EDIT: I've also been rewatching Firefly, which is still fucking awesome. I also forgot this music suggestion + Show Spoiler +
First month of college has been hard. Descriptive geometry sucks balls. It's not hard per se, but it takes shit-ton of time and when you miss a lecture you will be infinitely behind. That's what's happened with me. As I missed the first lecture, due to a party on the previous day, I've fallen behind. What's worse, today was a test in that subject, and I probably didn't do too well, which sucks. You see, I have to make 3 tests in that subject, and gain a total of at least 180 points (each test can give 100 points, in total 300). If you do shit on a test, well, tough luck, you can't try again. Oh, and if you don't get 180 points, you can't attend the final exam.
As today is Friday, I had thoughts of attending the university's birthday party. But on Monday there's a test in Calculus I and I don't want to fail that. So I decided to visit home and study here instead. I'm not feeling good about it, as I'd really want to socialize and meet people. I'm not that good at it when sober, and being in the electrical engineering faculty doesn't really help as well. It's not like I hate my classmates, but there's literally zero girls in my class.
What else... Being socially awkward and poor sucks. When speaking with people I don't know I tend to stutter, as I don't know how to 'talk'. Being in university like that sucks, as having friends can go a long way. Not having a girlfriend ain't too cool either.
I'm also afraid that I may fall drop out of college. I don't like descriptive geometry, actually I hate it. I also understand jack shit of physics and maths. It's not like I hate them, but I don't enjoy them. Thinking in retrospect, I could've made a wrong choice choosing electrical engineering. In high school, my strongest subjects were humanities, not sciences. I'd rather read about science discoveries, than do it myself.
On the other hand, I've heard that 1st semester is about surviving and after that it may get more 'humane', but do I really want it? I'd rather do something involving history or animals. Animals are cute, history, while sometimes boring, is fascinating. Or maybe films. I'd like to make a movie one day. Writing a script or a story or a book is also a dream of mine. My fantasy is pretty cool in my thoughts, although sometimes it's even weird to me. I want to travel and visit space, but I don't have to do strictly electrical engineering to achieve those dreams. Maybe I made my choice on wrong values?
I haven't not worked once in my life. I've never had a shitty summer job. I finally realise what I've missed out on: real life. Real life can be really useful. Or so I think. I probably would've made some slightly better choices by this point in my life. Being 19 and not ever having a job is not cool. It would be a cool subject to talk about with people. I can be fun in my own quirky way, but only with people who I really know.
I haven't been properly drunk too. I still remember everything. Even though I think I drank quite a lot, due to my height, I may need bigger quantities of alcohol to reach such state. Being 6'4" in a club sucks too. Due to my height, I constantly hit others by accident. Having glasses ain't great too as I don't want to break them, and they're not cool. Being tall sucks in clothing department too. Most clothes are meant for tall, but fat guys. But I'm skinny, which means I have to pay more for everything. Being tall, also requires large feet, which also means more expensive footwear.
Eating in college is hard. I'd like to spend lots of money on sweets and chips and pizza and other junk food, but I can't, because my family ain't rich. We're not poor, but certainly not middle class.
In my dreams I'd like to talk with people and be extraverted, but in reality, I can't. Sometimes I need my alone time. I can't be efficient while around people 24/7. But I'm not efficient in my alone time too. I suck at studying. In my dreams I'm a player who can get the girls of his dreams, but in reality, I'm a shaky coward. I'd like to nail all the chicks from social and economics faculties - that's my dream at the moment. I feel that my mind can't progress further until I do that.
You know the book called Catcher in the Rye by Salinger? That's fucking awesome. Although it's been a few years since reading it, I still remember it. It's about people being fake and life being shit, in some ways, even when you're a bright person. It's sometimes feels like a book about depression.
Recently I've experienced deja vu. I'm certain I've had dreams about some happenings. And I'm certain some dreams I'll have today or tomorrow, will turn into reality soon.
I'd really like to attend the university's birthday party and try to speak with girls, but instead, I shall study for Calculus test. 3 cheers for studying!
I'm also doing electrical eng. I'm currently retaking most of my math classes... (cause I missed a few too many lectures while playing sc2 or watchign GSL). It makes a lot more sense the second time
(edit) I'm a bit drunk but I think I'll try to address some of your other... issues?
