My girlfriend claims that I'm well liked and people enjoy my company, but I don't know. I feel like I'm more in people's "way" than anything.
Yeah this is a QQ blog but more so it's me just writing out my thoughts as I think of them so I can think a little about this.
I'm wildly successful by societies standards for being a 20 year old, but I still just wish I had like true friends.
Friends that were there for me no matter who I am and no matter what I do.
My girlfriend (hopefully future wife) is always supportive and never bails on me - even in the worst of times.
I have friends, though, that are only there when things look up or when I'm in a fantastic mood. I'm that guy, it seems, that is enjoyed only when it's "convenient." I don't have that one buddy that I can just ask to help share my burdens in life and talk things out with.
I do most of that through journaling (i.e. this blog).
I love places like Teamliquid because it gives me a since of belong. My "friends" in RL don't share my interests: they like skateboarding, football, and laying on the couch. I like games.
I just value you guys a lot on this site. I just wanted to let you all know that.
I don't know why I posted this blog, maybe to just get my thoughts out? Sorry for the bad grammar and perhaps spelling errors, I'm really just freewriting.
I don't need psychiatric help because I am entirely mentally stable, but I do need something. I do not know what it is.
I'm bad at meeting new people although I'm outgoing (I'm not, how would you say...a "looker").
Yeah I'm totally just like whining here....sorry. But hey, it's my blog right?
I just...how do you guys get over emotional humps like this? Like when your feeling down. Any tips on branching out into new friendships?
p.s. I have a great girlfriend who i can talk to, but when some things go wrong with her or we fight I wish I had someone else to bitch about it to lolol
try to meet up with local starcraft/esports fans! organize a barcraft, attend nearby tournaments, cheer for a CSL team, etc.
Unless you live out in the middle of nowhere, it shouldn't be hard to connect with other TL/esports fans in real life. And it will be easier not to be shy, because you will already have something in common with the guys you meet!
On December 22 2011 15:30 Erik.TheRed wrote: try to meet up with local starcraft/esports fans! organize a barcraft, attend nearby tournaments, cheer for a CSL team, etc.
Unless you live out in the middle of nowhere, it shouldn't be hard to connect with other TL/esports fans in real life. And it will be easier not to be shy, because you will already have something in common with the guys you meet!
Thanks man
I appreciate your input and your right! I should look into doing something for the GSL in January near my hometown.
I used to kind of be in a similar situation, but one day I just ranted a little to my best friend and it worked. Unless you don't have one/a few easily identifiable "best friends", just try doing a small scale rant (something that doesn't really matter) and see if he is interested. If he is, you can gradually build it up I suppose.
On December 22 2011 15:38 Whole wrote: I used to kind of be in a similar situation, but one day I just ranted a little to my best friend and it worked. Unless you don't have one/a few easily identifiable "best friends", just try doing a small scale rant (something that doesn't really matter) and see if he is interested. If he is, you can gradually build it up I suppose.
I'll try this. I mean I have people I hang with more than others, but like it's not I know i can go to him to confide or whatever. But your right, trying something on a small scale would be a good idea. Thanks
sometimes i like to keep things to myself and think it through, i mean if you're really mentally stable then you don't need your friend's advice anyway, chances are they're only try to cheer you up instead of giving something really useful. About the "best friend" thing, don't try to force it, you can only naturally find one.
Friends are overrated. I gave them up a long time ago.
I tried having a couple gamer friends. They would just sit at home all day and play their games. Sometimes we would play each other, but after I would win a couple times they would quit and go back to "playing with themselves."
Meh, I'm just over people, I don't like the vast majority of them. My wife is probably the only person in the world I enjoy being around. Content to be a hermit, so long as I have the internet.
On December 22 2011 15:45 brachester wrote: sometimes i like to keep things to myself and think it through, i mean if you're really mentally stable then you don't need your friend's advice anyway, chances are they're only try to cheer you up instead of giving something really useful. About the "best friend" thing, don't try to force it, you can only naturally find one.
