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Hey TL, it's spring break, but I'm just sitting at home chilling with some books on poetry and writing techniques. I decided to not write a blog yesterday, but to write this blog today. I'll have one for you tomorrow for my new kicks n DIY clothing I'm gonna make with my ever-so-perfect girlfriend that I hope is cool. The reason I'm making this blog is to discuss a fear of mine.
Keeping the Pants Zipped
When dating, every relationship seems to go through phases. Depending on what both sides want, symmetrically or asymmetrically, the relationship progresses or stagnates accordingly. I wouldn't be the first or the last to notice this. It seems that, in the same way, the pain of a breakup increases significantly with each stage passed; to be clear, I'm not going to mince words, a one week fuck-fest ending isn't the same kind of pain that a decade long relationship ending is. I think we can all agree on that. My relationship, and in turn my girlfriends relationship, has made it passed the one year point about a month and a half ago. At this point, I don't know if anyone could insinuate that she is just my casual lay; at the same time, I don't think anyone would have a problem saying that we aren't at the same point a 50 year marriage is at. My point here isn't about me, but about people in general.
Since I'm sure the first paragraph didn't give you any particular understanding about what I'm talking about, I'll lay it out for you. People my age just throw it away, it being their virginity. For the longest time, until I lost it personally, I thought losing my virginity would be the most casual thing ever. Hell, the day of I really didn't think much of it, and it wasn't until the day after that I put any thought into what I had just done. I had just taken the virginity of my girlfriend, and she had taken mine; I don't know what the female to male version of popping cherries is, but we had done that. The day after, after I had laid with my girlfriend in the moonlight, under the stars on a breezy mid-May day. I didn't make a mistake doing that, and yet I feel that I might not be in the majority here.
I was sitting in a hotel room with some debate bros. We were just sitting, talking. One of the guys, a fellow debater who had less fun that day than I'm sure most of us did, was extraordinarily thirsty for a friend of mine who happens to be a girl. This girl, for some simple detail, is a pretty Lebanese girl about a year older than him (my age), of course had zero interest in him. He had already creeped out a girl, a semi-tall wasian chick who is also my friend, previously, so his debate pickup career stats had fallen to an unsatifying 0/2 at bat. He was on a bed, telling us about how he really, really, really, santa give me 1 present, wanted to bone the Lebanese girl. Fortunately, him being on the bed did not mean he made the motions of the ocean, if you know what I mean. It got me thinking though, after I had told him that he shouldn't just try to bone her because he thought she was hot, he disagreed with me saying that he just wanted to lose it. I told him that he should lose it to someone meaningful, it doesn't have to be the girl he marries or something like that, but at least someone he will feel something for. He told me fuck that, he just wanted to lose it.
It made me think back to when I was supposedly a player at Model UN. I use the word supposedly here, not because I want to somehow make my escapades seem less than crazy, but because I had none. I grinded with girls, that was what I did. I remember specifically an Asian girl, as tall as me, with big, white smile, and, above all, she two years older than I am. I remember her because she was a really nice psuedo-whore. She grinded on me, kind of liked me, and really, she was too popular a person to be cougaring that hard. I don't remember her for the moments we shared, however. I think that is why she sticks so vividly in my mind when people talk about, "just losing it," is because she was much too hot to have her ass spend time on my freshman-sophomore crotch area. I remember, ironically, that I didn't feel anything when grinding with her. I had just come off the death of a friend of a friend, something that really rocked me in a lasting way; the death was different in that it had this lasting solemnity cast over me, while the grinding was this ephemeral feel that couldn't overcome that solemness. I felt nothing. Her butt was on my crotch, her head was low to the ground, her hips were shaking in unison with mine, and nothing. Nada.
I thought of this after my fellow debater said he just wanted to lose it because I think he was going about it wrong. I didn't feel anything with the Asian because I didn't feel anything more than an infatuation for her, she couldn't overcome my emotions with her body because bodies are shallow loves. I feel like he is doing it wrong, and so is everyone else who just wants a graveyard lay. I feel like sex is an emotive action, one based off passion; there is no passion without pain. If anyone has sex with anyone, than no one feels anything. If someone doesn't feel sadness or regret when the girl they just slipped it into is angry at them, then there is nothing to offset that feeling with a pleasure of sharing something intimate. I feel like losing it to lose it is a waste of something good. When you have sex, you give a part of yourself away. You make love to someone when you mean it, you fuck them when you don't it seems. Sex requires both parties to show off the most raw part of their emotions, the most vulnerable part of both partners are traded, with the hope that the other person doesn't inflame that tenderness. I don't see why losing it to lose it makes sense at my age. Why give away the best part of me to someone who won't cherish that part of me, my emotions? I don't see a real answer to that question.
TL;DR, Make love to love, the pleasure is shared. Don't fuck a duck, they fly away (and also crap on your stuff when they leave).
+ Show Spoiler [baby got back(story)] +I was an upstart at Model UN, and had come onto the scene with a blaze of overconfidence, and maybe that, and some healthy help from a guy who drank a little too much alcohol and smoked a little too much weed pushing me out into the middle of the floor into her ass, had an affect.
