Mixed eSports: A Theoretical Match

OpShot Proleague Season 1 Round 1 Week 1 Match 1
USKT1 (United SKT + KT) vs. Team Rest (All the rest)

Set 1: StarCraft: Brood War
Map: Final Legendary Glorious Battleground of Aiur
Flash vs. Stork

Flash spawns at 6 o'clock, Stork at 12. Flash starts with 14CC, Stork sends out an early probe (the name is Proberto) for a risky center-2gate cheese. Flash holds valiantly, using a combination of well-placed buildings and impeccable marine micro. Stork, not having the multitasking calibre of Bisu, fails to steal gas for the second time and the cheese fails, marked by the valiant death of Proberto. Having failed his first attempt at driving off the foul invaders from his motherland, Stork immediately double expands and vows to avenge Proberto. Flash goes for a 3-fact+all add-on biotank push. With some excellent dragoon micro and terrain advantage, Stork manages to cut down a lot of marines before Flash's tanks plant themselves in range of Stork's natural mineral line. Stork gets shuttle+reaver just in time to save his Nexus, but many more of his probes are sacrificed in the defensive effort. Flash retreats his remaining tanks and expands, and now both players are ready for the inevitable grand battle. Stork tries a shuttle+reaver harass but it shut down by a wraith that pops out just in time. Then Flash adds addon to his starport and makes a dropship for 2 vult 1 tank drop but Stork is one with his motherland so he senses it mid-way and cuts it off. Stork hears the calling of Tassadar to go carriers instead of arbiters, so he immediately plops down 3 stargates and a beacon. Flash, having smelled the hot grills on 3 stargates, senses carriers coming and goes for a timing push composed of tanks and goliaths. Flash destroys Stork's 4th expo, then 3rd... the minerals are running out of his other bases and Stork desperately needs to hold. Then, again he hears the calling of Tassadar... sacrifice me (amazingly one of the carrier turns out to be Tassadar) and bring peace to our homeland! So Stork cancels all the interceptors on Tassadar's carrier, loads up the rest, then an intense micro battle ensues - strangely for Flash, one carrier kept sticking out of the pack and all vulnerable. Using his patented hold-control goliath micro, he snipes off many interceptors, then eventually the seemingly too-brave carrier itself. Then out of nowhere, a single manly muscular handsome zealot charges to the rear of his tank line. No spider mines on his way, he throws himself onto the first tank, tank splash kills it, second tank, splash kills it, third tank... and even the most manly zealot of the universe could not handle it all, and he perishs retires a hero. With a couple tanks less, Stork unleashes all of his troops - in an army management so beautiful that has goons against goliaths, zealots and dark templars charging at tanks, storms making fangirls lose their sanity, and most of all, carriers in the sky. After a gruelling battle that has both sides losing 100+ supply of units, the autumn winds are blowing gently in the Aiur sky, and the carriers proudly cruising in it. Flash knows that his invasion of the holy ground is over. After the most glorious match ever that lasted an hour, Flash types the two symbolic characters that echo through the history of eSports: GG.

USKT1 0 : 1 Team Rest

Set 2: StarCraft 2: Legacy of the Void
Map: Final Legendary Glorious Battleground of Aiur, Version 17b_0.0012.35
Bisu vs. Jaedong

Jaedong spawns at 6 o'clock, Bisu at 12. Jaedong opts for standard expansion macro play, while Bisu goes FE into void rays. Void rays are shut down by excellent queen micro from Jaedong. Bisu tries for oracle harass but Jaedong counters with upgraded vipers so Bisu just retreats. Both players reach 200 supply at 15 minute mark somehow. Giant battle ensues in the center, with Bisu spamming 1a ffffffffff at 350 apm and Jaedong spamming 1a2a at 400 apm. Bisu's Colossus Hero (whith has range 16, immune to all magic, and (90+9)*2 attack, bulldozes down Jaedong's army trapped inside well placed force fields and also ridiculously placed 5k hp 'destructible' rocks. Jaedong fiercely 1a2a's his army but it wiggles trapped inside the force fields and the destructible rocks and Bisu's furious 1a fffffffff is too much to handle anyway. Everything melts within the next 3 seconds and Jaedong gives off his signature I'm-so-tired-and-huge-eyebags-man-when-is-Killer-ever-going-to-be-as-good-as-me-and-why-does-my-team-always-suck look, then GG's out.

