EPTAnyway, I wanted to write something down.
Foremost, to put my thoughts in order. It´s an astoundingly true thing I learned in school, that writing thoughts down helps put them in order. What they didn´t tell me back then was the reason for this:
If you keep your thoughts in your head and neither tell explain them to anyone nor write them down, your thoughts will most likely circlejerk(depending on your mood they might circlejerk around only the most negative aspects).
Secondly, this(my "blog", although I don´t exactly feel I´m a blogger) and my old notepads are as close to a diary as I ever got. So I might as well share it, for the 0.5%(statistical fact) that might have problems similar to mine.
As ever so often, I´ve been feeling down lately. Even though I actually eliminated things that bring me down from my everyday life, the feeling didn´t go away. I put up a face as happy as I could and played along in everyday life. My mother would be proud of me, this being one of the things she believed in her entire life.
Today it so happened that I read through the pages of my college block I scribbled notes for my pet project on. "That book" I work on as a hobby but probably will never get serious about. I´m sure there is a fancy word for things you work on but don´t actually finish, like a dog that chases a car. What would the dog do if he ever caught the car, or what would I do with an actual written book of mine?
But rereading my own words, things I believed in, phrases I would think would motivate others as much as me, actually moved me. To my own surprise, I suddenly felt some kind of enthusiasm again.
Mind you, most of those things I wrote were very cheesy. Emotions don´t work rationally after all, at least mine don´t.(Part of the reason I never made them public on TL. I feel my writing skills are not good enough to express them, especially for the picky crowd of TL members.)
"Nevar stop fihgting" and stuff.
Suddenly it dawned on me. Many men much smarter than me and a majority of which are dead already came to this conclusion before me:
Words are amazing.
I was literally able to take a sip from the enthusiasm I had in the past, which I put into the bottle that is my college block.
A thing I never really believed in, as it is not rational to me. I, as a math inclined person, instinctively believe words are supposed to be rational. After all, language follows rules. Just like equations and numbers. Just like programming languages. From programming languages, with grammar and all the disgusting problems grammar brings with itself, the jump from programming languages to actual spoken language seemed straightforward.
Experience might have proven that there are "those emotional, irrational people" that find exhilaration in words, which, to me, were just mundane and trivial.
On paper, looked at in the right light, language is just a joke, and jokes are one of the few things language is even good for.
But all of that doesn´t matter. Language, like science, doesn´t give a fuck if you prove it right when there is a counterexample inexplainable by your reasoning.
Just by not giving fuck about naysayers, language is already more badass than I will ever be.
One fascinating facet is that some phrases will immediately "click" with certain people and won´t "click" with others. "Why is that?" is my immediate question. One of the better explanations I found and/or came up with is that people are different from each other, but they aren´t unique snowflakes. In this context I´m talking about the way people think.
You might have a unique life and experience thereof, but the way you think is most likely not unique. One of the reasons personality studies are actually possible with resemblance of what you would call "proper" science. + Show Spoiler +
Statistically, between every second and every 10th person you meet thinks roughly the same way you do, while every 7th to 100th person thinks eerily similar to you, like your evil parallel universe doppelganger would do.
However, the way you think is not set in stone. A point that leads to things like the Stockholm syndrome. I digress a lot on this topic however.
This all is indicative of the adaptableness of the human mind. I assume and even dare to claim, from my own experience and deduced from knowledge I gathered,
that if you read written piece that´s long enough in an uncritical manner you are bound to believe its logical conclusion.
That´s how words work, how people can come to believe in myths(like aliens visiting earth) if they are inclined to not read such words with critical attitude and how worlds that never existed can come to life in the reader of a book and how masters of language are able to manipulate ones thought processes. Manipulation has always fascinated me, because if I look hard enough I could find it, but I don´t actually grasp how it works.
Knowledge is awesome and words are awesome, too.
How did this piece of text end up like this? Probably because I didn´t have a point when I began writing it.
