So I've been playing starcraft for the last three years. And it's been a rough three years for me personally. Actually the last 10 have been pretty rough, some to my own thanks, but some completely out of my control.
I was a pretty shy kid, but it was partially because I had a bad case of OCD, social anxiety issues, and cripping body image issues. I personally think it's why i developed crohns disease three years ago, I've been under so much stress. For those who don't know it's an auto immune disorder which attacks the intestines. I dropped out of college 3 years ago because I couldn't handle the stress of my social anxiety and the massive amounts of pain. I was bedridden for about a year while they tried to diagnose me, which is when I first got starcraft and started to play it. The medication for these diseases are really hit or miss. It takes ~3 months to even see if the medication is working, and if it isn't you have to try another, and wait another 3 months, and so on and so on.
I've struggled with these issues, and clinical depression for too long now. I finally found medication that helps my crohn's, to the point where I feel almost normal, normal enough at least where I can function, it has really boosted how I feel, nothing feels as hopeless as it once did, and I really want to make some life changes, that are quite a good bit overdue.
As far as starcraft is concerned, I've always thrived on competition, I've never been good at sports (5'6, and underweight go figure ^_^), so I turned to video games. I love the feeling of beating someone else when they are trying their best. It can't be compared. I on the other hand, don't want to do this as a job. Don't get me wrong I love the game, but on the other hand I hate it. I've never been good with stress, and I simply cannot handle the stress given to me from this game, mostly if I decide to play in a tournament. My last one was IEM cologne, and honestly it was one of the worst decisions I've ever made to go. I really wish I had not have qualified. I wasn't on a medication that was helping, and I have some underlying issues mentally that I can't get over. Playing the best players in the world is very difficult, and I sadly cannot handle it. When playing on a stage, my blind goes blank, I no longer have any build orders, and I no longer can control my units, or know how to react. I'm shaking on the outside, it's awful. This is the reason I don't compete or go to tournaments. To fly somewhere and wait/prepare for the games only for this to happen each time is heartbreaking. Then once you are knocked out, all you can do is look back on how awful you played, and wait for the return trip home. I'm not in the right profession. I can't handle this stress.
I am no longer going to lans to compete. I will still stream/coach/ladder for fun, maybe playhems/some online tournaments, but lan's are out of the question.
My long term goal is to return to school this summer, and get back on a path that's right for me.
My short term goals are however to improve my mental and physical health.
I've always had issues with my physical appearance. I am currently 117 pounds and 5'6, the most I've ever weighed (sadly). I've been hitting the gym ever other day now and am already up 5 pounds in two weeks, which is pretty awesome for me, since I've never been able to break 115, and am going to continue going. I'm still pretty badly underweight, but it's slowly going up, and it's the most progress I've been able to achieve in years. I'm pretty small framed but I'm wanting to get to at least 130 or so. I've started to run each morning, which actually does make you feel quite a bit better.
Mentally on the other hand, I recently went to the doc and was put on celexa, which has been extremely helpful with my depression I only regret it took me 10 years to go. Better late than never I suppose. Celexa and my crohn's getting into remission has been a big boost for my mental health this past month, I only hope I can stay on track.
On an end note, I just want to thank the people who/have supported me, and got me through some really rough times, whether or not you knew you knew or not what you were doing, it means a lot. Also a special shoutout to ROOTCatZ, I'm not quite sure where I'd be without him.
On November 19 2012 22:16 Plexa wrote: Crohn's sucks balls. I'm glad its in remission (I hope it stays that way!) All the best going forward into the future
Thanks for fixing title , me too, painful disease otherwise ^_^.
I hope all goes well Minigun. I have always been a fan and I want you to do the things you truly love. I hope all of your physical and mental health goes well in the coming years. <3
ive had social anxiety for all my life and i cannot attend any tournaments either - i had 2 months in which i didnt even leave the house, not even to clear the trash or anything because i was afraid someone could see me.
those problems suck, im way better now and i indeed could attend tournaments now (thanks to psychologists that talked to me for over a year and fitting medication) but now i dont have the desire to do so anymore, i have a job, play sc2 and dota2 simply for fun and i enjoy life a lot more
i hope you will get better as well.
And one more thing: Going to IEM Cologne wasnt a mistake at all! Its better to try despite all your problems and your anxiety then to not try at all. you should be proud of yourself that you went, even though u couldnt play nearly your best.
I've been a fan of you and the rest of the Root guys for a really long time. I'm sorry to hear that you're calling it quits on lans, but I totally understand.
I gotta say though, I get nerdchills every time I watch this clip of you... one of the sickest moves I've ever seen:
Also, Guns and Broaches was the sickest 2v2 team ever ^^
Your streams were the first ones I watched and the reason I started SC2 as protoss. I hope you feel good/better both about your disease and your decisions!
