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GF and I were 2 days from 2 years. We just broke up not an hour ago. I had been stressed from work, and it had hurt our relationship a LITTLE bit. But she wouldnt give me the emotional reciprocation i needed. I tried time and time again to get her to open up to me. To express how she felt, each time getting about nothing. Started worrying a little bit, and stressing from that, which led me to break up with her. I wasnt happy enough emotionally with her, after all the things we did and worked through over the years.. I just couldnt do it without her helping too.
Still, it burns like hell.
What i need: Ideas on what i can do to stay busy :/ Besides just sc lol
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Better days will come, man.
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The grass is greener on the other side
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Bearded Elder29877 Posts
Obviously it burns but if the doubts appeared and You wondered if it will be a good idea to break up, You probably made the right decision.
Don't worry bro, everyone is getting through this, You will recover from it, You just need time.
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Just relax a couple days, don't need to jump into doing something right after the break up. Almost two years is quite the commitment and by the sounds of it you two have been through some rocky situations but managed to get through it. You don't exactly detail much about the break up but did you sit down and discuss the issues you were having with the relationship or was it just the "I tried to get her to open up at certain moments but nothing worked" sort of thing. Maybe I am reading to much into this like I usually do with everything but it seems like maybe more effort could have been put in at the end? Hopefully you were open with her about why you ended the relationship, what was her response? Cold and bitter?
Give it a few days and if you still have feelings for her and she tries to open up a line of communication and discuss the wrong doings then maybe there will be a chance for re-starting the relationship or is that a no go? Maybe something personal is happening in her life that is causing her to close herself away from you and you just got up and walked way from her?
..... Sorry if I am crossing the line and raising questions and accusations that I shouldn't but I am just trying to understand and help out the situation. If things can't be mended then just get some goood 'Me' time in and focus on other aspects of your life. Get those things in line then branch back out into the social life and try and meet someone else.
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Shelke14 I actually really approve of your post. Well-said. For the time being, condolences to the OP for sure, but your post sounds really well-thought-out and makes a lot of sense. It's always sad to lose someone very very close to you.
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On February 25 2013 17:53 Shelke14 wrote: Just relax a couple days, don't need to jump into doing something right after the break up. Almost two years is quite the commitment and by the sounds of it you two have been through some rocky situations but managed to get through it. You don't exactly detail much about the break up but did you sit down and discuss the issues you were having with the relationship or was it just the "I tried to get her to open up at certain moments but nothing worked" sort of thing. Maybe I am reading to much into this like I usually do with everything but it seems like maybe more effort could have been put in at the end? Hopefully you were open with her about why you ended the relationship, what was her response? Cold and bitter?
Give it a few days and if you still have feelings for her and she tries to open up a line of communication and discuss the wrong doings then maybe there will be a chance for re-starting the relationship or is that a no go? Maybe something personal is happening in her life that is causing her to close herself away from you and you just got up and walked way from her?
..... Sorry if I am crossing the line and raising questions and accusations that I shouldn't but I am just trying to understand and help out the situation. If things can't be mended then just get some goood 'Me' time in and focus on other aspects of your life. Get those things in line then branch back out into the social life and try and meet someone else.
Her response was finally opening up about said issues, however, I felt it was too little, too late? Since i had been asking for her to open up FOREVER, and yet never got it. Never got the "emotional feedback" i wanted. She basically gave none -_- She kinda was... erm.. Taken aback? Or cold? Not bitter. Just upset. Not like angry. Just blamed me for EVERYTHING, when i was owning up for my mistakes and asking for her to help rectify issues we were having -- yet kept going back to "YOU DO X" which was childish :/
Yes, we sat down sometimes and talked. About if we're moving in when her lease is up, etc. To which, it was a yes, then recently a maybe? and the big kicker that really ended it (sorry if this is NOT APPROPRIATE) but we went out drinking last night. She rarely drinks, i enjoy it. She got drunk, but was just talking more than normal. We had sex. She doesnt remember it, but basically told her friend i raped her when she was unconscious? Like ive ever done anything wrong to hurt her, or would EVER. I think its total BS she would take that route. If i had thought she was that drunk that she wouldnt remember, it wouldnt have happened, at all.
