EPTBob is rather pleased with himself these days. He feels the satisfaction one gets when one's predictions and prejudices have been proven to be correct.
Yes, as expected, LastShadow, that cranky, awkward, arrogant ex-cheater kid, went 0-6 in his Redbull Battlegrounds group.
Yes, as expected, he got *schooled* by the clearly superior LEGITIMATE players in the group.
He indulges for another moment in scrolling through the LR thread on teamliquid, where people are rightfully shitting on that loser. He chuckles at the title of a troll thread on reddit ("LastShadow found dead in hotel room"), then closes the tab.
Yes, everything is as it should be, Bob thinks to himself as he sits back in his chair, hands resting on his sweat pants, while slurping the rest of his Mountaindew.
Why the hell was that n00b invited in the first place, Bob wonders. He clearly stole the invite spot from a more deserving players, he concludes.
That Day[9], he suddenly remembers, just because he's all buddy-buddy with him he got the spot.
Bob feels his blood boil. That Day[9] scrub, he rages on, has no f***ing skill, he only ever talks out of his overpaid *** and his Daily is for Nooobs. Who still watches that shit? Bronze noobies, that's who. Certainly not people with real skillzz, like himself.
Bob tabs into SC2 where he is greeted by a shiny symmetric icon. Diamond League, Rank 67. He knows for certain that he would be in Master, no, Grandmaster League, if it weren't for all those f***ing cheesing nabs. And Protoss is just so f**king OP.
CLANK! The empty can of Mountaindew hits the wall. He hears the consternated voice of his mother from above the basement, but he doesn't care. He's just way too mad right now.
____________________________________________________________________
Bob is going to be a progamer. Not just any pro, but the very best there ever was. He has known this fact since his days in High Silver, when he made that thread on TL and people dared making fun of him for it. But he would show them all.
He already sees himself on the big stage, of MLG, GSL and all the rest, as he receives his championship trophies, towering above the long faces of the likes of MVP and Nestea as they have to make do with their bronze and silver medals.
He feels a pleasant hardening somewhere in the crotch area as he imagines Barrack Obama personally congratulating him on being a "prime example of American ingenuity and work ethic bearing fruit".
"American Player Bob first foreigner to win the GSL"
"SC2 legend Bob first to score 10 consecutive OSL Championships"
"American Professional StarCraft 2 player inspires Scientists to find a cure for cancer"
In his mind, his future of glory lies crystal-clear before him. He feels great and is in high spirits. Today he had decided to study his replays, because he heard that all the pros do that. He opens the folder titled WINS in the replay tab and clicks on a random replay.
"Steppes of War"? He freezes in shock, as he realises that the replay he just opened is in fact a very old one from back when he was in Bronze league (and still played Protoss), passionately watching HD and the Day[9] Daily, that somehow has remained in the folder all this time.
There he was, clumsily executing his very first build order he had carefully copied from a video tutorial from Husky, fervently trying to remind himself to constantly build those Probes and Pylons, just as his new idol, Sean "Day[9]" Plott, had stressed so much in the latest "Nooby Tuesday".
As the replay ends (with him losing to fast Carriers), he sees his past self sending a chat message that seemed to have all but disappeared from his in-game vocabulary:
"G.g Wp : )"
This unexpected rush of emotions and memories proves to be too much for Bob. He sinks down in his chair, warm liquid running down his pimply cheeks.
All of a sudden Bob feels very small.
He misses Funday Monday, HD & Husky and team games with his buddies.
He misses the time he wasn't such an angry, cynical nerd feeling the need to shit on everything and everyone.
The time he was just a guy enjoying a game.
The time he had fun.
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