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Today I noticed something somewhat interesting about my speech patterns in real life. I rarely use superlatives when talking to people and pretty often only make indirect statements even when I'm quite sure of what I'm saying.
Best example is I almost always say "Not really" instead of "No."
Another, today I was on the phone with IT to install some applications and he made a stupid statement, so I said "I don't think so", but really I should have said "you're dead wrong, moron."
Obviously that wouldn't be very tactful but it would have been true.
Other common Alzadarisms:
"Probably" -> I'm 100% certain
"I'm not so sure" -> That's definitely wrong
"Unlikely" -> Impossible
"I don't know..." -> I do know, and you are wrong
Does anyone else do this? I think I might make an effort to be more direct in my speech.
 
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Nah, you don't need to be more direct. Politeness is important to hedge the force of your speech, and depending on how you say it and what you say next, the illocution of your speech should be pretty clear.
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As a not-very-tactful person, I find myself doing the same thing a lot because otherwise I come across as straight rude.
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This is pretty common. I say "I suppose" a lot. It's called a mitigated statement (Yes, I just read that in a Malcolm Gladwell book a week ago). I personally find it a mark of gentility, but it also requires time and attention from the other person to decipher your message, In some situations it might be necessary to be more direct. And some people confuse it with timidness, which is sometimes a problem.
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I think everybody does this. My first conscious recognition of it was when teachers in elementary school would say "close" or "not quite" to the most incorrect of answers.
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On January 08 2014 07:43 Sn0_Man wrote:
As a not-very-tactful person, I find myself doing the same thing a lot because otherwise I come across as straight rude.
Lol at first I read that as "a straight dude" and I was like wut?
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your Country52797 Posts
You might be right.
Anyway, I think the more certain you sound, the more rude you sometimes sound to sensitive people.
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On January 08 2014 10:23 The_Templar wrote:
You might be right.
Anyway, I think the more certain you sound, the more rude you sometimes sound to sensitive people.
but the less certain you sound the more timid you appear to confidant people and confidant people have more to offer to you.
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In some cultures it's important to "save face" for the other person by not directly contradicting them. Also in science it is correct to not speak in absolutes unless something is proven beyond question. So it's not necessarily lack of confidence and bad, although it could be. Age is another consideration... unless you are very learned and experienced it would be irritating to listen to you speak with such self certainty, even if you turned out to be right. You really shouldn't be telling anyone "you're dead wrong, moron". You never know when rude comments will come back and bite you down the road.
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On January 08 2014 11:43 Mothra wrote:
In some cultures it's important to "save face" for the other person by not directly contradicting them. Also in science it is correct to not speak in absolutes unless something is proven beyond question. So it's not necessarily lack of confidence and bad, although it could be. Age is another consideration... unless you are very learned and experienced it would be irritating to listen to you speak with such self certainty, even if you turned out to be right. You really shouldn't be telling anyone "you're dead wrong, moron". You never know when rude comments will come back and bite you down the road.
Obviously I'm not going to say "you're dead wrong, moron", especially to someone who's help I need. But I would feel weird even saying "no, that's wrong."
Actually what made me think of this is he asked "is this paid software?" and I said "I'm pretty sure it's not" meaning I'm 100% sure it's not, but he took that for uncertainty.
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Well in that case a no would have sufficed.
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beware! also risk being perceived as condescending.
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Germany / USA16648 Posts
maybe you're an englishman and just don't know it
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On January 08 2014 13:43 Carnac wrote:
maybe you're an englishman and just don't know it
How very dare you.
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On January 08 2014 12:08 Alzadar wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2014 11:43 Mothra wrote:
In some cultures it's important to "save face" for the other person by not directly contradicting them. Also in science it is correct to not speak in absolutes unless something is proven beyond question. So it's not necessarily lack of confidence and bad, although it could be. Age is another consideration... unless you are very learned and experienced it would be irritating to listen to you speak with such self certainty, even if you turned out to be right. You really shouldn't be telling anyone "you're dead wrong, moron". You never know when rude comments will come back and bite you down the road. Obviously I'm not going to say "you're dead wrong, moron", especially to someone who's help I need. But I would feel weird even saying "no, that's wrong." Actually what made me think of this is he asked "is this paid software?" and I said "I'm pretty sure it's not" meaning I'm 100% sure it's not, but he took that for uncertainty.
well in that case, say "no, it isn't" or just "no" and give some more info on what it actually is imo. as others have said, not speaking in absolutes can be a marker of politness and should be used, but when someone wants a clear answer and you know the answer, give it as clearly as possible without being insulting imo. ESPECIALLY on your job, cause you don't wanna have customers feel like you don't know what you're talking about.
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
its done so you dont appear rude
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On January 08 2014 13:43 Carnac wrote:
maybe you're an englishman and just don't know it
That's funny because everybody does it except the Germans (not just Englishmen). That is why we think them rude.
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This all seems completely normal.
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By doing this you contribute to other people thinking that these statements mean what you use them to say. It's pretty annoying when one wants to genuinely express uncertainty or doubt and it's regarded as negative answer.
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EPT
