William Shakespeare's Dark Knight

[Enter two HENCHMEN and the JOKER, dressed in identical masks.]

HENCHMAN 1: 	Three of a kind are we. Anon we seek
		To purge these walls of value stored within.

HENCHMAN 2: 	Are three enough for our endeavours?

HENCHMAN 1:						Nay,
		For two upon the battlements await
		Our signal to begin the final deed.
		We part five ways our spoils. They shall suffice.

HENCHMAN 2: 	Thou art mistaken, brother. We are six.
		The mastermind demandeth his own share.

HENCHMAN 1:	He doth believe that he shall plenty reap
		When he hath not sown any seeds himself?

HENCHMAN 2:	How fitting that this jester who works not
		Doth answer to the Joker as his name.

[Enter two more HENCHMEN, also masked, on the balcony.]

HENCHMAN 3:	My dear companion, prithee tell me this:
		Why doth our chief a Joker term himself?

HENCHMAN 4:	I know not why, friend, but I hear
		A rumor, quite peculiar, that he weareth,
		Like the savage, mask of paint beneath
		His own disguise, to better stimulate
		A shroud of fear in friend and foe alike.

[Below, HENCHMEN draw their weapons.]

HENCHMAN 1:	Now kneel, you guardians of others' wealth
		And reapers of still others' pittances!
		We seek to repossess all that you guard
		And then to make it ours.

HENCHMAN 2:				On pain of death,
		Raise arms where they are clear and visible
		For all our eyes to see! Make no rash moves.

HENCHMAN 3:	The teller sounds his clarion call abroad
		In hopes that the police shall soon arrive.
		But fie! His efforts are in vain, for I
		Control the channel of his mute alarm.
		But here's the rub - his call was to
		An address I know not of.

HENCHMAN 4: 				Knowest thou
		If it shalt bear adversity?

HENCHMAN 3: 					Fear not.
		My efforts in this deed are now complete.

[HENCHMAN 4 shoots HENCHMAN 3, then exits. HENCHMAN 3 dies.]

HENCHMAN 2:	Be still, my prisoners, or face my wrath!

[Enter TELLER, who fires upon the HENCHMAN.]

JOKER:		(Aside): I had not planned for this! But now methinks
		This worker of the bank could serve me well.

TELLER:		Thou knave! Face retribution for thy sins!
		Ill repossession of our money brings
		But naught to thy own fortunes!

HENCHMAN 2:				(To Joker): Dearest friend,
		Has our new foe depleted his reserve?

[JOKER nods. HENCHMAN 2 rises and is shot.]

HENCHMAN 2:	This cannot be betrayal! Nay, it seems
		My old companion's simple mind has led
		To downfall for another. Now, I sleep! (Dies.)

JOKER rises and shoots Teller.

TELLER:		(Aside): My weapon has discharged its final shot!
		I am defenseless.

HENCHMAN 1:			Fool! Thy blund'rous count
		Hath led one of our number to be slain!
		(To Henchman 4): Now, prithee tell, where went thy partner
		After he had finished in his devious work?

HENCHMAN 4:	I hath fullfilled my man's instruction, sir,
		To slay him once his service was complete.
		For one less share yields more for all the rest.

HENCHMAN 1:	He left a sim'lar comment for myself.

HENCHMAN 4:	No! Dear man, thou canst not turn on me so!

HENCHMAN 1 kills HENCHMAN 4.

HENCHMAN 1:	I've plundered all I can here. Had our man
		Been slightly wiser, he would have produced
		A vehicle more suitable for us
		And all the plentitude of our great spoils.
		But I can not allow thou to escape,
		For I fear he instructed thou to go
		And slay me like we've slain the others since?

JOKER:		But thou art gravely wrong. I kill the man
		Who drives the yellow bus.

HENCHMAN 1:				What bus?

[Enter BUS. BUS runs over HENCHMAN 1, who dies.]

JOKER:						That bus.

BUS:		(Aside:) Awaiteth he who claimeth all for one,
		Awaiteth he who doth not know his doom
		Awaiteth I to leap into the sun
		Before the constables claim this their room.

[BUS door opens, and HENCHMAN 5 exits the vehicle.]

HENCHMAN 5:	Our task is now complete! But soft, what ill
		Has caused our noble friends to plunge in death?

[JOKER kills HENCHMAN 5.]