Great work mini, getting back on track seems to be the right thing for you. There are a lot of people who want you to succeed, myself included, but it doesn't have to be in SC2. Getting a degree, a job you like, and moving on with "life milestones" is really the only cure for depression, since such accomplishments are naturally fulfilling. As for your image, my advice would be to change the things you are in control of changing, and be realistic about the way you were built (height and other physical characteristics don't matter, they aren't who you are or represent how hard you have worked in the past or anything silly like that). Since you like competition and (as I suspect) you are clearly capable of driving yourself to great heights, you should check out some weightlifting communities. Sure there are a ton of bozos out there, but I think at the heart of it you will find people who are simply passionate about physical health and bodybuilding. In everything you do, be it lifting, gaming, school, or relationships, focus on the process and not the results. To be horribly simplistic, if you want to be happy, you shouldn't try skydiving, running, scuba-diving, wine-tasting, dancing, and all things in between because you're sure one of those things will make you happy. You should sit around, do nothing, and then listen when you hear a voice in your head saying, "Hey, I wanna do that."
I had no clue. Glad to hear your getting better. Best of luck with everything. I love your stream, the play is great, some of the calls with the ROOT guys were hilarious and yes Guns and Broaches was the sickest 2v2 team ever. I hope happiness finds you as you brought it to so many through your stream.
Sorry to hear about your depression/stress. I've always thought you were one of the most underrated NA players that could easily take games off good Koreans if you performed at your best. Good luck in the future!
Try meditating. I had the same issues in middle school (excluding crohns, which you do need meds for) but meditation saved me from depression and apathy and addictions.
I also knew a kid who had crohns in high school and he got better. Hope you do too!
<3. Crohn's sucks. Can't debate backing off on the stress and weird diet of an E-sports schedule with it, I can only imagine the hell it'd play on my guts.
If you want a suggestion on exercise that works with Crohn's, I've used rock climbing and TKD to stay fit since getting diagnosed a few years back. It's not as intense as lifting, doesn't involve being out of reach of a bathroom like running/biking (well, climbing does, but it's far enough out of reach not to matter), and they're pretty good for stress relief too.
Hey man! I just recently had a bout with social anxiety. In my case, it was bad enough for me to flunk out of school because I was afraid of class, other students, and even just leaving my apartment. When I actually realized that something was going on (since there seems to be a fair bit of denial involved in these sorts of things) I got myself into my schools counseling program, mostly because it's cheaper than a professional counselor. I'm not gonna tell you it's a miracle cure or anything, but in five months of hard work I feel much, much better about myself and everything else in life.
If you're up to it, I would really, REALLY recommend finding a counselor. Good luck, man.
Well done sir, keeping a positive and optimistic outlook on life. I know a couple of people with Crohn's and they both struggle massively with self esteem. Good luck to you.
I've been watching your stream for many months now and always loved it! Sad to see you quit competition but very understandable. Best of luck in the future ^_^
Good luck minigun!! Hope the best for you in the future. I totally agree with the running/working out stuff, I was really lazy for the past 2 years and quit running altogether. Been back at it since August and I feel so much better.
Chad I've been a fan of you since the days of Root. I was lucky enough to have you play in one of my show matches last year vs qxc and I got the chance to meet you at MLG.
I'm sad to say that I know exactly what you are going through from a health perspective. I was diagnosed with Crohns 3 years ago as well and luckily I've been able to get on a decent working medication. I'm 6ft and after struggling around 130lbs finally for the first time in my life I hit 150lbs. I wish I had time to go to the gym that's my goal for 2013. But we'll see if things continue to go well, I know medication might work for a while but could stop working.
I really hope that you can keep your Crohns under control and your health continues to improve! Best of luck Chad I'll always be rooting for you~!
On November 20 2012 01:29 Gibbas[Arm] wrote: Hey man! I just recently had a bout with social anxiety. In my case, it was bad enough for me to flunk out of school because I was afraid of class, other students, and even just leaving my apartment. When I actually realized that something was going on (since there seems to be a fair bit of denial involved in these sorts of things) I got myself into my schools counseling program, mostly because it's cheaper than a professional counselor. I'm not gonna tell you it's a miracle cure or anything, but in five months of hard work I feel much, much better about myself and everything else in life.
If you're up to it, I would really, REALLY recommend finding a counselor. Good luck, man.
u pretty much tell my story^^ but i had a professional counselor (if that means sth like psychologist who talks about ur person and ur life), thanks to the german health care system it was totally for free.
On November 20 2012 00:49 KawaiiRice wrote: another retirement ? GL dood ^_^ also is being underweight a bad thing or something? I've been like permanently 108 pounds for several years oo;
I guess I'll start referring to you as the Feather-Weight-Terran :D
Wow dude you sure are tiny......I'm 23 and the last time I weighed 120 pounds I was in the 4th grade :X You always repped NA toss well and I really hope you achieve your goals, school is fun!
Minigun - I was 5'8 and 110 lbs when I started college. People referred to me as "that skinny guy." I remember when I first hit 115, i was ecstatic, so I know exactly how you feel. It was really difficult to start gaining weight because I knew I had to hit the gym, but I was so self-conscious about people looking at me there, that I always wore hoodies so people couldn't tell how skinny I really was.