Honestly. As much as i love her, or loved, im not sure i want to fix it. I didnt like how little she returned expressions of love. And we really are kinda different :/ like diff movies, diff hobbies, etc. It was just happenstance we started dating, even with the differences i fell in love. I think im better off in the long run, but im still quite sour
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also, im okay talking about it until i fall asleep. Its why i posted here. I want to talk/discuss/vent. Wounds will heal faster with bandages and proper care, in the end. Even if it hurts to use the alcohol at the start.
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On February 25 2013 18:00 Aerisky wrote: Shelke14 I actually really approve of your post. Well-said. For the time being, condolences to the OP for sure, but your post sounds really well-thought-out and makes a lot of sense. It's always sad to lose someone very very close to you.
Thanks man, I quickly wrote it and as I read back I didn't want to offend anyone but figured since I wrote all of it I wanted to post it anyway! I always find myself asking 1000 questions in these threads but then delete the whole post because I don't feel like it is my right to pry at such sensitive moments in peoples lives. Glad you liked it! :D
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On February 25 2013 18:06 Shelke14 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 18:00 Aerisky wrote: Shelke14 I actually really approve of your post. Well-said. For the time being, condolences to the OP for sure, but your post sounds really well-thought-out and makes a lot of sense. It's always sad to lose someone very very close to you. Thanks man, I quickly wrote it and as I read back I didn't want to offend anyone but figured since I wrote all of it I wanted to post it anyway! I always find myself asking 1000 questions in these threads but then delete the whole post because I don't feel like it is my right to pry at such sensitive moments in peoples lives. Glad you liked it! :D If i missed anything in my response, feel free to ask again. I am a bit upset, so not typing as well as i normally would
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On February 25 2013 18:01 Malpractice.248 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 17:53 Shelke14 wrote: Just relax a couple days, don't need to jump into doing something right after the break up. Almost two years is quite the commitment and by the sounds of it you two have been through some rocky situations but managed to get through it. You don't exactly detail much about the break up but did you sit down and discuss the issues you were having with the relationship or was it just the "I tried to get her to open up at certain moments but nothing worked" sort of thing. Maybe I am reading to much into this like I usually do with everything but it seems like maybe more effort could have been put in at the end? Hopefully you were open with her about why you ended the relationship, what was her response? Cold and bitter?
Give it a few days and if you still have feelings for her and she tries to open up a line of communication and discuss the wrong doings then maybe there will be a chance for re-starting the relationship or is that a no go? Maybe something personal is happening in her life that is causing her to close herself away from you and you just got up and walked way from her?
..... Sorry if I am crossing the line and raising questions and accusations that I shouldn't but I am just trying to understand and help out the situation. If things can't be mended then just get some goood 'Me' time in and focus on other aspects of your life. Get those things in line then branch back out into the social life and try and meet someone else. Her response was finally opening up about said issues, however, I felt it was too little, too late? Since i had been asking for her to open up FOREVER, and yet never got it. Never got the "emotional feedback" i wanted. She basically gave none -_- She kinda was... erm.. Taken aback? Or cold? Not bitter. Just upset. Not like angry. Just blamed me for EVERYTHING, when i was owning up for my mistakes and asking for her to help rectify issues we were having -- yet kept going back to "YOU DO X" which was childish :/ Yes, we sat down sometimes and talked. About if we're moving in when her lease is up, etc. To which, it was a yes, then recently a maybe? and the big kicker that really ended it (sorry if this is NOT APPROPRIATE) but we went out drinking last night. She rarely drinks, i enjoy it. She got drunk, but was just talking more than normal. We had sex. She doesnt remember it, but basically told her friend i raped her when she was unconscious? Like ive ever done anything wrong to hurt her, or would EVER. I think its total BS she would take that route. If i had thought she was that drunk that she wouldnt remember, it wouldnt have happened, at all. Honestly. As much as i love her, or loved, im not sure i want to fix it. I didnt like how little she returned expressions of love. And we really are kinda different :/ like diff movies, diff hobbies, etc. It was just happenstance we started dating, even with the differences i fell in love. I think im better off in the long run, but im still quite sour
Fair enough man! I find when discussing these type of situations with people either in my life or over the internet a common trend was a bit of miss communication which then escalates into them just ending the relationship before actually trying to be open with their partner. It would be different if it was a month or so long but it being two years is a significant amount of time in a persons life where they may wish to patch things up.