TELLER:		Thou scum art rotten to thy shriveled hearts,
		And turn upon each other like the hounds
		Who gladly, in starvation, slay their own
		And steal the scraps of meat for their own selves.
		When I was young, I saw nobility
		Amongst thy kind, but now that time has passed.
		And so have honor and respect. Do tell,
		If I may have one final breath from thou -
		What dark beliefs abound betwixt thy ears?

JOKER:		I have but one - that all which kills one not
		Will simply make one stranger in his thought.

[Exeunt JOKER upon the BUS.]

[Enter CHECHEN and his MEN, opposite from CRANE and his MEN.]

CHECHEN:	Mark, men, the signal blazed upon the sky!
		It is of Batman, but we need not fear
		For we have brought our hounds. But soft you now,
		For we shall hear our patron's agony.

CHECHEN'S MAN:	Lo! There lieth naught around me but hellfire and agony! I
		venture through the pits of Tartarus itself, and mark
		only the signs and scars of damnation. I know not the
		meaning of this, good Chechen, for your vacant face
		mirrors mine in continence and wisdom.

CRANE:		Go to, my client! yours as well! There's naught
		I promised that I failed to undertake.
		The sweet elixir bought upon your ducats
		Takes you on a journey, as I claimed.
		But what I did not claim was happiness
		Upon the journey thy man goeth on.

CHECHEN:	My business is corrupted, thine as well!

CRANE:		If thou wouldst savor not the choice I give
		Upon thy unrefinèd palate, ponder this:
		Where wilt thou find another vendor that
		The caped crusader hath not seized or killed?

[Enter CHECHEN's HOUNDS, bound to one of the MEN.]

CHECHEN:	Enough of this! My hounds, they hunger! Ho!

[Enter IMPOSTER.]

CHECHEN:	The Batman! 'Tis a shame thou art but one
		Against a multitude of mine own hounds!

[Enter another IMPOSTER.]

CRANE:		Impossible. A ruse this surely is.

[IMPOSTERS and CHECHEN'S MEN begin to duel.]

CHECHEN:	The hounds! Release the hounds!

HOUND:						Bark, bark!

[Enter BATMAN.]
			
IMPOSTER 1:	My enemy retreateth, I advance!
		Thou shalt no more dispense thy evil here
		Or suffer thou my unrelenting wrath.

BATMAN:		Thy weapon I destroy, for naught thy art,
		No man must choose to follow my dark path.

CRANE:		What, ho! The true crusader shows his face?

HOUND:		Bark bark, woof!

IMPOSTER 2:			I am bitten!

BATMAN:						Come, thy fiend!

[HOUND and BATMAN fight.]

BATMAN:		Perhaps I have the strength to quell this beast,
		But now is not the time - escapeth Crane!

[Exeunt CHECHEN and the MEN. BATMAN fights CRANE, who is defeated.]

BATMAN:		Now kneel, and wait thou here for proper justice!
		
IMPOSTER:	Good Batman, I mean only to assist!

BATMAN:		Thy labor I require not, unless
		Thou wishest to assist me in the task
		Of keeping this man warm.

CRANE:					Sir, if I may
		I am an expert in the human mind,
		And seemest you to be in need of aid
		Far more than you believest you to need.

IMPOSTER:	What gives thou the right to leave me scorned?
		What difference doth we have?

BATMAN:						I wear not rags.

[Exit BATMAN.]

[Enter ALFRED and BRUCE.]

ALFRED:		Methinks your stormy mind will ease somewhat
		When your abode will have been built anew.
		Then you may sleep not in your large estate
		In place of sleeping not in other quarters.
		My charge, do not keep entertaining your belief
		That you shalt remedy your newfound wounds
		Or you will find that blood spilled on the eve
		Will make itself twofold upon this floor.

BRUCE:		Dear servant, thou art right, of course, but mark -
		Each wound that scars this flesh will imprint thus
		The knowledge in my mind of errors made.

ALFRED:		Your mind would then be shriveled like a prune.

BRUCE:		My skin shall shrivel under all this weight
		Perchance my armor could be made more light?

ALFRED:		Ask Lucius, for knoweth he a way.
		This aperture, which beast hath made it so?

BRUCE:		A hound.

ALFRED:			A hound?

BRUCE:				Aye, very large in girth.
		But that is of no issue. My two eyes
		Have cast themselves upon pretenders two,
		Who came with arms and armor.

ALFRED:						Perhaps you
		Could take them into your employ, and let them serve
		While you enjoy your rest some useless day?