But in hindsight, it was just a stage. Once I got started - switched up my diet, established a good workout routine, etc. - I started feeling a lot better about myself, even if I didn't see results immediately. I had confidence and I kept going. I was still floating around 120-125 halfway through college; by the end of college I was 135. In the two years afterward I got all the way up to 160, not all of it clean, but I've cut down to a very comfortable 150-155 in my midtwenties. I'm not huge or anything, but I'm exactly where I want to be, and for someone who was as chronically underweight as I was growing up, it really feels amazing. I remember when I was 5'8 and 110 all I wanted was to be "normal" - that people wouldn't look at me and immediately think "that skinny guy." It took a few years, but I got there. I know you will too.
On another note, you've always been one of my favorite north american protosses, good luck with everything!
I've been watching your stream replays a lot (usually can't make it live due to time zones) and have always wondered why you weren't competing in big events. Now I know and I can totally relate to not being able to perform when people are watching.
Good luck with everything and I hope you will be able to continue stream regularly ♥
Chad, ace9213 here, thanks for all the great times on the stream and I hope many more are to come. I remember watching you when you first started streaming. I have learned SO much from watching you play throughout the last 2 years and you are a large part of why I know so much about the game. Thank you for making me a mod in your stream 2 years ago as well. I too have suffered from some depression in the last few years and it always cheered me up when I found you streaming online. I love jumping in an talking with everyone in there. So I thank you for that. I can't imagine how stressful live events may be. I get stressed out on ladder! With that, I still have followed you at every single tournament you have gone to, whether you did well or poor. When qualified for Winter Arena I was so happy for you. Same with IEM Cologne. That is something that you should always be proud of. You are a pro gamer. I know from probably being the person who single handedly watched you the most in the last few years that you are actually way better at the game than you give yourself credit. Whatever you decide to pursue in your future I will always be Chad Jones fan #1!
Hey Minigun, I've been a huge fan for a long time - watching you play on stream always helped me to get better at playing Protoss and it was always a blast to watch too.
While I think everyone in the SC2 scene will miss you a lot, it sounds like you're making a lot of really good and smart decisions for yourself. I truly wish you the best and I'm sure you're going to go onto great things.
I do hope we see you around here and on stream from time to time, and I hope ROOT makes you an honorary member or something to that effect.
Im glad you are feeling a lot better. Personally, I've always loved watching you play SC2. Even if you dont want to do it professionally, I hope I never have to stop catching you stream from time to time. GL man, and good on figuring out where you want to go on life!
I'm pretty small framed but I'm wanting to get to at least 130 or so. I've started to run each morning, which actually does make you feel quite a bit better.
Eat things. Grab that extra meal, double up your burger or really if you feel like it, stuff like chocolate and doughnuts etc. You can also get some 600 calories per litre of "regular" milk - you dont have to put on weight fast, but if you are running and hitting gym 3-4 times a week properly dont be suprised if you need >500 calories/day more than you used to in order to just maintain weight, and you would probably want even more if you are looking to build muscle well from an underweight standpoint especially with added cardio etc.
Eat everything, as long as you watch sugar etc its better than being underweight, and you wont see any major short-term downsides. It may seem difficult but its really as simple as calorie intake.
As LgNKami said you will also want a ton of protein if you are trying to build muscle fast, as much as 100-150g for your weight on workout days for best result. You cant really eat too much of it, and if you dont eat nearly that much, its fine, as long as you are working out properly and have the calorie intake to keep up and back your weight gain, and a diet that is GENERALLY ok, it can be lopsided or "wrong", you dont have to stick to any rules as long as what you eat is somewhat sensible.
I'm glad to see you are doing well and getting back to school
I really appreciate all the help you gave me on skype and the brief reddit conversation we had. The past few weeks have been a great improvement for me and alot of that I have you to thank for.
I'd send you a message on skype but you are always busy :O
Godspeed, Chad. It is the right thing to do, you put an end to the lost time due to SC2. I think quite a few SC2 pros don't dare to do what you are doing, SC2 in a couple of years will be just like BW. Korean pros and the foreign scene is small, so quitting in time is only fitting.
Put as much effort into school as you did for SC2 and you will do great!
Hey Chad - always trying to watch your stream, because even without knowing you in person, I think you are one of the nicest people to watch while playing starcraft 2 and one of the few people in my opinion, who still get a decent amount of viewers without promoting yourself.
I didn't know about your health since this blog and even though these are very personal facts, I see your/the point of sharing them. I hope you have the right people around to help with your plans and support you. I wish you best of luck in the future as it sounds like going back to school may be the right choice for you.
Blah, I was just talking about you yesterday with some friends. We were talking about how much watching your stream has improved our own play and how we didn't understand why you weren't one of those SC2 superstars which you should be considering how amazing you are when we watch you stream. Guess this explains it. You're one of my favorite players and the reason I've been able to not have like a 20% winrate against Z. And there's many more like me I'm sure. Hope you get better soon man, you deserve much better and much more praise. (for example Idra said in an interview you were the only P he knows who figured out how to play against Broodlord - Infestors.)