Wow! that paragraph about the other night is pretty deep and fucked up. For a partner to do that I would really doubt the relationship too man because that crosses a certain line for me when accusations like that get tossed around. For her to tell her friend before actually discussing the situation with you is sort of telling in my books. I personally think you have made the right decision and moving on is probably in the best interests of both you guys (more so better for you). As dumb as sayings are in most instances "communication is the foundation of any relationship", I think it is extremely important and I try to express this to everyone I talk to. I could go on but yeah, I think you get the idea haha, I am just putting off doing my HW for college FML
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On February 25 2013 18:12 Malpractice.248 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 18:06 Shelke14 wrote:On February 25 2013 18:00 Aerisky wrote: Shelke14 I actually really approve of your post. Well-said. For the time being, condolences to the OP for sure, but your post sounds really well-thought-out and makes a lot of sense. It's always sad to lose someone very very close to you. Thanks man, I quickly wrote it and as I read back I didn't want to offend anyone but figured since I wrote all of it I wanted to post it anyway! I always find myself asking 1000 questions in these threads but then delete the whole post because I don't feel like it is my right to pry at such sensitive moments in peoples lives. Glad you liked it! :D If i missed anything in my response, feel free to ask again. I am a bit upset, so not typing as well as i normally would
I think I am gonna ask for a 60 day ban from here.. Too much TL not enough political science essays
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On February 25 2013 18:01 Malpractice.248 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 17:53 Shelke14 wrote: Just relax a couple days, don't need to jump into doing something right after the break up. Almost two years is quite the commitment and by the sounds of it you two have been through some rocky situations but managed to get through it. You don't exactly detail much about the break up but did you sit down and discuss the issues you were having with the relationship or was it just the "I tried to get her to open up at certain moments but nothing worked" sort of thing. Maybe I am reading to much into this like I usually do with everything but it seems like maybe more effort could have been put in at the end? Hopefully you were open with her about why you ended the relationship, what was her response? Cold and bitter?
Give it a few days and if you still have feelings for her and she tries to open up a line of communication and discuss the wrong doings then maybe there will be a chance for re-starting the relationship or is that a no go? Maybe something personal is happening in her life that is causing her to close herself away from you and you just got up and walked way from her?
..... Sorry if I am crossing the line and raising questions and accusations that I shouldn't but I am just trying to understand and help out the situation. If things can't be mended then just get some goood 'Me' time in and focus on other aspects of your life. Get those things in line then branch back out into the social life and try and meet someone else. Her response was finally opening up about said issues, however, I felt it was too little, too late? Since i had been asking for her to open up FOREVER, and yet never got it. Never got the "emotional feedback" i wanted. She basically gave none -_- She kinda was... erm.. Taken aback? Or cold? Not bitter. Just upset. Not like angry. Just blamed me for EVERYTHING, when i was owning up for my mistakes and asking for her to help rectify issues we were having -- yet kept going back to "YOU DO X" which was childish :/ Yes, we sat down sometimes and talked. About if we're moving in when her lease is up, etc. To which, it was a yes, then recently a maybe? and the big kicker that really ended it (sorry if this is NOT APPROPRIATE) but we went out drinking last night. She rarely drinks, i enjoy it. She got drunk, but was just talking more than normal. We had sex. She doesnt remember it, but basically told her friend i raped her when she was unconscious? Like ive ever done anything wrong to hurt her, or would EVER. I think its total BS she would take that route. If i had thought she was that drunk that she wouldnt remember, it wouldnt have happened, at all. Honestly. As much as i love her, or loved, im not sure i want to fix it. I didnt like how little she returned expressions of love. And we really are kinda different :/ like diff movies, diff hobbies, etc. It was just happenstance we started dating, even with the differences i fell in love. I think im better off in the long run, but im still quite sour What the fuck? Dude if she thinks you're raping her after you guys went out and had drinks, it's indicative of some deeper issues in the relationship.
