What could it possibly be?

Rain patters down onto the sidewalk. Our protagonist scampers into the shelter called home, shaking off the water dripping off the now shrivelled jacket. Wet paw prints stain the once perfect carpet. A shurg. It was to be expected after all. A long day it has been. Thoughts of salmon and honey float off, tantalisingly just out of reach. Just before turning the corner of the lobby, a small box is noticed in the corner of the eye, just out of view. What is this? What could it be? Who sent this?

---

So. I received this box today in the mail. I wonder what it could be?



Having carried the box to my room, it was reassuring not that heavy. So nothing dangerous like a bobcat or various members of TL Staff sending me toys of a deviant nature that certain other staff have been... unfortunate to receive. Sometimes several years in a row even. Sometimes they weren't even clean. How disgusting right? I mean after all, even if you want to send a prank gift to someone, proper etiquette says that you should make sure that all items are properly packed and that no leaks can occur. Can you imagine unboxing a gift onto to see a horrible mess all over the box? And imagine if you had to do this filmed and recorded for others to see. It's not just the thought, but the execution that counts too! But I digress.



As many of you may know, bears don't have opposable thumbs. This makes general daily life quite difficult. What makes life even more difficult are boxes like these. Look at it. It's like one of those normal flap things, except the flap goes 7cm deep into the box. And it's all made out of stiff cardboard. For neat and tidy bears who don't enjoy getting cardboard in their teeth ripping boxes open, it's like a box from hell. How do you even open this thing? There's no way to pull that flap out because it's wedged in so tightly. Wait forget that though. How did they even make this thing? It defies all forms of physics. It spits in the face of reasonableness.

Clearly, I should have taken it as a sign. A sign that inside this box lurked a deep and dark secret that should never see the light of day. But ah, I was so young, so naive.



Oh right. I remember something about this. Riot was sending stuff to everyone for something like "contributing to the community". Can't imagine why I qualify for it though. I mean, it's not like I've ever done anything special. Only worked as a Wrench doing voluntary community tech support, play tested patches for bugs and balancing issues, written articles for League of Legends on TeamLiquid, and more. So clearly... this must be some kind of trap.

Suddenly a wave of shadows passes over me. It's as eerie as a writer forcing bad puns only certain members of TL would understand. Like a new illusion.

Ok, I'll stop now.

So then. What's in the box?



You know what I like about foam? It's so soft and spongy and it's fun to press between your paws. It also keeps things safe. But what is this 'thing' in question then?

Well, more importantly, let's have a look at this envelope...



Luckily the letter did not explode when I opened it. It would be hard to continue writing if it did.

With yet another crisis averted thanks to SuperBear™ (available at all good toy stores near you), the obvious next step was to take everything out.



So, what did we learn today?

Today we learnt that when you send inappropriate toys to your friends you need to make sure you won't also create a sticky mess, especially if this is the second year doing so. Also, we learnt that people mailing bobcats is far less likely than the internet would let you believe. We also learnt that boxes are hard to open.

But most importantly, we learnt that the best way to reward members of a community is to give them a statue of their worst nightmares made real.



But it still doesn't answer my question.

... What's in the box?