USKT1 1 : 1 Team Rest

Set 3: Mario Kart Wii
Map: Rainbow Road
Hyuk / Soo / S2 / Crazy-Hydra / Action / Hoejja / Jaehoon / Tyson / Mini / Shy / Dear / Grape

Ah, the gorgeous rainbow road. Soo picks Yoshi, Action picks Bowser, Mini picks Toad, and the rest of the picks are irrelevant. Looking for ways to help his team, the USKT1 Zergs (actually that's all of them, hmmm) team up on mini's Toad and Action's Bowser succeeds in bumping him off in the long stretch. Mini instantly falls to 12th place. Then at the same time, Jaehoon uses his thunder, Tyson uses his ink, S2 counters with triple red shells, which makes Hoejja somehow miss his items, so Shy then uses his infinite mushroom to boost past the loopy parts with excellently timed jumps, but then Dear didn't know so he gets bumped from Shy who's coming in too fast and falls off, so Hyuk is laughing and all and Soo is going all Yoshi Yoshi, then at the final lap mini (still in 12th) gets a blue shell so Grape who was doing so well in the lead despite all this chaos has to break, Hyuk is like lulz what you doing so he zooms past, then Soo and S2 follow him, then the blue shell arrives and all three SKT1 Zergs explode and Grape waltzes past them. Mini, then gets lucky again with the items and gets cannon but it ends up fucking up Jaehoon who was losing control anyway so he's bumped off, so then Jaehoon is pissed and then he gets star so he tries to catch up but star on rainbow road is quite hard to handle and Jaehoon crumbles under pressure and falls off the course into the oblivion again. Anyway Grape wins the race so therefore Team Rest wins.

USKT1 1 : 2 Team Rest

RANDOM KPOP BREAK


Set 4: Halo: Reach
Map: Asylum
Wooki / Stats / Best / Sun / Paralyze vs. Killer / Shine / Roro / Zero / Soulkey

Wooki and Killer rushes for the snipers, while Best and Roro go for the turrets, and the race for the sword in the middle is between Stats and Shine. Killer gets to it first, and using impeccable BW micro, snipes Wooki without using scope. Both Best and Roro detach the turrets then is herpaderp making a slow walk towards each other's bases, counter-clockwise. In the meanwhile Stats snags the sword first so Shine is instantly killed. Zero, who went for the shotty, activates his camouflage then infiltrates the opposing base to find Sun who is trying to figure out how to pick up the DMR there so Zero goes for an assassinate instead then wastes the next 6 shotgun clips while teabagging. Paralyze who witnesses the fall of his brethren lands a couple headshots with his pistol and get Zero before getting sniped from Killer who still has his sniper and doesn't use the scope because he's so good. Soulkey in the meanwhile likes to play defence so he camps around the rocky area waiting for someone to be stupid but his teammates are all doing so good so he goes for a washroom break. Right then, Best finally makes it to the rocky area then sprays down the AFK Soulkey, before being sniped by Killer. Roro finds nothing to shoot at so he goes for the middle then is slashed by sprint+sword Stats. So then Roro is like fuck you all antiteams so he switches to jet pack and grabs the needler then gets a couple cheap kills. Wooki goes for sniper on the opposite side but gets sniped by Killer who's absolutely owning it up. So Paralyze decides it's his time to save his team so he clutches his pistol controller tightly then goes on a 15-kill spree with just pistols and more pistols. Sun finally learns how to pick up the DMR, then he also goes on a 10-kill streak somehow. Killer who has been doing well all game chokes and misses 4 rounds in a row before he falls to Best who's been spraying the turret everywhere the whole match. Soulkey comes back from the washroom, grabs the controller, but as soon as he does that the entire USKT1 team ganks him and he goes down. Score is 75 to 74, USKT1 wins!