Best of luck MiniGun! I can kind of relate to your problems. I just dropped out of college 2 months ago to focus on my health. I have been bed ridden with body aches and pain off and on since SC2's release. I've been having stomach problems (I suspect a gluten intolerance or celiac disease) for the past 3-4 years that I was unaware of. I dropped from 175 to 140 pounds (I'm 6'1 ) in the last 2 months because I'm still figuring what I can, and what I cannot eat so my stomach doesn't bloat up, or so I don't feel like complete shit. I do feel it's mostly wheat fucking me up, but sometimes I feel like my body is attacking itself when I eat other non-gluten stuff such as juiced fruit or vitamin supplements. I'm about to see the doctor later in the month so who knows what I have.
I learned that reducing and managing stress levels is very important for bodily functions (such as the digestive system) & aid in body repair. I suggest adding some form of daily meditation and see how it goes! There are tons of good ones that you can learn online for free.
Chad, I have to say, your are truly one of my favorites in the scene, of all time! I was fortunate enough to grab a lesson with you awhile back (im a zerg named Lights) and watching you play is truly inspiring. That being said, I totally understand your position, and we all wish you the best, and will support you no matter what. I just want to say thanks for everything you do for this community, and you will always be my favorite Toss!
That's amazing, you pretty much described my life. Social anxiety, Crohn's, underweight issues, depression... I've had them all (and I still have painful relapses sometimes)! But I found a medication that mostly works, a job I love, and now I ladder for fun instead of trying to forget about other stuff. :D
I hope everything works out for you! Axslav and you are my favorite Protoss streamers and I'd hate to see you leave the scene! <3
I'm happy you're making a decision that'll help both your health and mentality. Best of luck, ill continue to support & watch your stream vods when I can =D
Hey minigun...um Chad. Im glad to hear you are getting better!(feeling better too), I'm experiancing somthing not far from what you describe here so I will take it in as my motivation so I will thank you now and later!. You know I will allways support you in everything you do. You have heart! A big one! I'm happy to have known you, Im happy to have learned so much over the years of watching you play and being your mod has made me happy and feel appriciated!. If you ever need to talk about the things, call me on skype (if you have it, if you dont pm me here) I'd be happy to give you my thoughts on the things you are going though. I hope you are also able to sleep better from now on.
I posted this already on reddit but I will here too.
Chad, I also have crohns and depression. I'm 5'10" and 130 so same relative build. And when I dropped out of school because of it, that's when I got heavy into gaming too. The only thing is you seem to be doing better than I am. I wish I knew what medication you're on because I've done them all and the ones I am on right now still aren't working. Anyway if anyone one here can sympathize it's me. I'll be watching your stream. Good luck man, sincerely.
i've been a huge fan of yours for the longest time now, watching you stream, copying some of your builds and even getting the chance to play you on ladder a couple times, it's sad to see that you're not going to be competing at lans, but i hope you do well in whatever you do !
We love you mini, you have shown me some great games, I play zerg, but I love watching you play. You're a really smart kid.
I think you still have a lot to offer our community, so many people can benefit from your sc2 knowledge, brighter days will come for you, just focus on yourself for awhile, we will always be here for you.
Love you chad.
PS. When I have some extra money, I intend to get coaching from you, I'm a high master Z, and would just like some input on my play from someone of your stature. Stay strong buddy we are rooting for you.
I'm 5'8'' and 104 lbs. Been that way since I was 14 years old (I am now 25). And while I do have lots of health problems (the thinness is a symptom, not the cause), I have a great life and a perfect wife who embraces me as I am.
Mini, you're easily my favorite player in the SC2 scene. Watching your stream in the early days kept my interest in the game, and I stole a ton of builds and maneuvers from you to use on the ladder. Don't think I would've gone from copper league to master league as quickly as I did (if at all) without watching your stream on a regular basis. I wish you nothing but the best in life. Thanks for everything. Hope to catch you streaming again soon. =)
I know how difficult it is to make tough decisions when the odds are stacked against you. Well of course I don't know exactly how it is for you, but I like to think I have a decent idea. Either way, it's great to hear things are going better than they were before and that you seem to be moving forward.
Also you mentioned your weight. Why exactly is that a problem for you? Is it a physical problem, or is it a mental image problem? I'm 6'0" and only 128 lbs and I don't think I'm too unhealthy... so I'm just wondering.
Chad, thanks so much for all the entertainment! I respect this choice a lot. Playing for fun is something I feel like is being lost lately... Your interaction with viewers and other people has always been why I've enjoyed watching you play. You're a fucking awesome person Chad! Keep your mental and physical health your top priority. I hope for health and happiness for you, sir. <3
I'm pretty small framed but I'm wanting to get to at least 130 or so. I've started to run each morning, which actually does make you feel quite a bit better.