Man I wish TL had multiquote support ; /
But yeah this is the way I'm leaning. Like I don't need people; good logical thought and my future wife should do me fine.
On December 22 2011 15:51 liberal wrote: Friends are overrated. I gave them up a long time ago.
I tried having a couple gamer friends. They would just sit at home all day and play their games. Sometimes we would play each other, but after I would win a couple times they would quit and go back to "playing with themselves."
Meh, I'm just over people, I don't like the vast majority of them. My wife is probably the only person in the world I enjoy being around. Content to be a hermit, so long as I have the internet.
This is the way I'm leaning. I really think I'm getting ready to forsake people in the since of wanting meaningful long-lasting relationships. I would never forsake them in terms of letting humanity go die without me caring (not saying you siad that, I'm just elaborating) but I am ready to just say "I don't need people to make me happy". I just wanna focus on my future wife, my research (theology), and game (SC2).
eh im in a similar situation. my best friend (who was approaching becoming my girlfriend) and i got into an argument a few months back. we havent resolved it yet. even worse, it seems like all my other friends are either getting retarded or are so closed off with their other friends. lunchtime at school is so depressing now because i dont know where to sit. no matter where no body talks to me i dont even know what im doing wrong. if you wanna talk shoot me a PM. itl probably make me feel better as well.
On December 22 2011 16:05 Brutaxilos wrote: eh im in a similar situation. my best friend (who was approaching becoming my girlfriend) and i got into an argument a few months back. we havent resolved it yet. even worse, it seems like all my other friends are either getting retarded or are so closed off with their other friends. lunchtime at school is so depressing now because i dont know where to sit. no matter where no body talks to me i dont even know what im doing wrong. if you wanna talk shoot me a PM. itl probably make me feel better as well.
Well I wouldn't go as far as forsaking people and friendships...it is just that friendships are something that you need to put a lot of time and effort into to get a long lasting sanctification and to get loyalty.
On December 22 2011 16:09 Whole wrote: Well I wouldn't go as far as forsaking people and friendships...it is just that friendships are something that you need to put a lot of time and effort into to get a long lasting sanctification.
See that's just it though.
After graduating high school I was, by and large, prepared for not seeing my friends again. It just happens - people go separate ways at that stage in life. After three years of school, I have better friends than I did in those years of elementary school all the way through high school.
But these college friends, I'm kinda not sure how to handle. Most likely we'll be splitting ways in a year as we all have different plans for life. But like how am I supposed to invest in that if I have a YEAR to make friends that will go away.
The buddies I've been super close with during my university years are starting to act as if I'm some burden. I'm either always around or never around. And when I'm there I'm not wanted and when i'm not there they say that "I don't want to spend time with them."
I don't know.
I'm down for making new friends, I just don't know how. Maybe at this point in life I should take a break from friends?
It's just weird because I've never been someone that cared about the social aspect of life before it's just that now, as it's starting to go away that I realize that I enjoy.
I will tell you what - it is darn hard to find a legit friend. I have like 10 people i know, i have 4 friends. I speak to two of them on a regular basis. 3 of the 4 i have known since i was a freshmen in high school, one i met through work whom shares my interest in SC/computers.
I recently moved away. I now have 4 people i know(from my new job), 4 friends, 2 i speak to on a regular basis. I dont speak to anyone i "knew" before i moved. I have hung out with my co-workers a few times now, but i dont think i will even consider them real friends to the point of my other 4. I dont think i will legitimately find another friend for some time. This is probably not the kind of thing your looking for but its my personal experience thus far.
For reference, i consider a friend someone i can call up at anytime, chill, and talk about deep stuff too. Someone whom i can show up at their house at 2am, unannounced, and have a place to sleep no question. And they can do the same to me, it has to go both ways. I cant see myself finding one of those once i am in my mid- late 20's honestly :-/ but you never know.
I would go to a nearby barcraft! (when your 21 i guess O.o) :D Its nice to have at least one legit friend, but yeah... they are hard to find, especially if you didnt grow up with them.
