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Worrying causes doubt which causes sadness

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Bunn Estonia934 Posts August 05 2014 15:03 GMT #1 Although I convinced myself that I want to go to college for ICT, the closer I get to the day of confirming my attendance, the more I feel like I've made a huge mistake. Earlier on I got accepted to philosophy in another university, but due to outside pressure and everyone telling me it's pointless, I decided to opt out of it. What's even more stupid, is that I prepared a whole year for philosophy, and yet when the time finally came, I abandoned my resolve. Today I had an interview with the college which has the IT program. The college itself is at quite a remote location, which, although peaceful and beautiful, seems far away from civilization. I don't have a car, and I don't want to take a bus just to get to the closest food shop. Anyways, the interview went quite well, but during that I realized something: I don't like writing. I can do it for my own enjoyment, but when it comes to school and writing, I get uncomfortable. I just don't feel like doing it. So I guess my point is, I don't feel like going back to college. I dropped out once, but I don't feel like re-attending either. I just have this hunch that I wouldn't do too great of a job at studying. Growing lack of motivation is a problem too. Some vocational schools are still taking applications, but I don't feel like attending those either. I can't really think of any good trades to learn. Getting a job is what I'm strongly considering. I don't even care anymore what I would do, just anything to keep my mind occupied until conscription at spring. I want some money, just to feel more independent. I feel like this is currently my greatest weakness, and I don't think I will be able to obtain any form of further education, until I get a job. I feel empty. There is no motivation to keep me moving forward. I want to travel and see the world, but I have idea how to do that. I want to be a musician, to make people happy. I just want something, but what?

nunun Denmark181 Posts August 05 2014 15:32 GMT #2 When I was younger, I shared many of your concerns and doubts. First and foremost, the only one worth listening to most of the time is yourself (you seem to have that one figured out). I have had several pivots since I left high school, and looking back, I see it as a strength rather than a weakness. By allowing myself to change direction I have remained true to myself, and gotten a much more versatile skill set than I would otherwise. For me personally, trying out various jobs and internships, as well as dropping out of college, has been key to finding out what I'm passionate about (and certainly also figuring out what I don't want to waste my time doing).

ThomasjServo 15244 Posts August 05 2014 21:51 GMT #3 I think the not everyone needs to go to college argument is an interesting one, but don't know how it would apply to Estonia. I can, however sympathize with the title of the blog. End of the day do what is right for you, if going to school will be a money/time sink that won't make you happy try a different approach.

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