Eat things. Grab that extra meal, double up your burger or really if you feel like it, stuff like chocolate and doughnuts etc. You can also get some 600 calories per litre of "regular" milk - you dont have to put on weight fast, but if you are running and hitting gym 3-4 times a week properly dont be suprised if you need >500 calories/day more than you used to in order to just maintain weight, and you would probably want even more if you are looking to build muscle well from an underweight standpoint especially with added cardio etc.
Eat everything, as long as you watch sugar etc its better than being underweight, and you wont see any major short-term downsides. It may seem difficult but its really as simple as calorie intake.
As LgNKami said you will also want a ton of protein if you are trying to build muscle fast, as much as 100-150g for your weight on workout days for best result. You cant really eat too much of it, and if you dont eat nearly that much, its fine, as long as you are working out properly and have the calorie intake to keep up and back your weight gain, and a diet that is GENERALLY ok, it can be lopsided or "wrong", you dont have to stick to any rules as long as what you eat is somewhat sensible.
Love and support
Cyro
It's actually not this simple for most people with crohn's. There's not enough known about it, but there's some trial and error in diet, and even asymptomatic, you can have trouble in your guts that cause nutrient malabsorbtion.
Scientific method, mostly trial and error, guesswork, and being pissed.
I'm pretty small framed but I'm wanting to get to at least 130 or so. I've started to run each morning, which actually does make you feel quite a bit better.
Eat things. Grab that extra meal, double up your burger or really if you feel like it, stuff like chocolate and doughnuts etc. You can also get some 600 calories per litre of "regular" milk - you dont have to put on weight fast, but if you are running and hitting gym 3-4 times a week properly dont be suprised if you need >500 calories/day more than you used to in order to just maintain weight, and you would probably want even more if you are looking to build muscle well from an underweight standpoint especially with added cardio etc.
Eat everything, as long as you watch sugar etc its better than being underweight, and you wont see any major short-term downsides. It may seem difficult but its really as simple as calorie intake.
As LgNKami said you will also want a ton of protein if you are trying to build muscle fast, as much as 100-150g for your weight on workout days for best result. You cant really eat too much of it, and if you dont eat nearly that much, its fine, as long as you are working out properly and have the calorie intake to keep up and back your weight gain, and a diet that is GENERALLY ok, it can be lopsided or "wrong", you dont have to stick to any rules as long as what you eat is somewhat sensible.
Love and support
Cyro
It's actually not this simple for most people with crohn's. There's not enough known about it, but there's some trial and error in diet, and even asymptomatic, you can have trouble in your guts that cause nutrient malabsorbtion.
Scientific method, mostly trial and error, guesswork, and being pissed.
Yup exactly, thank you. Everyone with Crohn's goes through tons of different foods finding what works and what doesn't. It's a really tedious and awful endeavor because every time you fuck up you physically suffer.
It's actually kind of annoying to me... every time I tell someone I have Crohn's the first thing a lot of people do is try to tell me what diet I "should" be on, or recommends me some bullshit South Beach book or whatever. I've spent years trying to figure it out. No offense to the guy you're quoting, they're being one hundred percent kind and have good intentions. But I hope you get my point haha.
Mini, i love you man. Sad to see you go, but as someone whose going through some shitty times myself, i can totally understand. I've stopped playing SC2 at the moment due to the stress, but you do it at the highest level. Can't even imagine the pressure. Thanks for your stream. I've learnt a metric tonne watching you play. If you had could handle your stress/anxiety, i really feel you could be one of the best. You seem untouchable when you are playing at your peak. I hope your health gets better and you get on with whatever makes you happy in life. <3
hey dude, if youre serious about gaining weight, dont go running, lift weights. workout for half an hour - forty five minutes tops, and then EAT YOUR FACE OFF. AS MUCH AS YOU CAN WITHOUT literally dropping dead.
Crohns is pretty rough, my mum has had it for over 20 years. She has never really found any medication that worked, 20 years of doctors thinking of new ideas and putting her through different medications, injections and multiple operations to remove parts of her intestines. Glad to hear they found something that works for you mini, GL with everything in the future
I'm happy to just watch you stream. Maybe big wins in some online events will one day give you confidence and stability to play in LANs, but I can see why you wouldn't want to either way. Glad to hear things are improving for you.
Congratulations on your remission! I've struggled with IBD most of my life as well and I still haven't quite found the best treatment for me. That's a big achievement, doing well at SC2 will be a lot easier. I have no doubt you'll do quite well in the future.
I remember getting cannon rushed like 3 times in a row by minigun and then getting destroyed in a straight up macro game. I wish you good luck on your return to school and with your symptoms.
Whenever asked about the protoss players who had potential in NA, Minigun tended to come up first or second out of my mouth.
I've always really respected you Mini. You were one of the reasons I ever considered playing Protoss. The fact you never stopped trying to improve was also inspiring and I hope you carry that into other aspects of your 'new' life.
your too good to stop playing, whatever happens just keep in on the side as a hobby.