My girlfriend now is the best grinder I have ever had the pleasure to have experienced, but she has the unfair advantage of being Mexican, lawl. (there is the brag part of the blog, at least I put it in a spoiler this time lol)
More sidenote, I don't mean this for someone who a 40-year old-virgin, I mean this for peopel who are young and woody.
  
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I think you are overthinking this. Sex is really not that big a fucking deal. Yes, being with someone amazing who you really care about is 80678960x better, but if you have the right attitude it can also just be a great fun activity where both people have a nice fun time.
no need to give up slices of your soul, avoid crazy people and you should just be able to have a great time when you find someone who thinks you're cute.
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On March 10 2013 09:34 sob3k wrote:
I think you are overthinking this. Sex is really not that big a fucking deal. Yes, being with someone amazing who you really care about is 80678960x better, but if you have the right attitude it can also just be a great fun activity where both people have a nice fun time.
no need to give up slices of your soul, avoid crazy people and you should just be able to have a great time when you find someone who thinks you're cute.
I think you missed the point of the blog, haha. What he's getting at isn't neccesarily that Sex is a big fucking deal, but that one needs to understand the purpose of whatever action you're doing. The fact that he used sex as an example is irrelevant. If Person A decides to have sex with Person B because they just want to have sex, and Person B is doing it for intimate reasons, it's going to be a big fucking deal.
If you do something with no consideration as to why the other person involved in said actvitiy is also doing it, you're going to cause a lot of pain. I think what the OP is saying is that you need to be mindful of your reasons, and not become prey to your physical instincts. Another example for me would be Starcraft - I had this group of friends who played/plays (they're not really my friends anymore) Starcraft, but they didn't actually want to get better. They said they did, but when it came down to figuring out specifics like the math and theory behind the game, they told me it was stupid. When it came down to practicing one build until it felt like instinct, they told me that was crazy. That's when I realized they didn't have the same intentions as I did, so I stopped playing with them.
Just because someone agrees to have sex with you, doesn't mean they're doing it for the same reasons. But if A and B have come to an agreement for doing it for the same reason, then I say go ahead.
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On March 10 2013 08:45 docvoc wrote:
Don't fuck a duck, they fly away (and also crap on your stuff when they leave).
This is possibly the finest original maxim I have happened upon during my stay at TL.
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Hoby just hit the nail on the head. Wonderful.
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On March 10 2013 10:32 Ushio wrote:
Hoby just hit the nail on the head. Wonderful.
Usually you don't get the greatest advice on these threads, but go with Hoby's.
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sorry I missed the idea of the blog, I'm on oxycodone and not the sharpest tack atm
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On March 10 2013 13:33 sob3k wrote:
sorry I missed the idea of the blog, I'm on oxycodone and not the sharpest tack atm
its ok sob3k, I appreciate your ability to coherently type while on that drug, when I had something similar (idk about the dosage for me since it was directly after mouth surgery) I could barely move my body correctly  .
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Once you youngins get married and have kids, sex is kind of routine. Today I dug out the garden, sawed and assembled some raised garden beds, weeded the lawns and ended up with a bunch of blisters on the hands and sore back. But since it was Saturday, it was Sex Day and I had to to keep a boner while holding a fart in.. with a hemorrhoid.
But to get back on topic, ejaculating is great. Doing it into a tissue of inside a vagina doesn't really have any greater significance other than you can get make pretties babies with a vagina.
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On March 10 2013 13:58 Burrfoot wrote:
Once you youngins get married and have kids, sex is kind of routine. Today I dug out the garden, sawed and assembled some raised garden beds, weeded the lawns and ended up with a bunch of blisters on the hands and sore back. But since it was Saturday, it was Sex Day and I had to to keep a boner while holding a fart in.. with a hemorrhoid.
But to get back on topic, ejaculating is great. Doing it into a tissue of inside a vagina doesn't really have any greater significance other than you can get make pretties babies with a vagina.
Burrfoot im falling in love with your posts. :D
The whole blog was pretty strange to me, i get the point about having sex for the right reasons, and they should be mutual but if the dude really wants to just get his dick wet then thats the right reason for him, of course wanting to fuck a hot lebanese girl who isnt up for it is not going to work out however.
Also all the bragging about the hot asian girl who was grinding you with the finest ass in history and you just flipped your (emo) hair back and was all "meh" was slightly over the top (that was the general impression i got and image in my mind from your writing )
At the risk of sounding a complete dick, you sound like a virgin who is overthinking sex way too much. If two people consent, thats that.
You can walk into anything expecting something clearly not on the table and get hurt / disappointed, its not just sex. It applies to your blog as its like two people having sex and one wanting love, care, tenderness a relationship and the other just wants to jizz (ejaculate) have a smoke then go to sleep, Wheras two of the same in either situation is a good thing. Two people could agree to swap chocolate bars, but if one wanted a mars bar and ended up with his friends fudge, he'd be upset. (well, mildly miffed i would imagine) same shit.
