These new ketchup bottles by Heinz are total bullshit. Like what in the hell.
I'd like to think I'm pretty smart. But apparently I can't outsmart a fucking ketchup bottle. These things are goddamn fortresses. I've been trying for literally half an hour and I can't get any ketchup to come out. I've tried squeezing, I've tried twisting the top (pretty sure it's all one piece), I've tried sticking a pencil in the hole. Nothing.
At this point my dinner is cold. I'll eat this hamburger dry with no ketchup. But it's not about the ketchup anymore. It's me vs a bottle, and it's personal.
gg I lose to ketchup bottle
I've tried looking for some kind of Heinz customer support phone number to complain about this ketchup fortress, but I can't even find that.
I feel like the bottle is mocking me with its ridiculous "Guess What My Bottle Is Made Of?" slogan. Sure, I'll guess, the bottle is made of fucking adamantium?
Umm, somehow you must have got a defective bottle, because I've used those kinds of bottles plenty of times and never had a problem. I find it hard to believe it could really give someone so much trouble - just shake the ketchup to the bottom and squeeze.
Though I do have to say a customer service number for ketchup bottles made me chuckle.
OH MY GOD I DID IT. I played the music for a second, then I stood up and went and opened that motherfucking bottle. WHATTTTTTT.
Damn, I had thought of a really good analogy too. I was going to say it was no use, that the ketchup bottle had 50 lurkers sitting on top of a ramp with dark swarm and all I had was marines. But turns out I had some Science Vessels backing me up. :D
Wow now I feel like an idiot, I had even sent an email to Heinz bitching about their new fortress bottles.
Oh, I should probably fill you guys in, in case someone else has the same problem (everyone hates those edit: nvm fixed the problem posts!).
Turns out that it wasn't all one piece, I needed to first twist off the top and remove a seal. But god damn was that cap on tight, I swear it didn't budge at all. And I've seen bottles like it with no seal, just squeeze for ketchup.
On November 21 2012 12:06 Alzadar wrote: I feel like the bottle is mocking me with its ridiculous "Guess What My Bottle Is Made Of?" slogan. Sure, I'll guess, the bottle is made of fucking adamantium?
On November 21 2012 12:06 Alzadar wrote: I feel like the bottle is mocking me with its ridiculous "Guess What My Bottle Is Made Of?" slogan. Sure, I'll guess, the bottle is made of fucking adamantium?
do you play Dwarf Fortress?
also excellent blog
I tried it for a few weeks last winter, kind of lost interest / didn't play enough to know wtf I was doing. All my dwarves lived until the first migrants arrived but then shit kind of hit the man, there were lots of dead animals and stuff. Why do you ask?
On November 21 2012 12:58 heyoka wrote: They've had these bottles for like 10 years, you have never opened one? Have you never used ANY food product? They all have those seals.
Dude, I've used a ketchup bottle before. Normally I have no problem. THIS BOTTLE WAS DIFFERENT.
On November 21 2012 12:06 Alzadar wrote: I feel like the bottle is mocking me with its ridiculous "Guess What My Bottle Is Made Of?" slogan. Sure, I'll guess, the bottle is made of fucking adamantium?
do you play Dwarf Fortress?
also excellent blog
I tried it for a few weeks last winter, kind of lost interest / didn't play enough to know wtf I was doing. All my dwarves lived until the first migrants arrived but then shit kind of hit the man, there were lots of dead animals and stuff. Why do you ask?
Turns out that it wasn't all one piece, I needed to first twist off the top and remove a seal. But god damn was that cap on tight, I swear it didn't budge at all. And I've seen bottles like it with no seal, just squeeze for ketchup.
LOL Gee Gee, I knew it was this the whole time and was about to scroll to the bottom to recommend you remove the seal inside the bottle. hahahahaaha Oh jezz, Those moments when you just have to sigh and laugh at yourself.
lol... I stopped buying heinz ketchup when they closed their aussie factories.New Zealand is where they import it from now but NZ has laxer laws in regard to importing fresh produce.Most of the stuff made there uses chinese produce.