In terms of upping your weight, im in the same boat, hovering between 120-130 lbs except im stand between 6' and 6'1. unfortunately going to the gym will not increase your weight (at least it didnt for me) and running definitely wont (although if its making you feel good keep going). ill give you the same advice ive read 100x over. Eat alot, 4-5 meals a day, everyday.
Minigun, you've been my favorite player soon after I saw your 60 APM, 110 probe games on the ladder as InflowMini. You have one of the best streams, great youtube commentary, and you made a great 2v2 team with Destiny. One of my favorite moments on Destiny's stream was when you kept stalker-sentry 4 gating all the zergs on Xel Naga and never losing.
damn minigun, i remember when i watched you start streaming back when you'd get like 70 viewers tops, and you just made a shitload of probes and started using storm, it was so awesome. You're like the only protoss that i actually care about doing well. Glad to hear that you are starting to feel better. Real life>SC2. Good luck at school, and life.
I'm pretty small framed but I'm wanting to get to at least 130 or so. I've started to run each morning, which actually does make you feel quite a bit better.
Eat things. Grab that extra meal, double up your burger or really if you feel like it, stuff like chocolate and doughnuts etc. You can also get some 600 calories per litre of "regular" milk - you dont have to put on weight fast, but if you are running and hitting gym 3-4 times a week properly dont be suprised if you need >500 calories/day more than you used to in order to just maintain weight, and you would probably want even more if you are looking to build muscle well from an underweight standpoint especially with added cardio etc.
Eat everything, as long as you watch sugar etc its better than being underweight, and you wont see any major short-term downsides. It may seem difficult but its really as simple as calorie intake.
As LgNKami said you will also want a ton of protein if you are trying to build muscle fast, as much as 100-150g for your weight on workout days for best result. You cant really eat too much of it, and if you dont eat nearly that much, its fine, as long as you are working out properly and have the calorie intake to keep up and back your weight gain, and a diet that is GENERALLY ok, it can be lopsided or "wrong", you dont have to stick to any rules as long as what you eat is somewhat sensible.
Love and support
Cyro
It's actually not this simple for most people with crohn's. There's not enough known about it, but there's some trial and error in diet, and even asymptomatic, you can have trouble in your guts that cause nutrient malabsorbtion.
Scientific method, mostly trial and error, guesswork, and being pissed.
Yup exactly, thank you. Everyone with Crohn's goes through tons of different foods finding what works and what doesn't. It's a really tedious and awful endeavor because every time you fuck up you physically suffer.
It's actually kind of annoying to me... every time I tell someone I have Crohn's the first thing a lot of people do is try to tell me what diet I "should" be on, or recommends me some bullshit South Beach book or whatever. I've spent years trying to figure it out. No offense to the guy you're quoting, they're being one hundred percent kind and have good intentions. But I hope you get my point haha.
Yeah, then there's phase of the moon, and tons of other stupid factors. I particularly love when people tell me I could cure it with veganism when the majority of plants immediately fuck with my guts.
i sympathize with a lot of your post. i'm currently on celexa too with a variety of other stuff and it's worked for me as well. it's weird how your life can almost completely diverge from its path and become brighter after you find the right medication. i'm a huge fan and as much as i'd love to see you compete at high levels i'm very happy for you and i'm glad that you're taking drastic steps to improve your life. much love 2 u.
I always watched your stream whenever I could and you were my favorite protoss player. Every time I saw you were playing in a tournament, I hoped you would win the entire thing. I hope your health improves and you find success in school.
Good to hear you're taking care of yourself - your own health is easily the most important. The goals you listed are also solid indicators of a positive direction. Getting on anti-depressants is also a huge, huge HUGE change, and it might be difficult to find the one that works for you, but rest assured the end result is worth it. I was fortunate enough to do a course of SSRIs after 7 years of depression myself and it turned everything around for me in a big way.
Good luck man. But with the way you come off here, it sounds like you won't need it.
unfortunately going to the gym will not increase your weight (at least it didnt for me)
If you are weight training and eating extra calories you can put on a lot of muscle weight that way, though, compared to just eating without doing any work.
If you were to just go to a gym and do weight training (or cardio stuff) then it would be a pretty big contributor to losing weight, but thats not the idea, the idea is to do it while eating as much as 500-1000 calories over your maintenance rate if you want to gain a lot of muscle and general weight fast.
When I used to play Protoss your stream was one of the more insightful ones, you have a very calm voice and that alone helped me stick around to watch you. I never knew you had such problems, though I know you're not the only one, I'm really shy myself and I have huge anxiety problems. I wish you the very best in your future, Minigun. And I'm glad that you're sticking around if "only" just to stream, coach and play for fun! =)
On November 21 2012 12:01 iS.jEcho wrote: your too good to stop playing, whatever happens just keep in on the side as a hobby.
In terms of upping your weight, im in the same boat, hovering between 120-130 lbs except im stand between 6' and 6'1. unfortunately going to the gym will not increase your weight (at least it didnt for me) and running definitely wont (although if its making you feel good keep going). ill give you the same advice ive read 100x over. Eat alot, 4-5 meals a day, everyday.
