EPT- This will be a long, rambling post, and TL has been my home forum for long enough that I can’t think of a better place to get this off my chest.
- I may or may not get a lot of abuse for this post, and while I probably deserve it, I trust the TL community’s judgment on something like this, mudslinging and all.
- While somewhat self-serving, I want this message to be heard here, and my status as a featured blogger helps achieve this. The story I’m about to tell may be negative, but there is a positive moral to be had.
Like I said above, the reason that I'm confessing this here is that while I have generally played along with an idea that is a lie, Team Liquid is one of the few sites where I've actively cultivated the lie. This is due to some interference from IRL friends (explained later), but that certainly doesn't excuse it. There are some folks on other sectors of the Internet who have, though one way or another, caught onto my clever ruse, but I've always settled the matter with them privately, and for the most part people seem to accept it. So… this is the first time I'm really disclosing it publicly. I've criticized others for lying about what they are, and I probably deserve the same criticism from all of you.
I made my first Internet debut, as a female, on GameFAQs nearly a decade ago. I didn't see anything wrong with it, and I wasn't adamant about the fact. In fact, the only thing I did to insinuate the idea that I was actually a girl was correcting people on pronoun usage. I'd always been a girl, and I didn't see why the Internet should be any different.
The one thing that I noticed was that as people discovered my gender, my threads got a lot more activity. I'd often have threads with several pages of replies from people who were eager to help me with in-game questions or toss around ideas. And every idea that I introduced to the table received ample support. I was encouraged by this; it surely meant that I had good ideas.
However, one such idea proved to be a flop. Pokemon Emerald Version had been released not too long before, and I was very interested in strategies for the Battle Frontier, a new addition in that game which presented various challenging gamemodes that were significantly more difficult than the standard game, and sharply favored the competitively-inclined. On the Emerald boards, I presented the idea of Toxic Exeggutor to disable one opponent with Stun Spore and Toxic another… and got plenty of positive feedback from the community. Everyone saw it as logical extension of double powders (a similar type of strategy favored mostly by Grass-type Pokemon that serve little use otherwise) and there was nothing wrong with it. Except, as I later found out, it sucked. I found that out after several days of playtesting it myself in the Frontier.
I was initially shocked by the idea. I was still young and immature at the time, and while I probably knew a hell of a lot more about Pokemon than other people my age, I also relied heavily on the GameFAQs Pokemon community to learn as much as I could about the game. So to discover that the community that had essentially comprised my view of Pokemon had been wrong, was confusing to me. I checked my thread (it wasn't dead) to see if there were any misgivings that anyone had had, but nothing surfaced. I made a new thread, talking about how my Toxic Exeggutor had failed and that it was probably not a good idea to begin with. Everyone agreed, and nobody managed to point out any of the merits that they had seen when I first introduced the idea.
I decided to see whether this applied to my other ideas as well. I registered a new account and reposted some of the old threads I had saved, and nearly all of them got negative feedback because they were coming from a newly-registered account with low karma, rather than a girl. Keep in mind, I had gotten the same positive feedback even when I was new on the boards; my gender was likely the cause of people's enthusiastic response to my ideas.
Finally, on my primary account I decided to perform one last test. I made a post on the Emerald boards about how Poliwhirl should be considered as an alternative to Poliwrath in the Battle Frontier, because it has more speed. I got four pages of replies, not a single one critical of the idea. After all, a faster Hypnosis is certainly worth losing Mind Reader and Fissure, as the collective board appraised. Near the end of the thread's life, however, one user stepped in with a rant. He began by dismissing the idea as a silly notion, as sacrificing a statistical advantage, typing, and movepool for the sake of a few speed points was a ludicrous concept. But then he brought up an entirely different discussion: the fact that people had been enthusiastically replying because I was established within the community as a girl.
He was right. I knew it, and that thread was the last post I made on GameFAQs. I didn't want to start a new identity and became a lurker once again, browsing various fora and posting very infrequently, if at all. This went on for several years, as I willingly faded into distant memory and became yet another anonymous, faceless Internet-person.
Then I learned about the announcement of StarCraft II. This was mid-July, so it was quite close to being released and I had basically missed out on any involvement in the beta. I wanted to learn as much as I could about this promising new game, though, and my search led to me TeamLiquid.net, a much more personal, close-knit, and niche forum than GameFAQs could ever be. This was my chance!
I quickly registered, recognizing the opportunity for me to create a new identity while being able to partake in the next part of one of my favorite video game series of all time. One that had a (relatively) early registration date, a post count that would eventually be on par with the most senior members, and most importantly, a phallus. My male identity was accepted by the rapidly expanding community, and as time wore on I noticed that I received very few solicitations for my personal information or my MSN handle.
I was not entirely alone in this endeavor, (un)fortunately. Some of my IRL friends joined TL along with me during the initial onset of new users caused by the StarCraft II beta, and on more than one occasion I was called by my (unambiguously feminine) first name. One such friend corrected people on several occasions when they referred to me using masculine pronouns, and once I discovered what he'd done, I quickly reversed the damage through post editing, and made several posts intended to cultivate the impression that I was a guy. A sort of “damage control” ensued after that, where I compounded those posts with photographic evidence “confirming” my manhood. In reality, one of my RL friends on TL agreed to pose as me for the sake of the masquerade. While this user (who I shall not refer to by name out of respect for his privacy) has since departed from TL, he was a good friend who understood my little problem and deserves my thanks.
Given that I've provided evidence of my "male" IRL identity through photographic means, it's probably only fair that I provide the same for this claim as well. However, one thing that I've noticed is that generally, the mental picture that you paint of someone you like is quite optimistic. In my case, the picture may be a little too optimistic. Some of you may not realize it, but not all girls online are attractive. But if yo wish to retain a mental picture of me as such, feel free. Or picture me as a guy, if it helps you to take me more seriously. You're welcome to picture me any way you like. And viewing my picture would probably destroy your positive mental image. So if you know me intimately, I'd advise against it.
I hope I'm not scaring any of you; I'm not totally hideous. I don't use bacon as a pillow and I'm not horribly overweight (in fact several months ago I was actually underweight by a few points) but people generally set their expectations unreasonably high. So I'd advise against viewing these images if you often interact with me and would like to retain a more favorable mental image.
Of course, this story has a moral, orated through the signs I hold in a series of photographs, and those who don't view the photos as I suggest should get a chance to view them. So here they are.
Picture 1
Although girls are a minority in these sectors of the Internet, we do exist.
Picture 2
Skepticism is indeed well-placed, and I certainly don't blame you for it. But as hard as it may be to believe...
Picture 3
...there are girls on the Internet who enjoy playing video games.
Sincerely,
Archas, of TeamLiquid.
Nearly every time someone has "come out of the closet”, whatever forum it might have taken place on, I’ve voiced my criticism, and I did remark at one point that this was hypocritical of me. I'm really sorry, folks. I had my reasons, and while they certainly don't justify my deception, I hope that you understand. But if you want to give me flak about it, go ahead. I deserve it.
Here are the pictures. They're only here as evidence; those of you who don't want to view them can confirm with those who do that I exist. And I'd really recommend that you get the story from someone else, but I can't stop you from viewing.
+ Show Spoiler [Picture 1] +
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/lBHz9cY.jpg)
+ Show Spoiler [Picture 2] +
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/wCjSRGt.jpg)
+ Show Spoiler [Picture 3] +
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/9k4vNH2.jpg)