Being social is something people put too much emphasis on (same with getting layed - and get real, you really don't want to be a player, not nearly as 'cool' as it seems). Not to say you might not benefit from expanding your experiences but making the choice to study instead of party is the way to go. Whatever "experiences" you think you're missing out on really aren't going to matter later on. The movie 'Superbad' comes to mind (something about not sucking dick at fucking pussy when they get to college) getting finding one girl that you can really explore each other together with is better than a new girl every night. (Similar to having a few GOOD friends instead of a thousand facebook friends.) People need to figure out who they are and then learn how to best use that to make the most of life, not try to conform to some expectations.
You're tall. Own it. Own yourself or others will. I'd gladly take a few inches if I could. Can't. That's life. (I recommend anyone to work out but since you don't mention more than not being fat it's all up to you.)
Anyway, I think you're making the right choices by studying but your major choice isn't going to get any easier in terms of math/science. If you want to take time off to explore yourself do it (just don't waste your money at the same time).
I also understand jack shit of physics and maths. It's not like I hate them, but I don't enjoy them. Thinking in retrospect, I could've made a wrong choice choosing electrical engineering.
Oh boy. Yes, I'd say you need to take steps toward switching your major starting tomorrow. It's not hard to do and if that's how you feel you really ought to. Go! Go change it now!
Also, as somebody who grew up in serious poverty, it's pretty lol for me to read that you feel weakened by never having had a job. Uh, you're not missing out on much, and believe me, you wouldn't be any cooler of a person. Let go of the idea your current inadequacies are anything except current failings. They're not built into you and nobody really cares about your class background or your parents or what your high school was like or any of that.
If you cant progress and have no interest in the STEM field, don't push yourself or life will be dreadful. Unless you magically develop a interest later that's your problem.
There are several pointers I feel like I could give, since I get a strange vibe that we are similar in many ways.
First of all, I'd like to address your introvertedness. I honestly wouldn't worry about it. I'm very introverted, and used to experience pretty bad social anxiety, but I learned to be more casually social towards strangers after adopting a strategy of interacting with the same large group of people constantly (when I say large I mean 25+). I hung out with them enough to the degree where I felt familiar with them while the group was large enough that I didn't feel that I knew everyone to the extent an introvert would be ideally comfortable with. Of course, I ended up making closer friends within the group that the latter description stopped applying to, but that bond formed once I clicked with those people within that group. These friends let me know what traits I look for when making friends with strangers. The people I talked to less provided me with practice for interacting with strangers. Combined, it makes casual interaction much easier for me than when I first entered college. I only really started taking advantage of this starting my 3rd year, and I wish I could have joined clubs in my first year (which is where I'm assuming you're at). It's my only regret when it comes to my college life. For too long I thought I didn't need extracurricular activities and clubs until I joined one and saw how much it improved my quality of life.
Next, don't push yourself towards engineering. Trust me it will take up the bulk of your time, especially during your 3rd+4th+beyond years. That 'you only need to survive your first semester it will get easier later' is LOL bullshit. If you don't enjoy physics or math now, you won't later. You will either end up wasting away working at that degree, failing 3/4ths of your courses because of a lack of motivation before switching to a different major because you finally realized that it's futile, having wasted 3 years of time/money, or you will finish your degree and hate your life working in a cubicle, running simulations on a computer. I'm in aerospace engineering so I know firsthand the pain, but I love the coursework and the theory. I can analyze structures all day and not hate my life. I'm one of those people that was sad when I finished all my required math courses. But there are times where I can't imagine someone without a love of the material making it through some of the coursework I deal with sometimes. Electrical engineering especially seems mainly theoretical, since i'm under the impression you can't physically see the results of your work except as data sheet outputs, so it might be more soul-draining than usual for the uninspired. Tbh the electrical engineering classes I had to take were pretty fun for me actually, even though the rest of my course-mates hated them. From what I took it's a bunch of analyzing circuits for equivalent resistance, impedance, capacitance, etc. and redesigning them to be simpler. A big puzzle.
Also, I'm with you on the height. I hate it and am pretty insecure about it sometimes, being 6'8''. I try to find positives about it though. For example, it is a pretty good ice breaker. As much as I hate the 'OMG DO YOU PLAY BASKETBALL?!?!?' and 'white men can't jump LOL' jokes, it is a great way to start more intimate conversations with people you aren't familiar with (standard go into sports you actually like, find a jump off point to other topics from there). I've also noticed that the presence of tall people seems to just make other people happy for some reason, which is pretty awesome!
As for now, I'd stay with engineering while you explore what career option you actually want to pursue. This gives you a chance to maybe warm up to it eventually and let's face it engineering jobs are high in demand and great paying, as well as very good for society, and very satisfactory if you are into them. But in the end I would go with what makes you happy, so if by the end of the semester or year you aren't happy with where you are, transfer outta there. I'll end this wall of text with this: your life should be about the pursuit of happiness and being good and loving for others.