Different things work for different people TT
Regardless, best of luck to you and your goals minigun! <3
Sorry to hear, mini! But you've been one of my favorite players for a long time and that's not going to change. Feel better and I'll be sure to watch you every time you stream, cheering you on.
The best of luck to you, Minigun. Take care of your health and focus on your future and life. It has been a true honor following your SC2 career, which has been pretty damn impressive. Specially after reading your blog, every single one of the things you mention is really hard to deal with and you fought them all at the same time. Being a public figure in addition probably didn't make the stress any less.
As much as we will miss seeing you compete in offline events, your health is what's important, good decisionmaking Thanks for providing so much entertainment over the past 3 years!
It saddens me to see you go, even though you are protoss hehe jk...I really enjoy watching your warp prism harass, Colossus drops and the imba forcefield donuts! I always watched you on destiny's stream. You'll be missed. A moment of silence for Chad "Motherfuckin" Jones.
Chad, I don't know if you read all these comments, but I've watched your stream for as long as I can remember. You were actually the first person I started watching when sc2 beta came out. It really hurts to see your past conditions, but I'm truly happy that you're started to make good progress. In all honesty, you're my favourite sc2 player and overall a huge inspiration for me. It's also really cool to see so much support for you in this thread, so I'm also pretty thankful to the community for that.
Anyway, I wish you all the best! Try to stay in touch with all your fans.
As someone with Crohn's Disease and severe social anxiety caused by it, I feel for you man. I was diagnosed when I was 12, so 6 years ago and it just made all school a living hell. Having to deal with the anxiety caused by social situations and the constant absences was terrible.
Just trying to say, I feel for you and hope you do what makes you the happiest, cause fuck Crohn's Disease. If you ever wanna talk about it or something, just PM me on TL. <3
Chad I've been watching your stream for 2 solid years now. It's pretty much the entire reason I started coming to TL regularly just to see if you were streaming! I'm pretty sure the entire reason I made an account here was to defend you against people trying to say that you weren't as good as I happen to think you are. I was lucky enough to get modded in your stream chat and I don't miss a beat to come check out your stream when you're on and I've even made friends that I talk to pretty regularly through the use of your chat. I've always been a big fan of yours and it sucks to hear that you've been going through some rough shit. You seem like one of the nicest sc2 players out there and I can't tell you how much I'm rooting for you to get better mentally, physically whatever. Hope things start to look up soon, and I hope it helps to realize how many people you have rooting for you because they think you're a genuinely cool person. Get well man.
Minigun, my favorite streamer with crazy skills, who helped me get better back in the day, and who gave us catgroove. I wish you well in your future endeavors.
Hi Minigun, I just wanted to write this message to wish you the best of luck with your goals within and outside of starcraft. I've been a big fan of yours and really enjoy watching you stream. I can relate to you because I've also dealt with social anxiety and body images before. I don't have Chrohn's disease,but I started workout out a few years ago at 127lb (5'9) and am now at a healthly 185lbs. It's helped my confidence a lot. I hope fitness can help you out like it helped me out .
Minigun, after WhiteRa you are my favorite player in the world, I love watching you play this game, it is a thing of beauty. I wish you the best of luck, and if you want to gain weight, eat oats and do squats brah!
You were the first streamer I have ever watched in SC2. You are maybe the reason why I play Protoss. I wish you the best of luck in future and hope you will achieve your goals. InFlow Minigun
Best of luck. If you need/want advice about lifting and gaining weight, hit me up. I'm no talented athlete, but having put on weight myself and gotten a lot stronger, I can help point you in the right direction.
Thanks for all the awesome highlight videos of you kicking ass while listening to Parov Stelar. That's when I started watching your stream and I never regretted it. Good luck in the future, good sir! <3
I hope you find a less stressful lifestyle in the future. I try to live a minimal stress lifestyle as well. Just dont let your disadvantages in life prevent you from thinking what can or cant be done
wow I didnt know that. When we met at IEM cologne (I was one of the admins, almost an inch taller than you ^^) you seemed normal, actually pretty relaxed about all the things which were happening around the stage and on the stage. Best of luck in the future
I am really sorry dude, I wish you the best in getting your life back together. I just want you to know that you are not alone in dealing with issues with your mental state. I have a friend who deals with social anxiety attacks and struggles with even leaving the house due to his body image.
He is on the opposite end of the scale in the sense that he is overweight and as a result is very self-conscious. But he is a nice guy and I wish to see him someday outside of a video game. Your posting there had many parallels with my friend and just wanted to say that I'm happy that you're going to the gym and taking care of yourself.
Minigun, I can say for sure that Auto-Immune diseases suck. I am only 15 years old and was bed ridden for 4 weeks and almost died from acute kidney failure and an auto-immune disease that attacks your blood vessels. After 2 weeks of dialysis and months of treatment, I am in remission and I am playing Starcraft! I really hope that you never have to deal with Crohns again and I hope (I also suffer from OCD) that you can overcome these obstacles. You are my favorite player (along with Destiny :3) and I enjoy watching you play.