USKT1 2 : 2 Team Rest

Set 5: Super Smash Brothers: Brawl
Map: Random -> Mario Circuit
JyJ / Barracks vs. Sea / Baby

JyJ picks Meta Knight (wtf Meta isn't banned? what are you doing KeSPA?). Barracks pick Pokemon Trainer. Sea picks Link. Baby picks Young Link. All players do some insane micro shit for first 5 minutes which results in all players being down to their last lives each. Even more insane micro results in all players being at 50%. Then a tomato pops right in front of Sea so he gulps it. Barracks mis-micros once then gets hit by a sea of cars then Sea finishes him off. JyJ then collects all three of those collectible things (I forgot what they're called) so he snipes out Sea. Then the ultimate ball thingy spawns, both players go frantic trying to get it, but Baby gets it and promptly finishes JyJ off. JyJ cries.

USKT1 2 : 3 Team Rest

Set 6: MapleStory
Quest: Chaos Zakum
Whole Team (18) vs. Whole Team (18)

Each team is given a list of pre-made Lvl 150 characters with standard non-upgraded appropriate gear to choose from. All sorts of characters are picked: Dark Knight, Paladin, Corsair, Buccaneer, Bishop, Archmage (Fire/Poison), Bowmaster, Night Lord, Mechanic, Wild Hunter, Mercedes, Mercedes, Mercedes, Mercedes, Mercedes, Mercedes, and Mercedes, with the rest of them being Mercedes. Each team takes 10 minutes to finalize their line up, then takes another 10 minutes adding 149 levels worth of stats and skill points, one click at a time. Both teams start at El Nath. In the meanwhile Lomo, who came out of retirement to play for Team Rest, gets married in-game with Jaedong and both players get wedding bonuses. Flash decides to buy out the entire cash shop for his team and instantly USKT1's gears are infinitely better than Team Rest's gears. Stork, with his MMO experiences, becomes the head of the expedition for Team Rest and tries to give a comprehensive guideline + plan before entering the dungeon but the impatient troll Shine pulls a Leroy Jenkins then goes in before Stork is done explaining. Team Rest has to follow in immediately but Leroy has already summoned Chaos Zakum so half the Team Rest dies before they can get the buffs on. Meanwhile, in USKT1 expedition, Flash's gear is too good after the cash item stuff so he proceeds to solo the boss with rest of his team watching. Hyuk wanted to help out so he starts spamming heal despite Flash's warnings then Chaos Zakum casts zombify and instantly the entire squad is killed by Hyuk. Flash instantly bans Hyuk from the clan, then uses his cash revive item to revive then finishes off the boss easily.

USKT1 3 : 3 Team Rest

ACE MATCH: League of Legends
Map: That Same Map Everyone Plays
Bisu / Flash / Fantasy / Stats / Best vs. Stork / Jangbi / Jaedong / Leta / Effort

Leta and Effort are very angry that they didn't get to play until the stupid MapleStory set. So they last hit like a monster and farm mad hard while Jangbi gets ganked in his jungle non-stop and goes 0-23. At the 30 minute mark the score is 23-6 for USKT1. Leta then comes out fully geared, crits down Bisu and Flash in 3 hits each, Stork supports like a boss, then Effort also comes out super farmed and takes out Fantasy + Stats + Best in a single battle with some imbalanced powerful AoE stuff. Jaedong was too tired after Set 2 and he didn't really do anything, but that's okay. Then they snowball into almost victory but Flash and Bisu respawn just in time to defend miraculously and force them to back off. Knowing it's over anyway, Bisu suggests they forfeit but Fantasy refuses to GG. Then Stats suddenly needs to pee so he tries to pause by typing "pp" but the rule is "ppp" so USKT1 is instantly disqualified by KeSPA and Team Rest wins!

Final Result:
USKT1 3 : 4 Team Rest