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My life has always been plagued with an unsatisfied feeling about all of my hobbies and endeavours, most recently I realized this was a problem when I was getting 90-95 on my tests and being visibly upset that I didn't get 100. I realized that this has been happening as far back as CS 1.6 when I would practice for hours on end to win a pointless local lan or when I spent all my free time trying to get sponsored for snowboarding (which I eventually did then quit because of a girl, ah to be young again).
Lately I've noticed that all my gaming choices and efforts are pointed towards trying to be a few things either a) A popular streamer b) a semi pro (think desrow level) c) A known community figure. I know in my head that these aren't even semi achievable goals without serious luck and hard work yet they influence my every choice, I play Dota instead of SC2 because more people watch it and it takes less practice, I don't play WoW or BF even though I enjoy them because I should be spending time playing a game I could be popular in.
I end up playing no games because the games I want to play a lot WoW/Sc2/Dota 2/hearthstone all sit back while I try and decide which would allow me to reach my goal fastest all the while missing the point that it's not choosing the game which makes you good it's having passion for the game you are playing.
I even realize that a pro gamer/streamer works 12-16 hour days for a lot less money than the field I am currently studying by an extremely large margin unless you are the top .1% and even in the face of all this it consumes my days. I don't even want to live that lifestyle but I still strive for it.
So I sit here knowing I have a problem with no clue what to call it and even less of an idea how to stop it. The most obvious answer was to quit gaming but I quickly realized that gaming is just the by product of this and it happens no matter what I do in life, so I might as well do something I enjoy in the meantime.
How do you enjoy a game for a game, how do you stop trying to be the best and just enjoy yourself, where can I go from here?
 
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I can semi relate. Through my life I have always wanted to be a top player in a game. I also refuse to play any game that is to casual because I am addicted to the potential of success in one game. Looking back at every game I have tried.....
BW
Tribes 2
War3
Sc2
Dota
LoL
Chess
are all hardcore games that are impossible to master. Yet that potential of success keeps me going. Espcially now a days with streams. Watching the pros makes it feel like you are that much closer to being on there level. But in reality......... Not even close.
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I am really interested in your mindset, because i am quite the opposite. I always have the feeling that i could do a lot better, but dont have the motivation to do something to get better. My grades are mediocre and my ability to motivate myself is a disaster. There have been exams i learned for two days for and on average it's five.
I played a lot of sc2 when it came out until i realized that i more or less hit a wall and needed to play 4 or more hours per day to get constantly better. Then one thought completely changed the way i play: At the basic level I play computer games because i want to have fun. If i dont have fun, why even play? So i stopped playing sc2 and started with dota 2 with a completely different mindset and i have always fun when i play it.
I have accepted that i dont have what it takes to be a pro and that i dont even want to be one. I would end up with the same issue you have with your exams, trying hard and still being not the best (prolly not even close) would drive me mad. While i love slowly becoming a better dota 2 gamer, i really dont see the point of being a pro. I couldnt care less about viewers, the job is badly paid and it's an exclusive club, making it hard to get paid at all. So why even bother trying?
I still congratulate everyone who thinks differently and managed to fulfill his dream. It's just not my dream, for i have no dreams.
That's pretty much the way i feel about anything. Trying hard is bothersome, what is it that i get for it? Is it worth it? Is anything worth anything at all?
Dont get me wrong, esports is great (or at least was if it wasnt for twitch's eu server from hell). I love tl, i love to theorycraft. I like strategic thinking and pretty much everyone of the sc2- and dota2-pros seem to be really nice guys. I just dont want to put 35-56 hours per week in becoming a pro gamer and i am realist enough to know that i would need to do that in order to become a stable part of a low level pro team.
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On November 18 2013 11:27 Esoterikk wrote:
How do you enjoy a game for a game, how do you stop trying to be the best and just enjoy yourself, where can I go from here?
I think you have to come to terms with your limits. I'm a "competitive" guy, yet I'm fully aware of my limits so I'll do my best a couple of hours a week. I know I could do better if I put more hours into it, but I can't, and so I know that I have to do as good as I can with the tools that I've got.
I used to be pretty good at CS 1.6, I've scrimmed and held my own against some fairly well known teams and players. Now, I'm embarrassingly bad and it's frustrating because I'm competitive and I feel like I can't control my hand... Yet, a few of my friends and I are playing in ESEA open now and we're getting wrecked. It's cool though. Be competitive at your level.
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If you define semi-pro as "Able to make decent money, but not a living, off the game" then you could always get into poker. Poker's not an easy game by any means, but the proportion of professionals to non-professionals is much higher than any other game. Like, if you're high Masters in SC2, it means very little. If you're high Masters level in poker (I.e, like the top 0.5-1%) you're probably close to professional level. You can reach that level without playing 12-16 hours a day, and even if you don't reach that level you can still make some money for your efforts.
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On November 18 2013 15:15 Salivanth wrote:
If you define semi-pro as "Able to make decent money, but not a living, off the game" then you could always get into poker. Poker's not an easy game by any means, but the proportion of professionals to non-professionals is much higher than any other game. Like, if you're high Masters in SC2, it means very little. If you're high Masters level in poker (I.e, like the top 0.5-1%) you're probably close to professional level. You can reach that level without playing 12-16 hours a day, and even if you don't reach that level you can still make some money for your efforts.
I hate poker, I am only interested in playing online games for a hobby but I also don't want to make money doing it. I plan to get a real job doing real stuff, the desire comes in the recognition of being good not the money.
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In that case, you could always pick a smaller, more obscure community, where the skill level of the best players is much lower.
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On November 18 2013 15:47 Salivanth wrote:
In that case, you could always pick a smaller, more obscure community, where the skill level of the best players is much lower.
I'm more trying to find ways to get over this delusion rather than fuel it, I've tried the whole small community thing but since I focus more on improving at a game instead of actually enjoying the game I always end up playing something else.
I am trying to figure out how to know if I enjoy a game again, I haven't known since WoW vanilla and BC.
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I have the exact same trouble as you.
It all started with WoW as well during TBC I got some fame for being the only high rated Enhance shaman in my battlgroup since then every time i launch a game I ask myself what I can do to be e-famous in it.
I think it's dumb because with a full time job + girlfriend + social life i'll never be able to put enough time in a game to be even remotely relevant in it.
I played dota since 2008 always for fun, but with dota2 I started to feel the same urge for e-fame...
I'm a a point where it's hard to enjoy any game anymore and I end up not playing anything and just watching streams..
Give help plz
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Same for me last time I truly enjoyed gaming was wow, now after I quit I'm playing sc2 a lot but I don't understand why it's so hard... I started playing 2 years ago and I'm still high masters then u watch an interview with Scarlett and she became pro in just 1 year.on her own... You realize you just don't have the talent but still strive for it.
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play casual games like plants vs zombies and candy crush 
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It's a perfectionist thing. You don't necessarily have to get down on yourself and get rid of your delusions. One thing you may notice though is by trying to be the best you aren't even playing. Keeping in mind your goals and dreams, you gotta realize that you gotta play to be the best. And being the best is even a little subjective. Play play play. If you have fun... you'll be better than if you are just trying to be the best.
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EPT