BRUCE:		Good Alfred, when I asked for men to come
		And take after my lead, I meant not this.

ALFRED:		You speak the truth, as always. But weep not,
		For tidings have improved for our own Gotham.
		Mark you the new attorney of the land?

BRUCE:		A thousand times, and soon, a thousand more.
		I see his every blink and bow and breath,
		For here is how I judge a man to know
		If I may trust him thus or trust him not.

ALFRED:		And do you lay your trust in deeds of men,
		Or do you choose them by their choice of friends?

BRUCE:		(Aside): 'Tis Rachel on the screen! My heart is shot!
		Nay, friend, the hearer of her words must be
		Her choice and hers alone.

ALFRED:					And were it me
		Who left for leisure time, what dost you then?

BRUCE:		And if thou didst once leave, I surely might.

ALFRED:		Your scars run deep. Be sure to know the place
		Your bright horizons lie, for there they do.

BRUCE:		The Batman has none such, for he is night!

ALFRED:		But you are not the Batman, and you do.

BRUCE:		E'en so, they must remain unknown to me.

ALFRED:		And on the day I wish to fathom not,
		When your horizon reacheth your own skin
		And kiss you with the light by which men fly,
		How do we then?

BRUCE:				Thou leavest admonitions
		At every corner present. Thus thou mayst
		Once more leave all thou wishest for myself.

ALFRED:		I fear that I could never let that be.
		(Aside:) Although I may, but one must wait to see!

[Exeunt all.]

[Enter JUDGE, MARONI and his WITNESS, RACHEL, ATTORNEYS, and AUDIENCE. HARVEY follows.]

HARVEY:		Excuse my absence. Time was not my friend.

RACHEL:		Where hath thou been?

HARVEY:					Perchance, afraid thou art
		That thou shalt be the hammer for today?
		
RACHEL:		Go to! My knowledge of this matter knoweth
		No boundary nor obstacle to be
		A detriment to that which needs employ.

HARVEY:		Fair maiden, let our fortune be the judge.
		Shall this coin land with damsel facing up
		I'll take the case. The other, be it thou.

RACHEL:		And leave our prosecution to a coin?

HARVEY:		'Tis luck. It led me to thy chambers once.

RACHEL:		And thou shalt leave this matter, then, to chance?

HARVEY:		Nay, nay. This luck I make alone.
		Mark here, the damsel's ear meets mine own eye.
		The case is mine.

MARONI:				And doth thou not partake
		In silly games with rulers of this land?
		I thought that thy profession wert but so.

HARVEY:		Festivities begin at half past one,
		But now, the clock has stricken only ten.
		I have much room to capture thou in thine.
		(To Witness:) Now, man, couldst thou identify the scum
		Who dares to run a ring of crime beneath
		Our very noses? Is he here with us?

WITNESS:	Indeed, he is!

HARVEY:				Then where, sir, does he sit?

WITNESS:	Upon my chair.

HARVEY:				Fie! Liest thou, or yet
		Perhaps thou liest on this paper here
		Where swore thou that Maroni is the head!

WITNESS:	He's but a fool we pay to take the fall.

HARVEY:		I'll not stand for such talk! Arrest this man!

WITNESS:	Arrest me then, if thou art truly able! Draws pistol, which jams.

HARVEY:		Brandish thou a weapon! Speak, my fists!
		(To Maroni:) This pistol found its life upon the Orient.
		Domestic weapons serve thou far more well.
		But first, to finish what we left to start.
		(Aside:) And after all, a man must play his part.

[Exeunt all.]

[Enter HARVEY and RACHEL.]

RACHEL:		Though pistol to Maroni we may not
		Connect at present moment, the obtuse
		Assassin on the stand is proof enough
		That we are nearing this exertion's end.
		And such a spectacle shall mark as well
		Thy putting to good use. Contrariwise,
		If wishest thy more rest, it shall be so.

HARVEY:		I cannot claim my rest at present hour.
		For MCU requests my aid as well.

RACHEL:		Jim Gordon? Beeth he a friend to us.
		Containest thou they hate toward his friends. [Exits.]

[Enter GORDON.]

GORDON:		Aye, 'tis a shame Maroni will go free.

HARVEY:		His people are forgiving. Such are ways
		Of criminals in his part of the town.
		But now for this: Why give me these marked bills?
		This seems to be above thy statue here.

GORDON:		I have a man from elsewhere.

HARVEY:						Save thy breath,
		I want a meeting with your maskèd man.