And yeah, sex is no big deal once you get older, hell im barely 20 but being in a long-term relationship living with my wife for 3 years makes you realise that.
EDIT: Now im making long rambling posts about the same shit
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On March 10 2013 21:59 Capped wrote:Show nested quote +On March 10 2013 13:58 Burrfoot wrote:
Once you youngins get married and have kids, sex is kind of routine. Today I dug out the garden, sawed and assembled some raised garden beds, weeded the lawns and ended up with a bunch of blisters on the hands and sore back. But since it was Saturday, it was Sex Day and I had to to keep a boner while holding a fart in.. with a hemorrhoid.
But to get back on topic, ejaculating is great. Doing it into a tissue of inside a vagina doesn't really have any greater significance other than you can get make pretties babies with a vagina. Burrfoot im falling in love with your posts. :D The whole blog was pretty strange to me, i get the point about having sex for the right reasons, and they should be mutual but if the dude really wants to just get his dick wet then thats the right reason for him, of course wanting to fuck a hot lebanese girl who isnt up for it is not going to work out however. Also all the bragging about the hot asian girl who was grinding you with the finest ass in history and you just flipped your (emo) hair back and was all "meh" was slightly over the top (that was the general impression i got and image in my mind from your writing ) At the risk of sounding a complete dick, you sound like a virgin who is overthinking sex way too much. If two people consent, thats that. You can walk into anything expecting something clearly not on the table and get hurt / disappointed, its not just sex. It applies to your blog as its like two people having sex and one wanting love, care, tenderness a relationship and the other just wants to jizz (ejaculate) have a smoke then go to sleep, Wheras two of the same in either situation is a good thing. Two people could agree to swap chocolate bars, but if one wanted a mars bar and ended up with his friends fudge, he'd be upset. (well, mildly miffed i would imagine) same shit. And yeah, sex is no big deal once you get older, hell im barely 20 but being in a long-term relationship living with my wife for 3 years makes you realise that. EDIT: Now im making long rambling posts about the same shit
In the blog I said I'm not a virgin . The thing is I think you guys are missing the point. The point isn't just sex, the point is losing one's virginity to someone they don't care about. Someone they have no feelings for. Also, the point of the Asian girl wasn't to say she was the hottest one in history, but to give my own anecdotal evidence of why not having any feelings for someone when doing something supposedly intimate doesn't give desired results.
Also, WHY DO I ALWAYS SOUND LIKE EMO-HAIR-FLIP-GUY :'(((((((, I'm trying to get rid of that image lol. I get my blogs have an emotional side, but why emo -_-.
Finally, I want to make drive home the fact that, at the end, I wanted to say that sex (especially losing it the first time) isn't just a little thing all the time. The sex you have is with someone you love, your wife; the sex other people have mentioned is also with people they love earlier when they say its no big deal. I'm not trying to say abstinence, I'm just saying that there is no reason to have sex with someone if you won't have any emotions remembering it. If you don't feel something, a satisfaction that you were a god in bed or even a regret that you didn't get to keep that girl, then you probably didn't care very much about it in the first place.
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Don't think to much. Be happy your hymen got shattered.
Oh youre a guy
+ Show Spoiler +Thinly veiled brag about getting deflowered by a hot asian chick...
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On March 11 2013 00:19 isleyofthenorth wrote:
Thinly veiled brag about getting deflowered by a hot asian chick...
You completely missed the point then . I said I grinded with her, how is it thinly veiled if I said that she was anecdotal evidence of not feeling anything when I have no emotional attachment? I said I lost it to my girlfriend, who in the spoiler, which is where I put my brag portion since it is a girl/philosophy blog of mine, I said was Mexican. Also I said she was pretty, but I tried to stress the fact that since I had no emotional attachment, I didn't feel anything for her in the moment; the idea is to contrast the usually thought idea that a hot chick makes a dude happy in his pants, and the fact that not only did that not happen, I didn't feel anything for her while grinding because I had no attachment. The idea of the blog was to talk about what my roomate said, and how I feel that trying to lose one's virginity for no reason other than to lose it is not the right way to go about; the right way is to lose it to someone you will reminisce about, even if you don't stay with them forever. If you are partial to Capped's view on my blog, that is cool too  .
EDIT: how could you possibly think I was a girl. I... how. I guess I really am that emo-hairflippy. Also you ninja-edited me, so not cool bro.
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haha i didnt think you were a woman, but some parts in your blog make you sound like one a lot.
ive never heard of a man who cared about losing his virginity. ok you had boring sex that didnt arouse you too much, but you didnt lose anything(except for some semen), unless youve contracted some nasty std which i assume you didnt.
if you dont enjoy casual sex without attachement/ emotional bonding then dont do it. but im sure a lot of people do
E: some men are actually stupid like that and want a virgin.
mostly because they have very low self esteem and that way they cant be compared with anyone, i assume?
but you wont find a (mentally/emotionally healthy) woman that cares you having saved up your virginity...
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EPT
