb to tell me she liked me. We had nothing in common. It didn't work out, and that's OK. But we both had fun, and were left with way more good memories than bad, all because someone I had totally overlooked decided to get my attention one day and then boom, a fire started. :D sorry about writing you a novel in response. Hope it wasn't a waste of time to read haha
