EPT
A Poem I Wrote
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Deleted User 97295
1137 Posts
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Daimai
Sweden762 Posts
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CoughingHydra
177 Posts
On August 19 2012 05:04 Daimai wrote: I don't want to be a buzzkill and berate you, but I just dont see the point of poems that don't rhyme. This is just a story, and does not deserve to be called a poem. Then you don't know what a poem is. Anyway, I liked it ^^ | ||
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Juliette
United States6003 Posts
On August 19 2012 05:04 Daimai wrote: I don't want to be a buzzkill and berate you, but I just dont see the point of poems that don't rhyme. This is just a story, and does not deserve to be called a poem. thats not how poetry works wat If you don't mind i have just 2 pieces of criticism + Show Spoiler + How come there's no punctuation? I see how the flow works, in a way, but I need the guide and On August 19 2012 01:56 Laertes wrote: My gaze meets my gaze in reflections of ever I feel like the second "my gaze" doesn't fit so well... If its intentional, then maybe the punctuation would help :p. Thanks for the great read! | ||
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AiurZ
United States429 Posts
i dont like the "quaint" lake. it is strange and i dont understand what it is going at. also very strange thing to think about, the narrator walking into the woods and staring into his reflection as the sun sets and night comes. i have a lot of delight when "my gaze meets my gaze". i dont know if i like the "in reflections of ever/ where the sun never sets". i think thats because i dont really understand "in reflections of ever" and it kind of loses me. the second time i see the gaze line i think that it loses a lot of its power. my gaze meets my gaze is great to me because i think that it is delicious sonically but then "i gaze at my red-eyed twin/ and he gazes at me" doesn't do it for me. i think maybe you're doing it to mirror the above stanza but change it so you can see my gaze meets my gaze the parallel, the same thing reflecting back and you see the world so new and full of magic and then the next stanza is "this is not so" and you split my gaze into 'i gaze' and 'he gazes' which might be interesting but not as delightful. i still like it. i didnt even bother counting stresses because "my gaze meets my gaze" just blew me off my feet. well done. | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
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Deleted User 97295
1137 Posts
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