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"During the fifteen or thirty seconds they have to grab a drink and towel off, I encourage them to picture themselves someplace where they feel secure. It's a way for them to take a short mental vacation before addressing the problem at hand. Simple as it may seem, the exercise helps players reduce their anxiety and focus their attention on what they need to do when they return to the court." - Phil Jackson in his book Sacred Hoops.
This idea of a mental safe haven, somewhere to center yourself is something I'd never thought about before. The internal and external worlds we inhabit are inextricably linked. When our lives are chaotic, we become stressed. When we're hit by emotional turbulence, a break up, or loss of a job, or remorse over an inability to cease an addiction, we say, 'My world is falling apart.' That 'world', is the mental world. Physically, we're for the most part fine, we can get over it. But mentally, we are suffused with the feeling of doom.
When I rushed for a fraternity, there was disgusting and painful shit (mentally and physically), we the pledges had to do. (I'll save these stories for a later blog.) Whenever we were doing said activities, the older guys would occasionally shout, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? And we'd shout, PAIN IS TEMPORARY, BROTHERHOOD IS ETERNAL.
Pain is temporary. Addiction, fear, elation (one night stands) - all of this is temporary. But when the mental storm hits, that emotion, whatever it is - seems to completely encompass the mind entirely, etched in what feels like every crevice of the brain. It is nearly impossible to truly believe, you can try and convince yourself into believing, that it's temporary.
But what if you have a safe spot? An emergency mental 911 that you can always dial in to, when you are feeling overwhelmed, distraught, fearful, disappointed, anxious? Shaq, describes in his biography, "Shaq Uncut" how his safe spot is in his Grandma's lap, drinking milk and eating cookies, how he feels completely engulfed in a cocoon of safety and that this is the memory he accesses in times of dire stress - say the last moments of a championship game when the score is tied.
Personally, I don't have a safe spot. Sometimes, when I was younger like sixteen, I'd imagine myself sitting in a black sphere, where nothing could penetrate, but to tell you the truth, this visual exercise did not do much at all. I don't think I even did it more than three times.
For the past five minutes, I've been scouring my brain for old memories - I must have a safe spot? But I can't really think of one. I've never been particularly close with my parents or grandparents, with friends - I have close friends, but that just evokes a feeling of belonging and trust, not an ultimate feeling of safety.
So what about do you guys? Do you have a safe spot? Do you ever feel like you are missing a crucial piece of hardware that makes you as a human incomplete? Do you think perhaps finding love with some one else will generate a safe spot?
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A hermitage is a better word, coined by Catherine the Great, was a place where she could steal away from society and be herself
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During all of my years in school I forced myself into what I called a mental shell, the equivalent of what you call a safe spot. I forced out the world, the people, and everything around me. In essence, I hibernated mentally and allowed the world to pass by. Only when I had realized how foolish enduring such a system was, in far too long a time, did I finally drop out and embrace my freedom. A fool's freedom, alas.
The safe spot was my dreams. My worlds and places I conjured of my own will. The stars and beyond. I closed my eyes and drifted away. The harassment, the raw noise, melted to nothing and I was adrift seas of ash, oceans of shadows, and flight great ships. This is not a visual exercise. This is something I burned into my very existence over the course of fifteen years. I learned to hate humanity and all it stood for, and so I sought my purpose amongst the distance reaches of my thoughts, far away from the noise of the world around me.
As my disabilities took manifest, however, I lost that paradise. I lost control over my mental actions and my freedom was snatched away at the hour of my victory. When you cannot trust your own eyes or ears, and when you have no allies, when you are truly and utterly alone in your despair, you lose any desire to fight this madness. I don't think love exists. Not as men believe it to.
To seek freedom from the madness, I have to find more and more depraved battlegrounds to mask over the pain of life's bitter, dying howls. I think only of violence, and the instruments of death, and the act of killing over and over. My dreams show to me worlds of blood and fire, and I embrace them, for beyond the walls of this world there is no greater evil than succumbing to fear or doubt. I desensitize myself to my own fate. To lose sight, to lose grasp of those dreams, is to lose the last shred of tells me I am still alive. Still I fight for the distant dreams of freedom in creation, though I know my mortal body shall never once taste the waters of such life.
So the oceans burn and the stars weep, so set free are the chains of humanity.
Now? There is no "safe" spot. Nothing is safe. Not dreams, not the earth, and nothing inbetween. There is only the enduring will to see my dreams live. That is all that has allowed me to survive this long.