Take some school classes or something too if you have money laying around to meet people, you just have to put yourself out there sometimes.
I'm wildly successful by societies standards for being a 20 year old
Is this the kinda thing you say out in public? If so I might have a theory as to why you feel the way you do....
No, I'm not that guy who walks around saying "IM AWESOME" or anything cocky. It was more of a disclaimer that like I'm not socially inept or suck at just being a person in general. I'm on a good track for my life, I have had things in life that have set me up for success.
The use of the word "wildly" was a little strong and the structuring of the sentence sucked, but the point was that I'm a good guy who works hard and has some level of respect in the things I do.
On December 22 2011 16:19 FinestHour wrote: Make sure to not take it out on her. Do not let your feelings influence the way you treat her. Just a tip
That's something she is awesome about reminding me of. I'll be upset about something and she's there for me but if I ever get edgy with her she's quick to say, "remember who your actually mad at. It's ok to be mad, but not mean."
I'm wildly successful by societies standards for being a 20 year old
Is this the kinda thing you say out in public? If so I might have a theory as to why you feel the way you do....
i was also a little put-off by reading this. maybe you dont act arrogant in real life, in fact this blog doesn't come off that way at all, but for some reason by reading this line i feel like you might have the "I don't want to have friends" or "friends have to live up to my standards" type of mindset. That's totally fine, but it seems like youre answering a lot of your own questions in the original post.
ah crap to hear that you have that gray or boring moment in your life even though everything seems cool from what we can see on top of. I get rid of these feelings by investigating the actual feeling or the mix of many feeling that is causing me the un-wanted mind state. Hope this helps you its really all I can do
PS. There is many friendly and true-friend behaving guy in sc2 need just to figure out where to look :/ only negative thing is that you cant have real life socialize environment that often ( it is possible!!!)
really hope this helps! gl hf.... in rest of your life... i guess? :D
also big thing is if you manage to find the feeling and thing what makes you have that un-wanted mind state it is really important not to try dodge it or just not to think about it, so thats why I prefer not to talk about to another person how I feel because often times the other person feels like he has to boost your feelings to be happy and to be satisfacted how things are at the moment and eventually the un-wanted mind state will come back.
I'm wildly successful by societies standards for being a 20 year old
Is this the kinda thing you say out in public? If so I might have a theory as to why you feel the way you do....
i was also a little put-off by reading this. maybe you dont act arrogant in real life, in fact this blog doesn't come off that way at all, but for some reason by reading this line i feel like you might have the "I don't want to have friends" or "friends have to live up to my standards" type of mindset. That's totally fine, but it seems like youre answering a lot of your own questions in the original post.
The blog was a way for me to think out the perceived problem and answer it myself ( at least to some extent), so yeah I mean maybe I was answering it a little bit in my OP. I don't like the idea of writing my blog in like notepad, because I do want SOMEONE to read it, I just like exploring ideas and thinking about them unhindered.
But to your response...
I think I arrived at the conclusion during my thinking that I don't want friends. But I think it's more complex than that. I don't want people in my life that I cannot be 100% myself around. I feel like that you can't really be 100% yourself around most people. this is why I'm starting to draw the conclusion that people who have posted in this thread complain about not having many "true" friends - because there are few people you can just "be real" with.
I don't necessarily think there is anything innately wrong with "friends have to live up to my standards." Where that becomes an issue is where someone doesn't want to ever be on the emotional support side of a relationship.Take my relationship with my girlfriend (/fiance, I just cant afford a ring XD) - we're both there for each other and can both be 100% real all the time. Any emotion that is felt can be shared. I feel like friendship should be the same, to an extent. Being able to enjoy soeone's company when they are being themself.
I think with my "friends" in college, there is a two way street about the falling out of our spending time together. I'm content with spending more and more time with Erica and less and less time with them. I'm also happier playing SC2 on a friday than going out. So it's the "real" me that is diverging from the "real" them.