On October 05 2013 17:44 PolskaGora wrote: There are several pointers I feel like I could give, since I get a strange vibe that we are similar in many ways.
First of all, I'd like to address your introvertedness. I honestly wouldn't worry about it. I'm very introverted, and used to experience pretty bad social anxiety, but I learned to be more casually social towards strangers after adopting a strategy of interacting with the same large group of people constantly (when I say large I mean 25+). I hung out with them enough to the degree where I felt familiar with them while the group was large enough that I didn't feel that I knew everyone to the extent an introvert would be ideally comfortable with. Of course, I ended up making closer friends within the group that the latter description stopped applying to, but that bond formed once I clicked with those people within that group. These friends let me know what traits I look for when making friends with strangers. The people I talked to less provided me with practice for interacting with strangers. Combined, it makes casual interaction much easier for me than when I first entered college. I only really started taking advantage of this starting my 3rd year, and I wish I could have joined clubs in my first year (which is where I'm assuming you're at). It's my only regret when it comes to my college life. For too long I thought I didn't need extracurricular activities and clubs until I joined one and saw how much it improved my quality of life.
Next, don't push yourself towards engineering. Trust me it will take up the bulk of your time, especially during your 3rd+4th+beyond years. That 'you only need to survive your first semester it will get easier later' is LOL bullshit. If you don't enjoy physics or math now, you won't later. You will either end up wasting away working at that degree, failing 3/4ths of your courses because of a lack of motivation before switching to a different major because you finally realized that it's futile, having wasted 3 years of time/money, or you will finish your degree and hate your life working in a cubicle, running simulations on a computer. I'm in aerospace engineering so I know firsthand the pain, but I love the coursework and the theory. I can analyze structures all day and not hate my life. I'm one of those people that was sad when I finished all my required math courses. But there are times where I can't imagine someone without a love of the material making it through some of the coursework I deal with sometimes. Electrical engineering especially seems mainly theoretical, since i'm under the impression you can't physically see the results of your work except as data sheet outputs, so it might be more soul-draining than usual for the uninspired. Tbh the electrical engineering classes I had to take were pretty fun for me actually, even though the rest of my course-mates hated them. From what I took it's a bunch of analyzing circuits for equivalent resistance, impedance, capacitance, etc. and redesigning them to be simpler. A big puzzle.
Also, I'm with you on the height. I hate it and am pretty insecure about it sometimes, being 6'8''. I try to find positives about it though. For example, it is a pretty good ice breaker. As much as I hate the 'OMG DO YOU PLAY BASKETBALL?!?!?' and 'white men can't jump LOL' jokes, it is a great way to start more intimate conversations with people you aren't familiar with (standard go into sports you actually like, find a jump off point to other topics from there). I've also noticed that the presence of tall people seems to just make other people happy for some reason, which is pretty awesome!
As for now, I'd stay with engineering while you explore what career option you actually want to pursue. This gives you a chance to maybe warm up to it eventually and let's face it engineering jobs are high in demand and great paying, as well as very good for society, and very satisfactory if you are into them. But in the end I would go with what makes you happy, so if by the end of the semester or year you aren't happy with where you are, transfer outta there. I'll end this wall of text with this: your life should be about the pursuit of happiness and being good and loving for others.
Thanks for your thorough answer(s)! I really liked your last sentence/thought
I hope I will find happiness, but I must be ready to face some obstacles, hardships. I guess that's one thing I still haven't really thought about. And it's nice to hear someone say that it's not about surviving the first semester. I guess I must do some thinking over what I really want to do. Money, as great at it is, may come with the price of a sad soul, at least in my case. But I'd rather get less money, and do something I enjoy.
I have little to add to what others have said, so I'll try to comment on something that few others seem to have mentioned:
Please remember that your major subject can have little or nothing to do with your future career. When you begin exploring your options more -- and I do think you should -- you should ask yourself what you want to do in the future. Then, once you have a better idea of your career goals, you can ask yourself if majoring in X (let's assume you enjoy X) will help you achieve that goal. If it doesn't, then you should ask yourself if majoring in X will set you back from your career goals and if the sacrifice is worth it, etc.
Try to enjoy undergrad! I don't think engineering will work out for you, from what you say. Passion for a subject is driven in part by how good a person is at the subject. If you're good at something, then you'll naturally enjoy it more, since it makes you feel better about yourself, etc. It's a positive feedback loop. On the other hand, being terribad at a subject will often make you hate it even more since the subject will take a dump all over your self-esteem.
EPT