Wow Minigun seems to be so much like me. I would never have guessed. The difference though is that lately he's actually been improving alot when it comes to SC2 whereas I'm....yeah...
Just want you guys to know I'm reading every reply. I obviously can't respond to them all, but I really do appreciate the support and the stories.
Starcraft is an awesome game. Just for me it was/is an escape from reality, and helps me run from my problems instead of working on them. Every day I wake up with no progress to what I really want (just the norm college job etc). I didn't wake up one day saying "I want to be a sc2 progamer!" It just...happened, and it won't get me where I want in life.
Don't get me wrong I love competition, and I always wanted to "be someone", but not at the stake of school/other life goals.
And again really appreciate the concern/support you guys don't know it, but you helped me through some rough times.
You kick ass. Keep playing--not playing in LAN's ain't no thang. Keep dem storm drops rollin' on ladder.
Also, don't stress body image shit. It doesn't matter. Most people (especially men) are average-looking bordering on ugly. It's not a problem--we can still make friends and get girls just fine.
Always thought you were one of the nicest guys on the scene, and it was good to meet you at MLG before. Glad to see you're working through things, and wish you the best of luck in the future!
oh man... im getting really emotional here... i have crohn's disease as well and i can relate exactly to how you feel about stress and competition :/ im just happy you found a way to control the damn disease. dont give up on starcraft that fast because, after all, its not so easy to find a subject you are passionate about which makes you truely happy ;] maybe you should try to take it easy for a while and go step by step (worked for me in school :D ), probably IEM was just to big of a jump. anyway... i just wish you all the best in everywhere you go in life. <3
Man it's hard dealing with social anxieties and depression. I've never had anything serious, but it makes just getting out of bed and leaving the house HARD. In my final year of Highschool I missed so much school because of that shit, and because of myself.
So glad to hear that you're doing well, I will always be a fan and am super glad that you'll continue to stream. <3 <3 <3
Sigh* it has been a long last few years for you mate, at least you will move on to a brighter future and not forget the friends you have made and the people you have met along the way.
I really enjoyed watching you play at MLG Columbus. I'm glad you're making some positive moves in your life. GL and we hope to continue seeing you around, even if you're not competing at LANs
I love your stream man. I have taken lessons from you before it every interaction I had with you was really great. Keep streaming cause I need you so I can hit GM one day . I wish you the best of luck!
Nice to see that you're making a change to your life to improve yourself. Though celexa doesn't work right away, it steadily works. If you feel 'better' within yourself in only a months medication run, it's not actual depression that is your problem, probably anxiety(because celexa is prescribed for that also) or psychological depression. Good luck
It's nice to hear your perspective on a sort of "stage fright" when the spotlight is on you , as lots ($) is on the line. Fans usually take for granted the difference between performing online through ladder and online tournaments compared to offline which I can imagine is definitely more intense, where all the more reason to acknowledge those who do well at one's like MLG's, Dreamhacks, etc.
Good luck with your future and choices. I enjoyed your videos of you vs Idra on Destiny's and Husky's youtube channels. Take it easy on your physical and mental health too
I tuned in to your stream today and heard Raise your Weapon for the first time(s). Definitely one of the coolest songs I've heard in the last few months. Thanks for always having good music on your stream.
Minigun, if you were this successful at SC2 and it wasn't even a life goal of yours, well then I think you will be fine getting your life on track and accomplishing your true goals. I really enjoyed your stream and will continue to turn in, good luck and props on coming to a tough decision!
Chad, big fan here. I watch your stream every day, or whenever I can, it´s just so much fun and entertaining to watch, plus your play is excellent. Memorable games you´ve played and we´ve all learned a lot from you. Best luck in your future life !
CHAD MOTHERFUCKING JONES, ladies and gentlemen. Hats off.
Man depression sux. One thing to note about anti-depressants is that they have obnoxious mental effects. The brand I took (Mertazapine) made me feel sluggish and slow, definitely something you want to avoid if you want to play a mentally intensive game like Starcraft. I hope you find the right balance.
Good luck man. I'm currently having a problem with intestines (probably bad diet/food though), and it's a nightmare for me. I can't imagine what yours is/was.
well minigun we are all behind you!!, really toutching story. I wish you the best of luck with your return to school and hope that the support of the entire gaming community helps you boost up your confidence about yourself. I personnally hope you can go back and read all these comment when you feel down and remember that their is an entire community supporting you and hopefully this will help you find the right track, the one that YOU want for yourself, best of luck man.
I always loved to watch you stream, never suspected the kind of challenges you face. To me it sounds like you are making some big changes in your life, a good reason to be more optimistic for the future! I wish you the very best
Keep up the Awesome Steam Chad! It's really entertaining to watch and funny as hell. I'll admit at first I didn't like the Kpop but god damn it is like brainwashing after you listen to it for a while. anyways, Best of luck to you in the future!
EPT
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awwww yeah.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/wnwTyh.jpg?1)
. I wish you the best of luck!