Now it's just finding people who can enjoy the "real" me and I enjoy the "real" them.
you know i dont mean to offend but maybe your girl isn't the right one for ya. cuz i do understand what you mean by not having "friends" and wanting to have someone you can really really talk to. I have the same qualm but my girl fills that void for me and I wouldnt have it any other way. she fulfills me like no one else can and understands me in ways that I cannot even comprehend. I can tell her everything and anything. One day you will find that "girl" that will answer the questions you currently seek.
I say this cuz you want to "bitch" about your girl...hehe if that doesn't tell you something, it should.
On December 22 2011 16:29 mache wrote: ah crap to hear that you have that gray or boring moment in your life even though everything seems cool from what we can see on top of. I get rid of these feelings by investigating the actual feeling or the mix of many feeling that is causing me the un-wanted mind state. Hope this helps you its really all I can do
PS. There is many friendly and true-friend behaving guy in sc2 need just to figure out where to look :/ only negative thing is that you cant have real life socialize environment that often ( it is possible!!!)
really hope this helps! gl hf.... in rest of your life... i guess? :D
also big thing is if you manage to find the feeling and thing what makes you have that un-wanted mind state it is really important not to try dodge it or just not to think about it, so thats why I prefer not to talk about to another person how I feel because often times the other person feels like he has to boost your feelings to be happy and to be satisfacted how things are at the moment and eventually the un-wanted mind state will come back.
Hey thanks man! I think this blog is helping me out a good bit at looking at those feelings. Thanks for your message, it helped
I think you may have some social anxiety when dealing with your friends. In most social settings it isn't acceptable to unload your problems on people. Just be yourself and seek out fun experiences, worrying about what exactly is going through other peoples heads is counter productive and can drive you crazy. If you want serious time to talk, invite a friend whos opinion you respect out to lunch or an activity where you are alone and have their undivided attention. If you really need someone to talk to, you can PM me, I will listen
On December 22 2011 16:40 Golgotha wrote: you know i dont mean to offend but maybe your girl isn't the right one for ya. cuz i do understand what you mean by not having "friends" and wanting to have someone you can really really talk to. I have the same qualm but my girl fills that void for me and I wouldnt have it any other way. she fulfills me like no one else can and understands me in ways that I cannot even comprehend. I can tell her everything and anything. One day you will find that "girl" that will answer the questions you currently seek.
I say this cuz you want to "bitch" about your girl...hehe if that doesn't tell you something, it should.
Oh I don't think I worded that whole thing properly. She is literally what you just described about your girl, for me. We get in small piss fights about things but its nothing where I'm like "RAAAaaaGGGEee" lol
Yeah like she's the one constant haha. As I've said in an earlier post, I don't necessarily need anyone else, but like the idea of "friends" sounds nice at a certain level lol.
On December 22 2011 16:43 Roman wrote: I think you may have some social anxiety when dealing with your friends. In most social settings it isn't acceptable to unload your problems on people. Just be yourself and seek out fun experiences, worrying about what exactly is going through other peoples heads is counter productive and can drive you crazy. If you want serious time to talk, invite a friend whos opinion you respect out to lunch or an activity where you are alone and have their undivided attention. If you really need someone to talk to, you can PM me, I will listen
I'm not talking like when we're out to eat or a bar or something being like "yo bro, I got this going down..." I mean like if I need to go to someone about something like serious in private I don't have that. Or even friends that I want to spend time with anymore. Like if I'm not around when they wanna hang, it's "I never wanna hang out" or if I'm around they don't want to. I'm sure I could do my part to make myself available, but it just seems like I'm growing away from the need to have these physical relationships.
I do think about the 'meta game" (for lack of a better term" going on in people's heads when hanging out, but I don't go out unloading my shit on people. In fact, I don't want the large amount of people to know me. I'm a rather private person. (not quiet, just private).
So, like it's not a matter of me trying to talk it out at inappropriate times, it just the friends I thought I had aren't really there when I need them.
