Chapter one to my greeting They laughed at me when I told them I eat bread with nothing spread on it My favorite part about fast food drinks is how they have the fun bulge salients on the lid & I would press down on every one of them I am going to say that I like to read, but I never find the time Please stop telling me that I should not skate with my watch on I like my watch & I choose when my watch will be on or not on I have wondered if I was born in Los Angeles would there still be an Odd Future & if I would be rapping with them
Chapter two to my greeting Chapters were not needed
Ok, read the first 3 or so lines after reading the comments. Here's a bit of helpful critique, go and read a couple books on poesy. This is just prose in poetic form dude. No meter, no rhythm, no substitution, that's not even talking about the fact that the shape and line size overall makes no sense. The rhyme, eh, some people think vers libre is better, but whatever. This wasn't a rap or a poem, it's just words. You just need some practice and guidance .
2/5 for trying. Please get a tutor or teacher to help you with poems if you plan on writing more in the future. At the very least study online sources and read some books on forming poems, as well as reading books with poems in them. I wish you luck if you choose to improve.
five out of five. I laughed so hard at how little sense this made...
but seriously, if this is good to you, then i can only conclude one of three things, that i have no idea what i'm talking about, that you're illusory or that you have god-like flow and can make this sound good with that alone.
On July 24 2013 02:02 docvoc wrote: Ok, read the first 3 or so lines after reading the comments. Here's a bit of helpful critique, go and read a couple books on poesy. This is just prose in poetic form dude. No meter, no rhythm, no substitution, that's not even talking about the fact that the shape and line size overall makes no sense. The rhyme, eh, some people think vers libre is better, but whatever. This wasn't a rap or a poem, it's just words. You just need some practice and guidance .
Cool. 'Chapter one to my greeting' reminds me of that Mobb Deep song, 'Start of Your Ending'.
I don't really like prescriptive definitions of poetry, I think they defeat the purpose of writing it. Not that it has a 'purpose', that would be too prescriptive.
EPT
.
