EPTI've learned over the last week or so finally how to play aggressive against Z whilst doing 1 rax FE and I've had much success by playing very mineral heavy till I get to 3rd base and pushing at 6:30 with a bunch of marines out of 4 rax. I don't get gas and tech till after 3rd is started, it's working really well.
My TvT and TvP have always been OK so I'm doing alright there, sort of improvising but I always have a general strategy to get my natural base faster, or my 3rd, or hit some timing on his 3rd. blah blah. I usually do well.
On more pressing news I had a successful 2nd date with a girl I met over the internetz. First date was coffee and 5 hours of chatting, last night was dinner, playing pool and getting drunk together at my university union. It was great! got the train home together and I told her I liked her and she said she liked me and it looks like were gonna be together. I'm travelling to her home town this week to visit
Finally it seems like the one area of my life thats always screwed me over is falling into place, this is the first straightforward dating relationship I've had in a long time.
I thought this would make me happy but I dunno, I have everything I want but I still can't seem to feel how others feel at times like this. I don't feel as excited about this relationship as I should, I don't feel joyful or warm... I've been like this for a long time but recently I did several depression symptom tests on the net and all of them conclude that I have moderate to severe clinical depression. I don't want to kill myself or anything but I just wish I felt that warm fuzzy feeling that I vaguely remember from high school when I was entering into a new relationship. I just feel sort of numb all the time.
I just can't let my negative feelings or lack of feeling kill this relationship, its not the relationship thats bad it's me. I haven't sought help for this and I'm probably not going to but I just wanted to vent on here or somewhere a little bit - and I've been drinking lol. I'm a big fan of NonY not only because he introduced me to Elliot Smith in the brood war days through his old school vods but because he has been honest about depression and yet he still soldiers on and tries his best to compete and practice *(which is soooooooo much harder to do when you have this sort of numb hopeless feeling in your gut, even the most simple things become sooooo soul destroying and difficult). I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I just wanted to vent some of these things because I don't really do that in real life much. I'm sure a lot of people reading this go through the same thing.
As a sort of summary I guess I want to address those guys who have girl problems, who have crushes that they never ask out and who make endless girl blogs like I used to when I was your age. I'm 20 now heading towards 21 and I've gotten some experience and wisdom along the dating path.
a) Asking someone out to coffee or any other form of date is not as big a deal as you think it is. Does rejection hurt? a little, but after you've been rejected once or twice you realise that it's really not game changing, it doesn't change your life much and it's not really all that bad. You move on rather quickly, it never usually gets mentioned again and your pretty baller for even having tried. I've been rejected by girls several times for no apparent reason, some cited God, others just led me on, but in the end it's not really a big deal. The "one" is a myth, you can be happy with many people out there who are compatible with you and you can even be happy as a single guy.
b) Just do something! ask them out, tell them how you feel, etc... for the reasons above! but also just because it helps you to move on and get on with your life and maybe you'll find someone who likes you sooner. Don't wait months or years because it never works out 99% of the time... your fooling yourself and your not in the sequel to some rom com so you better get your shit together and realise that reality doesn't work like that often.
c) High school "relationships" and "dating" is so fucking stupid. you will 99% of the time not marry this person you "love" and a lot of what your experiencing is just pure raging hormones and thats why you feel so attached etc... however........enjoy it whilst it lasts. those feelings are priceless even though it might not be the person you marry.
As you date more and more etc... I guess to quote a song "the feelings gone and I just can't get it back". I've given myself emotionally to several girls and it's fallen through and now it's difficult to feel that way now that my relationship with this girl is actually working...it sucks but I hope in time when I feel safe and secure that once again I'll feel like that dumb 16 year old who thinks he's met the love of his life and I pray to God that I'm right this time.
Thanks for reading