I'm so scatter brained and tired, I hope you can decliner my message
On December 22 2011 16:40 Golgotha wrote: you know i dont mean to offend but maybe your girl isn't the right one for ya. cuz i do understand what you mean by not having "friends" and wanting to have someone you can really really talk to. I have the same qualm but my girl fills that void for me and I wouldnt have it any other way. she fulfills me like no one else can and understands me in ways that I cannot even comprehend. I can tell her everything and anything. One day you will find that "girl" that will answer the questions you currently seek.
I say this cuz you want to "bitch" about your girl...hehe if that doesn't tell you something, it should.
But... if you have void in your mindset then might there be that there is void, and it doesnt dissappear, you are just replacing the void with greater physical and mental mix pure awesomeness feeling, love. Hehe as mild joke my opinion is that human brains cant handle love it makes everything messed up ^^ forever alone well not exactly but dude
My response is sort of the same response given by others, but this is what I have to say...
1. Forget about all your small worries - they don't matter. 2. Be yourself and don't worry about what other people think. Always. 3. Do things that you like (e.g. go to a barcraft if you like SC) even if none of your current friends are interested. 4. Don't avoid #3 because you have other commitments (e.g. girlfriend, family, school, work), everyone has them, this isn't an excuse. Don't be lazy. 5. Enjoy your life now that you're doing things that you like. 6. It is inevitable that you'll meet people you genuinely like and who genuinely like you. Also those friendships that don't really matter to you will dissolve.
Even 1 'best friend' (by your definition) is ridiculously hard to come by, and hardly any adults have them (except for their partners). Don't worry about it, just enjoy life and be happy.
This stuff will sort itself out when you become an adult (give yourself a few more years).
I went to an in state college after high school as did many of my friends. Those that didn't go to college also ended up being pretty successful, and they didn't fall by the wayside in my hometown. I've always had plenty of really good close friends because of this (I'm 24). I've spent the last year in China, and it's really quite difficult to go about finding friends in a foreign language. I live and teach in a pretty remote area where there aren't many foreigners, and it's difficult to find someone who speaks English. Having a chat with someone in broken English is not the same as conversing with a friend. I have one Chinese friend who speaks no English, and we communicate with each other much easily than those that can speak a little. He's really my only close friend overseas other than another foreigner whom I respect greatly. So, I guess I've been in somewhat of a similar situation lately.
In my opinion, finding friends is about finding and gaining respect of the individual and not their periphery (job and status.) It's difficult to do, but I don't think it's an impossible venture. It's easiest to find and gain this respect while approaching something you really enjoy. For me, I love computer games (obviously), books, playing/recording music, soccer and ping-pong. Most of my really good friendships developed from these hobbies. Find clubs to join, or places to enjoy what you enjoy. When you share your passions by application, and not simply telling someone what you like, it can been an easier voyage than you think.
On December 22 2011 16:20 actionbastrd wrote: I will tell you what - it is darn hard to find a legit friend. I have like 10 people i know, i have 4 friends. I speak to two of them on a regular basis. 3 of the 4 i have known since i was a freshmen in high school, one i met through work whom shares my interest in SC/computers.
I recently moved away. I now have 4 people i know(from my new job), 4 friends, 2 i speak to on a regular basis. I dont speak to anyone i "knew" before i moved. I have hung out with my co-workers a few times now, but i dont think i will even consider them real friends to the point of my other 4. I dont think i will legitimately find another friend for some time. This is probably not the kind of thing your looking for but its my personal experience thus far.
For reference, i consider a friend someone i can call up at anytime, chill, and talk about deep stuff too. Someone whom i can show up at their house at 2am, unannounced, and have a place to sleep no question. And they can do the same to me, it has to go both ways. I cant see myself finding one of those once i am in my mid- late 20's honestly :-/ but you never know.
I would go to a nearby barcraft! (when your 21 i guess O.o) :D Its nice to have at least one legit friend, but yeah... they are hard to find, especially if you didnt grow up with them.