I'm surprised you didn't think to remove the seal. In Sweden, it's ridiculously rare with bottles like this (regardless of brand) to come without a seal, pretty sure you need that seal to keep the product fresh.
On November 21 2012 17:15 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: lol... I stopped buying heinz ketchup when they closed their aussie factories.New Zealand is where they import it from now but NZ has laxer laws in regard to importing fresh produce.Most of the stuff made there uses chinese produce.
Wait, you're worried about what kind of tomatoes KETCHUP is made from? hahahahahaha
On November 21 2012 17:15 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: lol... I stopped buying heinz ketchup when they closed their aussie factories.New Zealand is where they import it from now but NZ has laxer laws in regard to importing fresh produce.Most of the stuff made there uses chinese produce.
Wait, you're worried about what kind of tomatoes KETCHUP is made from? hahahahahaha
Well they fertilise crops with human waste in China, they don't do that here.So yes, i would rather stay away from crops grown with human waste.
On November 21 2012 12:06 Alzadar wrote: I feel like the bottle is mocking me with its ridiculous "Guess What My Bottle Is Made Of?" slogan. Sure, I'll guess, the bottle is made of fucking adamantium?
do you play Dwarf Fortress?
also excellent blog
I tried it for a few weeks last winter, kind of lost interest / didn't play enough to know wtf I was doing. All my dwarves lived until the first migrants arrived but then shit kind of hit the man, there were lots of dead animals and stuff. Why do you ask?
You mentioned "adamantium" :D
Pretty sure the word "adamantium" originates from X-Men. And "adamant" is just a common english word for something really tough.
On November 21 2012 18:07 Tobberoth wrote: I'm surprised you didn't think to remove the seal. In Sweden, it's ridiculously rare with bottles like this (regardless of brand) to come without a seal, pretty sure you need that seal to keep the product fresh.
You guys don't seem to get it. I'm familiar with the sealed bottle system. I've opened ketchup bottles before. But I've definitely seen Heinz bottles with no seal (always the upside down ones).
The thought of someone needing such an epic song to open a bottle of ketchup is one of the best thoughts there is LOL. I definitely relate though! every day tasks are fucking hard!!!
When I opened the picture i thought OP was going to say "yeah this thing squirted all over." i've definitely seen my friend go intense and put some muscle into the squeezey at a barbecue and get it on a girl's expensive looking dress. whew, glad that wasn't me, cos i've definitely squirted those things, myself.
edit: yeah i'm excited to see matrix too. I heard its really good.
On November 21 2012 17:15 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: lol... I stopped buying heinz ketchup when they closed their aussie factories.New Zealand is where they import it from now but NZ has laxer laws in regard to importing fresh produce.Most of the stuff made there uses chinese produce.
Wait, you're worried about what kind of tomatoes KETCHUP is made from? hahahahahaha
Well they fertilise crops with human waste in China, they don't do that here.So yes, i would rather stay away from crops grown with human waste.
Assuming this is even remotely true, what would it be about humans that makes their waste so much more horrible than pig or cow waste? Is the Chinese diet so bad that it's worse than what pigs eat?
LOL ya , everything nowadays is sealed. It's ok, I've had these kind of brain lapses too... eg. thinking something is defective when i haven't turned it on.. etc lol
On November 21 2012 17:15 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: lol... I stopped buying heinz ketchup when they closed their aussie factories.New Zealand is where they import it from now but NZ has laxer laws in regard to importing fresh produce.Most of the stuff made there uses chinese produce.
Wait, you're worried about what kind of tomatoes KETCHUP is made from? hahahahahaha
Well they fertilise crops with human waste in China, they don't do that here.So yes, i would rather stay away from crops grown with human waste.
Assuming this is even remotely true, what would it be about humans that makes their waste so much more horrible than pig or cow waste? Is the Chinese diet so bad that it's worse than what pigs eat?
And yes humans do absorb alot more toxins because of their diet and this comes out in the faeces.Then you've got all the air pollution in China, the open fires where they throw old PCBs and leach the gold out of them breathing in all that crap which then goes into the waste material.I'd rather just stay away from it all.
EPT
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