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The importance of showing your feelings

Blogs > Zvenn3n
Post a Reply
Zvenn3n
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Sweden1196 Posts
January 12 2012 06:51 GMT
#1
Man, did I ever debate with me self whether I should post this here or not... but screw it, here goes nothing, but be warned, this is NOT about Starcraft :

I don't think any of you guys know about this, but I play hockey. I'm a goalie, and I absolutely love the game.
I also have asthma, so I don't have as good a recovery rate nor do I have as good a lung capacity as other players.

I came to today's training expecting a light pass, since most of our players were off celebrating the holidays with their families. Oh, was I wrong.
when I was midway through putting on my gear, I found out that another goalie would train with us since our other two goalies weren't there, one who hadn't trained for about two months.

He DEMOLISHED me. During the regular drills, he saved a shitload more pucks than me. During the penalty shot practices, he saved everything, and when we played, his team always won, because somehow, more pucks ended up behind me than him.

I generally tend to try and not over-react or get angry when I play hockey, keep my emotions bottled inside me and be either a happy person, or an iceman. But I kept thinking about what had happened after the game finished. Out trainer then told us to do some skating exercises, but I just couldn't do it, I was too into thinking.

Day[9] recently talked about emotions as ninja stars and kittens, with the stars being bad/sad emotions and the kittens being happy emotions. If I were to explain what my feelings were at the time this had happened using that, I would say that it felt as if I had a whole clan of ninjas after me. I just felt that bad.

Of course, this pissed my trainer off, and made him double the skating exercises. I decided that enough was enough, and went off the ice. I went inside our dressing rooms, and threw my helmet across the room. I did this because nobody was there, and I had to take my anger out somehow. I then proceeded to take my gear off.

This is where our material manager comes in. She saw me coming out from the ice, and she, seeing that I was visibly upset, went inside to find out what was going on. She crouched down in front of me, asking "What's wrong?" I told her that it was nothing, it was just my pride that was wounded. But she persisted, telling me that it didn't look like that to her.

Then she told me "It's OK to cry"
And even though I'm 18 years old, I broke down.
I started crying. I wept like a three-year old whose Sweet-roll had been stolen.
I felt as if I had lost the GSL Code S finals to a worker rush.
I silently sobbed, because I knew that she wouldn't hear anything clearly if I spoke and cried at the same time.

And then I told her about how I felt. That I love hockey more than a lot of things, how I even though I understand that I'm not as good as the rest of the goalies still want to contribute to the team, and that him doing better than me felt like somebody was indirectly telling me "You suck, we don't need you here".

I told her that I was disappointed with myself, not angry at the other goalie. Rather, I was jealous. How can he be away from the game for months without any decay of his skills, while I can't even miss one training without losing ground towards the rest of the team? I felt like me just training with the team was slowing it down, preventing them from reaching their full potential.

She told me this: "If this is what you're feeling, then we need to help you. I personally feel as if you make slow steps forward, but don't notice them yourself. Would you like somebody to take a look at how you train and tell you what you did right, and what you could improve on?"

This just felt as if two tons had been taken off my chest. I've always been the guy being left out because there wasn't enough time to tell me what was going on. That somebody would actually offer to help me was.. like an angel had come down to erase my sins before judgement day. Again, to use Day[9]'s views on emotions, it was as if the crazy cat lady wanted to give me all of her kittens.

Of course, I was still upset, but I started to figure out a strategy to climb out of this black hole that was my sadness and make my way towards the shining sun. Now, I may never actually succeed in this, but I'll be damned if I give up before I try.

The moral of this story is: Don't keep your emotions bottled up inside you. Instead, tell people how you feel so that they easier can understand you. There's probably nothing more embarrassing than having what happened to me happen, but I can guarantee that you'll feel a lot better afterwards, when you've let your true emotions show.

Thanks for reading this, I really needed to get this out of my system.

It's been a few weeks since I wrote this, and things are turning out much better, I'm getting more and more advice which helps me from my teammates, and it's generally just looking good

/Oscar

*****
jrkirby
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States1510 Posts
January 12 2012 07:07 GMT
#2
Wow. man that's like an emotional rollercoaster. The only time I cry is if I get into trouble with an authority figure. IDK it's like some weakness I have, if i get in trouble for pretty much any reason (usually unjust, I'm a goody two-shoes) I just break down and cry like a baby.
Hidden_MotiveS
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada2562 Posts
January 12 2012 07:13 GMT
#3
Here's something I've always wanted to try but never got the chance to. You know how in Starcraft, you notice so many things wrong with your play when you watch the replays? Maybe you should watch games that you've played against other teams, or tape yourself in net. That way you'll catch more things.


Great story. You really shouldn't try to control your emotions too much.
Manifesto7
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Osaka27143 Posts
January 12 2012 07:28 GMT
#4
If it makes you feel any better, I am 32 years old and started playing hockey... Hell... Started skating, eight months ago. I also get frustrated when these little japanese guys a destroying me on the ice. BUt at the end of the day, there are few other places I would rather be on earth than laced up and playing hockey. Take it serious, get better, but remember to keep the joy of the game there too.
ModeratorGodfather
RedJustice
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States1004 Posts
January 12 2012 07:28 GMT
#5
Have a kitten.

[image loading]

Glad you're feeling better about it.
Erik.TheRed
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1655 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-01-12 07:32:45
January 12 2012 07:31 GMT
#6
Good to see that in the end you were honest with yourself! Sometimes we need to rethink our training methods in order to find the motivation to move on. And you seem genuinely excited to keep going, so I'm sure you will find success!

And here is an interesting and relevant article about the ways that people train, and how you can optimize your practice sessions (also applies to SC2 of course!) I think Day9 linked to it a few weeks ago as well. http://calnewport.com/blog/2011/12/23/flow-is-the-opiate-of-the-medicore-advice-on-getting-better-from-an-accomplished-piano-player/

I think that might explain why some other players seem to be so solid even if they don't practice as hard.
"See you space cowboy"
igotmyown
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States4291 Posts
January 12 2012 09:38 GMT
#7
So you're saying if we show our emotions, sports loving Swedish women with hearts of gold will want to sooth our problems because we appear stoically manly, yet endearingly sensitive.

But seriously, I can see how an upset mind can be a drawback.
DwmC_Foefen
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
Belgium2186 Posts
January 12 2012 14:02 GMT
#8
NEVER GIVE UP NEVER SURRENDER!




(Also Day9, god bless that man)
MisterD
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Germany1338 Posts
January 12 2012 14:07 GMT
#9
props to your manager Oo is she always that spot-on with her analyses?
Gold isn't everything in life... you need wood, too!
Zvenn3n
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Sweden1196 Posts
January 12 2012 15:21 GMT
#10
Mr.D: Yep, she's very good at reading people, so good it's scary sometimes
Erik: I read that, and it was a great help
Red: <3 ! I love kittens!
Manifesto: I can truly relate to that. When all is said and done, I feel great if I've made some huge saves, and disappointed if I haven't, but if I haven't, I still keep trying to do more saves!
Hidden: Yep, we did take some shots, and I saw what was wrong with my form and other interesting things, and I've improved on that quite a bit actually :D

The gist of this post is: Thanks, guys. It means a lot to me to hear what you gentlemen think about this
OpticalShot
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Canada6330 Posts
January 12 2012 15:40 GMT
#11
Living in Canada... it's not hard to appreciate how awesome hockey is. So kudos to you, warrior on the ice!
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