GORDON:		If he shows half his visage in these halls,
		We must arrest him by the laws of men.

HARVEY:		And shinest thou thy floodlight on the roof?

GORDON:		If patterns doth appear in the night sky,
		The maint'nance team will aid in remedy.

HARVEY:		Though I have put the laund'rers behind bars,
		The wealth still flows well through.
		So take thy hidden lance and plunge it far
		Within their dirty wallets. 'Tis quite bold.
		I wish to play a part in thy next step.

GORDON:		The fewer men embark on our endeavour,
		The safer it shall be.

HARVEY:					And men who I
		Have, in the past, subdued and thrown in jail
		Now walk and act behind thy wid'ning back.

GORDON:		And had they stayed in prison, our number
		Within our unit's walls would be but one.
		Though I do not have perfect aides that serve,
		They are the best fate has to offer me,
		And I must earn my keep with what you see.

HARVEY:		And now I seize five banks for evidence
		While barren is my mind for their contents?

GORDON:		All I can offer are the names thy seek'st.

HARVEY:		It shall suffice, for now. But mark this,
		I need unalienable trust from thy own lips.

GORDON:		O! sell me not! Thou art the whitest knight
		This Gotham can hence conjure. Thou I trust.

HARVEY:		Methinks they have a diff'rent name for me
		Where thou residest.

GORDON:					Nay, I disagree.

[Exeunt all.]

[Enter HARVEY and RACHEL.]

HARVEY:		Three weeks I labored just to earn these seats
		I wore the mask of fed'ral agent, too.

RACHEL:		Go to!

HARVEY:			Th'inspector gave his way, and now we sit.

[Enter BRUCE and NATASHA.]

BRUCE:		Good Rachel! What a pleasure seeing thou!

RACHEL:		Well met, O gentle Bruce!

BRUCE:					And here, my guest.
		Her name's Natasha.

RACHEL:					Dancer from the East?

BRUCE:		The same.

RACHEL:			Quite int'resting! For Harvey
		Taketh me to see her dance next week.

BRUCE:		And art thou, gentle Harvey, man of dance?

HARVEY:		Well met, Bruce Wayne. I heard much good
		Of thou and thy endeavours from good Rachel.

BRUCE:		With certainty I hope the opposite.
		But for my guest and I, we shall arrange
		A second table here beside the first,
		And wipe bemusèd color from thy cheeks.
		I own this house and all within its walls.

[They sit.]

NATASHA:	How could one raise a child within this town?

BRUCE:		Why worry, dear Natasha? As a child
		I grew within these borders and became
		The gentleman thy eyes cast here today.

HARVEY:		But is thy home within the borders true?

BRUCE:		Attorney, that decision falls on you. 

NATASHA:	But how could a good city cast in gold
		The kind of man who wears a mask and cape
		And skirts the law with his own ashen hem?

HARVEY:		A man of such strong stuff who serves the right
		Should have the honor, aye.

NATASHA:					But we
		Require a man who answers to his folk
		And not the opposite. A man like thou.

BRUCE:		Well spoken, dear Natasha! After all,
		What man appoints the Batman?

HARVEY:						All of us,
		When we let el'ments shady and diffuse
		Control our city from its rotten core.

NATASHA:	Such is not the way of fair and pure
		Democracy, elected from its own!

HARVEY:		But thence shall we recall the state of Rome,
		Which, when in state of peril, chose its man
		To lead at any cost his brethren forth
		And purge the enemy far from the gates?

RACHEL:		The last to such a throne was titled Caesar,
		And all the pow'r imbued in his new crown
		Was never reordained to his old donors.

HARVEY:		Then all a man shall make their mortal choice
		To die a hero in the eyes of men,
		Regarded as a valiant, gentle soul,
		Or see himself become the foe they seek,
		And cast his lot with all good men detest.
		As for the caped crusader, I surmise
		He groweth tired, searching for a new
		Apprentice to assume his mantle black.
		Perhaps it shall be me who takes his helm,
		Or me at once contained within its mask,
		But, nay - I jest, for I would have been seen
		Cavorting every night in his designs.

BRUCE:		Thou raisest many points, all of them good.
		How soundeth to thine ears a stimulus?

HARVEY:		Your offer is a kind one, gentle Bruce,
		But I need not a cent for three more years.

BRUCE:		Thou comprehendest not, it seems to me.
		My agents' aid will yield a lifetime's share.	
[Exeunt all.]