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I am a 23-year-old guy who wants to move out of his parents' house. However, I am facing two difficulties which make me second-guess myself endlessly.
The first difficulty is the main reason I want to leave: for almost a whole year, every day—and with dead-on consistency—my parents have been patronizing me with a horrifyingly condescending attitude simply because they despise my girlfriend, her family and our friends. It has been an emotionally fiery hell full of isolation, depression, threats, curses and mockery, to name a few. It has become practically impossible to coexist with my mother, so much that I would rather dwell under a bridge than be anywhere near her, with all sincerity. Moreover, I am not exaggerating; my extended family agrees with me as well, and they suggest I move out as soon as possible.
The second difficulty is that I was brought into this county (U.S.) illegally. Nevertheless, I managed to obtain two bachelor degrees from a fairly okay university and will be working two jobs—from under the table, naturally—very soon, but a of right now, I am completely broke and unemployed. Also, I cannot fully depend on one of the jobs since its pay will be highly inconsistent.
My girlfriend's father has arranged a place for me to stay in his house while I save enough to afford a small apartment; I am currently looking into one that is well situated in the heart of a zone that is both handy goods-wise and easy for me to navigate, as I have lived there—with my parents—before. By the way, the rent will cost me about $650 a month. Does that sound reasonable?
I will be working toward getting my papers fixed as soon as I move out, as I despise the idea of driving without a license. Do you guys believe it would be wise of me to move out? Thanks in advance!
Edit: It's $650 for the apartment I'm looking into at the moment.
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Yes. And for you to fix your papers asap so you can work a normal job.
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If you've been living here for a long time, isn't it possible to gain citizenship?
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Im living with my parents for just 2 weeks during christmas break. Driving me insane. I feel sorry for you, gl moving out.
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Rent varies quite a bit depending on the area you live. I would imagine $650 is probably reasonable though if you look around at other places in the area. When I go apartment hunting I find that rent doesnt vary much unless the overall of quality of the apartment varies as well (IE "Nicer" apartment is more expensive etc)
If theres a city or side of town that is generally lower income you will probably find a cheaper apartment there. That was really the only way I found large discrepancies in price without a difference in quality of the apartment. There are some pro's and cons to that though that you would have to weigh out.
Oh i misunderstood. $650 to live in a house sounds pretty bad tbh -_- Even with utilities and stuff you better have an enormous room to stay in with a private bath for that price.
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The girlfriend's father wants you to pay $650 to stay with him, did I read that right? That's a ripoff for a room and probably everything else shared. How do you expect to save paying that and being unemployed?
Other stuff I could comment about, but bottom line: get a job, THEN move out.
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On December 30 2012 16:29 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
The girlfriend's father wants you to pay $650 to stay with him, did I read that right? That's a ripoff for a room and probably everything else shared. How do you expect to save paying that and being unemployed?
Other stuff I could comment about, but bottom line: get a job, THEN move out.
lol
That'd be the ripoff of the century.
He's willing to let me crash at his place for no charge until I can move out.
By the way, my soon-to-be employer just called me to let me know I can share an apartment with one of my coworkers and split the rent as soon as I receive my first paycheck. I wonder if that'd be better than living with my girlfriend's dad.
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Be careful man. I once moved out for the sake of moving out. It didn't go well. You're at a consumer disadvantage because you just want to get out, you bargain with otherwise unwanted options. Moving in with strangers can also blow.
On the other hand, you already know your gf's dad. It could work. It was nice of him to offer a place to you
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On December 30 2012 17:15 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Be careful man. I once moved out for the sake of moving out. It didn't go well. You're at a consumer disadvantage because you just want to get out, you bargain with otherwise unwanted options. Moving in with strangers can also blow.
On the other hand, you already know your gf's dad. It could work. It was nice of him to offer a place to you
this is definitely highly dependent on the GF's dad. In this case, I think moving out, even if it puts you at a disadvantage is better than living in a toxic environment. At this point, if you mom is being this much of a bitch, it's time to let her simmer down and move out for a good while. Room with your gf if possible that way you two share the costs.
EDIT: nvm, you got the stuff, but before you move out get a bank going so you aren't strapped for cash constantly. Give it just a bit so you are on your feet.
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On December 30 2012 17:10 Paintbrush wrote:Show nested quote +On December 30 2012 16:29 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
The girlfriend's father wants you to pay $650 to stay with him, did I read that right? That's a ripoff for a room and probably everything else shared. How do you expect to save paying that and being unemployed?
Other stuff I could comment about, but bottom line: get a job, THEN move out. lol That'd be the ripoff of the century. He's willing to let me crash at his place for no charge until I can move out. By the way, my soon-to-be employer just called me to let me know I can share an apartment with one of my coworkers and split the rent as soon as I receive my first paycheck. I wonder if that'd be better than living with my girlfriend's dad.
I would be EXTREMELY careful of this kind of arrangement and association between your employer, co-worker, and home. While it's initially fantastic your employer has gone an extra meter to arrange this, it could put you being more dependent on your employer than just pay. Furthermore, the barrier between your home and your work becomes more transparent.
At best, I would take this arrangement as temporary, a stepping stone toward true independence of living.
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650 a month is pretty cheap rent for most places. without listing a location, making a real judgement is impossible.
moving out is always wise. its an excellent experience for everyone involved. It'll be liberating, you'll enjoy being around your parents more when you don't have to see them every day.
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Although I understand the situation with your parents, if I understood you correctly you are still residing illegally in the US. Wouldn't it be better to first obtain the correct papers and then move out? That way you have a more secure foundation to build on and also are not responsible for causing your girlfriends parents any trouble if there are ever any charges against you for residing illegally in the US.
That issue put aside I don't think either of your current options is particularly attractive.
1) Live with the parents of your girlfriend: This may sound great until you (or your girlfriend) feel(s) things aren't working out and you want to break-up. Where will you go from there? Back to your parents and have them gloating that the were right all the time? Still staying with your now ex-girlfriend and have uncomfortable situations on a regular basis?
2) Live in a building that sounds as if it's owned by your boss: Great until you get fired and suddenly have to move out. Great until you have to work all sorts of extra hours because he let's you live there. etc. etc.
My advice is to suffer through the pain until you can afford your own place together with your girlfriend. If your / her parents want to help out with this, that's great, but put all arrangements onto paper so it's clear for both parties what the obligations are. That way all parties will know exactly what to expect and ideally nobody will be hurt / annoyed / frustrated for the term of the arrangement.
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EPT