Take some school classes or something too if you have money laying around to meet people, you just have to put yourself out there sometimes.
yea man. True friends are hard to come by. There is always just something there if you guys are compatible lol. I cant really explain it but for the good friends that ive made in the past year, I had some idea that we could be bros pretty early. For others, there was something about their personality or what not that just kind of gets in the way. You can hang out quite often but it just seems like an aquantance type of thing instead of a "bro."
I made 2 friends right after arriving in the philippines last year. One dude was laid back and so chill. We were both lazy bums haha but just something about our mindset and shit was pretty similar. The other guy was a bit quirky. He would do overly dramatic things that were a bit out of place. He seriously lectures you sometimes on work ethics and stuff. Other times his batshit insane in the kareoke. I mean, he was fun to be around but there was just some wierdness that i couldnt get over haha.
Well, me and the first dude became best friends last year until he moved to a different island -_-; The second dude started dating this ugly ass girl and got pussy whooped to the MAX. Ive never seen someone destroy every single friendship he had and even his pride as a man for one girl. Shes like 1/10 ugly also T_T. I still call him out almost every time im going out but he seriously doesnt EVER chilled with any friends for like 6 months.
Anyways, what am i trying to say. If you want real friends, just hand out with people that fit your lifestyle/personality alot. If there is some potential to be good friends I think its pretty apparent right off the bat.
Edit: i guess i pretty much just talked about myself lol. I'm guessing you chill with your current friends only when you guys go out to eat or drink or if there is some gathering? In my experiences the friend you could really confide in are the ones that could just sit around the couch with you and bum around. Watching the game together, playing cards or games or just not doing shit lol. Those meaningless moments are what sticks with me when I think about my best friend of 16 years who passed away recently.
So... just spend more time with people you are comfortable with and not just hang out for specific events.
I haven't had a real friend in a couple of years, since we moved to different places and didn't really keep in touch.
Like others have said, true friends are rare. In fact, I argue that they are almost non-existent. Most of the people I've met in my life that I considered friends when I was younger, always bailed randomly with no warning on events and overall I just grew out of these type of people as it lead to disappointment and lesser enjoyment of things I loved. I don't think I can consider someone I can't trust even with simple things such as showing up a friend. It's never happened to me, but it's common for "friends" to steal their friend's girlfriend and I've seen it happen more than once. That just tells you how it is for everyone... most people aren't really that close with those they consider friends.
It's better to just make connections that are semi-friendship instead IMO. No disappointment to be had, you keep a social life but you don't expect the people around you to be amazing/trustworthy people. Some people enjoy being closer to other people, but I personally prefer to keep to myself most of the time anyway so it doesn't matter to me; I don't get lonely like you seem to be so I guess that's a factor that's there for you and not me.
At the end of the day, IMO, life is a lot simpler once you stop worrying about things like friendship and worry about your own enjoyment. I realized a long time ago I can do plenty of things I enjoy on my own. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy playing sports/games of all kinds and that requires other people, but you really shouldn't be worrying about whether those people are friend or not. If you have a common interest for something, great : do it; otherwise, oh well.
I mean, random tangent but I dislike drug users. Yet I play MTG once in a while with a bunch of 30 year old stoners/drug dealers filled with tattoos. I'm a nerdy biochemist that's as straight laced as you can imagine. we don't need to be great friends to have a good time; we have fun because we have a common interest.
As far as sharing your emotions go, I guess I'm an emotional void because I've never felt the need to truly do that. I write random crap once in a while on the internet, but nothing I feel the need to particularly get something out. Things that truly bother me are very rare, and I keep it to myself anyway.
i mean its not surprising why real friends are valued so much, its not a given to have really good friends. the only real way to find them is to be genuinely interested in persons (even if they have different interests) also it may require changing yourself / changing your views. you should clearify the last line because if it stands i know why you dont have real friends =D
On December 22 2011 15:23 imjorman wrote: I have friends, though, that are only there when things look up or when I'm in a fantastic mood. I'm that guy, it seems, that is enjoyed only when it's "convenient." I don't have that one buddy that I can just ask to help share my burdens in life and talk things out with.
EPT