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On February 25 2013 18:23 Shady Sands wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 18:01 Malpractice.248 wrote:On February 25 2013 17:53 Shelke14 wrote: Just relax a couple days, don't need to jump into doing something right after the break up. Almost two years is quite the commitment and by the sounds of it you two have been through some rocky situations but managed to get through it. You don't exactly detail much about the break up but did you sit down and discuss the issues you were having with the relationship or was it just the "I tried to get her to open up at certain moments but nothing worked" sort of thing. Maybe I am reading to much into this like I usually do with everything but it seems like maybe more effort could have been put in at the end? Hopefully you were open with her about why you ended the relationship, what was her response? Cold and bitter?
Give it a few days and if you still have feelings for her and she tries to open up a line of communication and discuss the wrong doings then maybe there will be a chance for re-starting the relationship or is that a no go? Maybe something personal is happening in her life that is causing her to close herself away from you and you just got up and walked way from her?
..... Sorry if I am crossing the line and raising questions and accusations that I shouldn't but I am just trying to understand and help out the situation. If things can't be mended then just get some goood 'Me' time in and focus on other aspects of your life. Get those things in line then branch back out into the social life and try and meet someone else. Her response was finally opening up about said issues, however, I felt it was too little, too late? Since i had been asking for her to open up FOREVER, and yet never got it. Never got the "emotional feedback" i wanted. She basically gave none -_- She kinda was... erm.. Taken aback? Or cold? Not bitter. Just upset. Not like angry. Just blamed me for EVERYTHING, when i was owning up for my mistakes and asking for her to help rectify issues we were having -- yet kept going back to "YOU DO X" which was childish :/ Yes, we sat down sometimes and talked. About if we're moving in when her lease is up, etc. To which, it was a yes, then recently a maybe? and the big kicker that really ended it (sorry if this is NOT APPROPRIATE) but we went out drinking last night. She rarely drinks, i enjoy it. She got drunk, but was just talking more than normal. We had sex. She doesnt remember it, but basically told her friend i raped her when she was unconscious? Like ive ever done anything wrong to hurt her, or would EVER. I think its total BS she would take that route. If i had thought she was that drunk that she wouldnt remember, it wouldnt have happened, at all. Honestly. As much as i love her, or loved, im not sure i want to fix it. I didnt like how little she returned expressions of love. And we really are kinda different :/ like diff movies, diff hobbies, etc. It was just happenstance we started dating, even with the differences i fell in love. I think im better off in the long run, but im still quite sour What the fuck? Dude if she thinks you're raping her after you guys went out and had drinks, it's indicative of some deeper issues in the relationship. Agreed. Not sure HOW or why it got there. I didnt think she was blacked out, at all. She was coherent, talking, and whatnot. WHen i found out she told someone i basically raped her, i was furious. That was the last straw. After months and months of trying to get her to open up, and whatnot. I cant take her accusing me of that bullshit. Ive never, and WOULD never do that. at all.
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Hello, sorry to hear about this bu believe if all the stuff you said was right you did the right choice and not regret in years to come.
I myself when emotional would draw(which i never do), Learn an instrument (+ sing quite good to making new friends or another girl at somepoint), a Sport, Gym, Cooking (sounds weird but love it now, i enjoy getting home after work a cooking something which takes time but will appreciate after words).
I can't really say much more as i would need to know more of what you like to do
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On February 25 2013 18:28 Malpractice.248 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2013 18:23 Shady Sands wrote:On February 25 2013 18:01 Malpractice.248 wrote:On February 25 2013 17:53 Shelke14 wrote: Just relax a couple days, don't need to jump into doing something right after the break up. Almost two years is quite the commitment and by the sounds of it you two have been through some rocky situations but managed to get through it. You don't exactly detail much about the break up but did you sit down and discuss the issues you were having with the relationship or was it just the "I tried to get her to open up at certain moments but nothing worked" sort of thing. Maybe I am reading to much into this like I usually do with everything but it seems like maybe more effort could have been put in at the end? Hopefully you were open with her about why you ended the relationship, what was her response? Cold and bitter?