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A tad melodramatic...
I like the rain  So if I need to relax or concentrate, sometimes I will play a recording of rain. Not too uncommon. For many people looking to other people for a source of comfort is unreliable or self-deceiving, so they will think of some natural phenomenon or the sounds of a forest or something. Maybe they will look at cute pictures of cats or think of their own beloved pet.
Milk and cookies and grandma's lap is a pretty unique one. I don't think many are going to have 'happy places' like that (to steal the term from Happy Guilmore lol).
Maybe it's not your main topic, but I also gotta comment that bros and frats are pretty disgusting and you should probably be ashamed! And also that pain in exchange for a reward and pain that is for nothing are going to affect one very differently. The former, depending on the context, could just amount to doing work for money, or exercising. The latter, when unsolved or recurring creates a feeling of helplessness that maybe does require such mental breaks as this.
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Back in high school when I'd come home after school I'd change into something comfortable like sweatpants and a t shirt, and then lay on my living room couch and just think. I'd lay there for about an hour or so just thinking about all the stuff that went on that day, what I had to do that night, etc... Years later, mentally, I'd still go back to that relaxed state of mind of being totally relaxed both physically and mentally, when in certain situations like forgetting to do an assignment for school or when my anxiety kicked in. I'd just tell myself, "Sean, you're relaxed and you're laying on the couch wearing comfortable clothes. Think and stay calm".
Though I haven't done the above in years, I've sort of switched my mental safe spot. Now when I'm in a similar situation I'll say in my head, "white room". I picture myself in a completely white room, floating around and seeing the problems that are in front of me and solving them.
I know it sounds a bit weird, but this really helps me out when my anxiety is really bad.
edit: living room*
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Books. No better safe spot than that
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I like to think my room is a safe place.
That being said, I don't feel like I have anyone I can turn to. I always consider my problems to be to petty to trouble others with.
And then they catch up with me ;_;
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On November 25 2012 18:46 Caissa wrote:
A hermitage is a better word, coined by Catherine the Great, was a place where she could steal away from society and be herself
LOL I can only imagine what Catherine the Great got up to in her "hermitage"
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I need to read those two biographies!
My safe zone is knowing that everything will be okay. Looking back on my life, I've realized how lucky I am to have done so well despite my laziness and lack of discipline.
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On November 25 2012 21:28 Chef wrote:
For many people looking to other people for a source of comfort is unreliable or self-deceiving, so they will think of some natural phenomenon or the sounds of a forest or something. Maybe they will look at cute pictures of cats or think of their own beloved pet.
You know Chef I never realized that - we have close friends, best friends - but we don't share everything with them - we keep our deepest pains to ourselves, because we're afraid of losing them.
This leads me to the conclusion, that for myself and others, who didn't generate a "social" safe place, aka a safe place involving the support of a person, maybe the answer is through a girlfriend or boyfriend, and hoping your soul doesn't get crushed into little pieces.
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Mine is a place on the irish coast on an overcast morning, sitting on a stone at the beach with the sound of the waves and a cup of coffe in my one hand and a cigarette in the other. Perfect moment.
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On November 26 2012 16:41 husniack wrote:Show nested quote +On November 25 2012 21:28 Chef wrote:
For many people looking to other people for a source of comfort is unreliable or self-deceiving, so they will think of some natural phenomenon or the sounds of a forest or something. Maybe they will look at cute pictures of cats or think of their own beloved pet.
You know Chef I never realized that - we have close friends, best friends - but we don't share everything with them - we keep our deepest pains to ourselves, because we're afraid of losing them. This leads me to the conclusion, that for myself and others, who didn't generate a "social" safe place, aka a safe place involving the support of a person, maybe the answer is through a girlfriend or boyfriend, and hoping your soul doesn't get crushed into little pieces.
I wrote a big thing but it all sums up to this: self-reliance is very important. It's not a good start to feeling good if you say "without a relationship my soul will be crushed into little pieces." Or I guess you mean, if said person breaks up with you or takes you thru a roller coaster. But either way we're down the wrong path becoming dependent on others. You want to be a complete person with relationships (sexual or not) being positive additions, not the foundation. A good safe place is somewhere safe from the chaos of relationships, I think lol.
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I love wandering at night, especially in winter. My hometown lies in a small valley, so you can walk up the hills surrounding it to have a beautiful view over the sleeping city. Everything is calm, reality feels distant. Basically, I love being alone outside, it's relaxing and it's making me feel more aware of myself.
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EPT