Give it a few days and if you still have feelings for her and she tries to open up a line of communication and discuss the wrong doings then maybe there will be a chance for re-starting the relationship or is that a no go? Maybe something personal is happening in her life that is causing her to close herself away from you and you just got up and walked way from her?
..... Sorry if I am crossing the line and raising questions and accusations that I shouldn't but I am just trying to understand and help out the situation. If things can't be mended then just get some goood 'Me' time in and focus on other aspects of your life. Get those things in line then branch back out into the social life and try and meet someone else. Her response was finally opening up about said issues, however, I felt it was too little, too late? Since i had been asking for her to open up FOREVER, and yet never got it. Never got the "emotional feedback" i wanted. She basically gave none -_- She kinda was... erm.. Taken aback? Or cold? Not bitter. Just upset. Not like angry. Just blamed me for EVERYTHING, when i was owning up for my mistakes and asking for her to help rectify issues we were having -- yet kept going back to "YOU DO X" which was childish :/ Yes, we sat down sometimes and talked. About if we're moving in when her lease is up, etc. To which, it was a yes, then recently a maybe? and the big kicker that really ended it (sorry if this is NOT APPROPRIATE) but we went out drinking last night. She rarely drinks, i enjoy it. She got drunk, but was just talking more than normal. We had sex. She doesnt remember it, but basically told her friend i raped her when she was unconscious? Like ive ever done anything wrong to hurt her, or would EVER. I think its total BS she would take that route. If i had thought she was that drunk that she wouldnt remember, it wouldnt have happened, at all. Honestly. As much as i love her, or loved, im not sure i want to fix it. I didnt like how little she returned expressions of love. And we really are kinda different :/ like diff movies, diff hobbies, etc. It was just happenstance we started dating, even with the differences i fell in love. I think im better off in the long run, but im still quite sour What the fuck? Dude if she thinks you're raping her after you guys went out and had drinks, it's indicative of some deeper issues in the relationship. Agreed. Not sure HOW or why it got there. I didnt think she was blacked out, at all. She was coherent, talking, and whatnot. WHen i found out she told someone i basically raped her, i was furious. That was the last straw. After months and months of trying to get her to open up, and whatnot. I cant take her accusing me of that bullshit. Ive never, and WOULD never do that. at all.
Good riddance, seriously. What a messed up thing to say. She sounds awful.
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Unfriend her on facebook and then change your profile picture to yourself with a thinner, hotter girl, preferably her mom/friend :-D
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How'd you guys end up having sex? Depending on the context say - you haven't seen each other for awhile. You meet up at bar. Heavy drinking ensues. She gets drunk. You drive her home. She's still very drunk. You help her into bed. She's emotionally soft as most girls are when drunk, but not necessarily horny. You interpret as horniness. You proceed to 'rape.' She feels guilty the next day.
Then I can see the rape card getting played legitimately in the sense that 4pool is a 'legitimate' strategy..
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51336 Posts
Work Out! Always seems to be the best way for men to drain there emotions, through a vigorous work out ethic! Buy some weights and a bike (exercise bike) and just go all hell on leather, get yourself into a routine etc.
Or. Just suck it up and continue with your life! Do something you couldn't before when you had a gf, go to the bar till 1am on a week night or watch sports/sc2 all night etcetc
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On February 25 2013 21:43 Pandemona wrote: Work Out! Always seems to be the best way for men to drain there emotions, through a vigorous work out ethic! Buy some weights and a bike (exercise bike) and just go all hell on leather, get yourself into a routine etc.
Or. Just suck it up and continue with your life! Do something you couldn't before when you had a gf, go to the bar till 1am on a week night or watch sports/sc2 all night etcetc
This is actually really solid advice. It's amazing what a couple of really good workouts can do for you. Doesn't even have to be pumping weights, a good, intense cardio workout will really take your mind off things. Furthermore, it will actually take your mind off of work and enable you to relieve some of the stress.
With regards to your ex, it seems like this is a good thing for you. I don't know what industry you work in, but it's obviously important to you (as is any job for income). If she wasn't supportive of you even though you were out there in employment working then it's probably a good thing you broke up. I know it sucks to hear that now, but it is.
Good luck, man.
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